]ISSUES WITH BM ( long sorry)

A friend of mine whom i have known for 10 yrs is on my bridesmaid list.She had offered to pay for our cake(normal in our culture) but has somehow stopped talking to me .The last time i spoke to her she had just splitup from her boyfriend of 3 yrs whom she was living with and within 3 weeks she was going on a date with someone.I had merely suggested that she needed to be careful as this was probably too soon and we ended the conversation on good terms or so i thought.My sister thinks i should confront her and apologise if she took offence but I feel that i have done nothing wrong and think i've got nothing to appologise for .I supported her a lot while she was having problems with her boyfrend as she was ringing me at 2 am in the morning crying etc even sending her money that i didnt ask for back as she was looking for another flat and i feel that she is being unfair.I have had problems in the past with her when she is upset about something she just shuts down and does not speak to me then 2 months or so later she rings and acts like nothing happened(this time its my wedding and i feel this is childish).I havent spoken to her for almost 2 months when we normally speak at least once or twice a week.The issue now is i had bought an outfit for her which she is meant to give me money for and im not sure anymore if i want her in the wedding.I feel she is inconveniencing me as if i get her out of the wedding i dont have anyone who can fit into her dress and that would make my h2b tell one of his friends that he is no longer part of the wedding as we would be one bridesmaid down.Im not bothered about the cake as im now paying for it myself.Has any of you had problems with your BMs?How would you deal with the situation? am i just being a bridezilla?

[Modified by: MrsZ2b on 17 December 2008 10:52:41 ]


  • ChannaukChannauk Posts: 1,117
    I dont see why your h2b would have to get rid of one of his friends due to this situation - A bridesmaid can walk down with two men !

    As for your friend if you feel this is childish be the adult ring her, sort out the problem, find a solution and move forward with only happy things. The way it should be.

    [Modified by: Channa on December 17, 2008 11:18 AM]

  • 1. I haven't had any problems with my bridesmaids, other than my flowergirl not refusing to walk down the aisle with the page boy!! lol..

    2. I would speak to her. You may well have upset her with what you had said, although you don't feel you had said anything wrong, you will never know until you confront her and ask her outright. She may have other issues that she is currently dealing with at this time... So although it may appear to be childish in not contacting you recently, it may be her way of dealing/coping with her issues (or possibly something that you have said).

    I would organise a catch-up, either by phone, text or email (whichever you think is best). Explain that you haven't seen her in a while, want to see how she is doing, and also talk about the wedding. Go for lunch/dinner/coffee... If you are still not getting any reply, visit her on the off chance, check that she is okay considering she hasn't been in contact for so long

    3. No your not being a bridezilla... but you may have to do some leg walk to get this resolved
  • i agree.. try to talk to her. She may be really really busy with moving/work/family issues that you dont know about. Fine she should have got in touch, but she may be sitting there thinking the same 'why havent I heard from her'. Just ring her.

    If there is irreconcilable 'beef' for want of another word, then like Channa, I see no reason why you need even numbers of guys and gals. Just have who you want. just know that if you did say you dont want her to be your BM, this will likely have a lasting effect on your relationship, whereas if you talk to her TODAY and sort it, it'll just be something

    in the past...

    good luck,,,

    I too will be following my own advice and making a similar phone call tonight! ; )

    Good luck (to the both of us!)
  • MrsZ2bMrsZ2b Posts: 53
    thanx you guys for all the advice.Ibiduni4nana good luck to you to and let me know what happens.i might text her tonight and i will let you know.( i need to be humble my pride is getting the best of me)
  • hey mrsz2b... i emailed my friend a crazy length email. explaining why i was upset and what i need from her etc... she cancelled her date with her bf to talk to me. She;s a really busy lawyer so there was no way she'd be able to do both.. x bless her x we talked it out.. I believe it took 2 hours, but honestly, I feel SO much better for telling her how I feel and she explained that she didnt realise what had happened.

    I hope your talk went well too? xxx
  • I'm glad things have been resolved ibiduni4nana!!!

    Let us know how your talk went MrsZ


    [Modified by: ?????????????Mrs Tinkerbell????????????? on December 18, 2008 09:49 AM]

  • MrsZ2bMrsZ2b Posts: 53
    ibiduni4nana im so glad u sorted stuff with u girl.I called my "friend" today and we had roughly a 15 mins conversation about all sorts except the reasons why she had shut down .She did ask me to let her know about the cake so she would pay for it though.I dont know what to make of the whole conversation it kinda felt fake we didnt really discuss any personal stuff jst general things like xmas ,weather etc and i felt i was forcing myself to laugh which raises questions whether or not i still want her to be part of my wedding party. i didnt feel ready to ask her about the issue at hand so i might give it a week and see what happens.my conclusion is that even friends grow apart i supposse
  • ChannaukChannauk Posts: 1,117
    ibiduni4nana well done !

    OR to be the devil - you didnt try hard enough because your scared of what she will say in return. Of course it was fake because it was a forced conversation about nothing!

    Try again ! p.s you have had two months to get ready you really need longer !
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