Guest list drama!!!

I'm SO stressed!! imageimage



so peed off! here goes...



i got some more RSVPs back today and people are adding random people on the RSVP list! why are people trying to gatecrash my wedding?? i don't even know them...



i originally invited some close friends of my dads and they've decided to add on more people, their kids and their kids boyfriends etc! dad's saying he'll pay the extra cost of the catering but thats besides the point! he's not thinking about the other costs! all the extra people that people are trying to add on would mean adding another two tables which means:

more chair covers

more favours

more cameras (camera on each table for guests to take random pics)

table centre pieces

activities for the children

as well as the extra food (£26.50 per head!)



and i'm not having no shabby wedding!



i'm so ticked off! i think people must think this my weddings gonna be a school hall wedding, with aunties cooking in the kitchen so anyone can come, but it isn't. it's a sit down, 3 course meal with waiters etc.



dad wants to sit down with me on saturday and talk it through, which basically means he's gonna pressurise me into allowing the add on to come. he said its stressing his head! his head! we've only got 6weeks till the wedding, i don't appreciate this! also myfamily is really large and i have a lot of family in london who are my mom's cousins but we haven't invited them because it's just huge and the guest list is already at 260!! so for my dads, friends, daughters boyfriend to come is just a no no!! its not a money thing its a priority principle thing! and...the invitations were so clear, it even said that the invites are for the people named on the invite only, really how much clearer could i have put it???!!!



so frigged off! my sister said she's gonna come with me to my dads on saturday to give me support, cuz i know dads gonna lay it on thick, especially how he and the rest of the parents are paying for the catering, but thats one cost, the extras add up too. and as i said its the principle of the thing. i feel like i'm losing grip on the plans and there's frig all i can do about it!!



i was having such a good day too! went to the florist and sorted out the centre pieces and went to the church with MIL2B to discuss decor. it was really nice then dad does this. i know its not entirely his fault though cuz the invites were clear its just people trying to take advantage but i feel like dads not supporting me and just wants me to let all and sundry come cuz he doesn't have a problem paying for all the catering. am i being ridiculous? be honest cuz right about now i feel like i'm losing my marbles!



sorry for the long rant it's just doing my head in!



somuchtodo, i'm gonna try and put both names where possible but the majority of guests are family so it'll probably be aunty such and such etc. how are your plans coming along? :\)

Posts

  • sammyjoeuksammyjoeuk Posts: 3,596
    Hi MrsE2B, Goodness!! I understand where your Dad is coming from, BUT I understand your point more. He is most probably really proud of you and your wedding and when people ask him, he has not the heart to say no.



    There are a few things you could try -

    Get the total cost per person inc decor, food, drink, chair covers and say Dad it costs x total, if you really want them to come this is the additional it would cost. I cannot afford to pay for it, so if you can they can come.

    Or say that they will cancel the reception if the numbers go over a certain limit - you could cite Health and Safety

    Or the venue will not allow it due to H and S.

    If you blame the venue, its not your fault, or you could add them to the evening part, if you are having one and just get your dad to pay the food and drinks costs. I hope it works out, dont let it stress you!

    ps- between you and me, if it was me, I would call everyone adding people and say that if you cannot stick to the invited names, then your invite will be void!!! The venue will not allow it, due to security and H and S, they need the exact numbers!!!lol!!



  • Mummy2KMummy2K Posts: 627
    The thing is though, i don't want to have to start calling around to all the companies i'm using for the favours, chair covers etc and start changing things. i can't be bothered to go back there when i soted all that out months ago i like things the way they are now. and i definitely don't want to have to go through all that rearranging for strangers even if they are dads friends cuz its me that has to do the work of sorting it all out! i'm not lazy its just that i've sorted that bit out already and i just wanna leave it at that although i bet i'll end up doing all this anyway! :\(



    it's not a money thing cuz i'd just let my dad pay for it like he's offering and leave it at that, but its the extra hassles that come with it. i know dad is probably just proud like you said which is fair enough but he doesn't seem to understand the stress that comes with trying to accomodate everyone. also if he'd have spoken to his people before hand and got an accurate list then this would have all been avoided cuz i would have catered for them in terms of favours etc.



    i didn't want to be stressing about guest list at this point cuz the invitations went out from long time and dads only telling me this yesterday even though the deadline for RSVPs was 2 weeks ago. and the only reason i know now is because his people never responded and it wasn't until dad called them yesterday that we even know that they intended on coming at all let alone with an extra load of people!



    i really don't want to be a bridezilla and be horrible about it all cuz i'm not a horrible person. i just feel like people are taking the mick and are not appreciating the costs or stress of a wedding. does that make sense?? :\(
  • sammyjoeuksammyjoeuk Posts: 3,596
    It does make sense, I forgot that you would have to add additional things to all of the orders and that is long! I really think then you would have no choice but to say no, sorry.

    You could use the excuse I mentioned because they could be real reasons. You dont need the added stress. Maybe if you muck your hair up, put some bags under your eyes, cry a bit for effect, your dad might be able to understand and see the stress you are going through and leave your guest list exactly how you would like it.??x



    You are not a bridezilla at all, I think a bridezilla is someone who gives someone an invite and because they cut their hair or colours it dis invites them due to not having good pictures, that to me is a bridezilla!!Lol!!

    You just want the people you want at your wedding, nothing more nothing less!!
  • sammyjoeuksammyjoeuk Posts: 3,596
    It does make sense, I forgot that you would have to add additional things to all of the orders and that is long! I really think then you would have no choice but to say no, sorry.

    You could use the excuse I mentioned because they could be real reasons. You dont need the added stress. Maybe if you muck your hair up, put some bags under your eyes, cry a bit for effect, your dad might be able to understand and see the stress you are going through and leave your guest list exactly how you would like it.??x



    You are not a bridezilla at all, I think a bridezilla is someone who gives someone an invite and because they cut their hair or colours it dis invites them due to not having good pictures, that to me is a bridezilla!!Lol!!

    You just want the people you want at your wedding, nothing more nothing less!!
  • Mummy2KMummy2K Posts: 627
    Thanks sidewalk,



    i just feel like dads gonna make it seem like i'm being unreasonable. My sisters gonna come with me on saturday to talk with him and she's great cuz she supports me 100%. its just dads been so great really, especially where our flats concerned (me and h2b have just brought our first flat) and he's paying for furniture and new front door etc. i don't wanna seem ungrateful or whatever.
  • sammyjoeuksammyjoeuk Posts: 3,596
    It is tough, if you push the blame onto the venue, then you may get away with it, it must be doubly hard because your dad has been a star with your new place. I have just bought our first place with my H2B too, so I understand it is very stressful just doing that, never mind getting married!! Your sister is nice to back you up, is there anyway, the extra guests could come in the evening?
  • Mummy2KMummy2K Posts: 627
    Well thats what i said to my dad. why can't they come to the evening do?? but i think he just doesn't want to tell them no but i'll tell them. i don't care i'll tell them! i don't have problem doing that! i'll tell him tomorrow when we talk about it.



    i can't really blame the venue as it can hold something ridiculous like 500 people sitting down! and dad will see right through that. plus i don't wanna lie. i just wanna be straight up about it. i told h2b about it and he aint having it! especially how some close friends and family haven't had an invite! he said dads friends daughters boyfirend just can't make it! who is he?? not being horible but priorities are priorities!
  • reetsmorganreetsmorgan Posts: 514
    Mrs E I feel your pain and I am afraid at this stage in the game you have absolutely no choice but to say NO, NO to anyone who couldn't organise themselves into replying, & certainly BIG FAT NO to the brother in laws, cousin,next door neighbours sisters boyfriend mother !!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    I don't care if the place is the size of Wembley stadium (have they finished building that yet) & can hold 20 squillion people.

    Like you havent got enough to do or stress about, stand your ground, I am right behind you.

    36 days to go H2b wants to tell me about some cousin he must invite is it !!! image Well cuz peice of cake on the way to you, may be a photo to let you see what you missed.

    It just can't be done, like you say you will have to call all thoes people and re organize everything with different numbers, more cost the whole lot, look its even hurting my head now and its not me image I've got to stop before I really go off one one.
  • Mummy2KMummy2K Posts: 627
    Hey Guys!



    just thought i'd update you on da guest list business! well, spoke to dad like planned and came to a compromise. i've allowed additional long distance family members to attend where there is already space for them to fit i.e. no more tables are being added which was a main concern, in return, friends daughters, boyfriend and all such people are a firm no but they can come to the evening do!



    seems simple enough ennit! but i was proper having kittens the other day when dad started asking bout adding people on. but he was happy to agree with wat i suggested which is good as i thought he'd put the guilt trip on me! he's a star!!



    thanks for the support and advice ladies, it was much appreciated. Brownie-you give me joke! your response had me rolling! lol!
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