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General Chat -- to get to know each other and other support



  • GarrymcGarrymc Posts: 305
    ?????? MC Introduction by ??

    ?????? Presentation of high table guests

    ?????? Entrance of couple

    ?????? Chairman's Opening Prayer and Speech by ??

    ?????? Buffet (Menu)

    ?????? Recognition of Special Guests???

    ?????? Advice to couple (Time permitting)

    ?????? Cutting of Celebration Wedding Cake

    ?????? Speech and Toast to couple - By ???/Best Man

    ?????? Presentation of gifts - ???

    ?????? Couple's Opening Dance

    ?????? Response by ?/ (Groom)

    ?????? Vote of Special Thanks by ???

    ?????? Closing Prayer by ???

    ?????? Grooving time and Boogey time


    14.00-16.00 (Drinks reception and nibbles)

    16.00: Introductions to high table of parents ONLY!

    16.20: Entrance of Bridal party followed by bride & groom (no impromptu dancing and sprayings, only a choreographed brief routine rehearsed by the bridal party)

    16.40: Few words/opening speech

    16.45: Dinner

    18.15: Bride's Father's speech, any other parent that volunteers

    18.30: Presentation of gifts by mothers to asoebi friends

    18.40: Bride & Groom's speech and vote of thanks

    18.50: Speeches by bridal party, friends, etc (all preselected, no open forums or impromptu song dedications/ramblings and timed at 5 mins each maximum)

    19.15:Adanta dance troupe performance

    19.45: Bouquet toss

    20.00: Cake cutting

    20.10: First Dance

    20.20: Dance!Dance!Dance!

    20.45: Re-entry in traditional outfits

    ??closin prayer???
  • GarrymcGarrymc Posts: 305
    AYO!!!!! WE NEED TO MEET UP-YOU AND AMINA ARE LIKE MY TWINS!! I also ordered those menu holders for my reception. I paid £15 for 30. I collected them in person (he lives in enfield) to save on postage and cos i was in the area. I initially bought those metally things with balls but they kept toppling over with the weight of my A5-sized numbers. Initially wanted the strong sturdy tall metal confetti ones but cried at the £4.99 price each. I have made my own table numbers to match my colour scheme with orange A4 card off ebay (99p for 20 i think) which i have stuck numbers unto from Microsoft word o both sides. They were then laminated by my dad at his work place.

    this is just what i was thinking thanks guys! i've got some pics to share!

  • jojoPMjojoPM Posts: 825
    Hi all I'm Jo, don't know if I'm too late to join this thread but I'm 34 UK born with Jamaican parents H2b is English, getting married 6 Sept 08 in home town London. We already have 2 kids eldest son is giving me away (it's long). Look forward to talking to you all.

    Congrats sexyting, only just clocked that you've just done the deed!;\)

    [Modified by: jojoPM on May 16, 2008 10:55 PM]
  • ONELOVEukONELOVEuk Posts: 141
    Hi all I'm Jo, don't know if I'm too late to join this thread but I'm 34 UK born with Jamaican parents H2b is English, getting married 6 Sept 08 in home town London. We already have 2 kids eldest son is giving me away (it's long). Look forward to talking to you all.

    Congrats sexyting, only just clocked that you've just done the deed!;\)

    [Modified by: jojoPM on May 16, 2008 10:55 PM]

    Hey Jo, you're getting married on my Mum's birthday. My son is also giving me way (it's long - I can relate!!!!!) I'm a little older than you though as he is the same age as you, yeah I had him young!! Where in London are you from? Hope you are enjoying your planning.
  • EmberukEmberuk Posts: 117
    N1, your pictures are lovely. More x
  • GarrymcGarrymc Posts: 305

    u sooo skinny and gorgeous!! looking elegant & simple. you're so lucky- looks like everything came together. set up an album thru kodak public gallery or photobox etc. it'll be easier to distribute pics that way
  • jojoPMjojoPM Posts: 825
    Snap Onelove my eldest son is 12, nice to hear of someone else doing the same thing whatever the age - I'm in SE London. What about you, when is your wedding?

    I'm not sure enjoying is the right word for this wedding planning game. It's giving me one long continuous headache and I can't wait for it all to be over. Don't get me wrong I'm looking forward to getting married but I can't take all the family & friends politics that goes with it!
  • BooWantsBabyBooWantsBaby Posts: 1,738
    Lovely pictures N1
  • kafagiwakafagiwa Posts: 48
    N1 you look lovely in your pics!
  • ONELOVEukONELOVEuk Posts: 141
    Snap Onelove my eldest son is 12, nice to hear of someone else doing the same thing whatever the age - I'm in SE London. What about you, when is your wedding?

    I'm not sure enjoying is the right word for this wedding planning game. It's giving me one long continuous headache and I can't wait for it all to be over. Don't get me wrong I'm looking forward to getting married but I can't take all the family & friends politics that goes with it!

    Snap Jo, I'm in SE London too! Where abouts are you?

    Enjoying it is not exactly the way I'd describe what is transpiring with me either for the same reasons you state, only get encouraged when family show some form of excitement instead of selfishness (I'm sure you can relate!). How come friends and work collegues seem to show more interest and excitement than your own family??!!:\? We are getting married in Grenada at The Rex in June next year. Sometimes we feel like running off to Sandels and leaving them behind lol!

    My daughter and I went to The Designer Wedding Dress Sale in Marble Arch earlier today, what a waste of time (good thing it was free!!!) I was hoping to see at least one Jenny Packham dress there so that I could get a feeling for her dresses but no such luck. :\( Designer!!!!! I was not impressed to say the least!

    Keep in touch! Let me know how you're getting one okay. BTW - you getting married here or abroad?

    [Modified by: OneLove on May 18, 2008 08:40 PM]
  • jojoPMjojoPM Posts: 825
    I'll pop in now and again to take my frustrations out! I'm in Sydenham/Forest Hill, where are you Onelove?

    I've said so many times lets just get up and run off to get married, if I could turn the clock back.........................
  • ONELOVEukONELOVEuk Posts: 141
    I'm from Lewisham/Catford, I wonder if I know you or your face at least. Wouldn't that be interesting?? ;\)LoL!! My daughter lives on Lawrie Park Road.
  • N1, You look so stunning in those pics and your dress is gorgeous, Man, i wish i had a figure like yours! Yes, we are all waiting for the online picture album. Congratulations! You only have a few weeks to go, don't you?

    Uche, girl its amazing how many ideas we seem to have in common. I'm up for a YYW link-up. Why not eh? Not many of my friends are here in london so would be great to have a girly day out sometime
  • Hey Uche, Just had another look at your itineraries. Gonna re-structure mine so it's more similar to yours. One point to note tho. My sis was a silver service waitress for a while and she says that a 2hour drinks recetion is way too long. The Guests tend to get very bored after a while so ideally you should make it about 45mins-1 hour. You can have your call to dinner and it will still take everyone about 30mins to move into the hall and settle into their seats
  • jojoPMjojoPM Posts: 825
    Onelove - what a coincidence, I'm only around the corner from Lawrie Park Rd, more than likely we have crossed paths. Small world isn't it? Do you have alot of people going with you for your wedding?
  • tngokatngoka Posts: 3
    hi all, new to this site, I am Nigerian and my hubby is mixed Nigerian & Barbadian, and this site has been a Godsend stumbled, upon it while trying to find a caterer! We are getting married October 25th in Elstree, and I have only booked the venue and bought a dress!!
  • ONELOVEukONELOVEuk Posts: 141
    Onelove - what a coincidence, I'm only around the corner from Lawrie Park Rd, more than likely we have crossed paths. Small world isn't it? Do you have alot of people going with you for your wedding?

    We're getting married in the Caribbean - June 09 and so far have a guest list of approx 190 (incl a few kids) but we know all of them won't be able to make it. Recently started sending out Save-The-Dates and so far about 30 have said they will be def coming.

    Where are you getting married - not too long to go now eh!

    [Modified by: OneLove on May 20, 2008 11:19 PM]
  • CeceblueCeceblue Posts: 32
    Hi ladies,

    I hope you don't mind me gatecrashing :\).

    I'm Londoner with Jamaican parents and my lovely fiance is part Seychellois and Fijian. We're getting married Sept 09 in London.

    Wonderball x
  • kafagiwakafagiwa Posts: 48
    Guys I am getting severely stressed! My venue after 4 months of headache and wrangling have finally allowed me to bring in a naija caterer but only for the evening.

    Now they can't seem to get hold of the caterer who says she does return her calls and so am having to try and chase them both.

    Still don't have any favors! OMG!

    My head hurts all the time as am just trying to organize it all on my own and fielding calls plus I work severely odd hours with 24 hour on calls ever so often.

    I'm turning into a nervous wreck and my poor long suffering fiance bless him has started doing some of the planning as well.

    All my friends who have offered to help start off doing something but get distracted or don't follow up on them so I end up doing it in the end anyway.

    I know I only have 8 weeks more and the only thing keeping me going is the thought of my honeymoon!

    Sorry about my rant but just need to vent. Is there anyone else feeling like this at the moment. :image
  • GarrymcGarrymc Posts: 305
    bless you jaffa, you're not alone.

    mine is in 6 weeks and i was at your phase last month. as a final year medical student, i've no time and had a tightening band feeing round my head at one point, it was soo painful. it's like i just live on the phone and am constantly either replying or chasing things up via email or phone. Things just weren't finished and i always had to rescue everything. It's hard but it's a trade off- you either pay a really good planner to do things exactly how you want, you do it to your specifications alone or you let people do things their way once in a while and you might be surprised. It's a hard one but u need to make your mind up now. I decided that i want things done my way and am now just trying to do it all cos i know i'd moan if someone else did it and did it wrong!!

    But everything is done now. You WILL get there. Re favours, are u referring to the boxes/organza bags with sweeties or gifts for guests? Try or google alotofchocolate. they dispatch to your house so u don't need to run around. The actual organza bags or boxes can be purchased from online shops like confetti or even ebay (the china prices are excellent and all my stuff has come in 5 days). On the topic of the hotel and caterer, you really need to push for clarity on the issue and speak to your caterer yourself and blast them up. Explain the difficulties that you've endured just to hire them and how unprofessional they're being. Someone's lying and i don't think it's the hotel. Returning calls diligently is just as of paramount importance as turning up on the day and turning out good food. I was a very nice polite bride2be until i realised that it often gets you nowhere with some people!!!

    As for your friends, I am soo sorry to hear that but i could have told u that for free hun!!! apart from my chiefbridesmaid who's my bestest friend that knows me inside out, and the bestman who's just phenomenal at completing tasks, I didn't delegate anything important to anybodyelse . People have been offering but i got burned early on when i had to chase a friend for 6 weeks for a PHONE NUMBER for a DJ she'd 'promised' to me!!!! That's why i readily share my vendors on this forum because it hurts when people just don't help. people have good intentions but often don't come thru. It's the people that are quiet that don't offer much that will be there for you in an instant when u ask. So my advice would be to approach your less-obvious friends and family. They may well surprise you. It's my 'random' aunts and girlfriends that i never speak to (i feel soo guilty now!!) that have really helped me. It's been such an emotional rollercoaster.

    Map out what your fiance can realistically help you out with. What are his strengths and weaknesses? does he have friends who are goood at something? Delegate to him and just relax and leave it- trust me they are not completely useless. My babe has been awesome with the few jobs i've given him- they bring their own male take to it. Hun don't sweat the small stuff or you'll go mad. I went to a nice wedding at kensington town hall yesterday and the bride had really gone to town to make it special but nobody on our table even noticed the lil personalised napkins, the gorgeous spirally vase centrepieces or the fact that her programs cost a packet (i know cos i stumbled across them on a website once).Try to remain calm, people really only appreciate a few things at weddings so i dentify these few things and make them count.

    As for the honeymoon, we are just looking forward to sleeping thru it!! we are just sooooo tired now.

    I hope it all gets better-try to not to get worked up. Keep us updated or at least ask if you need something
  • kathysukkathysuk Posts: 518
    Hey ladies! I am Kathy and I got married to my lovely husband a couple of weeks ago (see I'm still calling him lovely - newlywed talk!!!). I'm Brit/Bajan and John is Brit/Jamaican. We got married in Cyprus with 25 of our family and a couple of friends. It was small but it worked perfectly for us. It's been lovely to read a bit about you all, what a nice thread.
  • kafagiwakafagiwa Posts: 48
    Thanks for the support uchewally. I'm a lot calmer now and feel like I can sort stuff out.

    So you are a fellow medic, good luck with your finals. When I did mine a few years back I thought they were the hardest exams ever but trust me the postgrad royal college ones are so much harder as am doing mine at the mo.

    My fiance has taken on dealing with the venue and caterer and he is a lot more forceful in a nice way! Unfortunately I am always really soft and because I am very bad tempered especially when people are messing me around I tend to walk away before I blow up.

    Thanks for the advice, I have tried chocolatebutton and am ordering loads of stuff. My lil sis is also just finishing her uni exams and she has found a dj for me already in a few days!!

  • GarrymcGarrymc Posts: 305
    wow Jaffa!! so you're a medic. everyone tells me that finals are the only exams that they actually encourage you to pass image( daunting. How rae the exams going?? how on earth are you concentrating?? I am soo distracted by this wedding stuff.

    So is your sis a medic too?? I wanted to enter O&G at one point but am now undecided. I'd be relieved to just pass finals and finish FY1/2. Maybe GP or GUM

    Happy to hear that you're making progress. I used to hate hearing people say that it's only one day but i now see that it is only one day. I'm not saying that it's an excuse to be sloppy and not pay attention to detail as we plan but having been to two plush weddings recently, I'm convinced that only (1) a very critical friend or (2) another bride to be notices all the things we fret about. So just relax and do well in your exams. It truly works itself out hun. My fiance used to say that to me in the beginning when i used to fret and it'd nearly end in fisticuffs cos i felt he was being to nonchalant and relaxed. Funnily enough, as much as i've worked hard and made things happen, a majority of things have just 'worked themselves out'. Bizarre
  • Hiya,

    I really have to say how much I love coming to this website, I don't get a chance to pop on that often since I joined a few months ago but every time I do, I always end up leaving feeling much better, knowing that I'm really not alone with my own little dramas.. lol

    Both of us are Nigerian and even though we've been here most of our lives we thought that we were still in touch with tradition etc.. until now.. neither of us realized it would be this traumatic!! every single relation seems to have come of the wood work to tell us what we need to be doing.. what is their own! I wish they would all just crawl back from whence they came.. haha

    Some days I really wish I could do the English thing.. one of the girls in my office just got married and she was complaining about how many guests she had... how difficult it was to cater for 80 guests.

    If only our own was that simple?!?!

    I'm constantly at weddings throughout the year, but absolutely nothing has prepared me for this... so i'm warning u from now.. i'm going to be asking all of you experts for some help!!

  • GarrymcGarrymc Posts: 305
    LOL Lolamaja!!

    just tell people to go to hell and they'll get the message soon. Unless they're paying your mortgage, they owe you nothing. Sorry to sound so aggressive and hateful but i'm seriously at the end of my tether. It's almost as if people just want to hurt you deliberately. My parents are fine, it's just the extended family and relatives. And it seems that it intensifies as the wedding draws nearer. For example, this forum has shown me a plethora of mixed marriages, yet talking to my relatives, you wouldn't know it. They are soo backwards. They always make jibes about me not finding a 'proper igbo' husband to marry (mine is yoruba). You'd think with 45days to go, they'd let the issue go- but no. Then there's trying to incoorporate the 2 cultures at all our cremonies. Again, both sets of parents are fine with whatever goes down but it's the extended people that keep making comments about what should and shouldn't be included.

    Some are moaning because they haven't been invited but i really feel that my 350 guestlist is fine thank you very much.

    All this wedding planning has helped me identify which relatives/friends to dissociate myself from once it's all done. We have been thru so much in our house in the last 9 months that it's unbelievable. I am constantly piiggyinthemiddle.

    in the beginning, my family tried to appease everybody but we soon discovered that doing this often gave them leverage to further criticise us. I've lived here 17 years and in as much as my parents have raised me liberally, we still appreciate the culture. I speak Igbo fluently and love going home (i last visited Nigeria,alone i might add, in 2005) so we are not that far removed from our tradition. But, like you, I've found all this wedding stuff hard. My mum keeps fretting what people will think of her if she isn't seen to do certain things so alot of things that we didn't care for have all been thrown into the wedding to keep her friends happy. My parents have prided themselves on not raising us in a purely Nigerian way yet, it seeems as though now is the time they want to prove their 'nigerianness' in response to pressure from outsiders!!! I am ssooo lost. For example, the tradtional wedding ceremony has gone from being a small intimate affair in my parent's home to a huge 200-guest party at a suite all because people were commenting that it woudn't be a 'proper' marriage if everybody couldn't witness it. What erks us is that money intended for the 'white' wedding is now being siphoned into the traditional wedding and we are having to go without some of the things we'd like. I don't mind honouring our customs (i will pass them unto our kids also) but it all needs to be put into perspective.

    Ironically, my parents are now muttering that they wish they'd stuck to their initial intentions of a smaller affair. We've now reached a point now where we are doing what we want and turning a blind eye to naysayers. Amidst all of this, but we are still having fun planning the whole thing and still very excited.

    rant over (exhale)

    [Modified by: uchewally on May 28, 2008 05:49 AM]
  • Uche we may be Igbo and I'm Yoruba but we're speaking the same language my dear!!

    Thanks for the rant.. it really made me laugh and I need a good laugh right about now.. image)

    I've been putting off getting married for as long as possible. After seeing what my two older sisters went through, one wedding for 700 people and the other had over 1000.. and the worst part was they were both in the UK! Can you imagine the stress trying to find venues to accommodate for that amount of people. In the end you don't even know 3/4 of the guests, you're killing yourself to throw a party for people you haven't seen since you were born and who you will probably never see again until you die.. Oh but they will come and eat your food, drink your drink and take away your plastics (i refuse to have plastics at my wedding..heheh)...

    And will half of them even buy you a present..

    Ok... deep breath..

    Is there a point where you just snap and say "NO". I mean why do people think if you give them an IV for two it means they can bring 6 with them?

    And worse.. we just end up catering for the excessive numbers because we know it will happen no matter our best laid plans. Imagine the shame on your families head if people turn up to your wedding and there isn't enough food.. even if they're strolling in at 11 pm at night and they weren't oficially invited in the first place..


    Ok, that's me done.. now i can go back to face the world with a happy smiling face..

  • GarrymcGarrymc Posts: 305
    hahahha lolol!!!!

    700-1000 guests in the UK??!!! Did you use Lord's Cricket Ground (my asian friend did it) or like a warehouse? I woul;dn't even try to pay the catering bill for a wedidng liek that.

    we are being military. we have a wedding coordinator and planner aswell as ushers and bouncers that will check seat names against invited guests. we have warned people politely in the invite inserts that only invited guests will be seated and catered for. No hanging around.My cousin's wedding at the plaisterers hall in Barbican was embarassing for people who thought they could bring their lodging aunts and cousins. The english bouncers with walkie talkies and glasses turned them back- CLASSIC!! people moaned for like 2 weeks then it was forgotten. Suppose it sets the precedent for the marriage- as if to say 'you can;t mess with us' . lol

    We are having 300 in the day and 50 in the evening=no more, no less. We also have a john lewis gift list so it's pretty clear who's buying us gifts cos it tells me. In no way do we expect gifts, it's just that there are certain people that you expect to contribute that's all.

    now back to work
  • Hi Ladies,

    I see we are all suffering from the same problem. My trad wedding started off with about 100 people and now we are looking at almost 350! and horror of horrors, my SIL said yesterday that i should expect a whole group of people to turn up without invites, ie she's just telling everyone. I told her point blank that people without invites won't be able to come in and there will be no extra chairs or food!... a bit harsh but we are already having so many people i barely know (family included) and the last thing i need in a bunch of randoms showing up and expecting to join the party. I guess some people don't seem to realise how much work goes into planning the day and how so many things are calculated per head. I am still getting people who just invite themselves to the wedding. It seems everytime i go to visit one of mumsie's friends, there is always someone there who goes 'Ah, i will be there oh!' and i'm like hell no you aren't. I've already crossed off a few of my friends in order to accomodate family and parent's friends (one storm i will have to deal with later) and i'll be damned if i have to invite anymore. Plus mumsie insisted i sent off almost 50 invites to Nigeria even tho probably only 15 might make it. These invites took me almost a month to make, and weren't exactly cheap so that is just wasted effort and now i need to make a few more to cover everyone...Drama. I am so tempted to have the bouncers at the door with a list!!! The venue actually offered us this option and at first i thought it was a bit rude, but its gradually becoming more appealing.
  • EmberukEmberuk Posts: 117
    Hey, Ayo. I'm putting ushers on the door with a list. Those not on the list will have to wait down stairs. Btw, how was LA? Did you get my email re lighting?
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