New Bride!! English/Indian Wedding..

image Hello all!

I have been a fan of this site for ages, purely because I am indian hindu and my new fiance (!) is english and I have seen quite a few mixed marriages on here and I LOVE it!!

I got officially engaged last week, have been talking about it for over a year and he finally surprised me with a gorgeous vintage white gold ring and a lovely candle filled flat and meal! Very us, simple and meaningful!

Well... it will be our 10 year anniversary together next sept (2010) so this is when we want to get married, have got lots of grand ideas and thoughts but no idea where to start!!

Luckily my family are very understanding and have embraced H2B fully although they are quite traditional so I think would appreciate some aspects of indian/hindu wedding on our day. Also my extended family are crazy, loud, proud, colourful indians and my partners english family are quite normal and civilised!! I think finding the balance is going to be tough....

Also - food is going to be an issue, majority of my family are vegetarians who don't eat any english food, H2B's family are traditional english.....

Would love to hear from anyone in the same boat, or anyone wishing to venture an opinion!!!

Frantically making lists ATM, just know I am going to be bridezilla!!

P.S Loving the thought of DIY weddings, favours, invites, tables... cheap and also personal... hmmmm


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    [Modified by: Bridey McBride from Bridetown on November 15, 2009 02:58 PM]

  • MrsRallMrsRall Posts: 226
    Hey, i'm a english bride with a sikh h2b, we are having a civil ceremony, i am marryinh in traditional white dress and h2b in a sherwani, my bridesmaids are wearing lehnga from india. We are having asian caterers and asian dj (so h2b has sorted that out). I'm having a english sit down meal as unfortunately my venue that h2b chose doesn't allow the traditional indian eating and dancing but we are being dholed into our meal and also doing the cake eating bit.
  • rakchoprakchop Posts: 348
    Hi Lee

    Congratulations!! I got engaged a few weeks ago too!! I am Hindu, H2B is English. Its all very exciting!

    It has been quite difficult trying to compromise with what everyone wants.

    H2B wanted a more quiet wedding with close family and friends, but you know thats not how indians do things!

    We have decided (i think) on a civil service followed by a lunch with all the speeches for close family and friends with nice little touches from h2b and i, then a indian ceremony followed by evening do, which we have agreed to bigger numbers. It will be a long day but good at the same time im sure. We are looking to get married next year May/June if we can find suitable venue.

    Food wise we were going for english meal in the day with choice of meat and veg, then evening indian possibly with some english too.

    hope that helps .. my last few weeks have been very much filled with venue hunting, and sleepless nights thinking how best to do things.

    Where are you both from by the way? Im north east, which will make it more difficult for the indian suppliers. Bridey, which caterer did your friend use?

    Its nice to have people in the same boat ... :\)
  • MrsRallMrsRall Posts: 226
    Miss giggles i'm from yorkshire and were using apna khana based in bradford as caterers
  • rakchoprakchop Posts: 348

    Thanks for that mrsrall2b

    can i be cheeky ans ask how much they charge per head? just as i have nooo idea about these things

    G x
  • MrsRallMrsRall Posts: 226
    It depends what you have we are paying about £11 per head not having any drinks from them thou, it really depends on how many choices you choose in each section such as canapes, starters, mains, desserts etc.
  • WOW! Thank you guys for replying!

    It is so nice to know that people are also laid in bed at 4am worrying about this stuff!!

    I think we are also going to have a civil and a sit-down lunch in the day for just close family and freinds and then have a small... scaled down hindu ceremony and then a huge reception in the evening - all at the same place.

    For the food we are thinking of in the day having a mixed menu for people to choose from beforehand, maybe some kind of fusion food.. and then having a mixed buffet, finger food type stuff in the evening...

    My parents live abroad which has been difficult but I spoke to my mum earlier and she was wonderful, really understanding! I was really worried as she can be quite difficult!
  • oh - Miss Giggles we are from Lincolnshire, about 25 miles from nottingham and leicester so we should be okay for suppliers, my extended family all live in Leics and i'm sure will have lots of contacts!!
  • rakchoprakchop Posts: 348
    It is nice to know there are people in the same boat, i was so glad to come across this site!

    My advice is to start with estimating your numbers and then look to find a venue. I was surprised to find a lot (well the nicer places) were booked up! I have just been to one today which me and H2B love, with my parents and thankfully they seem to like it. I think once thats in place you can really start to plan.

    You are so lucky to live near leics, it will make it so much easier for the indian side of things!

    Have you thought about your outfits or anything yet?

  • Definitely, I started to look at everything else and it does seem that everything is dependant on numbers and venues.

    We started to make a list last night and have got to 90 wth just family and really close freinds, and then up to about 200 with everyone else, I think once mum has put her bit in we are looking at 300 for the evening reception...

    I am adamant that I don't want anymore than 100 for the day doo..

    We went to see one yesterday just outside of nottingham, just popped in on the off chance and it was lovely, they are going to cotact me to arrange a proper visit and a hat. Hopefully my mum will be back next week to come and have a look.

    Its crazy, we have about 11 months and I'm really panicking about time!!!

    Although spoke to my mum-in-law to be and she was really enthusiastic about DIY flowers and cake (she used to own a cake shop) so I think I'm going to be really lucky... she was even very willing to listen to my ideas!!!

    What kind of numbers are you guys thinking?

    Are you indians families being awkward about people you 'have' to invite??

    Outfits - i'm thinking a white/cream lengha for the day and a more traditonal red outfit for the evening, best of both worlds I think.... I don't think I would feel right in an english outfit...

    Bridesmaid I think englishy outfits in the day, maybe monsoony type things, still ethnic looking, not traditional english.... and then indian for the evening,

    H2B is considering morning suit for day and suit for evening, he won't consider indian outfit!!!

    How about you?

    [Modified by: LeeCho on September 28, 2009 10:52 AM]

  • rakchoprakchop Posts: 348
    Well i just about have my venue decided. Not many places were big enough to hold 300 people for the evening, so we are going with a country house with a marquee for the evening.

    Its looking like 120 for the daytime civil wedding, then a few more for the indian ceremony then everyone for the night time (300 approx)

    I want to wear an English dress for the civil wedding and then red lengha for the indian. Though my mum doesnt want me to wear a white dress as indians associate it with mourning, so im hoping to find a gold one that i like, which will actually fit better with an indian wedding lol. As for H2B i am working on convincing him to wear the indian outfit for the indian wedding. I told him it would only be for the ceremony then he can change into a suit after for the evening. He is coming round slowly.

    The only thing i forgot about, is that your not supposed to have eaten meat or had alcohol before the indian ceremony. SO i think out lunch will be a tea total vege lunch ....

    Our wedding is planned for June, so im a bit panicy at the moment about getting the basics booked!!

    Are you any further forward?
  • rakchoprakchop Posts: 348
    Oh i forgot to say .. yes parents are insisting on inviting people casue "we have to". but i have said i dont mind as long as they are only coming to the evening reception
  • LeeChoLeeCho Posts: 27
    Hi MissGiggles

    Sorry for the late reply

    Don't get panicked - you sound really organised, relax enough to enjoy the planning

    HAHAHAHAHA that is what people get telling me - I want to lamp them!!!!

    I am enjoying it but am the mo there is just so much stress involved!

    I think we have found a venue, went last night to have the talk but in my mind it is really expensive, I mean don't get me wrong it is a really gorgeous country house with a lake, gardens the works but it is working out at 13,000 for the rooms for civil, then hindu ceremony, sit down lunch and evening reception including the food and a drinks package...

    Does this sound too much or am I being niaive?!?

    My mum doesn't seem to think it is over the top but I am worried about them paying for and then struggling afterwards?!?

    Is anyone else having this dilemma? I want a giorgeous wedding but don't want my parents to have to miss out of end of in masses of debt?? :\?
  • rakchoprakchop Posts: 348
    Hi Lee

    I totally know where you are coming from. Like i said i wanted quite a quiet wedding but as i said numbers are growing by the day. And because of the we have to get the marquee for the night time, which by the time you add in table and chair hire, cutlery, plates etc etc is npt going to be cheap.

    We had other suggestions of having an evening reception in a place already big enough. I checked out a couple, and as we would want to bring in our own caterers and alcohol, they charge a huge rate for the hire .... hilton quoted nearly £10000, without food/drink, and another place was £8000!?!?!

    Im waiting on my fave venue to get back to me with how much they are going to charge for the land hire for the marquee, god knows what that will be!

    Anyway, it is all mounting up, and i feel terrible as i know parents are paying for everything. Just seems a waste in a way but then like you i do want a nice wedding. I dont think your cost is too bad if its including all the food etc.

    PS im with you and punching people when they say enjoy it! im having sleepless nights, and stress trying to please everyone ...... thank god its only a one time thing!
  • LeeChoLeeCho Posts: 27

    You will have to let us know how you get on.

    I am waiting to hear on dates at this venue as someone else has provisionally booked the 11th which is what I want (How dare they!)

    so I have provisionally booked 9th oct but really that is later than I would have liked.

    My dad has done his bargaining bit and managed to get 16 rooms with breakfast as well as previous list all for 14000 so am feeling better about things now.

    We have also got some really good quotes for chair covers and sashes, stationaery etc etc far better than i imagined so stress is reducing!!

    Although, sleepless nights and fitful dreams about weddings and waking up at 4am to make lists will continue until the big day hahaimage
  • rakchoprakchop Posts: 348
    Hey Lee

    Hows things? Well, I thought i was just about sorted, however, the venue wants to charge £5000 just as land hire for the marquee!! I am so annoyed. Its a bl**dy cheek! so now im thinking to do it on two seperate days, ie the civil one day, just the ceremony and lunch then indian another day in a different venue. So i am re looking at venues to see whats what ...... Glad you are having more luck!!

    so pleased i am on holiday for two weeks from tuesday!!!!! cant wait!
  • LeeChoLeeCho Posts: 27
    oh no, what a nightmare,,, that is really cheeky... I don't envy you having to re-look! Good luck!

    Will let you know how I get on tomo.

    I definitely could use a holiday to get properly sorted out, have you got a list of things to do?
  • rakchoprakchop Posts: 348
    Oh im actually away for my holiday for two weeks ... going to Thailand tomorrow .... I need to just get a venue really then i can sot everything else. I do have a list of what needs doing, but the venue is the main thing, once i get that sorted, i dont think it will be too bad.

    how are you getting on?
  • Hello all,

    I just got married in August. I am mixed race English and Indian (Sikh) and my husband is Indian Sikh.

    I know how hard it is to mix the two traditions. It does save a lot to do it all in one day however I had to have the two. Also for my dad (The English one) so he could walk me down the ailse in my white dress. Something we couldn't have done in the Gurdwara.

    Being mixed race it is great to see so many more mixed couples now - I love it!

    Any one going to the exhibition at Alexandra Palace next weekend?
  • Hello image

    I'm an Essex girl (but not one of THOSE Essex girls ;\) and my fiance is Indian/Hindu. Having said that, we aren't going to have a particularly multicultural wedding - neither of us are remotely religious so we're having a civil ceremony, and I don't think he's worn Indian clothes since he was a toddler! So I'll have a white dress and he'll wear a suit, and we're only having about 60 day guests and just a few more in the evening. I don't have his parents insisting that we invite 100 people neither of us know... so we're quite conventional really. Or should I say lucky? image

    One little snag though. We've been together for 8 years (we'll get married on our 9th anniversary) and our parents still haven't met each other! I'm kind of dreading it. His mum is lovely and I know she'll get on with my mum, but his dad is grumpy and anti-social and generally difficult so I'm worried that he's going to say or do something unpleasant. And then there's the thought of his extended family spending the day with my extended company - let's just say they're a bit incompatible. I'm the opposite to you LeeCho, my lot can be rowdy and his folks all seem rather reserved. It's going to be interesting...
  • LeeChoLeeCho Posts: 27
    Hi miss stars!

    Definitely lucky!!

    I don't think you should be worried about the parents thing - i've got past the incompatible things... just goiong to hope for the best...!!

    One thing i'm worried about at the moment is my mum imposing our traditions on h2b's mum.... we have this thing where motherinlaw buys bride a necklace for the wedding day, it then symbolises we are married.... my mum keeps going on about her buying this for me but I don't think she will appreciate being told she HAS to...
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