The difficulties of who to invite

Hi ladies,

Not sure if anyone can relate but -

My fiance is English, and when it came to drawing up the guestlist, I was surprised that a few people were left off as we've been invited to their weddings this year. In our culture, if someone invites you then you have to invite them to yours, right?

I pointed this out to my H2B but he didn't seem too bothered so we left these people off the list. Then in April, we went to our first wedding (of a couple we weren't going to invite) but I was just thoroughly pissed off by the end of it. We spent a lot of money travelling up and spending the night, and the wedding itself was just bad - really cheap food and no wine (although the bride and groom and close family swigged on drinks). I have no issue with budget weddings, but as the bride herself told us, they did have the money, but 'struggled' to spend all of it. Now with my wedding, we're paying quite a bit per head and I want to make every guest feel well-looked after. After the wedding, my H2B said, should we invite them, and I felt bad saying no. But I really don't want them there! Am I being a bitch?


  • hemini_mhemini_m Posts: 59

    I think you're looking at it differently to how I would. Despite their wedding not being good, do you want the people there? I think you should decide if you like the couple? If you like them then invite them, but if you don't like them, then tell your h2b you would prefer them not to be at your wedding.
  • willowadewillowade Posts: 879
    hmmmmmm... see, i can relate to both sides. Myh2b is english. i am indian. i never expected to be 'drawing up a list' so to speak but we both had family members neither of us wanted there so in the end, it seemed better to be strict. h2b recently met some of my mates who he wanted to invite - thing is, they are a part of a big group of friends i had and i wouldn't feel right inviting them and not others but i want children at my weddng (that was our compromise. lol) and some of these friends have a LOT of children. (there are 15 friends, all of whom have partners and children - anywhere from 1 - 6)we don't have a lot of numbers left and like you, we are paying a fair bit per head. we are only having a small wedding with around 80 (inc children) day and 150 night. i am devastated that we can't even increase the possibility of more people but its done now.

    i actually like the idea of all the different things we will be doing. we recently spent around £500 to attend a family wedding and people are moaning about the fact they can't afford to stay in london yet these people have holidays abroad every year and rarely visit us yet we do our duty and so it can be a bit stressful in terms of teh finance and i get the impression everyone thinks we are more well off than we actually are but then i like to do things well. thankfully, h2b is mostly on teh same wavelength but i would much rather have my 'real' friends than invite people out of 'duty' but being brought up the way i have, its hard enough trimming our list down and i don't want to then go picking between my friends and causing more upset.

    bottom line, its YOUR wedding. have the people that matter to you both. if your friends are genuinely happy for you both, i would still invite them - the money thing will pass but if you are not all that close, it IS a lot to spend on one day for two people that may not notice much. i know my guests won't but it will matter to ME how things go and how i want things to be.
  • MrsWisteriaMrsWisteria Posts: 57
    Thanks ladies - these are all fair points. I think the thing is because they aren't my friends, I'm not too bothered, and my fiance is ambivalent hence I haven't pushed it. If he said he really wanted them there then I'd push heaven and earth to try and make it happen, but that's not really the vibe I'm getting. Basically my point about the money etc wasn't really all about the money as I'm really not like that (i.e, equating money with good), but it was more their attitude which was that they were nice people but just really didn't seem to give a shit about their guests. I guess to be honest, that's really what got my goat. x
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