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Scared of getting married

Hi All,

Me and my Fiancé in the middle of planning our indian wedding to be next year, however after getting engaged Dec 2012 and more recently as we have started talking about dates she has really freaked out, to the point where she really is saying she cant do this. I think she’s really scared of the future and how marriage will be after. She is an only child and has probably had a very easy life with her parents, I think the thought of leaving them scares her half to death.

She naturally has very low self confidence and keeps saying she is scared, and cant leave her parents. We have been going out year and half and have some amazing times together, but this has really changed all the dynamics of our relationships, in the way she is, talking. When she starts to stress she tends to cut everybody off and becomes a stranger.

Is this normal feelings of a women about to get married, how should I approach this, or what shall I say. I am totally lost, this is having a major affect on both of our families as everyone knows we are to get married in 2014.

Would appreciate any advice.

Posts

  • Hi, it can be quite daunting planning a wedding as it all seems to much. It can effect us in weird ways. i would leave planning for a while and concerntrate on the two of you. Make sure you are both making the right decisions for the right reasons.She might just be panicking and needs reassurance. Maybe not talking about it for a bit to and see if she brings it up ? if its positive then organise things together make it fun...:/ ..... Hope it all goes well. weddings do all kinds of strange things to us women...Good Luck ...image

  • Thanks, do you reckon instead of worrying, I should just be patient and give her some time to realise what’s going on? I am thinking all sorts of things, like its all over, what has happened. I really think its nerves and being scared of leaving home and going to somewhere new.

  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253

    it doesnt sound like its the actual wedding at all but the idea of leaving home. does she really feel ready, can you wait a little longer. weddings are daunting enough as it is without upping sticks as well. keep talking to her about normal every day things, treat her the way you did before the wedding and give it all some space. it might be the sort of thing she needs to talk about to a female member of her family and i guess thats what sisters are normally for but if shes not got them perhaps there is smeone else shes close to? just kee being with her. she doesnt sound like she doesnt want to be with you, just that she doesnt want to not be with her family. will you move far away after the wedding? will you move into your own home or your family's home? could you stay close to her family location wise so she could pop in and see them a lot when she got home sick?

  • Gem83Gem83 Posts: 868

    How old is she? Has she ever lived away from home before eg uni? I agree with Nats sounds like leaving home is the issue not the wedding.

    I assume she would move in with your family after the wedding? If so what is the relationship like between them? would she benefit from some more time with them to get to know them better?

    just an idea! good luck!

  • I understand, yes we have been looking at houses locally to both our parents, so we are not even moving far away. She doesnt talk to anybody thats the issue, keeps it all to herself and ultimatley makes hasty decisions like I cant do this anymore, etc...

    But I think your right, we should just talk about normal day things as we did before, maybe will make her more comfortable.

  • LeaBLeaB Posts: 1,706

    can't you move in with each other before the commitment of marriage?! not sure whether this is acceptable in your religion or traditions but at least she can get used to that before marriage?! Totally agree with the others though, just back off with the wedding talk for a bit, its no good to rush things

     

  • Shes 26, has never been away from home, Uni was close by, so she has probably never had that sense of independencey which is why this is all a shock. We cant really move in together before marriage.

    I guess I just get really worried that we've been through so much, friends and family know about us, its such a big thing for everybody. We are both only children. I am her first love too, first person she has ever been out with.

  • LeaBLeaB Posts: 1,706
    You need to stop worrying about everyone else there sounds like there is a lot of pressure on you guys. You need to focus on you and your fianc??e and what you want x I'm sure everything will be ok x
  • Thanks, do you reckon instead of worrying, I should just be patient and give her some time to realise what’s going on? I am thinking all sorts of things, like its all over, what has happened. I really think its nerves and being scared of leaving home and going to somewhere new.

  • I think she is just too nervous of being a wife, and doesn't prepare ready to fulfill the responsibility of being a wife. I think you need to get her envolved with your wedding preparations and she will devote to them rather than afraid of them.

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