BBC

Hiya any BBC's out there getting married to gwai lows? what kind of ceremony are you having and who is paying for it?



My H2B and i are both paying for our wedding so both our families have no say about who goes and what happens. I think we would end up with well over 600 guests and twenty thousand sucklings and sea cucumber on our dinner plates otherwise. No thanks! anyone in the same position?
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  • Hiya,



    Another BBC here. I've already put my foot down with the parents and have deliberately booked ceremony and reception venues that will house a max of about 70 to get around the hoards of relatives!



    Email me to chat if you like!
  • Hi!



    I'm BBC and marrying an English guy. My mum is paying for pretty much all the wedding but is incredibly understanding and very laid back. My family are all in Malaysia so won't be attending and we're just having 55 in the day tiime. it's going to be a very western affair with a good chinese twist (I hope!). To be honest, I'm not a very good chinese girl with regards traditions!



    Chinese influences will be orchids which I'm having for my boquet and for the table settings. We're going to have chinese finger food for the buffet and I was also thinking of perhaps finding out the year each guest was born and then placing information about their chinese star sign at the dinner tables. I wanted to have lanterns everywhere but unfoturnately I can't hang them in our venue.



    Oh, I also want to get one of those giant red scrolls for people to sign which I understand is a tradition as well. We will also be sending out Ang Pow with the invites instead of having a wedding list. Is anyone else doing this - I worry that it might look a bit too money grabbing even if it is a genuine tradition?



    Any other suggestions would be really appreciated!
  • susu88susu88 Posts: 904
    Hi Mei



    Sounds like you've got great ideas there for the wedding. We want to have dim sum served for the canapes, although i am not sure our venue will be able to cater for this. Still need to talk to them about it first. If not i guess it's not a total disaster. We are also going to have a rehearsal dinner a few days before the wedding but have just family and the best men and bridesmaids for a proper Chinese meal. It's just another excuse to go eat haha...



    We are also having orchids and calla lilies. I really like your idea about the Chinese horoscope. How about getting Chinese style make up bags for the ladies favours? they arn't too expensive and are at least practical.



    Will you be doing the tea ceremony as well? I know what you mean by not being very traditional. I like to keep myself in touch with Chinese traditions but arn't overtly into it. i don't want to loose my roots either and people have said to me that i am like a banana. i say sod them lol. I'm still Chinese and proud of it.



    As for the red envelope i think people in this day and age are open to giving money. Although yes there will be some who may be offended but that's their own problem. How about writing a poem or something to explain the tradition and giving people the option of either giving money or a gift. That way people can not complain.



    When's your big day Mei?
  • clam78clam78 Posts: 27
    Hi all, I am getting married to english guy and I am BBC, however most of family either live in Singapore or Hong Kong!! Therefore we decided we are going to get married in Thailand pretty close to theses places!! Also due to much red tape in singapore/hong kong!! Also to save on arguements sake as one side wanted it all english and go to church and the other would like to have a banquet etc... I decided I would wear a tradition red dress on the day I sign the papers and go out for dinner in it in Bangkok with family and friends then go to phuket and walk down a aisle and have a blessing in a white dress!! I too like your ideas of the chinese horoscope!! with regards to the red envelope I sure they will be cool with it as it no diff to getting vouchers for your wedding present!!
  • Hiya



    I'm new to this forum, and was so pleased to see a post on BBC! I am marrying an english man (I'm a true Banana), and we're getting married in 2009.



    Thankfully, most of my chinese relatives are in HK, and there is no mention of my parents inviting any of their friends to our wedding. We're having a civil ceremony, and the chinese influences that I've seen mentioned here are very much like the day I've got planned.



    I'm planning on having phalaeanapsis (sp?) orchids as my bouquet and for buttonholes.



    Susu, its such a relief to see someone out there who thinks like me! I posted a thread on the British Born Chinese forum and was ripped to shreds saying I was making a mockery of my family, and that I was doing everything wrong. I simply want to show my family and friends that I'm not forgetting my roots just because I'm marrying into an english family. I want to show how proud I am of my heritage by showing those elements merging with the english.



    Hope we can help each other out throughout our planning!



    Kitty x

    [Modified by: Kitty2009 on May 25, 2008 11:41 PM]
  • Kitty,



    I used to be on the BBC boards alot and I'm very shocked to hear that people treated you badly. Did you report this to the Admin there as there is no way that they would tolerate something like that!
  • Quoted:
    Kitty,



    I used to be on the BBC boards alot and I'm very shocked to hear that people treated you badly. Did you report this to the Admin there as there is no way that they would tolerate something like that!


    No, I didn't, it wasn't something I knew how to do!! They basicially said if I post on their forum, expecting opinions, then I should accept what they said, all I did was defend myself when I felt that their responses were rather harsh.







    [Modified by: Kitty2009 on May 25, 2008 11:43 PM]
  • kp8895kp8895 Posts: 345
    hey there - i'm a bbc too! yay! so nice to see everyone here!



    just saw that link kitty...oh my god! i'll admit to leaving those websites behind as they can be full of really nasty opinions especially people against mixed-race marriages. don't listen to them!



    i'm marrying my h2b in january 2008 and the cost is being split between both sets of parents and us but we're paying for maybe 70% of it. i totally agree, it's your day and you do what you want....it should be a reflection of your culture and background....



    some chinese elements we're having:

    fortune cookies and chinese lucky feng shui coins as favours

    lion dance (nothing wrong with that!)

    orchid corsages

    paper lanterns released instead of fireworks (too noisy!)

    chinese sweets and cakes for the buffet

    signed print of our names in chinese for guests to sign



    we're asking for money but didn't include ang pow packets....good idea though! we wrote a poem instead image

    the only thing i'm quite against having is the tea ceremony. maybe i don't like the idea of being subservient to a man and his family. they should be making me tea as well!!!!



    look forward to hearing more ideas xxxxx

  • Thank you for reassuring me about the people on BBC website, I was quite embarrassed by the whole thing so not told a soul about it! Your plans sound great, and similar to mine. I love the paper lanterns being released, they're really expensive aren't they?



    xx

    [Modified by: Kitty2009 on May 25, 2008 11:44 PM]
  • kp8895kp8895 Posts: 345
    hey there - the lantern release is actually quite inexpensive compared to fireworks....we got quoted £1000 for those (!) but the lanterns are only about £100 for about 40-50.



    your pagoda sounds amazing! love the white paper lanterns. personally, i think the opinions on that forum sound like they're from people who don't really get the mixed-race thing. pinch of salt is what i say....hope they didn't get you too down. well done for sticking up for yourself though!



    actually everyone's weddings on here sound really lovely...thanks to everyone for making me not feel bad (i'll leave that to my mother...) for not having the chinese banquet. the last thing i need is indigestion and a pot belly on my wedding day after 12 courses image xxx



    can i ask where people are getting lion dancers from? i'm being quoted quite a lot for a fifteen minute slot??!!
  • Wow, that's really cheap! Which website was this? What happens to the lanterns after the light has gone?



    The forum did get me down to be honest, as I really thought my plans were really stupid after reading what they wrote and made me question them. H2B family are really looking forward to our day, because of these different aspects that we're incorporating.





    Don't let your mum make you feel guilty. Can I ask where you're getting married? Perhaps if your mum is pressuring you to have a banquet, you could do it one day before or after the actual wedding and she could invite whoever she wants then?



    My parents haven't really contributed to the wedding plans (financially or with ideas) which is really cool. I thought that perhaps Dad might want to host a banquet in China Town in London and invite the people he want but he's not mentioned it. Its a shame though, as I always enjoyed these parties when I was little!



    I can't remember to hand where I got my quote from for the Lion Dancing, I'll have a look in my files later on. Where are you based and when are you getting married?



    xxx

    [Modified by: Kitty2009 on May 25, 2008 11:45 PM]
  • kp8895kp8895 Posts: 345
    Quoted:
    Wow, that's really cheap! Which website was this? What happens to the lanterns after the light has gone?



    The lanterns burn out after a certain altitude. Try www.lightalantern.com or google sky lanterns, lots of things come up!



    My mum loooooves her Chinese banquets, to the point we seem to have one in our family every year! Love my mum to bits but not sure if I want to have a banquet at my wedding. I think the fact not many caterers do Chinese food well and the fact to have one we'd have to do something in London puts us off.......we'd have to compromise on our venue which we absolutely love image



    we're getting married at the elvetham in hartley wintney, hampshire on the 6th january, if you know any lion dance teams who would be willing to travel??? xx



  • I would try contacting liondance.co.uk (i think that's the one), pretty sure that's the one I've contacted for my wedding.



    I just had a look at your venue - wow, that is just fabulous! How lucky are you?! Are you having a lot of guests - are you having lots of your chinese family and friends coming to the day?





    K xx

    [Modified by: Kitty2009 on May 25, 2008 11:47 PM]
  • kp8895kp8895 Posts: 345
    thanx kitty -



    tried that company but got quoted quite a lot. out of interest, who did your cousin use?.....actually just been in touch with a lady who said she could do it for £250 which i thought was pretty reasonable.



    your wedding sounds fantastic. love the fortune teller idea!



    we're having all my family attending which is a large chinese contingent! my dad has 7 brothers and sisters and my mum is one of 5. but you know how it is, cousins and great uncles and second cousins....soon the guest list reaches 100 and you realise you haven't even included yourself! where are you getting married? x



    you can always e-mail me if you wanna chat some more....just so we don't hijack this thread!
  • Cool, how do I get your email address?! New to all this!!



  • kp8895kp8895 Posts: 345
    just changed my profile....there should be a little pink e-mail tab at the bottom of my posts that you can click on and then write e-mails xxx
  • susu88susu88 Posts: 904
    Hi girls,

    Kitty i just read your link and i can not believe how narrow minded all those BBc's are! hooray to being a banana! what is it with that? it was all very bullying and i'm glad you came out of that forum. Who needs aggro like that? I'm really angry for you. I mean what's wrong with any of your plans? just because those BBC's, especially that Gary29 thinks like a 60 year old and wants to be seen to be very 'Chinese' doens't mean he or she is right. Sounds to me like he/she is just ignorant and prejudiced against embracing the British culture too. I think we have the best of both worlds having been born and breed in the uk. Doesn't mean to say we have lost our heritage. As for the Lion dance, girl go for it, i have seen a few Chinese weddings have them. I was thinking of having one myself but only decided against it since it would increase our wedding budget even more. Although i am going to have the tea pouring ceremony a couple of days before the wedding but not sure about wearing the traditional Chinese wedding outfit. It just scares me eurghhh....and i would look like a post box. We are having orchids for the flowers and we talked about having dim sum canapes. At least gary29 wouldn't turn his nose to that then eh? lol right time for dim sum surely. But apart from that, not much else is chinese themed. Hmm...go to do some more planning i think. I too would like to in corporate a bit more Chinesey things into it, but hey i'm Chinese and my family are Chinese too so i reckon that should count for something eh? So, Kitty good luck with your plans and stick two fingers up to those who think you're less than them!



  • Hi

    I'm also a BBC marrying a Scottish guy. To be honest, a lot of my family members who live in Malaysia do not agree with me marrying a 'kwai lou' and they don't understand the point of getting engaged and planning the wedding for 2 years. So i've stopped mentioning the wedding for now and will let them know again nearer the time! His family are very happy with our engagement and so are our friends, at least we've got some support.



    As we're thinking of getting married in a zoo, i thought we could have placecards with animals from the chinese horoscope. I'm planning to get my bridesmaids wearing cheongsam as well.

    Other than that, my wedding will pretty much be like a scottish reception.



    I really like the angpow idea. I am thinking about merging some information about chinese giving ang pows and the caucasians buying gifts for the bride and groom and then let my guests decide which they prefer.



    Kitty-can't believe those ppl in the forum are so mean to you! It's your wedding and who are they to pass judgements on you like that! I'm sure you'll have a fantastic wedding image
  • susu88susu88 Posts: 904
    Hi Bluerat, that's a shame about your family and their prejudices. As long as you and h2b are happy that's what should count.Your family will see how happy you are and think differently in time i bet!

    Will you be wearing traditional Chinese gown as well as western gown? I was dead set against it (not wanting to look like a post box) but came across a website that sells them. Am quite tempted as some do not look too bad. Only thing is i need to try them as i am so darn top heavy and these dresses were never designed for girls with big boobs. But i was very pleasantly suprised with some of the dresses. Has a modern twist. As for the head gear? that's a definite no no lol.



    So, will you be serving haggis at your wedding and a wee dram of whiskey? and where will you be getting married? I like your idea about the Chinese horoscope for the placecards. We are going to have Chinese lucky and 'auspicious' characters for ours like 'joy' 'prosperity' and 'happiness'



    But anyway, does anyone know where i may be able to find some of these dresses around London that doesn't scream 'waitress' or 'tacky'
  • Hey there!



    I did try to put a blog but it did not work!! I had a look at the website as well I think you should just ignore it as they you know what you never please nor that you should everyone!! Also Gary sounds like a idiot!?



    Susu 88 I am going to Shanghai Tang to get by chinese dress design in modern style that I would like with chinese elements put into the dress!! because I am like you I did not want to feel like a waitress!
  • susu88susu88 Posts: 904
    clam78 tell me how you get on with Shanghai Tang. I looked up their website this morning and looked impressive. Do you mind if i ask how much they are charging you for the tailoring? I want to have something that will actually look good on me without a high collar or covers me up completely. I'll just look riddiculous then. It's either that or i am seriously considering whether to go back to Hk next year or not. Combine it with a holiday and all that.
  • Hi Susu,



    Shanghai Tang is opposite to Harvey Nic's in London on sloane St. Well I am meeting the tailor next saturday and it really depends on the material you use that what the sales assistant said. So I will know on saturday how much it will be but I reackon from £500 - £1000. I did go to other shop as suggested on the this forum but was not sure about them?



    But will let you know how I go next saturday?
  • Going back to HK is a good idea but I do suggest you with a picture or design in mind as I went to HK/china this year but went with my mum and dad in china to tailors and often they did not have the fabric or the modern dress design however might be different in HK as I did not get much chance to go around in HK so don't know about that? If you got holidays and time then do it but I have max out my holiday allowance already!!
  • Quoted:
    Hi

    I'm also a BBC marrying a Scottish guy. To be honest, a lot of my family members who live in Malaysia do not agree with me marrying a 'kwai lou' and they don't understand the point of getting engaged and planning the wedding for 2 years. So i've stopped mentioning the wedding for now and will let them know again nearer the time! His family are very happy with our engagement and so are our friends, at least we've got some support.



    As we're thinking of getting married in a zoo, i thought we could have placecards with animals from the chinese horoscope. I'm planning to get my bridesmaids wearing cheongsam as well.

    Other than that, my wedding will pretty much be like a scottish reception.



    I really like the angpow idea. I am thinking about merging some information about chinese giving ang pows and the caucasians buying gifts for the bride and groom and then let my guests decide which they prefer.



    Kitty-can't believe those ppl in the forum are so mean to you! It's your wedding and who are they to pass judgements on you like that! I'm sure you'll have a fantastic wedding image


    Hey Bluerat



    I wish I hadn't bothered with that forum, when I came across this one, understandably I was a little apprehensive, but I'm so pleased I did bother now!



    Your wedding sounds great, a zoo would be so much fun! At our venue, the gardens overlook this field which has cows, so I think it might be cool to have the cows out to play on our day!!





    Kitty x

    [Modified by: Kitty2009 on May 25, 2008 11:50 PM]
  • susu88susu88 Posts: 904
    yeah the prospect of the dim sum and veggie restaurants is pulling me forwards to Hk for a hol. Just need to tally up my finances first i reckon.
  • Quoted:
    Hi Bluerat, that's a shame about your family and their prejudices. As long as you and h2b are happy that's what should count.Your family will see how happy you are and think differently in time i bet!

    Will you be wearing traditional Chinese gown as well as western gown? I was dead set against it (not wanting to look like a post box) but came across a website that sells them. Am quite tempted as some do not look too bad. Only thing is i need to try them as i am so darn top heavy and these dresses were never designed for girls with big boobs. But i was very pleasantly suprised with some of the dresses. Has a modern twist. As for the head gear? that's a definite no no lol.



    So, will you be serving haggis at your wedding and a wee dram of whiskey? and where will you be getting married? I like your idea about the Chinese horoscope for the placecards. We are going to have Chinese lucky and 'auspicious' characters for ours like 'joy' 'prosperity' and 'happiness'



    But anyway, does anyone know where i may be able to find some of these dresses around London that doesn't scream 'waitress' or 'tacky'


    Hi susu88,

    I don't think I will be wearing a chinese traditional dress as I'm planning to have a blue themed wedding. If possible, I'd like to have a 2nd reception in Malaysia and then perhaps I'll have a full Chinese wedding with tea ceremony and perhaps the traditional gown too.



    A lot of ppl are not very fond of haggis so i guess i won't have that for my wedding breakfast. Would like to have Scottish starter like scotch broth and cranachan for dessert though. Getting brochures from venues at the moment, but hoping to get married in and around Edinburgh.



    Would love to hear from anyone who's got cheongsam that's not too expensive as well.
  • Well I actually change my appt from saturday to this thursday! The dresses are very expensive in Shanghai Tang if you are looking tailor dresses cheongsham it from £1000 as they are made from gorgeous silk!! however I have found mandarin touch website which has lot of dresses!!
  • susu88susu88 Posts: 904
    Hi i'm so excited have ordered my wedding gown at last! so excited i'm telling everyone haha.



    Bluerat, that will be amazing to have another reception in Malaysia. It will be great! I'm suprised my parents haven't tried to persuade me into going to HK for another reception. They would need to pay for that one i reckon! Hey shame about the haggis, i love it. Ok, albeit veggie haggis but still, scotch broth and cranachan sounds cool.



    Clam78 that's a lot isn't it? maybe i will go back to Hk and have it made. Any excuse to go on hols. Good luck with the appointment. Will check out the mandarin website as well.



    Have a great weekend ladies

    xx
  • Hello All



    I have been reading this thread as I've never been to Chinese wedding and this thread lead on from another.



    Could anyone explain to me what a gwai lows is? and what you mean by banana. I would ask one of the Chinese guys I work with but since I don't know if its offensive I'm asking you ladies.

  • Gwai low means english/white guy and banana is english thinking on the inside but appearance chinese(yellow skin)
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