Re: Bridesmaid desperate for advice
Hi everyone, thanks so much for your thoughtful replies. Coffeedogaddict and Rach371 especially - some of the points you made in particular have really resonated with me.
I think the situation is made so hard because he says it’s over - but I’m not sure how much difference that makes. I think if it was still going on it would be slightly easier to tell her. Although it has not been over long (maybe a couple of weeks). Personally I would still want to know but I know not everyone would think the same.
I imagine she’s definitely had suspicions as she saw a lot of messages between him and the “other woman” but he talked her round saying they were just close friends - which makes me wonder about gaslighting as Rach mentioned.
I think I will speak to him first as hopefully that will push him to tell her himself which I think is for the best. Definitely better than me telling her and causing even more embarrassment for her.
Re: Why was I broken - hope for broken thread
Lovely thread Twizbe, congratulations to you on your second pregnancy!
My husband and I started trying for a baby in March 2016, one month before we got married. I was 30 and my husband 35. Neither of us had any known medical conditions that would affect fertility.
Our journey had quite a difficult start as our nephew died at 3 days old in May 2016. The grief was huge and very, very difficult, particularly as (like a lot of women who have just started TTC) I had a lot of psychosematic pregnancy symptoms. Having the symptoms and then not being pregnant and the loss of our nephew was almost a baptism of fire into how difficult, and fragile, the journey to being parents can be.
We carried on trying and I had a 31 day cycle. I quickly became obsessed, staying in a job I hatedd because of maternity leave and just desperate to get pregnant. After six months it was starting to affect my marriage as my husband and I were at each others throats.
I found one of the hardest things about TTC is the impact it had on my mental health and sense of well being. Because of this my GP agreed to start investigations after 10 months, starting with the blood tests. It took five lots of 21 day bloods to get any type of indication I was ovulating.
I'm February 2017 I presented a lot of pregnancy symptoms, including severe vomitting from 5dpo. I thought this was my time, and had an implantation bleed at 10dpo. On cd30 I woke up to a big red bleed. I was heartbroken.
Then the same thing happened again in March 2017. I felt like I was broken inside.
Luckily my GP was supportive and took my feelings seriously, so I was referred for an internal ultrasound. A chocolate cyst was found on my right ovary, which meant I had endometriosis. I had no gynaecological symptoms. I found this news very hard to take. Ultrasounds can't tell you how severe your endometriosis is, so we had to wait for our fertility clinic referral to hear any more.
Our referral took around 12 weeks and we were seen in July 2017. I was given the option of having a laproscopy and a hycosy at the same time and jumped at the chance as it was my only way of establishing how bad the endo was. It took until October for my operation to take place.
My first op was cancelled with less than 24 hours notice and then rearranged for 2 weeks later, October 18th 2017. It was invasive and annoying, but I was told my endometriosis was very mild. This was a huge relief as having any degree of endo reduces your chances by two thirds and extreme endo can leave you infertile. The hycosy is a dye passed through your fallopian tubes to identify any blockages and my tubes were confirmed as being clear. My husband had had an SA over the summer and we knew he was fine, so we were officially unexplained infertile. We stared to look ahead to an ivf referral and I focused on meeting the criteria, including getting my BMI down to below 30. I only had to lose 6ibs but it felt like one thing I could control.
I found the run up to Christmas last year very, very difficult. I got drunk on a Friday night and wrote a blog post on my infertility Instagram page about how Christmas is the most vulnerable time of the year to have fertility issues. I got up the next morning, slightly hungover, and tested to get that months BFN out the way. I could not believe my eyes when there was a very faint second line! That was 16th December 2017.
I ended up taking something like 15 pregnancy tests over 13 days to monitor line progression. I had an early scan at 6+5 as I was having pain on my right side, which was my endometrial cyst. Baby had a heart beat. I had a tough pregnancy, developing hyperemesis gravidarum within a week of my BFP, being hospitalised with a bad bleed at 13 weeks and then my waters breaking a month early and having to be induced.
My beautiful baby girl was born on 23rd July 2018 and we named her Rosalie. Being a Mom is amazing and all the struggle is without a doubt worth it
Re: Why Am I Broken? - 2018
Congratulations Mrs Howgate! It is always so special to see a BFP on the broken thread. Just a polite reminder how difficult you found other people's bfps, I think MrsGB and Kirbe have been incredibly gracious in helping you celebrate yours, but going forward maybe show other people the consideration you asked to be shown to you? When people in the infertility community on Instagram announce they often post "trigger warnings" etc so as not to upset people. It may also help you build relationships with the ladies in the due date threads, I know the ladies on mine were a great help to me.
Here's to a happy and healthy nine months! Xx
Re: Editing posts
I went for no time limit. In all honesty, no one knows what the future may bring and you may want the option of taking down any posts that could identify you quickly, without having to wait ages for the Y&YW team to do it for you. Especially when a lot of us are posting photos of ourselves. For posters own security I think there should definitely be zero time limit on editing or deleting posts.
It would actually be really great if we had the option to delete spam posts from any threads we have started too. There are a lot of spammers ruining people's planning threads and wedding reports with inane products and spam messages.