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Who Is Paying For Yours?


As you are all young brides to be, I was just wondering how your wedding is being paid for?

I could not afford to pay for the wedding I really want if I had to, me and hubby2b are both 22yrs old and bought a house last year and we have a massive mortgage.

My Dad is paying for the whole thing, and my h2b parents have not offered a penny (which I think is really unfair of them) in fact my parents paid for our whole engagement party too and h2b parents did not even get us a present!


  • rosemary20ukrosemary20uk Posts: 2,377
    Hi love, you are not alone! We are both 21 (will be 22 at wedding) and my mum and step dad are paying for everything. Except rings which are our responsibility (luckily my dream ring is gorg and a great price).

    I love that they are helping us out and I am so grateful, otherwise i'd have to wait 10 years!!!

    His parents/family have contributed nothing, infact I got told 'we're not going to give you a present, you're too young'. Nice. They have no faith in us and see weddings as a formality, the legal bit before children.... not as a party or wonderful celebration. I am not inviting them because they will look down at me and my family for spending so lavishly on 'a day' as i'm frequently told.

  • young_brideyoung_bride Posts: 545
    heya! my h2b is your age, 22, and im 19 so we would have been having a very low key wedding which we'd be happy with but fortunately my nan gave us 4k so thats been our budget exactly. my h2bs parents really wanted to help out but have no money but got us a wardrobe which we really needed. it was so good my nan gave us this money as we were able to treat it like our own and do things exactly how we want them. hopefully, it'll work out okay, starting to worry about it now its so close! we've had lots of friends help tho, our vicar is a close family friend and has given us his son whos a trained photographer as a wedding pressie and my friends mum is making our cake. there's loads more things like that, we've been blessed. xx
  • rosemary20ukrosemary20uk Posts: 2,377
    Oh how lovely young bride! Sometimes it just all comes together doesn't it! I am soooo looking forward to hearing all about your wedding and seeing some amazing pics!! You must be so excited!!

  • rachaelm1ukrachaelm1uk Posts: 446

    We are both 21, bought our own home with a 100% mortgage at 19, so havent really got much in the way of savings lol!! my dad gave us a quarter of the budget, which i am very grateful for as my dad hasnt got an awful lot of money, my mum is paying for my dress and the rest we are paying for ourselves!! We only have a small budget as we have lots of people doing favours for us and doing things towards the wedding instead of buying a gift for us at the wedding (eg- paying for church, making cake, going to france to get the alcohol etc) which is all helping towards it, otherwise we wouldnt be able to afford it until at least next year!!

  • KeernanKeernan Posts: 33
    Heya, im 23, H2b's 22 and we have a 16 month old son. My folks gave us £3k, h2b's mum gave us £2k and we've put in about £9k. Only managed to save so much as wen I was on Mat leave, my wage dropped by about £1k a month and since I went back to work, we've pretty much stuck to living on the maternity pay budget and have saved the extra £1k a month for wedding. Xx
  • MrsC2beMrsC2be Posts: 140
    honey you're not alone! My parents said they will match what me and H2B put in (about 5K) but H2B's parents said they ''may chip in for a limo'' which is really unfair- it's not like they cant afford it but they said they need to pay entirely for their daughter's wedding. She's 16 so wont be marrying anytime soon and i dont think her H2B's parents will expect to pay nothing!! grr! We also didnt receive an engagement present off H2B's parents and not even a card off his grandparents- they apparently think we're too young (20 and 21 and getting wed in 3 years). But my phrase is ''no pay, no say'' so i'll be getting my revenge with the guest lists, seating plans and not letting them have any say in the wedding planningimage

    x x x
  • rosemary20ukrosemary20uk Posts: 2,377
    Ha ha 'no pay no say' thats amazing!!! I will def use that with H2B family!!! They are totally useless, don't care about any aspects of the planning at all and never discuss anything because they don't see it as important and 'just a day'.... hmmm something tells me they won't mind missing it then?

  • i have to say our parents have been brilliant, h2b's parents have been brilliant and although they haven't paid for much, they've loaned us £7,000 to help pay for everything which we're really gratefull for and my parents can't afford much but they've been helping us out wherever they can. Everything else we've paid for ourselves.
  • kyla1105kyla1105 Posts: 2,395
    hi im 23 and h2b is 26 we have 2 kiddies 3 and 6 we are paying for the wedding ourselves .h2b parents offered to help but we would rather pay for it ourselves as we have never had help before we would rather not start now .quote" i think it is really nice of people to offer in helping to pay for the big day and if we could not afford it we would obviously accept very gratefully . i must say in responce of helz15 its lovely for someone to offer to pay but i dont think you can b annoyed at h2bs parents for not offering to help out it is your decision to do this and you shouldnt just expect them to give you money for it , its not nice of them not to get u an engagement prezzie though xx
  • H2b and I are paying for most of our wedding. My mum is getting me and my bridesmaids' dresses, but I am paying for flowers and tiaras etc

    His parents made a (tiny) contribution and both my gran and my dad might pay for a set thing, like catering or champagne. A few family members are using their talents to help out, like makign the cake or doing the photos.

    Basically we thought that the more we pay for, the more say we get in how we want the day. If we let people pay for everything we'd have loads of guests we don't know, lots of stuff we don't want and the whole thing would get out of hand.

    It'll be a struggle paying for most of it ourselves, but that's ok. Character building!image
  • Hi I am 24 and H2B 22, we brought our house with a massive mortgage last year, Our parents have both put 1k in each but we're paying practically the whole thing ourselves. We've been saving since we got engaged 10 months ago and we have 10 months to go. We just can't go out much at the mo and H2B is doing loadsa Over time!! Oh well, will be worth every penny!!
  • We are paying for most of it I think! I will be 21 and df will be 26 when we get married next September. We don't have a mortgage and will never be able to afford one but still...!

    *My mum is paying for my dress - £850

    *My grandma is paying church - £450

    *My other grandma is paying for flowers

    *My uncle is paying photographer.

    The rest we are doing. I get my 5k savings soon...
  • Helz15Helz15 Posts: 18
    Although my parents are paying, me and H2B are still saving too as we would obviously like to make some sort of contribution.

    I think the reason the In Laws 2b annoy me so much with the lack of contribution, is because its not just a finacial thing, they never ask how the planning is going, the colour scheme, the church we are getting married in or anything. We made a real effort to try and include them and it was pretty much thrown back in my face.

    They don't know how this wedding is being paid for (as they never show any interest), but I do know when they got married both their parents (H2B grandparents) chipped in big time.

    They don't have any daughters, so I thought his mum may miss out on the whole wedding dress shopping thing, so I was even going to invite her along to mine (i'm not now).

    The other thing that really bugs me about the whole thing, is for H2B, his whole life he has paid for everything himself, cars, insurance etc, and his older bother gets everything paid for, his older bro is not married, but I think they would contribute to his.
  • Both mine and my H2B parents have been brilliant. Neither of them (or us) are well off but they have agreed to pay about £1.5k to £2k (said they would help with the reception).

    They will also be helping with other ways, none financial, like making things to keep costs low.

    The rest is being paid by us.
  • rosemary20ukrosemary20uk Posts: 2,377
    Hi Helz... I kinda know how you feel with the in laws. I have the same issue, they just don't give a crap. It's really depressing H2B and he doesn't want them there! They don't know who is paying, maybe they think i've won the lottery and am not telling them. I told his dad where it was (he asked) and i told him and his first remark was 'oh thats expensive'! yeh... my choice isnt it?

    oh well
  • Helz15Helz15 Posts: 18
    Hey Rosemary, thanks for that, it is kind of comforting knowing other people are in the same situation.

    I think that maybe they think I am not good enough for their son, or their family, but then its just not the wedding plans they have no interest in, they don't seem to bothered about anything H2B does, to be honnest I am starting to think its jelousey. And I know that sounds crazy because you expect parents to be proud of everything you do.
  • rosemary20ukrosemary20uk Posts: 2,377
    It's totally the same with H2B!! They tried to stop him going to Uni and following his dream, then they said we wouldnt last once we went to seperate unis' (4 years later here we are!!) then they said why bother getting married 'why not live in sin instead' (nice stuff). It's just some people don't understand do they.... plus it's different values, they don't place any value on his education or his hobbies (he's a mountain leader)... it's so hard to please them all of the time!

    I wouldn't tell yourself you're not good enough, quite clearly you are or he wouldn't marry you! I think jealously is a majoy factor, my H2B's parents hate him for his education, only coz they didn't go further than a 11+.

    Try to see the enjoyment in the planning, I try and have my very best friends around me doing the helping and not to put too much value on family, otherwise it'll just depress me.

    Oh dear, this hasn't been very cheery. I'll finish with something good..... HONEYMOONS woohoo can't wait :P

  • up till a week ago we thought we were paying on our own but my mom said i was gonna have the best wedding implying she was paying h2b's mom also said she was saving so i guess they're paying now! but we are still saving!
  • BrideToBeeBrideToBee Posts: 1,026
    hello sorry to barge in on your young brde to be topic

    i feel old now!!!!

    but this message is to helz - press my email i will chat to help support you in your diet.
  • MrsKP_MrsKP_ Posts: 2,035
    I'm 23 & my H2B is 27, we are quite lucky with our wedding in terms of people giving us money. My parents are giving us £6k, and H2Bs parents are also giving us the same amount. We will also contribute the same amount. My parents offered us a bit more but we decided to take the same amount as my h2b's parents.

    We also have a large mortgage, but are thankfully both in good jobs so money isn't too much of an issue.

    Although with the way things are looking, we'll end up putting more than 6k in - I'm not so great at sticking to budgets!!
  • magee1984magee1984 Posts: 596
    We've been lucky with our wedding as my parents have given us a set amount of money and said spend what we like of it and keep the rest! We're hoping to still have our big dream wedding and have enough left to get a new kitchen and bathroom in our house!! image
  • jaymiejjaymiej Posts: 28
    My parents and me n h2b are footing the bill! My parents have been really generous to be honest but im a bit concerned thats cos my mum wants to rule the show!

    But i totally understand the inlaw issue! His parents havent even mentioned the wedding, no congrats, happy enagagement or anything. I took the high road and invited them for a meal after we announced it and they didnt even mention it once!!!!

    They dont like me the consider me beneath them despite the fact my parents have better jobs (she never worked a day in her life) and his dad isnt much better but my h2b is so smart and went to uni etc and they seem to resent it!

    When we started dating (at 16) they tried everything to split us up, when we decided on lancaster uni (it was close and did the courses we wanted) they refused to give any financial support.

    They wonder why he moved out at 18 and never looked back!

    I cant be doing with them to be honest ive tried and tried he problems with me are irrational and i cannot be bothered anymore!

    They will recieve an invite because I no deep down h2b wants them there but they will not be involved in the planning !
  • We are paying for 90% of the wedding. my parents are paying for my dress and flowers. To be honest this is more than we could have hoped for and have budgeted expecting no contributions as its our choice to get married. H2b and I both have good jobs, we bought a house earlier this year and saved for that too whilst renting so we're pretty good with the saving. x
  • Im 21 and h2b is 24 (22 and 25 on the big day), Both Chris and I are having to finance the wedding 100%. Neither Chris's parents or my mam have offered, but in fairness I don't expect it, but it would be nice.

    We are having to work to a very tight budget as im down about £800 a month being on maternity leave. Although I do start back in September we will be trying to cope on the budget we have at the moment so we can put all our spare cash into the big day.

  • blondiecocoukblondiecocouk Posts: 4,619
    hey. my parents are paying for 75% of the big day and we are paying for the rest. h2b's parents have paid for anything which has made my mum mad! but they did give us £5000 towards our house. but then again my mum and dad are paying more than double that for their part of the wedding. xox
  • hey

    Im 21 and my h2b is 24 (22 and 25 when we get married) and our parents have not offered yet and I really would like some help to pay but if they don't we can hopefully do it on our own, my gran is already paying for the cake so at least its something. My h2b has a great job and mine isn't so good so we are really tightening our belts and budgetting everything.

  • pot_of_goldpot_of_gold Posts: 5,254
    We are paying for the majority of the wedding although my family are contributing towards it which is soo lovely of them as I think we will really be struggling.

    H2b's family are not contributing.

  • Hi my wedding is not till May 2010 but my parents have offered to pay for the meal and wedding reception (venue is free cos its at the school my mum works at) and me and h2b are paying for everything else (church, dres, cars, honeymoon, rings, suit, flowers, favours, entertainment e.t.c). i think this is fair as i wouldnt expect (or want) my parents to pay for everything and the part they are paying for is a very big part of the cost. Oh forgot to mention, we will be just 22 when we get married.

    Like alot of you, my h2bs parents have not offered to pay for anything, What annoys me is that they are wanting to invite distant relatives who i have never heard of and h2b hasnt seen for years which is just adding to the cost which my parents will have to pay for. we are only having close family and friends on my side but h2bs dads excuse is that their family is alot samller and they want to bulk up the numbers. But it isnt a competition of who can have the most people and i dont think its fair when they are not even paying anything as far as i know! i dont mind these people coming for the evening reception but they want them for the whole day.i think its strange how the old tradition of the daughters family paying for the wedding still happens in so many families it just doesnt seem fair! ok rant over!


    [Modified by: Georgie2010 on August 08, 2008 06:54 PM]

  • libbylou85libbylou85 Posts: 779
    both me and h2b are 23 we have a 7mth old boy and our own house we can afford our dream wedding as we have inheritance and savings but as he is an only child his parents are paying half and my mum the other, his mum has payed for our honeymoon already 2 weeks in the maldieves, and we are paying for our 3 day weekend in NYC after that so we have roughly 2+1/2 week honeymoon.

    we really are lucky, but we will be doing the same for our kids so it balances out.
  • As has already been mentioned, it's your wedding and your decision to get married so why should anyone else pay for it?

    my H2B and I planned our wedding around what we could afford and we've had to make some sacrifices to try to make sure our day is as special and perfect as can be - our whole budget is around £3K as there is no way we can afford a £9 - 10K wedding.

    As for who gets what and who pays for what - if you want it, you pay for it. We'll just be pleased that our families and friends attend to share the day that we become Mr and Mrs.

    That's it - I'm coming off my high horse now!!! image
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