sorry to lower the tone...but...help me with our sex drives?

sorry to lowwer the tone slightly, but its on my mind!



we me and Oh first got toegterh we couldnt keep our hands off each other...and yes its slowed down gradually but its still always been good and still quite regular.



It used to be that OH had the highest sex drive, but we were still failrly compactable....but now he just doesnt want it at all.



I try almost every night to get him in the mood- but hes always too tired, really into a tv program/magazine, or just not in the mood....normally i try a bit harder then give up.



but last night we got into an arguemtn about it...cos even though im always trying and hes always turning it down, he has the cheek to complain that we dont have much sex...so i reminded him why and it got all stressy.



he never lets me touch him either, sometimes its just nice to see a bit of skin, have a cuddle or a nice passionate kiss.....but the kiss i give are always "too much"....and im always tickleing him whenever im tyring to touch or cudddle....which im not.



i know he loves me and finds me attrctive....and i trust him iknow hes not getting it elsewhere....but its getting me down.....it makes it worse as he obviously isnt happy about the amount of sex we have but he never does anything about it, and when i try he hates it.



help me girls?

Posts

  • lozzzy86lozzzy86 Posts: 113
    What does he do for a living? Is he under a lot of pressure at work? I know my bloke went through a 'phase' a around 12 months ago. Turns out, once we'd discussed it, that he was stressing about his job. He wasn't enjoying it and needed a complete change of job.

    Once he left, and started his new job, (he was doing office work, he's now a police officer) the sex was back on the to do list!



    I know the situation may not be the same for you, but it may be worth sitting down and casually asking him about work/ life/ family/ friends. Y'never know, there might be something on his plate that he can't talk about to anyone - unless you ask, he may tell you.



    Hope you work things out chick. Just talk to him and don't make a huge deal out of it too much. This may put him under pressure and i know if i was under pressure to have sex, i wouldn't do it!! xxx



  • When you argued what did he say? I know people are not at their most rational when arguing but as he raised the lack of sex thing maybe something he said might give you a clue as to the problem. How did it come up? Was it when you suggested sex or was it something else that prompted the comment?
  • I hate to say it but its communication and I do find it hard. I get all defensive and accusing ! Tell him how you feel (but dont say "YOU make me feel ...)Then ask him how he feels about your sex life and if he has any idea on what might be the problem and if he has any solutions.
  • hiya girls.

    i dont think its a communication problem, we have spoekn about it openly and honestly with each other....to be honest i think its because hes tired alot....he loves his new job but i think its hard work physically, and he has 45 mins drving trip there and back.the only day we get time together and to relax is a sunday....but recently weve had friedns or family over visiting at the weekends, or one of us has been away visitng friends or family etc. and so when it is just us two at home, theres lots to catch up on, housework, uni work, gardening....so i think we are both a bit stressed out, or just dont seem to have time....which seems rubbish, but i guess it will settle down eventually....



    it feels that the longer it goes without having any "us" time(even if it isnt sex)....the more irritatted we are, and take it out on each other...which in turn makes us less likely to want to cuddle up let along anything more.



    i do hope it all sorts out soon.....iif we havent had sex by sunday then its been a whole month



    i thought maybe a weekend away together, or an evening out just us....but we cant afford the time off work, or even afford an evening out.....what can we do?



  • You dont need to have money for a good time. Just text him throughout the day with little teasers or cook a lovely meal yourself. You could light candles and put some chillout music on in the background.



    Trust me try the txt first, never failsimage
  • thanks mrschapman2b....great advise, and normally id say you were right...i agree that the text never fails....but at the mo it does.

    ive tried that...but he asked why and i said i wanted it to be a little differnt than normal, and romantic....and he said he wasnt in the mood and it was too much.



    thats why i wanted to go out...iwhen we first met it was summer and moon lite star gazing walks were lovely romantic and free.....but cnat do that in winter really......but i wanted to go out to make it differnt, to be close, loving and romantic. i think he feels we cant spend "us "time at home cos thats normal...but it doesn thave t be!



    any other ideas?
  • cathsummerscathsummers Posts: 1,090
    Hi in_love - i sort of know how you are feeling.



    My H2B and i seem to have the oposite sex drives - whenever i want it he doesnt and vice versa! I love having sex with my H2B and like you when we first got together its all we did lol! But i think everyone is like that. The thing with me is when we do have it i have to keep on having it quite reguarly otherwise if we leave it a few nights then it takes alot for him to get me in the mood. It has nothing to do with me loving him anyless - i still get goose bumps when i see him just like i did when we first met. With me it could be medical thing - you just dont know.



    My H2B does shift work and when he is on early's he doesnt want it because he is so tired and is conciuos he has to get up early the next morning.



    I am not to sure what to suggest but i think a night out just the two of you would be great. Is there a birthday or anniversary coming up soon? Re do you first date or something but dont put the pressure on to have sex. He must know how you feel now about it and the ball is in his court now. Just be there for him and see how it goes.



    Sorry for the ramble but i do sort of know how you are feeling x x
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