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We're Making a drastic decision!!

hi everyone,

We are thinking of moving our wedding to july 2009 because we can't wait anymore.. but we're so worried about what my mom will say as i'm still at uni (2nd year) and i have a pgce still. we were gonna get married 2010 after uni and just before pgce... but we just cant wait happily anymore its like with everyday comes more desperation..(sexually) lol ..i always had this fantasy of being a virgin till i get married and we're only waiting coz of uni/ funding for the wedding but i could always use our savings.and have a smaller wedding which was what i wanted in the first place.. help me reason this out..what should we do???


  • I think if you can move the wedding forward financially & still focus on your Uni work then I'd give you the thumbs up image Does your mums opinion really matter? No disrespect but who is getting married, you or your mum? Ofcourse it's you so it's your decision & it's your mums decision wether she stands by you or not image xx
  • BambagirlBambagirl Posts: 7,506
    She might mean that her parents are bankrolling it. Even a modest wedding is an expensive event! If her Mam & Dad are paying for it, this means they might expect more say in the wheres & whens of it all!

    My partner & I are paying ourselves for our wedding, thank God! This gives us ALL the autonomy and decisions for ourselves. We'll invite whom we want etc... But we're an older couple (both 50) so this is easier for us.

    Generally speaking I would think that most parents would be happy if their daughter's wedding was lower key than originally envisaged. However, some parents (especially mothers) are very much into having their 15 minutes of fame, showing off! This takes more money and even a shoestring budget wedding carefully planned so it still impresses takes time! EngagedPrincess and her bloke are wanting to do it so it takes less time and less money. Her mother may well be put out about this.

    Hope it all goes well for you honey!

    Bambagirl x
  • Hmmm this is true Bambagirl....I never thought of that as me & the OH are paying for our weddin ourselves...i din't think that parents paid for their daughters weddin anymore!! image My dad gave me £200 savings I was supposed to have when I turn 21 but said I may need it earlier for obv reasons & my mum has paid for my hair & beauty & bought our weddin bands summing upto £200. But never did I think that parents paid a percentage or even the full price of the wedding anymore image I'm sure if her mum was paying towards the wedding & engagedprincess told her mother that she would like to cut costs & bring the wedding date forward, her mum might splash out on a more lavish outfit :P Ooooh the possibilites to get around the situtation image Let us know how you get on EngagedPrincess image
  • yeah my mom was meant to pay for most of it.. but at this rate i think we could just do without and i woke h2b up at 6.30 and told him his sister could bake our cake and instead of gifts ppl could pay towards the honeymoon he said no i want a lady in a shop to bake our cake...and lots of gifts from the wedding..that just frustrates me i'm trying to cut down..he wants bells and whistles..everyone likes bells and whistles but its not possible especially if mom turns around and says well i'm not paying for it and you can find a new mom too..on the other hand she could realise that its coz i'm quite desperate. thank you guys for your input..i'll ring her up and talk to her about it..and you never know we might only have 8 months rather than 18 months left...
  • Awww isn't it such a pain when all you want to do is marry your H2B & either the mother or usually the MIL2B gets in the way....but instead you have yur H2B on your case & worried bout yur mom image I'm sure it will work out for you image Keep us posted on what your mom says? x
  • I'd go for it, it's better to try & juggle 2nd year of uni with wedding planning than trying to plan the last details of your wedding and doing finals etc at the same time (believe me you will not know what hits you when you get to the final year!) I finished uni in June & just started PGCE, were only in beginning stages of planning but already getting stressed out by the huge amount of uni work we gotta do & planning is a big distraction (I should be doing English assignment now, instead of being on here, oops!) if you explain to your mum that bringing the wedding forward will ease your stress levels and help your education she might be more understanding, hope it goes well for you xx
  • mariehalls, i will keep you posted...

    mrsgriffiths2b true but you know the more i think about it the more i think i'm just being impatient.. i wanted to escape unnecesary guests last week by going to get married in florida but h2b says we only get one wedding so it has to be the real shebang...i'm past the distraction was bad last semester! my grades show it..i got a 2.1 for last year.. but i'll talk it over with mom and hear what she has to say... thank you hope it goes well for you too!

  • pot_of_goldpot_of_gold Posts: 5,254
    H2b and I both wish we could move our wedding forward to 2009 (we are having it in summer 2010) In fact we had a big chat about if it was possible to have a Xmas 2009 wedding as I have always wanted to get married at Xmas but for us it is just not possible, financially or work wise (I am a teacher and cannot get time off during term time)

    I think you need to think about why you are so desperate to move the wedding forward. When I actually thought about why I wanted to move it forward it was just sheer impatience and frustration because so many people are now getting married before us even though we got engaged 3 years ago. We both felt that wasn't the best reason to move it forward.

    I know the whole wanting to sleep with h2b isn't the only reason you want to move the wedding forward but try not to let that cloud your judgement.

    I totally respect your views about that as I know you are quite a religious person but if that is really becoming a huge problem would you consider sleeping with him before the wedding (sorry i know that is very personal) I guess what I am saying is I know you guys are committed to spending the rest of your life together and love each other very much. If finances and your parents are the only reason you cannot get married sooner and not your relationship - would you feel you could make love to him.

    (Again sorry if that is intrusive)

  • amore,

    not at all intrusive.. i would feel too guilty we have thought about it more when we got engaged but its not an option really.. i have waited since we met 2004 so its not long now..
  • move it forward and tell your mum if she cant afford to contribute then u understand and u will just have to have a smaller wedding that u pay for yourselves. we moved ours to july 2009 cos we couldnt wait till 2010 either. its far to long away!
  • I'm dyin to move mine from Jan 09 to Dec 08!! I know it's onli just over a months difference but my god I just want it to be here sooner!! Unfortunately because we're paying for it ourselves & wouldnt have enough to bring it forward by 1 month then we can't do it image We'll just have to wait an extra 5weeks image I couldn't handle it if I had to wait any longer than Jan!! Keep us posted on what your mom says Princess x
  • hi all,

    just am update...

    just got off the phone.. spoke to h2b's mom she is ok with it as long as it doesn't distract me from uni. my mom on the other hand... it just so happens that my big sis was visiting.. when she got married no one was one knew well she told me but kept it underwraps. and in time everyone was ok with it but it was a big scandal at the time... well i just told my mom that its the right thing to do and i'd rather do it now than wait and for us to sleep together..her response? she said its coz you guys spend too much time together...which isnt the case we only see each other at weekends and on thurs (date night) so cut down on the days you see each other and talk more on the phone.. its just 12 more months! i said its easy for you to say... she said talk to your sis being married and studying is hard work..i said i know. she said so pray about it and wait ok? i said ok bye...

    but i will be going on with 2009..already emailed the church to see if any saturdays are free..
  • Good luck whatever happens princess! If you're successful with bringing it forward I'm sure you're mum will come round to the idea, lets face it, mums don't like to be left out when their little girls get wed! We'd love to get married next year instead of 2010, but it's not possible due to the fact the h2bs parents are paying! I'd get married tomorow if I could, but it's like they say, All good things come to those who wait image
  • so true sara2010! so true!
  • So Princess....your wedding is on for 2009 then? :P It's all going ahead as you wanted? :P Oooh I'm gettin excited for ya!! Don't keep me in suspence image I've got 100days to go according to my countdown on here image x
  • hi!

    yes i am getting married in 2009 now! my mom's not pleased though but i talked to our married friends..they are older and they think its a good idea. they also said that you dont want to start your marital life with your mom making decisions as it'll never stop.. but its a bit upsetting that she's not supporting me. ..
  • aww well done really happy for u. when in 2009? x
  • She'll come round princess, it's like I said before, she won't want to be left out! It's a mums perogative to be over the top about things, she'll calm down and want in on the action in no time! x
  • Don't worry about it Princess. She'll soon see that her baby daughter is growing up & she'll support you all the way. Me & my OH are having trouble with our families (both sides) & it looks like our guest list may have dropped to about 6 people who are actually being supportive of us both & happy for us image It will all work out hun, I promise you image Has the Church got back to you yet with available dates for you? x
  • oh no mariehalls how do you cope with that? i'm dreading going home as its reading week...but i have to as i just want to get the falling out over and done with...
  • To be honest Princess, it's worked out for the better because I liked the idea of a small intimate wedding (plus it's cheaper as don't have to feed as many mouths :lolimage I just din't expect it to be this small!! But it's not about how many guests that turn up (aslong as we have 2 witnesses), it's about me & OH saying our vows & declaring our love for each other image Wooop!! Only 100 days to go image x
  • ah thats good then..i'm really close to my mom and so falling out with her over this is very upsetting! but i'm doing what i want! at the maximum its 317 dats left for me!! lol but it could be shorter once we speak to our pastor! so excited!
  • Ooooh!! I'm gettin all excited for you now image I just wanna get Xmas & New Yrs outta the way now so I can do a weekly countdown :P x
  • Just another update,

    Went home yesterday, at first it was a little awkward with my mom but it got better. she didnt talk about the wedding at all. i guess its coz on wed, she replied my text where i told her not to be worried.. she was having a go saying that we said we were going to do a premarital course have we shelved the idea etc she reckons we shud wait but i told her that we arent rushing and we are taking the course (its only 5 weeks long) we are moving the wedding up to where we live so it'll be our pastor and our church.i guess coz i reacted in a mature loving way she really had no choice but to stop moaning... and my pastor told my h2b to come see him on sunday for coffee i guess to talk about the wedding!!! yay!!
  • Hi,

    I'm in my final year of uni and like you, my h2b and I want to marry sooner than the family would like. In fact, we only decided a few days ago, to move the wedding to next month.

    This will mean absolutely no whistles and bells, but it doesn't matter so much, because we'll be getting married. Luckily, both families have reluctantly agreed. It means there are less costs on their hands and less hassle, so they win too.

    If you're prepared to have a really small and simple wedding, I would say you should go for it!

    I have a few weeks to get my dress sorted - I'll be getting my tailor to sew it, so it should cost no more than £100 (possibly less!). If you're serious about getting wed soon, I'm sure you'll find ways of making it happen, whilst making the day just as special as it might've been if you'd had lots of time.

    Good luck!
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