money

hiya.

Me and my OH arent officially engaged yet, although spek about it often and feel as though we are.

we have not told anyone that we plan to marry, althoigh im pretty sure its quite obvious.

I would love to get engaged now to get married in approx 1-2 years time.

however, im a student and oh is on low income.but he is insisting that he wants the wedding to be paid only by us alone.Although i dream for my perfect wedding i have done some research on how else we could get married for less money...but he says that he knows i dont really want that wedding, that i want my dream wedding and he wouldnt marry me unless it was my perfect day....yes i would love my dream big wedding, but at the same time i want to maary him.



The thing is, we know we cant afford the big day that he wants me to have, and wont be abelt to afford it within the next 2 years, although we are trying to save. we dont want a relaly long engagement, so he wont propose offically until we know we can soon afford it.



However, i know that if we did get officially engaged now, that my parents would want to pay for most of the wedding....and could comfortably, meaning i can marry the man i love, with my dream wedding, and my oh doesnt have to worry about money for it.



But he is so stubborn, he doesnt want to let my parents pay, he says it their money why should they pay for us to get married(which i agrree with), but they are, have always been, very generous, and i think would even be insulted if we didnt let them pay. but at the same time, this is just my opinion of it all, they may turn round and say they dont/cant pay for any of it....but obviously they wont say whether or not they would until they know we are engaged.



the funny thing is, oh is happy to accept money from his dad. he will be seeling his house in a few years time, and although money is tight for him and his new wife, he wants to give the money from the house to my oh and his brother so that we can buy our own home instead of renting. and that will be more money than my "well off" paretns would spend on our wedding...i dont understand his logic.



sorry if this is confusing, but i needed to let it out. i want to get engaged and show the world how much we mean to each other, and marry the man i love, and i hate it that moeny is why we cant...or wont!



Posts

  • Hi, i feel for your confusion, maybe you could consider a 'loan' from your parents, so you are paying for your wedding- yes its on borrowed money, but then be paying it back over a bit longer than the 1-2 years you said you'd save for?then youre paying for it really. hope you get some clarity on this soon xxx
  • LottiukLottiuk Posts: 1,083
    Cant you come to some sort of compromise where you pay for say half and your parents pay for half? and then the money from h2bs dad for the house would like his contribution too so basically it is a 1/3 each. what is fairer than that??



    Plus your h2b will propose when he is ready, he might be just talking about the money to put you off to make it more of a surprise...



    finger crossed it all works out!
  • i'm sorry u feel so confused, maybe u could let ur parents buy u your dress of your dreams as this is your decision and not oh's so u will be able to get the dress of your dreams and dont have to worry about what the oh says about how u paid for it as it is a gift to u from your parents!

    Hope u clarify the situation soon! xxxxxx
  • We have just got engaged and made it quite clear to everyone that we want to pay for it ourselves too. However, and it may take a while for your OH to understand this, the brides parents do want to contribute as much as possible because you're their daughter.



    I have found with my parents that they want to pay for specific things, like my dress and wine. Maybe explain to you OH that your parents will want to contribute that way. Saying that it has always been your mum/dads intention to buy your wedding dress might make him see things differently. You are their daughter after all!



    If he really doesn't understand and you feel like you really have to make a point refuse to buy a house with his dad's money. As he said "its your Dad's money, why should he pay for your house?"



    As for budget - I am finding that my dream day is more so because I am doing so much of it myself. People will disagree but I find doing things personally and uniquely makes it much more special, rather than having what everyone else has (which is loads more expensive).



    Good luck!
  • I agree with CharlotteLB, i have made my own inviations and i will be making my own centrepieces etc just so that my wedding is unique and special to us! (Plus it does keep the cost down) Bonus! XX
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