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Graduation and Parental Woes

Hi girlies,

Rant alert!!

As some of you may have gathered on here that my Dad and I have never really had a nice loving relationship.

Well the last 9 months I have been finishing some uni work. My dad has felt that he needs to be involved every step of the way, insisting I email my work to him at regular intervals. I failed my final yr at uni, partially due to a university cock up which I have now been working on. Since finding out I failed everytime I have spoken to my Dad he has lectured me about being a failure, if I ever went out he'd moan for days that I should be home studying. I had my in-laws to be over for Easter Sunday evening meal and he has winged everyday about it even though I spent the whole day working on my uni stuff.

Anyway this morning the Graduation pack arrived, I phoned my Dad with my Graduation date and he turned round and said oh I'm dubious about putting the date in his diary as I'm a screw up that doesn't work hard and will probably fail again. He then said I suppose this'll be more expense and I said yeah if he wants photos and he said well you can pay for it all. It's not the money - he's a millionaire. It really upset me and I don't even wanna go to Graduation as he's just been so mean and rude and don't want him there.

Am I being silly?



  • you are not being silly at all!

    i know coz your dad is probably my dad's twin!

    they never admit when they are wrong!

    you are fixing it thats what matters...concentrate on the positives... i failed my AS year at college mostly due to picking subjects my dad wanted... and i was absolutely distraught but all he kept saying was "what would the public think" i just picked new subjects and at the end of college i had 3 B's to go to my first choice uni with...

    at the moment my dad sent a text at 2am saying there will be no wedding except he formalized it..we're talking 3 months down to the day..i just said to h2b that there will be a wedding coz its not his decision...

    my dad is a surgeon so he used to controll with money but now i'm over that and willing to take a tuition loan to pay for last year at uni.. so no power.. i just think focus on your future.. work hard at uni and be a great person ignore the negativity..

    goodluck hun! x

    p.s if you need a rant again you can email me..
  • Definitely a Dad twin. My dad is very wealthy but insisted I paid my own way through college so if I screwed up it would be my money I lost. And same with the wedding. He's already made us change the date and now wants us to go for his choice of church and venue even though he's not paying for it or even helping organise.

  • i say sod him in the nicest possible way...

    my dad's not paying for the wedding either... we are so i don't see why he thinks he can control it... its not like he's been there either... although he denies that as he thinks being a dad is dhl'ling half the argos catalogue toy section to you... my parents split when i was 5 and he's been dipping in and out of my life when it felt convinient for him, now i'm grown he suddenly things he can play dad... not gonna happen..

    congratulations on graduation!!

    i have one more year b4 i can get my degree...

  • My Mum is the same and I have got to the point where I have stopped planning for our wedding it is causing so many problems and arguements! My Mother thinks by paying for a small portion of the wedding gives her the right to call all the shots. They have never done anything for me, I paid myself through Uni and paid for my graduation myself too. I'm really been pushed to my limit too, you have my total sympathy. Who needs enemies with family like this?

  • so mum was like that up to a couple of monhs ago but she isn't even paying.. she had issues with me getting married at 20..she gave all sorts of excuses but i found out this weekend that its simply because of age and life experience but to tell you the truth i have more life eaxpereience than most ppl my age, and she knows that so mybe thats why she didn't say plus an advantage of marrying young is that you asacouple can grow together and mould yourselves before you get 'set in your ways'.i really hope you both try andignore the negativity and focus on the reasons you are getting married in the first place! x
  • So true. My Dad still says we're too young and we were planning on getting married at 23. The same reasons your mum gave. But I think it's daft, without wanting sympathy my childhood wasn't particularly easy and I was a full time carer at one point. I don't know what else I need to experience. I'm not like most people my age, I'm not really a fan of clubbing, I hardly drink, my sort of holiday is a luxury beach holiday where I can get spa treats and just lay on the beach. It seems daft that my Dad keeps saying how well he knows me etc, but considering I haven't lived at home for 3.5 yrs I really do doubt that.

  • now im not being funny. i honestly dont mean any offence by this...cos you are deffinately right in not wanting him there, he is treating you badly and not being fatherly. To me a dad should be supportive, but honest. Even if he thinks you are going to fail again he should be saying it in a positive way, like focusing on the good points and helping you in the bad....but not being nasty.

    However. We are all young on here... but alot of you girls sound a little spoilt to be honest....some of you sound really narked off that youve paid for yourself through uni, almost as though you expected your "enemy" parents to pay for you. You should be proud of your self. they are probably proud of you. and id bet they have not helped you financially through you as one, its your education and your choice, and financail loans are easily available. and secondly parents are there to support you..that carries on even when you move out....they are there to bring you up to be responsible adults. allowing you to make decisions and pay for yourself is all part of that.

    Maybe your parents wouldnt be "enemies" to you if you treated each other with respect. I know its hard...ive been there, i never used to get on with my mum all that well. but ive taken my time to understand her point of view(even if it isnt the same as mine), to treat her with respect and to appriciate her. Its made our relationship so much better. I dont ever expect anything from my parents, but i know they are there if i need them

    They also have not paid for me to go to uni...ive done it myself, and im so proud of it. and im proud for my parents for bring me up to respect the value of money, to work hard and appriciate life.
  • in love,

    i totally get where you are coming from. and i want to say congrats for your new found relationship with your mother.


    there are other parents who aren't as reasonable as yours. and i wouldn't call myself spoilt as i have 3 jobs because i didn't want dad using his money to control my life anymore, your parents might be there for you but there are parents out there who don't like to see you be independent and aren't happy when you succeed. so i think its a little unfair for you to just generalise when your situation might as well be different from other peoples situations. i have to be honest and say that when i read what you wrote it did touch a nerve but i'm bound to be sensitive about it so i apologise if it comes across a bit too harsh
  • I agree. I am not spoilt,my parents haven't paid for anything in over 3 years (how long sice I moved out). I treat my parents with respect but they don't respect me, I'm nearly 23 and they still refer to me as a child. So much so that recently I went to an event at my parents church (which they started going to after I moved out) and the people there thought I was about 10 from the way my parents described me.

    As for proud, they never are. They only tell me about failing stuff at uni and even though I'm getting married they still introduce my h2b as my little friend. Not even boyfriend.

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