Why Am I Broken?

Morning ladies,

 

I thought I would kick off a new broken thread for those of us that are still broken

 

My latest is - I think the witch is on her way soon (what a bloody surprise!) and our next hospital is Saturday - FC this is where they will tell us its going over to the actual IVF Clinic to get the ball rolling

 

Love to all xxxx

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Posts

  • KirBeKirBe Posts: 1,084 New bride

    Hey Mrs GB

    Glad you made this thread. I feel a slight fraud since as you know I'm not doing down the route of tests or anything yet, but I have been TTC since May 2016, and it's only now I feel like I'm actually getting semi regular cycles. I like the normal TTC thread but sometimes it's hard seeing people come and go all the time while I am just still there. Of course I am happy for those ladies but at the same time when will it be my turn?!?! I'm sure this is how all of us long termers feel. 

    Update from me: CD17 today, the last two cycles I ovulated on CD25 so hoping it will be the same again this month. Getting impatient and surrounded by pregnant women 

    FC for your appointment on Saturday xx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    KirBe - I know exactly what you mean its tough sometimes.  As much as I am happy for others its still tough when its not me.

     

    I am glad your cycles seem to be settling a bit - I do have everything crossed that it will soon be your turn but you are always welcome here and to message me as mentioned previously.  Not sure how much help I can be but sometimes an understanding ear helps

     

    Thanks hun - I will update with the outcome of Sat as soon as I can xx

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134

    Hey ladies,

    Just to say that I am here and I am reading but will continue to lurk until we get our test results.

    Now onto Cycle 12 and feeling pretty hopeless about it all – but got the usual surge of hope as I enter FW! I think stress is a big part of the issue for us as we’ve both got demanding jobs – but I’m also not prepared to sack off my career for something that might never happen (know that might not be a very popular view but that’s me!) – and also thinking that we might need the cash if it comes to needing IVF as we are pretty independent people. I start a new role at work in a few weeks’ time which should be less intense so hopefully that might make a bit of a difference.

    How is your hubby doing MrsGB? It must be hard for both of you to deal with the issue that has been identified and people can be so insensitive about MFI. 

    xx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    Tadpole - I have everything crossed for positive news following your tests!  Keep us updated.

    Sounds like the job change may help with stress levels so FC its all steps in the right direction.

     

    Hubby is doing ok, he stays strong for me I think but I can tell its breaking him inside.  He isn't much of a talker of his feelings but I can see it in his eyes that he is hurting. Its not easy and there are already days where I am not sure we can do this but seeing others go through it and have such success spurs us on as its all we want.

  • TheLegacyofMrsMTheLegacyofMrsM Posts: 2,187 New bride

    I'm sending you and MrGB lots of love MrsGB. Nice to hear from you Tadpole, I have everything crossed for you and your test results. If you syill enjoy your career then sticking eith it is 100% the right move for you. I gave mine up to focus on TTC, but my stress levels were unhealthy and I hadnt enjoyed it in years. I do kiss the money though, I get headhunters ringing and mainly just wish that it was still what I wanted. My SIL was telling me about a consultant at the Portland who is one of the countrues leading fertility specialists, and she had friends of friends who had been TTC for 3 years, been on Clomid etc, they go and see her, she tweaks things and they fall pregnant straight away. It's £395 just for a consultation with her, back when I was working properly we would have just been able to go straight away, whereas now it has to be a much more thought about proccess and will involve saving. Kirbe, I am confident we will all get there in the end, whatever routes we have to take.

    I found it hard in some ways that my husband was given such good SA results; he's a heavy drinker and he smokes so we both expected there to be room for improvement. Initially it was a relief, but then the pendulum swings the other and I start blaming myself for the fact it hasn't happened yet. This is month 13 but we have had a couple of months off. All my tests are ok, but it's this little endometrial cyst that niggles at me. You can't have an endometrial cyst without having endometriosis... and that affects fertility in 30-50% of women. I have no symptoms but the cyst is definitely endometrial! Such an emotional ball ache. Mentally I really don't want to be in a broken thread, but I do feel like I drag the TTC group down with my bodies shenanigans. I'm CD1 today.

    Sending all you ladies lots of love, I'm glad we have each other xxx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    MrsM - Thanks hun same back to you.  I am sorry the witch got you, I had high hopes for you this time around. xxx

  • KirBeKirBe Posts: 1,084 New bride

    Good to hear from you all ladies.

    It is a bit horrible to be in a 'broken' thread but at least we are here together. I was personally starting to find it really hard in the normal TTC thread. I'll still lurk around in there even if just to offer any advice or kind words to the other ladies, but I was struggling with seeing people get BFPs as awful as it sounds. I hate that about myself, I hate that TTC has made me bitter  I try and be happy for people but inside I am just so angry and sad that it is not me.

    I too find myself feeling more optimistic as ovulation approaches normally but this time I just don't have it in me. Beaten down by too many baby bombs I think. I just really hope this cycle is 38 days! I know that sounds crazy since obviously that's quite a long one but I just really want 3 regular cycles in a row. I will take regular over length. I'm sure back in my early 20s when I wasn't on the pill my cycles were around 35-38 days, so I will be thrilled for them to just settle there and take some of the guessing out of it.

    Tadpole - FC for your test results hun xx

    Mrs M - Sorry she got you. Do they do any particular tests or anything for endometriosis?

    xxx

  • TheLegacyofMrsMTheLegacyofMrsM Posts: 2,187 New bride

    Kirbe my husband keeps on saying to go back to my GP, but as we have already been referred to the fertility clinic, I don't really see the point? If I didn't have that pesky cyst I would have no signs at all, so I don't really know what to do. 

    In my head I've renamed this thread the Hardcore TTCers lol, I find that a bit easier to process. I'll still go on TTC to offer advice though. MrsTwizbe messaged me about 6 weeks ago and talked to me about her journey and I found that so helpful. We genuinely will get there ladies. I am trying to stay positive, but I feel quite low. I didn't talk to my mum about what was happening this month as I feel like all I ever do is upset her, but I've missed her. I'm starting to think something might be wrong with my hormone levels, my progesterone came back ok on 2q day bloods, but I respond so strongly to a progesterone surge and then it just trickles out. I was so ill last Thursday morning with my swollen boobs and vomming, but by Friday they'd deflated slightly and vomming stopped, I didn't get an implantation bleed on Saturday 12dpo and by Sunday felt completely normal (still booby and veiny, but normal) So I think I knew AF was going to arrive. It's another month past with nothing to show for it though. 

    imageimage

    For all of us lovely Hardcore TTCers xxxxxx

  • MrsE2016MrsE2016 Posts: 1,206 New bride

    Don't disappear from the TTC thread ladies - I'm nowhere near where you are (month 6 of TTC) so won't be joining this thread but i'll miss you all!

    I'm also starting to find it hard seeing people join & get their BFPs straight away. I had to be very restrained last month as someone posted on the thread for the first time saying they'd got their BFP, it kinda felt like they were gloating a bit/rubbing it in, but maybe thats the crazy in me! 

    Loads of baby dust to you lovely ladies - you'll all get there & have your beautiful babies whether its with assistance or not xxx

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134

    I won't be disappearing MrsE as I feel like at this stage in my own journey I have some wisdom to share but at the same time - I think that talking about doctors and assisted fertility can scare others away so will save that for here! 

    Thanks for the kind comments ladies, I am pretty worried about the test results as just cannot see what we could be doing more of and we've not had any sort of hint of anything happening. 

    Sorry to hear about AF MrsM. With the symptoms that you have I think it sounds like your progestrone level is just fine - and obviously your bloods were fine too. In terms of the cyst - you did say that it was causing you considerable pain - can you not go back to the GP on that basis?

    It is such a wet and miserable day here - not helping my motivation levels! 

    xx

     

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    KirBe – I agree it was hard to be in there sometimes, I hate the way TTC has made me even towards one of my best friends.  I sat and cried the other night because I just felt a horrible person but its normal (apparently!)

     

    MrsM – Maybe I should have called the thread that!  I would say the next one can be that but I am hoping none of us will need a next one! Like Tadpole says can you go back to the GP about the cyst causing you pain? Xx

     

    MrsE – I wont disappear totally just save my Debbie downers for these lucky ladies! Xx

     

    Tadpole – Try not to worry about the results I am sure they will be ok and if not the Dr will start you on the right path to assist.  It wasn’t easy when we got the news about hubbys sperm, im not going to lie but that was our first hurdle – we cried, we moaned and we dusted ourselves off for the next step.  I am hoping none of this happens for you and your BFP is not far away but always know I am here xx

  • TheLegacyofMrsMTheLegacyofMrsM Posts: 2,187 New bride

    I'm going to go back to the Dr's about my endometriosis, I've read a fascinating article about it:

    http://haveababy.com/fertility-information/ivf-authority/endometriosis-and-infertility-common-misconceptions

    I already have an auto immune disorder as I'm a ceoliac, and reading about bodies rejecting fertilised eggs because of endometriosis related immune problems seems like a sensible thing to rule out at this stage of trying. I know that you have to be careful what you Google as it makes a headache sound like an aneurysm but I think I should push to get more checks on endometriosis. My GP is very understanding and has been happy when I've pushed for tests so far, so I am going to ask about being tested. It's good because it makes me feel a little bit more in control :)

    MrsE I saw this and thought of you:

    imageimage

  • MrsE2016MrsE2016 Posts: 1,206 New bride

    Haha so true. Hopefully practice will definitely make perfect (twins?!) xx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    Love them MrsM! 

     

    We will get there ladies! 😘 Xx

     

    My best friend sent me this - it's so true, doesn't all quite apply to you all yet (hopefully won't at all!) but still some good pieces of advice in here in general 

    http://www.selfishmother.com/lara-ollies-tips-on-how-to-survive-infertility-and-ivf/

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    Oh I must add I don't agree with one part! Some forums (ahem this one!) are fab! Lol x

  • TheLegacyofMrsMTheLegacyofMrsM Posts: 2,187 New bride

    So the Dr who wrote the really interesting article about the effects of endometriosis had an open forum where you can ask questions, so I asked one about my circumstances and he replied! It's very long and technical and slightly overwhelming. It's a few down, I'm Elisabeth. 

    http://drgeoffreysherivf.com/ask-dr-sher-open-forum/

    I'm definitely going to go to my Dr and ask lots of questions and push for it to be tested! Need to know what is going on down there. Such interesting points! Thanks for sharing the ivf quite MrsGB, after reading his reply it may be more useful that I anticipated! My cyst is 16mm, so over 1cm. It causes discomfort but not pain. Are there any ladies from the old broken thread who have advice about fertility and endometriosis? I feel a tad overwhelmed now xxx

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,339 New bride

    Hi ladies - it's sad the broken thread is back, but it can be a huge support for the long timers.

    mrs m - a really good friend of mine has endo and PCOS. She found out about the endo years before she met her husband / ttc and she had an operation to remove it. The PCOS was found out about a year before her wedding when she came off the pill. It means luckily for her she was able to start treatment almost straight away when trying. I know she changed her diet for the PCOS and had some drug to help ovulation too. She is now 27 weeks pregnant and it only took them 6 months of trying. I don't think the endo had any impact on her getting pregnant it was just the ovulation.

    hopefully that helps a bit? 

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    MrsM - Ive had a quick read and I cant imagine how you are feeling but that's a bit overwhelming!  I definitely think going back to your Dr is a good step, you need to know more about you personally.  FC they can start giving you the answers/treatment you need! xx

     

    So looks like AF is deffo on the way, my usual spotting is starting.  Im not as sad as I thought but im used to it now and the plus side is today is CD 30 so that's brought my cycle length back down from last month - although I think that was just stress and overwhelming from appointments last time!

     

    At least I can go on holiday and enjoy some cocktails and go to the water park - got to find positives out of this! lol

     

    Baby dust xxx

  • Just a GirlJust a Girl Posts: 276

    Hi Mrs M, sorry to thread hop, but try not to get too disheartened by the endometriosis information.

    I have endometriosis and was first diagnosed ten years ago after years of horrendous pain. Since my diagnosis I have had three lots of surgery to remove scarring due to the pain, but more recently (the last five years) I have learnt to manage it with diet and exercise. I now have no problems with it at all, i.e. no pain or issues with my periods, and in my mid-thirties I have conceived twins naturally and am now 31 weeks pregnant.

    Having endo doesn't have to be a big issue re fertility and it is certainly not a guarantee of fertility issues, but if you are worried then you should push your GP to get you the tests required to ascertain as to what level you have it. 

    xx

  • KirBeKirBe Posts: 1,084 New bride

    Mrs M - I have had a little read of that information and it all sounds quite overwhelming to be honest. No matter what though I think you'll get there and like others have said it doesn't have to mean massive fertility issues but definitely worth pushing to get it looked at just in case. 

    MrsGB - sorry she got you! But always good to look at the positives, if we don't fall this month I know I can go in the hot tub on my holiday so silver linings for when AF arrives are always good. 

    I am getting the first signs of EWCM just the same as last month so fingers crossed ladies this will be regular but long cycle number 3! 

    xxx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    KirBe - Thanks hun but im not really surprised tbh - we know falling naturally will be like a miracle so knew she'd come along but I always hope that maybe we can prove the Drs wrong lol!  At least she is coming now so will be gone for holiday that was more my worry that she'd be late and id be on all the first week!

     

    FC for you hun xx

  • KirBeKirBe Posts: 1,084 New bride

    Where are you going on your holiday? 

    No doubt it'll make me jealous I'm just staying in the UK again this year. Although hubby has said if we don't fall by Christmas we can book to go to Florida in January. Definitely prefer a BFP though haha 

    xx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    KirBe - We are off to Rhodes on 17th - cannot wait!!

     

    Aww Florida would be amazing but I think id take a BFP too!! 

     

    I am really hoping this clinic part starts moving my aim is to be pregnant by Christmas - am I being too hopeful with this?

  • KirBeKirBe Posts: 1,084 New bride

    I don't think so Hun, from what I've gathered from the ladies who have done IVF previously it seems to move pretty quick once it starts. But maybe one of those ladies will pop on with some words of assurance for you 😊

    I hope we all have BFPs by Christmas xx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    KirBe - I hope so from speaking to Dolly it would seem once you are in it goes quickly so FC it works xx

     

    Yes, hopefully wayyy before Christmas - I am still hopeful for you that its not too far away xx

  • KirBeKirBe Posts: 1,084 New bride

    Thanks Hun, I do feel a bit more positive now my cycles seem to be getting more regular but trying not to get my hopes up 

    xxx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    KirBe - Its a step in the right direction and being positive can only lead to better things.

     

    Obviously we all have our days, as demonstrated by me the other day where I hated everyone and wasn't sure I could cope but I know steps are being taken and we will get there

     

    Keep strong and remember we are always here xxx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    Sorry ladies

    I am back for a moan!  Its AF such a bi$%h sometimes!  I hate that I get "spotting" or in my case its "only when wipe" prior to full AF - she is such a tormenting cow!

     

    Got such a headache as well just want it to be home time! Arghh!

     

    Sorry just needed to release that off my chest as im fed up lol

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,083 New bride

    Found this today and thought I would share with you all as I cannot send it to you in person xx

     

    image

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134

    Aww MrsGB that’s lovely. Right back at ya! 

    So sorry to hear that AF is messing you around too – do you know at how many DPO the spotting tends to start? 

    I’m going to have a wee rant too… just so bored of how long everything takes with TTC – like 3 weeks for hubby SA results, another month of 21 day bloods for me and then we are probably going to have to wait months and months for a referral – and its already been a whole year of trying! (I know that’s less than most but) c’mon let’s get this show on the road! 

    I’ve got a reflexology appointment today so hoping that’ll relax me a bit. I think I’m due to ovulate this weekend and hubby is due to be away on Friday and Saturday night so not sure I really fancy our chances much this month but I’m also not going to stop him from going away because we have to continue to live our lives and he has been looking forward to this for months. Might nip home at lunchtime on Friday for some action 

    Thinking that I might just really need a holiday – I’ve only had the odd day here and there off since January! 

    I need a slap and a sense of perspective methinks! 

    xx

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