It's Your Day!

So I decided to start documenting the whole process from start to finish because hey, who doesn't need a memento. I also hope that it will help other women/men who feel similarly, not feel alone because I really did feel that way as I got started. 

Lets begin at the beginning: 

 

30th August 2017

We are currently away for a week of us time before I head back to medical school for the next gruelling year of studying and its going well. We are in one of my favourite places in the world, Aviemore and have been enjoying cycling, walking, swimming...you name it. Love this place its honestly my second home.

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It's been 3.5 years since Chris and I started dating. 3.5 years is a very long time when you have been certain you want to marry someone for most of that time  . But we had talked about marriage and I felt sure that he would propose at some time or another in the future. 

He's been acting a bit funny this week, keeps asking if we can go for a walk in the evening around Loch Morlich, so I'm wondering if I'm a wee bit onto him but hey, nothing is happening so who cares!

On Wednesday 30th, we decide to hike up Cairngorm. It's a nice day, albeit blustery and we get right to the top and have a spot of lunch. It's a bit busy and we decide to find a different route down and head over to one of the dubious paths on the hills by the side of Cairngorm. We get up to the top and I'm standing there thinking how absolutely gorgeous it is. I mean genuinely stunning. And I turn round and there he is on one knee. Obviously I accept, its perfect. Just us! A real moment just for us. And its perfect. 

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But wait, hang on! We are on top of a mountain currently...so before we can do anything, we have to make an agonising 2.5 hour trip back down to the car park...honestly a car has never seemed so far away!
We amuse ourselves on the way down teasing a couple of friends who have always been asking, neither telling them or not. We wouldn't tell them until we had told our families so just a couple of hints here and there were all that was needed. They were going mental and it definitely helped to pass the time. 

We got back to the cabin and made the phone calls and then settled into an evening of just us. We had a quiet night, had a few drinks at the local pub and then chilled on the sofa and played games. And when your phone literally won't stop going, that is all you really need. 

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Posts

  • September 2017

    Honestly, who knew how many people would go absolutely mental about this! It has been an overwhelming response from so many people. One for which we are very grateful and thrilled but still...It has been basically impossible to talk about anything else. Everyone wants to know what, where, who, why, when, how? Which is great, until you have told the story for a million times in 3 days and you are actually a bit sick of it. 

    Have we decided on a date yet? Who will be doing what? OMG stop, I've barely had a chance to breath!! 
    Of course, my maid of honour had been chosen years in advance, and I have to say, I made the right choice. I have lots of really good friends, but A and my mum have been honestly the best thing that ever happened in this wedding, apart from FH of course. I called her as soon as my parents knew and told her straight away. That girl knows how to give a reaction. Love her to bits! 

    That said, I also have a date in mind, 08/12/18...it would be our 5 year anniversary, which conveniently lands on a Saturday. Pretty perfect right...but that comes later because right now we are still mixed up in all this mess and have barely had a chance to process. When university gets going a couple of days later, I was honestly grateful for the break and the structure and function of skin never seemed so appealing. 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,773 New bride

    Oooo date twin if you do have that date!! :D

  • September/October 2017 - The Dreaded Guest List

    We have had a chance to breath and sit down, not talk about it for a bit and now we can chat again. We propose the ideas of a date and Chris agrees that my date is ok, although he's not totally convinced about a winter wedding...I point out in Scotland that summer may as well be winter at times and we carry on with the plan in mind. 

    Guest lists: who actually knew that so many people existed. How many people I know, he knows, how complicated my family specifically is...(too complicated for words, honestly). How do we split this? Do we have a separate ceremony and reception party? My dad seems to think that you have ceremony, reception and then evening guests...this seems like a terrible idea to me. Surely ceremony  & reception or just reception makes sense...a third tier of guests just doesn't seem nice or worth it when we would be asking most people to travel at least 2 hours. So ceremony and reception it is. But then my aunt points out that its a bit shitty to be asked to only one part... ok so that is a 140 people coming to the whole day...hmmm....

    Honestly, I'm borderline introvert/extrovert. I literally can't be put in either box. In the right situation, I'm open, will happily chat to new people, will give talks and get stuck in. The right situation being where I know hardly anyone and have to just get in there. The wrong situation being when I am 100% the centre of attention. 20 people I can manage. 140, that's asking something else entirely of me. 

    Not to mention, I am not a fan of weddings. I was kind of going along with what I was supposed to go along with, what I knew a wedding should be. But I hadn't ever really considered how I might feel about each of the individual bits. Like the guest list, the centrepieces, the dress, the bridesmaids, the whole thing to be totally honest. 140 people seems too much to be standing and doing vows and first dances and all that stuff but hey, we wouldn't do it without these people right...so on we go. 

    Bridesmaids...ok so I have MoH, and then 5 school friends who have been with me thick and thin, from school, all the way through my first degree and then into this one. Wouldn't do it without them. Great. But wait, my cousins (who are all a lot younger than me), well half of them have been talking about my wedding before I could even contemplate any wedding, basically since I was 16. I don't want to let them down and I do love them, but if I have one half, then I need to have the other half... so that's 4. So we have 10 bridesmaids. Excellent. Why can't they be flower girls you ask? Well you see the age range is from 9 - 14...so it doesn't really work. So they'll be junior bridesmaids and we will just have to work with 10....

    Chris on the other hand is having a grand total of 3 groomsmen and my wee boy cousin as a page boy...so we have a very good and even split there 

  • September/October 2017 - Venues galore

    We have a guest list so now we can start looking at venues. We make the choices between the MacDonald resort in Aviemore and the Hilton. 

    The Hilton is a little more dated, but its set out from the main town, its nice and quietly set out in the woodlands. There is a river where we can get married outside (yes I am that crazy bride who wants an outdoor winter wedding) and there is a sufficient back up plan if we can't. It's not quite perfect but its nice, the lady is very friendly and helpful and generally speaking, I'm more than happy with it. 

    imageimage

    The MacDonald resort, is far more modern. But the guy half heartedly shows us around, the outdoor location is between a sledging zone and a childrens playpark and if you listen carefully (not that carefully) to the front, you can hear the dulcet tones of the A9 in the background. Delightful. Their indoor location isn't much better with beautiful big windows overlooking the hills partially obstructed by a rather large roof...romantic <3 
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    Dilema. The MacDonald hotel has our date and the Hilton doesn't. I decide the date doesn't matter that much. Besides the 24th November isn't that far away and it won't be so close to Christmas. 

  • November 2017

    Neither of us are religious, but I do identify as humanist and while Chris says he doesn't its more out of principle of being labelled and when he reads the values he agrees he probably is too. I point out that its more personal if we have someone who takes time to get to know us than a random registrar appointed on the day. So we set out our search for a humanist celebrant. 

    The first guy doesn't have the date, typical. Then I found two ladies and contacted them both. Both seem nice but L has been lovely and friendly. There was just something about her that made me gravitate more. And I have to say. The too-ing and fro-ing of the plans since, she is definitely not getting paid enough. She has been very patient with my panics and freak outs and so I'm very glad to have that support from a non-family member. 

    I've looked at some dresses online. I kind of like what I see but I also don't. I'm a practical person. I like to move and be free. The dresses do not seem that way. But I decide to go and have a go anyway. If nothing else to say I've been. I book a place in Glasgow and then arrange to go to Wed2B in the afternoon. I'll get two different experiences and hopefully get a better idea. 

    I have to say, it really annoys me that you can't just walk into most bridal shops and browse. I'd rather be able to take my time, check out all the options and then decide if I want to bother. But I didn't have a choice. More on the dress later. 

    At this point, the size of the wedding is starting to stress me. Organising the bridesmaids is proving to be a little more than a bit of a strategically nightmare. But its fine, I can get them together on boxing day, or at least they can come in and out of the house for a bit. MoH and I will pick a dress and get a bigger size and everyone can try it on and we will order the size they need. That'll work right. Excellent. (Heads up: it doesn't work like that). 

    We are both excited to share the news. While we have our reservations on the size of the wedding, there is nothing like being able to shout about it. So we send out the Save the Dates, about a year from the day. This was probably the first mistake as you will find out later...

  • Love the beautiful view from the Hilton!  October and November are my favourite months of the year, I'm so jealous of your date!

    Come on now, how about a cheeky ring pic??

     

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,773 New bride

    Ah not a date twin then ;) just wanted to say you're writing style has me giggling, it's like a narrator!

    Person: lets do it, it's a great idea!

    Narrator: It was not a great idea *in morgan freemans voice*

    :D sorry, gone off on a tangent!

     

  • KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

    "Come on now, how about a cheeky ring pic??" 

    As requested here is the ring image

    I absolutely love it. It's simple but beautiful and 100% what i would want. Chris chose it himself which makes it just that much more special 

     

     

  • December 2017 - Dresses 

    Wedding dresses. The appointment to go and look at the dresses has come around. YAY. (sense the sarcasm). 

    I'm a bit nervous but I know what I want. A-line, 100%, straight and simple and as far from the £1000 mark as possible. 

    We find the first place in a slightly dodgy looking area not far from central Glasgow. Turns out the place is actually alright. Not too bad, there is kind of a mish mash of wedding suppliers in one big warehouse thing and they all have their separate bits. 

    The wedding dress bit is not what I expected but I roll with it. I don't get a fantastic vibe from the lady but set about. The first thing she corrects me on is that A-line doesn't have to mean straight... No. So she insists on me trying on this dress that is "A-line" (it is definitely not) to prove a point and I basically die in the freezing cold, with an underskirt on and just me and my undies while she organises this big bushy thing. 

    I should point out that the reason I want simple is I want to be able to dress and pee myself, among other things. I thought, foolishly, that I would be able to get a simple dress, I would be able to do these things. I don't feel that on one of the biggest days of my life, being able to run away and escape to pee alone would be that tall an ask... apparently it is. 

    So the proving-a-point dress is put away and we set about finding a dress that I might actually want to wear. I am instantly disliking wedding dresses...mostly for the many, many types of underskirt that I did not know existed. Hoops here, chiffon there, some weird looking thing that meant I could barely move my legs in any direction...I felt like Princess Mia from the Princess Diaries. 

    I also discovered that I don't care for long trains..."Oh but you can get an alteration to get it put away for dancing". But what is its purpose...why am I getting it for it to be put away? Why can't I get one that either comes off entirely or a dress which even better, has none of these...
    The woman eventually gives up on me and wedding dresses and suggests that I might be more comfortable in a bridesmaids dress...She is right...so we come up with some ideas and agree to think on it while I move onto Wed2B. 

    Wed2B is much more idea of what a wedding dress shop should be. Drag out the ones you fancy, try them on and see what happens. Much better. I try on a dress. It's not perfect...it has one of those dreaded trains but I suppose we can get rid of that. Except bam...nope...it has a fault and they won't sell it to me. OMG I'm going to die. I have spent so much time in my undies today in front of people and they won't sell me the blooming dress. I will take the fault. I didn't notice. But no. We find another semi-ok dress but my skin soon starts to turn red and itch....nope I'm done, I'm out. 

    On reflection of the whole experience, I don't care for wedding dresses and the MoH, mother and I agree that I shall look for a dress that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, that potentially has pockets, no train and reflects me. 

    I have to point out here brides to be. Pick your MoH carefully. A has been the most helpful girl I have ever had in my entire life. She gets me and she isn't trying to push me to just wait until I find that perfect dress. To go to appointment after appointment when I clearly didn't enjoy the first experience. She saw that I wasn't comfortable with the ideas and helped me find ways to make it something different. 

  • I love your ring!  Can I ask if they are sapphires or Tanzanite stones possibly?  I absolutely love both, so I just had to ask.

    I don't blame you on the dress shopping debacle.  You would seriously think that with the incredibly WIDE range of ladies getting married - different ages, different scenarios like second/third marriages, gay marriages, weddings abroad, winter weddings. etc - that the designers would catch on and start making dresses that don't just suit first time brides, that love frouf, and are getting married in summer with a big budget in a vintage/ barn bash.  I fancy something with colour, I'm a multiple-marriage woman, I'm not young, and it's going to be cold in early spring for our blessing - so I feel your pain!

    I'm hoping your next installment is about success in the dress-finding game!

  • Loving reading your thread and can totally relate to the overwhelming feeling of just being engaged and that sudden flood of attention and excitement from others. I just felt so awkward and wanted to disappers into the background! I was very glad when I became old news and could quietely get on with doing what I wanted without everyone thrusting their opinions on me. 

     

    You MOH sounds fabulous and just what you need to keep you sane!

  • December 2017 - Repercussions of Mistake No.1 

    I say mistake no. 1. I'm not sure there has been mistake no.2 yet but knowing my life I'm sure there will be so we might as well start numbering them. 

    So you may recall that I stated that the first mistake was sending out the save the dates. While its not exactly as final as an invite, it's still pretty close to no-take backs. 

    We have gotten to the point where we are just too bothered with the number of people at the ceremony. The whole day is totally overwhelming. There is too much focus on it being a big day and everyone staring at me. "This is your day to be a princess!".Side note; I have never wanted to be a princess...it was the same phrase when wedding dress shopping...princess. If I was to be a princess, I would be Merida from Brave, who gets on horses, runs through the woods, plays with bows and arrows and rips her dress to get the practicality from it. I would make a point of not being part of convention because I can't stand it. 

    Oddly, Chris isn't all that bothered but he can see how much it's stressing me out so he agrees we can strip the ceremony right back. We agree that we will go for the immediate family and a couple close friends each. As much as we would love for some others to be there, there is just no real good way to navigate the politics of who is getting to come to the ceremony and who isn't. It's easier to say that there are like 14 people out of 140 so don't cry about it, you aren't the only one not going. 

    After making this decision, I can suddenly start to visualise the day. I can see myself doing it. And even better, this makes it possible to get married on the side of the Loch Morlich. Chuffed is not simply going to cover it. 

    But we have to now tell the people who were going to be involved that they are no longer. And tell everyone else. hmmm. Woops... Apparently people get really bothered about not being part of 20-30 minutes even when they get a free meal and dance the night away. Here are the key experiences I had here: 

    Bridesmaids: I tentatively find a way to tell my dearest school friends. They mostly get it. A bit upset that they won't be there but I think they understand just how much was too much for me. I'm grateful, they have made this a lot easier for me. I honestly wish they could be there but I can imagine my grandfather saying, you have 6 friends here but not your aunt (and by the way one aunt, really means 6+ others and their spouses and children coming) so yes...no, immediate family only. 

    Jnr Bridesmaids: I phone Aunty L. I explain in advance what I'll need to tell the kids on my trip to London and just say, look I'm sorry but this is what we needed it to be. Turns out, needn't have bothered. Aunty L accidently told them they weren't getting to be part of the wedding because she thought like many others that 10 was a ridiculous number and that I must have said I'd picked my school friends only. So no disappointed children...BONUS. Aunty A will have to wait. I'm expecting a much more emotional response, and if I tell her, then grandad gets told ahead of time and its just a nightmare so... for now, alls well that ends well. Not too many feelings hurt. 

    Now, I might mention as a side note here that my parents, very kindly paid for us a trip to London to go and see Hogwarts in the Snow (been dying to visit this for years) and see Wicked. So the plan was, go down, stay with Aunty L (outer London, Hogwarts) and then Aunty A (central london so Wicked) and then drive back up. Excellent. Great plan, spend time with the families and the kids and some quality time in London. You might get the feeling that this was not this plan was not going to go as smoothly as we'd like and you'd probably be right. </p

  • December 2017 - Repercussions of Mistake No.1 (Part 2)

    We have a great time at Aunty L's. She makes us feel totally at ease about the whole thing telling us about how she ran away and got married in a bikini on the beach (YASSS) and that anyone who has ever had a wedding should understand. She admires that we are taking the chance to be who we are but still being able to celebrate with family and friends. 

    I'm not totally convinced we will get anything close to a similar response at Aunty A's but she has certainly eased my fears a bit. So we set off for central London.

    Now anyone who knows anything ahout having a wedding, knows that its never long before the topic of conversation comes up. We get to Aunty A's and she has clearly had a VERY long weekend. She probably hoped that we were going to give her something to be joyous or excited about...Haahahahahaha 

    If any time was not the time, it wasn't then. But we couldn't exactly avoid the questions could we? So to rip the band aid off or to lie a little in the meantime...we exchanged looks and ripped it off.

    I have to admit, if I had any idea of how the poor carrots were going to be treated, I maybe would have considered an alternative method. I'd actually rather she shouted and got angry. Instead we were met with resounding silence, our explanations trailed into nothing and the carrots got a pumelling. The topic was not brought up on the rest of stay and we awkwardly carried on into the night as if it had never come up. 

    We decided to let it stay that way because Aunty A would be coming up around christmas and we could may discuss it with the support of our parents then. 

    This is the end of my posts for today...coming up in tomorrow's procrastination: Did I find the dress? (who knows, I'm not even sure myself), the continuing repercussions of mistake no.1 and the minefield that is tackling family dynamics in wedding planning 

  • KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

    I love your ring!  Can I ask if they are sapphires or Tanzanite stones possibly?  I absolutely love both, so I just had to ask.

    I don't blame you on the dress shopping debacle.  You would seriously think that with the incredibly WIDE range of ladies getting married - different ages, different scenarios like second/third marriages, gay marriages, weddings abroad, winter weddings. etc - that the designers would catch on and start making dresses that don't just suit first time brides, that love frouf, and are getting married in summer with a big budget in a vintage/ barn bash.  I fancy something with colour, I'm a multiple-marriage woman, I'm not young, and it's going to be cold in early spring for our blessing - so I feel your pain!

    I'm hoping your next installment is about success in the dress-finding game!

    Hey they are sapphires which I am in love with. I love the contrast between the two colours. And agreed, there should be so much more choice for dresses, much simpler and more day to day girl. 

     

  • Miaow8690Miaow8690 Posts: 298

    I am loving this thread. You have a hilarious writing style; I have not stopped giggling the whole way through! Plus, the 10 bridesmaids thing totally sounds like the sort of thing that I would end up roped into whilst going “errrr...” Can’t wait to read more!!

  • Briliant thread.  I feel like you are narrating it.  Good for you changing it to have what you both want

    look forward ti the next bit!!

  • Loving your thread! 

  • Christmas 2017 - Family 

    You might be wondering what the hell I'm doing blogging some more at 8am on a Tuesday morning. I also wonder sometimes myself. But as it happens, like many brides to be, I have an exercise regime and FH and I get up at 6am (yes, ungodly I know) and go to the gym. Today my classes happen to be on campus but not until 9am so I come and sit in the library for the time being. The chances of me doing any actual work right now are about zero percent, so I might as well blog. 

    So we left the story having just returned from a rather frosty trip to London. And by frosty I mean the atmosphere not the weather which was ridiculously mild. 

    Chris and I still haven't decided how we do christmas yet, so we have a lovely little personal christmas of our own where we exchange gifts, have a dinner, have a little merriment and play many games. We then go our separate ways over christmas before reuniting at New Year. We would split one day to the next at each of our parents but the drive is 4 hours and thats a resounding no from me  Next year we are totally avoiding having to choose between the two again and going on our honeymoon over christmas....woops

    So I go home and spend christmas with my parents. My dad was supposed to be working over Christmas but his boat managed to get in on Christmas morning and so I go to pick him up (isn't that just like a christmas story should be? It's kinda cute). We have a fairly argument free christmas day just the three of us with the odd visitor. Obviously the lack of arguments will only last a couple more hours but it's nice while it lasts. 

    Now I mentioned Aunty A was coming up around Christmas. More specifically she was going to stay with my grandfather and so on the winteriest day of the year yet, we head out in the snow to go and have a christmas lunch with them all. Dogs in tow and its madness. Lovely doggy filled madness, but madness none the less. I love it anyway. In my own personal opinion, there is nothing quite like the love, excitement and fun that comes with having children and dogs at christmas. I cannot wait until Chris and I can bring our own bundles of fun into the house and watch the magic happen every year. 

    Anyway, Uncle N decides to take the dogs out for a walk and I decide to go along with him. I'm going in with a tactical mindset, the wedding hasn't come up yet and I have the naive perception that he is more down to earth than Aunty A and might have more of an understanding. Naive is the key word here. Turns out uncle N also has an agenda. 

    We set off on the walk and very quickly, yet again, the topic comes up. Turns out this is the way to convince me otherwise. That it is selfish that we should have the wedding ceremony to ourselves, this is the bit people come to see, why would we do that to them? What is the difference between 20 people and 140 people? For someone who I'm pretty sure works with numbers, or at least I know to be smart with them, this seems a bit of a daft question...the answer of course is 120 people. Which is a lot. 

    I explain it would nice if people respected our wish to have a private moment together; but you have your whole lives to spend together. What about the people who are coming from afar? Well they are being informed in advance and its up to them if they want to make the journey, so far none of them have had an issue. But really its just a party now isn't it? Yes, celebrating our marriage...

    It has been interesting to me just how self-involved people can really be with weddings. I knew Aunty A might be trouble as I recall a conversation with her prior to my engagement where she told me just how upset she had been not to be a bridesmaid at my pa

  • Christmas 2017 - Part 2 

    Apparently I get cut off now...

    It has been interesting to me just how self-involved people can really be with weddings. I knew Aunty A might be trouble as I recall a conversation with her prior to my engagement where she told me just how upset she had been not to be a bridesmaid at my parents wedding. Even though the logistical politics for such an affair would have been insane, thanks to my grandpa and many other grandparents, not being the kinda people to do the marriage and kids thing once (RIPxx). So even knowing the minefield, 34 years later, it would appear they are still not forgiven. I imagine I will be the joke of christmas parties to come or when their daughters get married..."don't do a Katrina". But sod it. This is what we want and what I need. 

    Turns out, while I have been on this walk, Aunty A has been trying to pull something similar over my mum in the kitchen (why is it that women always battle these things out in the kitchen?). Anyway mummy has my back. She explains that she is sorry Aunty A is so devastated but that it's our wedding and it will still be an amazing day. Love my mum. 

    I think Aunty A thinks we are too young to be getting married. Her initial response to our engagement was "Oh but you're so young!". For starters, 25 and 26 is not exceptionally young to be getting married, not when you have been together for 4 years and living together for 2. We have seen the good, the bad, the ugly and the downright disgusting and we still want to put up with each other. Frankly Chris is a saint for even looking at me during exam season when I become a very fragile mental fault line...one teaspoon washed incorrectly and I'm a mess.  

    Because of this, I think Aunty A believes that mum and dad have any more say in the wedding than they currently do. Like some sort of arranged marriage or something...But nope. She forgets. When my parents so tragically didn't offer her the position of bridesmaid, they were also 25...She has one last attempt with my dad over a New Years phonecall to no avail. Game. Set. Match. 

    Much love and respect to the parents here. 

  • Laura812Laura812 Posts: 51 New bride

    Hey, I think we're not only date twins, but also I so agree with you on so much of this!

    I'm completely dreading dress shopping... and when everyone is like "ooooh what're you doing for X" I always reply with *shrug*? I'm the least bride-y bride, and it's completely infuriating people

  • Laura812 wrote (see post):

    Hey, I think we're not only date twins, but also I so agree with you on so much of this!

    I'm completely dreading dress shopping... and when everyone is like "ooooh what're you doing for X" I always reply with *shrug*? I'm the least bride-y bride, and it's completely infuriating people

    Totally there with you girl! Not a very bridey-bride...100% not bothered about the details. The only thing I love about this is the being organised but because I am a massive organising freak who loves to do lists...just wish I was more enthusiastic about what’s on the to do list 😂

  • 1st February 2018 - Flat as a Pancake 

    So I'm going to skip a few bits...I'll come back to them but in the meantime...OMG will I ever be excited about this wedding? 

    I'm so flat and uninterested in any of the details. I love organising so this is clearly a problem. My whole life is to-do lists and notes and files and organising. People have literally got me to organise parties at their own house before because they know just how much I love organising. 

    And yet skip to the wedding and I couldn't give a peanut. It's odd. I'm a very excitable person. I was desperate to get started when we got engaged. And now I realise I just don't care about the details. The majority of the thing is cringey and its such an attention seeking day. I'm feeling awkward about saying vows, made our own or otherwise. I'm awkward about the speeches. I'm not overly fussed about the cake. And I will need a serious amount of alcohol before a first dance is even something I'll consider. Not to mention I will be feeling judged (regardless of whether I am) on my choices for any of these. 

    Flowers are never something I've cared about and yet I have an appointment with a florist. Centre-pieces will no doubt be some #whitegirl #classic #mason jar with fairy lights. Invites can be as basic as you like because I have no desire to spend £100 on stationary (which is my number one love to spend on, show me some good quality 80gsm paper anytime). The dress still hasn't arrived yet but in my mind I'm beginning to question it...(more on that later because there is more to that story). I resent spending £500 on cake. I know, I know its the skill and quality you are paying for and it does have to feed 140 people but £500 on a cake! One which I will barely get a taste of no doubt. 

    And yet FH is feeling quite happy with the whole day. It's a bit of a funny feeling. I'm not sure I'd definitely prefer to elope and forgoe the whole thing because in some ways I want a small fuss. Just not the whole thing that is currently coming at me. Anyway. Feeling a bit down and out about it all and just not excited in the slightest. 

  • Unpopular Opinion - Weddings: A vain day in vain 

    So you may or may not have gathered, reading my many blogs/rants that I'm not all that on board with a wedding right now. Or perhaps ever. The title of my blog is called "It's your day" in a totally sarcastic way because my experience of it so far, is that it is very much not my day. And in some ways it shouldn't be, it should be OUR day. 

    I want a marriage. I want to get that bit of paper and start to build a family. I want to experience the experiences that make a man and woman, husband and wife. I want to travel and sit on the sofa. Argue over whatever crap is on the telly because all he watches is mindless nonsense and all I watch is medical dramas which, by the way, are totally not realistic. I want to experience the hard times with him. I want him by my side when things go wrong and be there for him when the sunrise doesn't seem to come for ages. I want to celebrate the joy of new found happiness. I want to experience the madness of our three children to be and laugh and cry about the dramas that enter the house. I want to spend christmas's with our families. I want a marriage. 

    So the wedding day to me, should be just about us, starting on this wonderful, but private journey together. It shouldn't be airs and graces, it should be plain, simple and who we are on a daily basis. Am I normally in a white dress? No. Is he normally in a kilt? No. So is it really us? Questionnable. And to do it with 140 people watching. It honestly gives me fear. 

    Yesterday it was pointed out to me that even if we ask to keep it private...there will likely be people who turn up to our more public location anyway. And it makes me so angry that people are so self absorbed that they would do that. I know I would be incredibly angry if they did. 

    So the alternative is just to give in and let there be 140 people there. And if we do that, then we can't really have it on the side of loch morlich. And then you have to think about transporting people. And I just really don't want to. But FH is quite happy to consider it. Which makes me think I'm potentially denying him, and clearly a bunch of other people the experience they want it to be. Dad will want to walk me up the aisle. For both personal and feminist reasons I'm against it, that and it's just more limelight. I have dreams about me having panic attacks and not going through with it. 

    I desperately want to be Mrs G, but I feel I am either not ready for the wedding day or I just don't want to ever go through with it. Why can't I just sign a bit of paper now??

  • Ali's goneAli's gone Posts: 544

    I totally get the whole non-bridey, no fuss thing.

    You could just go for a register office ceremony with a handful of guests?

  • Ali S 71 wrote (see post):

    I totally get the whole non-bridey, no fuss thing.

    You could just go for a register office ceremony with a handful of guests?

    I would love to do that. The problem is I am worried I would be denying FH his wedding too. Because it's not just me, it's both of us and I have an inkling he isn't being totally honest about it and there are definite hints of wanting more people there

     

  • Laura812Laura812 Posts: 51 New bride

    OK so I completely get this, but the thing is do you need most of it?

    I (personally) don't mind the people, but we're only having under 75 plus about 10 babies-kids. We're both keen on ONLY inviting the people we'd bother to contact with news, and we're not even inviting all (my) cousins etc let alone people we "should" invite.

    But for centrepieces, do what makes you happy...I think we're going for a poinsettia on each table, because that's completely affordable and low fuss but nice. We don't want to spend £20+ (or who knows how much it'd cost in flowers, or fancy lanterns or bird cages), as it honestly doesn't matter to us.

    Stationary - we're designing ourselves, our save the dates were postcards we got printed on the internet. Our invites will be something equally simple, (on lovely quality card as that does matter to us - I think 50 STD's cost us about £20 to print) it doesn't HAVE to cost so much and no one really cares!

    Don't care about cake? Buy a cake to cut and then some cake to serve up. M&S do some amazing cake bar options and since they cut all the cake up at the back, who cares what it looks like beforehand.

    One of my friends had no first dance (they deliberately arranged to go and take some photos with the photographer as the band was setting up so there was absolutely no way they'd be anywhere near the start of the music). They had no cake (they had desserts on each table for the meal). It was honestly the best wedding I've ever been to as everything they did was because they wanted to - not because they "should".

  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 587 New bride

    Could you invite less people and keep you both happy? I felt the same and still do I'll be petrified saying my vows and scared stiff of walking down an aisle.  Last time I did it was just immediate family and would have quite happily done the same again but P wants the big wedding.  We have compromised and got 60 to the day. Could you relook at your guest list?

    Maybe a sit down and chat about what you both really want, maybe each make a list?

     

  • I guess we can call this further repercussions of mistake no. 1 !! 

    We already sent save the dates to most people so it's pretty hard to be like oh yeah you aren't coming now. And if anything FH decided the other day that he now wants to invite his work colleagues. He swears I never offered in the first place, but I definitely did  men! 

    Anyway, I don't really know how to do it. Because the obvious choice would be to just have family and a couple of friends at the ceremony but then I feel like that makes the day very two tier and to be honest I don't see or care for half my side of the family but there are friends who I'd rather have there. Whereas Chris is fine having his family and just a couple of friends. 

    Politically speaking my family is extraordinarily complicated because there are half sisters and step sisters who are all my aunts (with their partners) but I only actually speak to maybe 3 out of a good 6 or 7. But because of the various parentage of all these aunts and uncles, it would be very difficult to invite one lot without the other because it would cause serious fuss. 

  • Laura812Laura812 Posts: 51 New bride

    OK, so you have a decision.

    There's no reason the day can't be 2 tier. You CAN have a small ceremony and more to the reception. Just make it clear on the invites which will allow people to decide if they can't be bothered coming if there's no ceremony...

    You can also have additional evening guests for things like work colleagues - people travel to parties all the time, just make it clear what you're inviting them to and let them decide.

    You can invite just the family that matter and the friends you want. You can also choose to have an easier life (maybe?) and invite everyone. I doubt in the moment you'll notice anyone else when you're marrying the love of your life though!?

    You two need to decide your priorities and what would make each of you happy. You need to both be really honest with each other, and let that inform your day. Ultimately I'd say focus on the important bits, and let the rest fade away/happen if/when it happens/budget allows!

  • Ali's goneAli's gone Posts: 544

    If a two-tier day works for you both, go for it

     

    I'm a bit confused though.... from the beginning of your thread I got the impression you hadn't confirmed a date or venue yet, so how come you've got as far as sending out save the dates ?

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