Bridesmaids

Sam145Sam145 Posts: 8

Hello,

 

I was juat wondering if anyone has ever had any issues with their bridesmaid not showing any interest and not getting along with the others, ignoring their messages and calls and if so what they did?

 

Thanks everyone

Posts

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,775 New bride

    There are multiple threads on here about this. It normally comes down to the fact that your wedding is just not that important to other people, even your bridesmaids. Best way is to lower expectations and remember they have their own stuff going on.

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 405

    While I agree with what Sadiee has said about your wedding not being as important to other people, I don't think this automatically means you need to lower your expectations. 

    Is this new behaviour for your bridesmaid or has she always been like this?

    If she's normally like this then you can't really expect anthing different from her just because it's your wedding, I'm afraid people won't change who they are for one day.

    However if this is new behaviour for her then I'd suggest reaching out and checking that everything is ok with her and that there is nothing going on in her life that is troubling her. Make it about her and your friendship rather than about the wedding, just while you find out what is going on with her and deal with whatever it may be. 

    I hope this helps.

  • Sam145Sam145 Posts: 8

    Hi both,

    Thanks for your responses, no this is new behaviour and it seems to be causing an atmosphere between the others.

    I just know if I ask her to help with something else other than being a bridesmaid it will upset her and probably jepardise our friendship. But I honestly can't see a way forward. I have spoken to her about her general self and she's says there's nothing wrong.

    I don't exoect her to put her life on hold for my wedding but there's no enthusiasm whatsoever on her part and can't help feeling she doesn't want the responsibility. Either that or O maybe turning into bridezilla without realising it.

    Awkward situation!

    Sam

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 405

    If you ask her to step down as a bridesmaid you need to be prepared that this may cost you the friendship.

    I had a similar situation with one of my bridesmaids, she was totally uninterested in the wedding, barely got in touch unless she needed something from me and refused point blank to try on the 1st lot of bridesmaid dresses. She had a lot going on in her life (which I was supportive of) and I used this as an excuse for her to come just as a guest because I felt the friendship had become so onesided and couldn't bare the hassle of having her as bridesmaid. She seemed fine with this at first but stopped talking to me 2 weeks later and it's now been over a year since we spoke and she removed me from all social media. 

    I had another 2 bridesmaids, one was pretty hands on and the other just got in touch every now and then, but both were responsive to messages regarding dresses and the plan for the day itself. It could be that she would be perfectly happy just being involved in the dress shopping and then told where she needs to be on the day, rather than being a hands on bridesmaid. 

    When you asked her to be a bridesmaid did you tell her what this entailed/what you expected from her? Is she responsive about bridesmaid attire and the parts of the wedding that include her?

     

  • Zoe189Zoe189 Posts: 19

    Ive had my own problems with a bridesmaid which resulted in her being asked not to be and we have fallen out friends. What makes it harder is she was my best friend  of decades. But you learn a lot and if they behave in a way YOU find wrong, then you must say!

    My other bridesmaid has gone on holiday and is missing my rehearsal, although they have lives They have a job to do and should keep clear schedules a week before the wedding really! My bridesmaid has had 18 months to go on holiday and she chooses to go away now ! 😡

    My advice from the most stressful wedding planning in history... ive had the worst time and not enjoyed much of it.... 😂

    The only two people that matter is the bride and groom, YOUR day YOUR rules!

    Hope that helps!

    💋

  • Sam145Sam145 Posts: 8

    Hi,

    No in all honesty I didn't tell her what was expected of her, I just assumed that she would be more involved and appear happier about it than she is.

    She has now also said that if she did come to the wedding, that she would watch the ceremony and leave after 30 minutes because she has had to postpone a family holiday to be present at our wedding. Even though she knew about the wedding 15 months ago.

    I supposed no wedding is plain sailing and would be pretty boring if it was.

    Sam

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,130 New bride

    Can I ask - is your friend married? I think weddings can unearth a lot of negative feelings in people who maybe aren’t where they would like to be - whether It’s sjngle, in a relationship where they want marriage but a proposal hasnt happened, financially insecure where they just resent someone else being able to spend allllll that money on a wedding day etc. It would be nice if people especially those we consider a good enough friend to ask to be a bridesmaid were able to put aside any negative or jealous thoughts for the sake of our happy days but unfortunately some things go deeper and people just can’t. 

    I would try and maintain a friendship without mentioning the wedding for a while and see if things change. Surely there isn’t much you NEED her to do - even when it comes to measurements etc I’d just say I need them by X date and if I don’t have them then I’m ordering your usual dress size and alterations need to be done by you before the wedding day. Try to see It as it being an honour that they’re there to support you on a happy day and you’re thanking them for their friendship rather than that they’re also an extra pair of hands, you can only control your behaviour, not anyone else’s unfortunately, and these things are seldom worth losing friendships over. 

  • Elle25Elle25 Posts: 37 New bride
    Zoe189 wrote (see post):

    Ive had my own problems with a bridesmaid which resulted in her being asked not to be and we have fallen out friends. What makes it harder is she was my best friend  of decades. But you learn a lot and if they behave in a way YOU find wrong, then you must say!

    My other bridesmaid has gone on holiday and is missing my rehearsal, although they have lives They have a job to do and should keep clear schedules a week before the wedding really! My bridesmaid has had 18 months to go on holiday and she chooses to go away now ! 😡

    My advice from the most stressful wedding planning in history... ive had the worst time and not enjoyed much of it.... 😂

    The only two people that matter is the bride and groom, YOUR day YOUR rules!

    Hope that helps!

    💋

    I’m sorry but this makes me so sad :-(

    I’m not sure you meant it how it reads - but this isn’t a job and it’s not just about you... it’s just a wedding, lifetime of friendship and all that...

  • Sam145Sam145 Posts: 8

    No she isn't married and I have thought that it might make her feel uncomfortable being at a wedding single. She also doesn't have alot of confidence and I guess it is a big thing being a bridesmaid.

    Just trying to avoid drama, but you can't please everyone can you.

    I don't think she's even coming now, as she doesn't want to miss her family holiday.

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340

    As a bride and bridesmaid (both more then once!), I've never had or experienced ne expectations beyond cooperate with dress shopping, get involved in the hen doo, and turn up on the day 2 put the dress on an be supportive.

    If ur BMs aren't even doin that then i think u need to have a chat and ask them to step up; but if u have ne more expectations of ur BMs u need 2 be clear from the outset, otherwise its not fair on them or urself.  Its definitely not worth loosinh friendships over

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