RSVP Issue

kitty-kitty- Posts: 121 New bride

so, one of my old friends (who I don’t talk to anymore) has 2 more weeks to RSVP. I’ve sent a text message reminder and she hasn’t responded. Not responded about my hen so my MOH has left her out of the discussion and plans. She was asked if she was going to the wedding and she reported yes to one of my bridesmaids but I feel she needs to communicate directly with me. I was going to send her a text on the day after they’re due back and say as myself and my fiancé havent heard from her we are assuming that she’s not coming and are sending out an invite to someone else (we have small numbers and there were lots of people  we wanted to invite but couldn’t). What do you think? How should I word this? 

Posts

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 815 New bride

    If you don't speak anymore then why are you inviting her to your wedding? 

    It sounds like you're not keen for her to come, I would text now and say "if I don't hear by x date then I'll assume it's a no and will leave you off the seating and catering plans" 

  • VegasLouVegasLou Posts: 821 New bride

    I agree with the above, I would tell her you need a reply by a certain date and if you don’t hear from her then you will assume she’s not coming. 

  • Ambam19Ambam19 Posts: 563 New bride

    Tbh I would just leave it - she knows the rsvp date so if you don’t hear then she’s not coming, I don’t think an awkward text needs to be sent at all x

  • kitty-kitty- Posts: 121 New bride

    I invited them because at the time my friends and I were hanging out as a large group. She doesnt come anymore but that was after the invites were sent..

  • If she has 2 more weeks to RSVP maybe wait at least til then til you start hassling her??

    She hasn't missed the deadline yet!! Is she normally a bit last minute?

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340

    Any chasing or messages about assuming she's not coming *before* the RSVP deadline is just gonna antagonize her - u don't need the drama.  I would just wait, n invite somone else if she doesn't confirm 

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 815 New bride
    Barbie3 wrote (see post):

    Any chasing or messages about assuming she's not coming *before* the RSVP deadline is just gonna antagonize her - u don't need the drama.  I would just wait, n invite somone else if she doesn't confirm 

    Yes, but leaving it till the day of the deadline and then chasing for an answer is stressful on the bride’s part! I would at least drop a hint - you could even say “I know the deadline for RSVPs is coming up so I just thought I’d see where you’re at.” If I’m honest I don’t think many people look at invites or take notice of rsvp deadlines anyway! And surely she has some idea either way by now. X

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340

    Sorry but I know from experience that people get pissed off if their chased b4 a RSVP date.  If the deadline is set 2 allow plenty of time after for whatever needs doin, then there's no more stress and no need 2 chase - like I said, why create more drama and hassle if u don't need 2?

    I also don't understand the need 2 chase anyway - if people want 2 be there, they'll let u know.  If they're involved in the process, they'll let u know.  If they don't bother 2 rsvp or reply to messages about anything else wedding related, then i would just let it go.  

     

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 815 New bride
    Barbie3 wrote (see post):

    Sorry but I know from experience that people get pissed off if their chased b4 a RSVP date.  If the deadline is set 2 allow plenty of time after for whatever needs doin, then there's no more stress and no need 2 chase - like I said, why create more drama and hassle if u don't need 2?

    I also don't understand the need 2 chase anyway - if people want 2 be there, they'll let u know.  If they're involved in the process, they'll let u know.  If they don't bother 2 rsvp or reply to messages about anything else wedding related, then i would just let it go.  

     

    Ah ok. I think we clearly very different RSVP/wedding guest experiences! If I didn’t chase I’d be wondering if half the guests were coming the night before 😂 x

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340

    lol, fair enough... maybe I just got lucky!

  • Mrs2018Mrs2018 Posts: 398

    I know how stressful it is not knowing either way but your deadline isn't until 2 weeks (end of May?). 

    I've sent out invites and my h2b sister hasn't RSVP yet but they have until the end of May so I'll wait until then, send a reminder on the due date and then offer her space if no reply within a week later. 

    They have a very funny relationship mainly due to her partner and the way he has treated other member of the family (my h2b ended up punching him) so I can't presume she will be attending and like you I've got others I'd like to invite but can't due to numbers x

  • shanmia35shanmia35 Posts: 65

    A deadline is a deadline. To say to someone two weeks early: “Well I guess you’re not coming then” is unreasonable - if you wanted earlier responses, you would have needed to set an earlier deadline! Wait until the deadline - then send!

  • SpacepuffinSpacepuffin Posts: 664

    Wait for the deadline. It isn’t fair to chase her before your own invite says her response is due. 

  • kitty-kitty- Posts: 121 New bride
    shanmia35 wrote (see post):

    A deadline is a deadline. To say to someone two weeks early: “Well I guess you’re not coming then” is unreasonable - if you wanted earlier responses, you would have needed to set an earlier deadline! Wait until the deadline - then send!

    Aa i said in my first post, I’m giving her until the deadline and then was going to contact her the day after. I’m just getting frustrated as she hasn’t communicated at all with us and ignored my MOH about the hen party after seeing the message for weeks and multiple attempts at contact and told my bridesmaid that she didn’t see why she’s had to send an RSVP back once she told her she’s was coming. My bridesmaid obviously explained. 

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340

    If ur invite clearly indicated WHO the rsvp was meant 2 go 2, then if u haven't heard anything by the end of deadline day i would just call/text/message her 2 say ur assuming she ain't comin and ask her 2 confirm within 24 hrs so u can invite sumone else instead

  • shanmia35shanmia35 Posts: 65
    kitty- wrote (see post):
    shanmia35 wrote (see post):

    A deadline is a deadline. To say to someone two weeks early: “Well I guess you’re not coming then” is unreasonable - if you wanted earlier responses, you would have needed to set an earlier deadline! Wait until the deadline - then send!

    Aa i said in my first post, I’m giving her until the deadline and then was going to contact her the day after. I’m just getting frustrated as she hasn’t communicated at all with us and ignored my MOH about the hen party after seeing the message for weeks and multiple attempts at contact and told my bridesmaid that she didn’t see why she’s had to send an RSVP back once she told her she’s was coming. My bridesmaid obviously explained. 

    I was disagreeing with some of the other posts suggesting you message her before the deadline. 

  • kitty-kitty- Posts: 121 New bride

    Thanks all you’ve been really helpful 

  • Lauren320Lauren320 Posts: 52

    It's very stressful, and unfortunately I've had the same problem, after my RSVP deadline. In the end I sent them a message explaining that I need to give my final numbers to my venue on (x date), and that if I haven't heard from them by then, I will have to assume they aren't able to make it. Suffice to say, I got a reply in the end!

     

    If you don't get a reply by your deadline, they had a fair chance and I think it's reasonable to extend the offer to someone else.

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