Anyone else feel like throttling OH

This wedding planning I believe could test any relationship or am I on my own here.

My OH has absolutely no interest what so ever in planning, being involved, 5 months off and he hasnt even invited anyone yet and I've flipped 🤣 don't they realise this is the most important day of our relationship.

He had one job to sort out rings and when I say shall we go look it's 'there's plenty of time'. Honeymoon needs to be paid, we agreed to pay half each and yesterday he said 'if I don't pay you'll be going by yourself' just totally lacks any enthusiasm

Anyone else been here, I know men aren't suppose to be majorly excited if just isn't in their DNA but the lack of interest is really getting to me. Currently had a blazing row about it. MEN 😡😡😡


  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    It's upsetting that you are on different pages but I would say in my opinion it's not the most important day of your relationship. It's one day, your entire marriage follows and that will hopefully be full of important moments. 

    Have you spoke to him about how you feel? Maybe you could take a few days break from it and spend a nice few days together doing non wedding related stuff. You may need to accept that he's just not as into it as you are, could he do more practical things, or is he into music or food or anything? 

  • Yeah I feel the same - Although I haven't vocalised it . I tend to get very passionate and will end up , Like you, rowing about it.

    I decided ages ago to just keep my mouth shut, but I also have 5 months left and literally feel like he will show up on the day and think " wow the venue has done a good job of all this"... when it was ME that has done it all.

    I know its hard , but mostly they don't care as much as we do about the smaller things - and literally could turn up on the day and we could have cancelled it all for all they know! haha

    Try not to stress -  its just one day and not sure you can force him to be enthusiastic. Spend time with People who are excited for you and will be happy to help, some men just aren't bothered!

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Same! H2B has no interest. He hasn't got his ring yet, I asked him to be the one to arrange the bar and speak to the company doing it and he keeps trying to pass it off on to me, the suits are paid for but he hasn't let any of his guys know about it to arrange fittings. I asked him for the addresses of some people on his part of the guest lists for save the dates, well it took that long I am not bothering anymore, they will just get the invite because there was no point sending them just 2 months before the invite in my opinion (they have been told the date verbally). The other day I mentioned we had had a random request on our wedding website (a name neither of us know requested access as you need to the code from us to get in) and he said "what wedding website?" FFS!!!!!

    This wedding will be as much a suprise for him as it will be for the guests! What annoys me more is that I wanted to go away abroad with just whoever could make it and have a big party when we got home, but no, he said he wanted the traditional english wedding with all his family and now I am the one sorting it alone. He wanted the church but I am the only one who has gone to any of the services to get us on their roll so we can marry there.

    Just. F*****g. Men.

    Sorry this turned into an angry rant haha

  • Mila-rose3Mila-rose3 Posts: 264 New bride

    Hahaha I'm glad I'm not alone here. He really winds me up beyond words. 

    I recently went to a wedding and the master of ceremony stood up and said 'the level of input from both parts shows how much today was wanted'. Really has been playing on my mind, surely if you want something you want to put all your effort into it. 

    He has also been married before and I keep getting the running commentary on that day and how he done X Y Z.

    Maybe it's me or maybe he is just a d**k 🤣

    @sadieee I'm also with you here. I wanted to go away too but his mother refused to come. So here we have our big castle weddings and ATM she isn't coming because she doesn't like the venue FML 


  • Glad I'm not the only one here ladies...constantly got wait till I've finished uni and I'll be able to help. He forgets that I also work full time, am also at uni part time, planning a wedding and also expected to keep up on my share of household duties...not forgetting paying attention to our relationship, seeing friends and family. Let's just say my life has been mental and I'm on edge... Ties arrived today, he opened them and went mad because his isn't a different colour to the rest. I explained that we spoke about it but he refused to acknowledge that we did. I said to be honest at this point I don't care, if he wants to change it then he can deal with it. He responded that he knew I'd react like that! 😂 I told him if he wants to throw paddies then he should pull his finger out and help more. He said he has tried but I've rebuffed him, called me controlling! I then kindly reminded him what he said about waiting until he finished uni and that when he gets home he should go into our office, open my uni notebook to the back page and he should find a to do list waiting for him as I was worried about broaching the subject with him as he's been so bloody sensitive through his studies. He finished uni last week, final exam. He hasn't even thanked me for my support through his studies and really that upsets me more than anything. Men can be right bloody turds sometimes! Lol 

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,007 New bride

    Ha! You are definitely not alone. 

    Mine is more that H2B just comes up with all these "fantastic" ideas and wants but can't be arsed with the execution.. so I end up running around researching, dealing with suppliers, checking costs, checking the budget, dealing with contracts, deposits, etc... and then he's like "oh I'm glad I sorted that"

    ....... ! 

    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.

    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    The amount of times I have asked his opinion on something, he says 'yeah thats good' or 'whatever you prefer' and then complains when he see's it as he doesnt like it is ridiculous, and he never admits that we discussed it first!

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    While I am on it (sorry haha) it bugs me that he keeps adding to the guest list, keeps getting great ideas, but then complains when we are skint because he keeps forgetting all these things are upping what we need to pay haha

  • Sadieee wrote (see post):

    While I am on it (sorry haha) it bugs me that he keeps adding to the guest list, keeps getting great ideas, but then complains when we are skint because he keeps forgetting all these things are upping what we need to pay haha

    Oh yeah, the OH keeps commenting on the cost of our wedding (less than half of average cost ffs lol). I think he forgets that he has literally not had to pay a penny towards it because his salary doesn't cover his living expenses and a wedding. 

  • AwhelenqtAwhelenqt Posts: 782 New bride
    Sadieee wrote (see post):

    The amount of times I have asked his opinion on something, he says 'yeah thats good' or 'whatever you prefer' and then complains when he see's it as he doesnt like it is ridiculous, and he never admits that we discussed it first!

    This is my oh!!

    When we got engaged the first thing I said was bouncy castle. I found one for a good price and he was on board. He transferred me the money??? So I could book it??? Then recently I mentioned to someone that we'd booked a bouncy castle he was said "oh so we're actually doing that then?"

    I mean generally he's great. He's taken a  backseat for the most part as he trusts my design eye and that lI'll make it amazing but he's haf some input like wanting to do it in Northumberland and the venue he was heavily involved as you'd hope! And he's wanting t sort out his suit by himself and he's had opinions on the food. He's also completely in charge of the honeymoon. But stuff like colours, flowers, the cake, other decorations. He's just not interested.

  • I can't even get my OH to confirm who he wants as his groomsmen!! 

    Although he can't win because he took the lead to look for a humanist for our ceremony.... but then didn't copy me in to any of the emails so I had no idea who he was talking to about it until we had the meeting!

  • Elz2017Elz2017 Posts: 316

    Eek, I feel for you all!

    Mine has been pretty good, is very interested and knows exactly what's going on - he's been properly involved with everything. BUT I am tempted to strangle him when I mention that I'm a little worried about the finer details (stuff like signs telling people where the loos/bar is, buckets to keep drinks cold, you know the type of thing) and he's like 'why are you stressing, everything's basically done...'

    Then I'll ask how it's going with ordering the beer kegs and he'll remember that it's not sorted at all and he really must ring them... 4 weeks to go, argh! 

  • Uch I'm in the same situation! I'm particular and have worked in events for years so I know what I want, but I want him to take an interest and do the things he needs to do like book suits, come ring shopping, etc. He then makes a random suggestion every now and then that he knows I'll never say yes too.

    He also doesn't seem to realise the scale of our wedding. We've got a guest list of 150, in a 5* hotel and I've thought of all the details - I think he thinks that it's going to be like some of his family's weddings which have been on a much smaller scale (nothing wrong with that!). I want him to feel a part of things but it's like he can't be bothered. 


  • TiaMariaTiaMaria Posts: 120

    OH is really not that interested at all and only half listens when I tell him about something! To be honest kind of works for me as I’m a bit of a control freak, enjoy planning and generally just have a vision of what I want, songhis arrangement suits me lol! He did say he wanted to help at one stage but quickly realised the amount of effort required (researching, getting quotes etc) and his laziness took over! 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,906 New bride

    This is all sounding very familiar ladies!

    I wanted to have a very quiet wedding abroad, just us and our son but he insisted we had to have the big white wedding with 70 day guests (most of whom are his friends and family), as did his mother who went loopy when I mentioned the abroad thing.

    Fast forward a year and he couldn't be less interested, and his mother keeps throwing digs around about how her wedding was so cheap in a church then village hall with her mum doing the buffet, how her dress was only £25 in 1979 and mine is ludicrously expensive (it wasn't), and generally just how 'young people want it all these days, flashy weddings blah blah blah'. 

    I AM ONLY HAVING THIS BLOODY WEDDING BECAUSE YOU TWO INSISTED I HAVE TO! FFS! We are spending less than 9 grand on the whole wedding, but fuck it, if I have to get married here I at least want it to be decent and to actually enjoy the bloody thing! I don't want to eat curled up tasteless sandwiches made by my culinary challenged mum and MIL and I can't get married in church because YOUR ATHEIST SON REFUSED TO!

    And breathe....😂😂😂😂

  • Julia82Julia82 Posts: 123

    Oh bless you all! This has made me chuckle.

    I would throw out there the question of whether caring about all the details and wanting to make it special is better than not caring about any of the details but just wanting to get married. 

    Neither of them are right or wrong of course, but the point is, he wants to marry you and whether there are pink flowers or green balloons is probably neither here nor there. You could just as easily argue that getting all caught up in the detail means you care more about that than the actual meaning of the wedding. I am not suggesting that by the way - just saying, that everything is open to interpretation. 

    My OH is very good and excited and has taken on sorting some bits out, but graciously bowed out of decoration chat now we have decided on the general gist, and has left me to sort it out. This very much suits me fine - much easier as I am quite decisive and just happy to get on with it. 

    At least you get to do what you want - try to enjoy it! 


  • MrsGxMrsGx Posts: 328 New bride
    Sadieee wrote (see post):

    The amount of times I have asked his opinion on something, he says 'yeah thats good' or 'whatever you prefer' and then complains when he see's it as he doesnt like it is ridiculous, and he never admits that we discussed it first!

    Yes this!!!! Driving me insane.

    I've spent 18 months planning everything, and I mean everything. The 'yeah that's good' and 'whatever you prefer' have been the answer to 90% of questions. Then, 5 weeks before we're due to get married, OH decides that actually, the favour boxes look naff/unfinished, and we need to rethink them (I spent days making them trying to use leftover materials rather than buying more things). Then OH also decided we need live music at some point... all things that should have been thought about and booked months ago when I originally asked. Now it's more last minute stress! Although I have put my foot down and said no about the live music. We don't have time to search for someone now, its been left too late. I've just started to tick things off my list, don't need more adding 

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