What about the sibling of the flower girl

So I have a bit of a worry, I hope you can help me...

I am having an adult only wedding, but the parents of my flower girl are invited to the wedding, but they also have a 3-year-old and a 13-year-old. 

Is it bad for me to invite mum, dad and my flower girl, but exclude her siblings.... 

Is it worse for me to invite mum, dad, but not the flower girl to the evening (ohhh even typing that sounds awful)

 

Finally, one of my closest friends gives birth at the end of July, my wedding is at the end of September, 

Is it wrong of me to expect her not to bring the baby?? What if I invited her, but not dad and he stayed home with the baby?? (ohh this sounds desperate... 

 

Please HELP.. 

Posts

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 815 New bride

    I'm a bit confused, why would you invite everyone except the flower girl to the evening? Surely she'll be there at the whole day already? 

    Personally, I think you can't really invite the parents and the flower girl but not their other two children. It would be a logistical nightmare for the parents, and how would they explain to their other two children why they and the flower girl were going but leaving them at home? I would just invite them all. 

    Also, with the baby, I wouldn't expect the mum to leave him/her at home. I would just ask that she sits somewhere near the back, or near a door, and that she takes the baby outside during the ceremony if he or she starts crying. If you invite the one parent but not the other, you run the risk of none of them coming. 

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    You can't expect a mum to leave a newborn at home. people generally make an exception for such a small child. You can't invite one parent and not the other.

    Also I think it would be a bit mean to not invite the siblings. Not sure why you are having a flower girl at an adult only wedding?

  • TiaMariaTiaMaria Posts: 120

    Yeh agreeing with other posters - I can’t see how you could invite the flower girl and not the siblings, you run the risk of them all not attending plus it just feels like the ‘right’ thing to do. I would say that there is generally an expectation that new borns attend, at that age they’re usually good as gold and I’m sure mum/dad will do the sensible thing and make a quick exit if not. 

  • Amanda198Amanda198 Posts: 152

    Due to numbers (and our friends and extended family having lots of children which would double the numbers) we are only having children who are part of the wedding party and explained that on our info which went with the invites (2 nieces are flowergirls), our twin nephews are 9 months old but still invited. However we have asked for the nighttime to be adults only. It is very difficult, we wanted an adults only wedding, however couldn’t exclude our nieces and nephews (which are the 4 in total as above).xx 

  • Ali217Ali217 Posts: 62

    Yes it’s wrong of you to expect a new born baby to be left at home, originally I was only going to have my niece and nephew at my wedding but a friend will be having a baby months before the wedding so now there’ll be a baby there too. 

    When it comes to the flower girl and her family it‘ll have to be all or nothing, as previously mentioned it’ll be a nightmare for the parents and really not fair to the siblings. It’s one thing to want an adult only wedding with exceptions but another to pick and choose which siblings can come. Out of interest how are you close enough to one child to want them as flower girl but not want to have the others at the wedding?

  • elvis4nutselvis4nuts Posts: 102

    I am more than slightly baffled by this post.... and in particular agree whole heartedly with Ali207 above!

    I don't understand a situation where you would have one sibling as s flower girl but are considering not having the rest of the children even at the wedding.

    Baffled.   

  • TiaMariaTiaMaria Posts: 120
    elvis4nuts wrote (see post):

    I am more than slightly baffled by this post.... and in particular agree whole heartedly with Ali207 above!

    I don't understand a situation where you would have one sibling as s flower girl but are considering not having the rest of the children even at the wedding.

    Baffled.   

    Baffled is totally the word I woukd use! 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Exceptions should be made for a newborn, or you risk the parent not coming? At that age all they do is sleep. If they BF then leaving home with dad would not be an option either.

    Regarding the flowergirl, if you are having her in the wedding party then presumably you are very close to the family? In my opinion it's wrong to invite the one child but exclude the siblings. It would be so upsetting for them to be told to stay home while their sister went off to a wedding with mum and dad (I'm still bitter about my sister being a flowergirl for a family friend when she was 5 and I was 7 haha but at least I was still at the wedding!)

    If you were so against against kids at the wedding why are you including them in your wedding party?

  • I just wanted to mirror what has already been said. I cant understand a) why you’d have a flower girl at an adult only wedding and b) why you would be close enough to the family to choose their child as your flower girl but at the same time be considering not inviting said child’s siblings. And, on another note, surely it will be soo boring for your flower girl being the only child at the wedding - having her sibling there will make the day more enjoyable for her.

    You defiently need to make an exception for the newborn or expect the parents to deciline altogether.

  • I would (personally)  put the siblings in the wedding party, then you can make an exception for them all.

    Defiantly allow the baby, unless you don't mind if the mother has to decline due to breastfeeding.  

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 815 New bride

    I’m also curious as to how you’re close to one child in the family but not the others. And are you close to the parents, or just the child...? Genuinely intrigued! 

  • RS2017RS2017 Posts: 198

    I think it would be wrong to split siblings. If you don’t want the siblings there don’t ask the flower girl.

    Not wrong to not invite the baby but you have to accept that the parents probably won’t be able to come if you don’t. If it’s just one baby, I would make the exception personally.

  • Sonia27Sonia27 Posts: 3
    Sadieee wrote (see post):

    Exceptions should be made for a newborn, or you risk the parent not coming? At that age all they do is sleep. If they BF then leaving home with dad would not be an option either.

    Regarding the flowergirl, if you are having her in the wedding party then presumably you are very close to the family? In my opinion it's wrong to invite the one child but exclude the siblings. It would be so upsetting for them to be told to stay home while their sister went off to a wedding with mum and dad (I'm still bitter about my sister being a flowergirl for a family friend when she was 5 and I was 7 haha but at least I was still at the wedding!)

    If you were so against against kids at the wedding why are you including them in your wedding party?

     

  • Sonia27Sonia27 Posts: 3

    Thanks for your reply Sadieee and also for not crucifying me for asking.

    Truth be known I havent attended a wedding in years and so am really out of touch with what the norms are. 

     

    My flower girl is a young girl from my church who I have taken out for art days and to spend time with over the past two years, she is very special to me and I know that she is sad that I will be moving away after I marry, so I really wanted to include her in the wedding. 

    Her brother is a bit older than her and to be honest it a typical teenage boy who hasnt really been that bothered about being around when I have been to the home, but I like him and also his wee brother.

    The reason we are having no children at the wedding reception is because our venue for the reception is an old farm house barn and holds 100 people. With my fiance's family and my own family, we could almost fill that just with our siblings and their kids so we decided on no children. 

     

    Listening to everyone's opinions, as harsh as some of them have been... we have agreed that we will invite our flower girl and her two siblings and a friend for her for the evening, as her not being there is not an option for us

     

    As for my friend, I didnt think for a minute she would leave her two month old at home, I just wondered what people genuinely thought, I guess I got the answers there. I will be inviting my friend but will ask for her two year old to stay with grandparents, the likelihood is that my friend will eat and run anyway as she wont want to stay out late with the baby

     

    Thanks for everyone's input

     

    x

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    I also say don't bet on mum eating and running. My upbringing was children fit around parents lives, and that's how many daughter has been brought up. She has been to 4 weddings in her 5 years and stayed till the end at all, she simply slept in stroller when got tired. I even had a few drinks at the weddings ;) haha

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