MIL has shown family my dress pics!

MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,902 New bride

My MIL has 2 boys & no daughters so I thought it would be a nice gesture to invite her wedding dress shopping.

She was very touched and we had a lovely day along with my mum and one of my bridesmaids. She took some pics but I made it crystal clear they weren't to be shown to people and she agreed.

OH's uncle and aunty have been to see us today and one of the first things his aunty said was "oh I love your dress, MIL showed me and you look lovely".

I was like "um, OK, she wasn't meant to show people - who else has she shown? Did she show OH's nan?". To which aunty admitted nan had also seen the pics, but then she clammed up so I don't know who else she's shown. Her partner had clearly also seen the pics so MIL has probably shown the whole family.

We are only having a quite small wedding and have included my in laws all the way along - I've made a point of it as they don't live locally. We've taken them for lunch twice at our venue, and asked their opinions on lots of things.  They aren't financially contributing but it just seemed the nice thing to do.

I'm so disappointed as now it seems about 30% of our guests have already seen my dress with just over a year to go. I know it doesn't really matter and it's a massive first world problem but truthfully, I am pissed off. 

She is lovely and probably just got overexcited so I won't bother saying anything, but it's really taken the shine off my dress for me ☹


  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    I'd be annoyed too, because you expressly said not to show anyone but she did anyway.

    I honestly don't think anyone will remember specifics about your dress from a photo, and with a year to go I can guarantee people will have forgotten what it looks like by then 

    I would perhaps ask her not to show anyone else though. 

  • Oh no! I honestly feel for you and if it was me, I would be devastated! I know you said she was probably just over excited, but I don’t think that should be an excuse! You made it perfectly clear that you didn’t want anyone to see the photos and even if you hadn’t explicitly said this, I think it would be a given anyway - what bride wants the guests to have seen her in the dress before the day? 

    I know you don’t want to bring it up, but I think that you need to let her know how upset you are (or at least ask H2B to have a word). You don't know - she may be ‘over excited‘ the next time she sees great aunt Josephine and decides to show her too. At least if you let her know that you're upset with her actions and the fact she didn’t respect your wishes, she’ll (hopefully) know not to do it again. I would also personally ask her to remove the photos from her phone so the tempation isn’t there.

    I know it seems like the end of the world, but I will say that your guests probably won’t remember the dress (and all of the details) by the wedding day. Even I have to keep looking at photos of me in my dress to remind me of all of the details and how it looks 😂 So someone who’s only had a short glance probaly won’t be able to tell you much about it other than the colour and vague shape. You’ll also look different after it’s been altered, you’ve had your hair and makeup done and you're wearing all of your accessories. I know that doesn’t make it any easier as they‘ll still know the style of the dress, but at least you’ll still have the rest as a surprise and not all of the guests have see it (and more importantly H2B) so you’ll still get your big reveal as you walk down the aisle. 

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    I would be beyond angry! I would definitely speak to her or get H2B to and make it clear that you don't want her showing pics to anyone else. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,902 New bride

    She is a lovely person but also quite childlike, she gets ridiculously over excited and shrieks like a toddler! She still doesn't sleep on Xmas Eve because she's too excited and she's 60 😂

    I spoke to OH after his aunty and uncle left, and he is going to speak to his mum and ask her not to show anyone else.

    I am a bit miffed but she won't have intended any malice so I'll just have to get over it. I definitely can't afford another dress so I'll still wear it, I suppose they won't remember the details. I was wearing the veil and headband I intended to buy and my shoes in the pic but obviously my hair and make up weren't done.

  • britbirdbritbird Posts: 1,461 New bride

    I would be fuming. I would probably ask her to delete all pictures, and stand over her whilst she did it.  And then not tell her anything else about the whole wedding.  I am so sorry that happened to you- I am sure people won't remember though! 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,902 New bride

    Thanks ladies, I thought I might be being dramatic but glad I'm not 💛 

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 999 New bride

    Oh what a pain! Glad OH will talk to her. Could you ask her to delete the photos, too? Phrase it as you want her to see you on your wedding day with fresh eyes or something?

    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.

    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,902 New bride


    OH has wimped out and still not spoken to his mum, which means I'll probably end up mentioning it when we go up for Father's Day and look like the bad guy 🙄 I'm not backwards in coming forwards, whereas his family like to bury their head in the sand rather than address issues as they arise. Oh well.

    Even more annoyingly, I was having a moan about it to my mum and she admitted she had shown a few people, and only stopped because my sister pointed out she shouldn't be.

    FFS 😭 

  • RB2SRB2S Posts: 45 New bride

    That’s so rubbish! I’d be really disapointed, you’re not being dramatic at all. For this reason I haven’t let anybody take any pictures of my dress, so there’s no risk of this happening. My mum would totally get excited and show everybody ha

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,902 New bride

    I wish I'd just gone on my own now, but it's not the end of the world.

    My mum took pics so she could Whatsapp them to me afterwards. Then MIL asked if she could take a pic and promised she wouldn't show anyone - didn't really feel I could say no with my mum snapping away! 

  • RB2SRB2S Posts: 45 New bride

    Just remember that the whole look will be different once it’s fitted and you’ve got all your accessories on and your hair and makeup done. It’s also unlikely that the people that have been shown will fully remember the dress by the time of the wedding, so it will still be a lovely surprise for everybody when you walk down the aisle 

  • ruthie1979ruthie1979 Posts: 794

    Oh man! I would be disappointed too however you are going to look totally different to the images she has shown anyone so try not to be too disheartened or upset.

    Your MIL is obviously super excited and proud to show you and your beautiful dress to the family?

    I went to a family funeral recently and showed a few family members a picture of me in my dress - which means the majority of our guests have already seen my dress but they will forget and I will look different that the crappy image I showed them so I was happy to share! (we have approx 20 guests and at least 12 of them have seen the pics!) 

    Try not to stress about it and as RB2S said you are going to look totally different when it's fitted etc.


  • shanmia35shanmia35 Posts: 65

    I would be fuming too given you specifically asked her - BUT don’t stress too much, a dress on the day altered to fit with hair and make-up is completely different from a photo of you in a shop! 

    I showed my dress to anyone and everyone (other than my OH) in the run-up to my wedding and it didn’t make me feel any less glamorous on the day. My husband even commented when I showed him the dress shop photos after we were married that it looked completely different on the day after it had been taken in and with hair and make-up!

    None of that excuses what she did but try not to be too disheartened xx

  • Julia82Julia82 Posts: 123

    Oh dear i do feel for you! But it probably will have no effect on the day unless you let it. Try and see the positive - they are obviously both super excited and love the dress and think you look amazing. This is a great thing! 

    And may be ask to bloody well stop it now!! Xx

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,902 New bride
    Julia82 wrote (see post):

    Oh dear i do feel for you! But it probably will have no effect on the day unless you let it. Try and see the positive - they are obviously both super excited and love the dress and think you look amazing. This is a great thing! 

    And may be ask to bloody well stop it now!! Xx

    Haha, yes I will when I see her at the weekend! x

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