Family problems - what do I do?

Beatrice25Beatrice25 Posts: 92

I'm getting married next year and I'm hating the build up so much because of family drama.

Basically I have an uncle and aunt (mums brother) who I have nothing to do with. When I go and visit they are rude and have made nasty snide comments about me to my other siblings and I'm not entirely sure what I've ever done. I'm in my early 20's and as far as I can remember they've never made an effort. 

Anyway, when I got engaged me and my partner agreed we didn't want them there. My brother got married a year or so ago and they caused so much stress and agro on the day that it cemented it for us that we didn't want the same at ours especially with it being abroad it would mean longer time spent with them. When I finally told my mum she was in pieces and kept crying and arguing with me and making me feel awful. In the end I sent the uncle and aunt a save the date because I didn't want to upset my mum.

Fast forward to this year and it has been shit. We found out my dad had been cheating on my mum after everything my parents have decided to try and move forward and remain together. Since then the family problems have started again with the uncle and aunt. As I was worrying mum said that her and dad would meet with them and try and calm everything before the wedding which they've refused. Then they've started with the nasty comments to my siblings about the wedding and how they will start a fight if my dads there. 

I sent out the invites last week and said to mum I wouldn't be sending there's until they'd all met and sorted things out because I'm not having the first time everyone being in a room together be at my wedding. Mum agreed and said that was fair.

Anyway today the uncle has been on the phone to my sister saying they're booking their villa and now my sister and mum are kicking off at me again for not inviting them. I really don't know what to do. On one hand I really don't want my mum to be upset but on the other I know they will be difficult on the day and can just tell its all going to go wrong especially with everyone being on holiday beforehand as well. What would you suggest? 

Sorry for the long post but please be nice I don't want anymore arguments haha x

Posts

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,761 New bride

    It seems you're going to have upset whichever option you go with, so I'd choose the option of telling them they are not invited - at least then you won't have stress on your actual wedding day.

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    Wow that sounds an awful sitation for you to be in.

    If it was me, I wouldn't be inviting them. I think if you did you'd spend the whole wedding worrying about whether they are going to kick off. Clearly they can't behave. They are trying to push you into a corner by saying they are booking a villa so pay no attention. 

    That's my opinion anyway. Hope everything works out ok!

  • Rach371Rach371 Posts: 821 New bride

    I'm with the other posters - you don't need that stress on your day. If they're causing you this much upset now it will only get worse.

    Your mum may be upset but she should be able to see from your point of view that you dont need that additional worry. I'd politely but firmly tell them that whilst you love them both, you dont want anything to upset your wedding day and therefore would prefer it if they didnt come. They may kick off but it's better it happens now than on the big day. good luck!

  • KittyFiennesKittyFiennes Posts: 772 New bride

    I'm usually (in the minority) that suggests inviting the troublesome friend or relative for the sake of keeping the peace.  I'm not on this one. As you said, you don't want these people first together in a room being at your wedding. This is a cauldron waiting to boil over. Don't let it boil over at your wedding. I would not invite them.  Sorry mum.

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 343 New bride

    I'm with everyone else. It seems like somebody is going to be upset either way so go with what is best for you which is obviously not inviting them.

    I think they're mentioning booking a villa just to goad a response from you and well, they're going to get one but not in their favour. 

     

  • Beatrice25Beatrice25 Posts: 92

    Thanks everyone I’m glad people agree. I just worry as mums been so upset with everything that’s happened that I don’t want to add to it. It’s never simple! X

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I agree as well, but you need to tell them they are no longer invited and give them your reasoning to avoid any further agro. Just explain that you obviously wnat your dad there and they have made it celar they do not want to be around him, so you are unable to invite them as you do not want anyone caught up in a family argument on what is YOUR day.

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