Can't agree on a church anyone?!

Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone else has had problems agreeing on a church to be married in. My h2b has always gone to the local methodist church which is a quite modern church. However he is not a regular church goer anymore, unlike his family. I'm not a regular church goer either but I a christian and have brought up as Cof E. I really don't want to get married at the local methodist church, but at the local CofE church which is so beautiful and I've always dreamt of marrying there. However I don't want to upset my h2b or his family.

Has anybody else had a similar dilemma?

Hayley x


  • Yes, sort of. I wanted to get marriage at our local village church which my h2b's parents were married in and which he was christened in, which like you I thought was beautiful. My Mum assumed I would get married at her church, which is the church I went to when I was younger but for me has no emotional connections (we moved up here during my schooldays so no family events at the church) and also for me personally my Mu's church has no atmosphere. Like you don't want to upset your h2b, I didn't want to upset my Mum. I sat down and talked to her about my reasons and she understood and is happy with our decision.

    Probably not helpful, as the only dvice I can offer is to sit down and talk through your reasons, but hopefully some help????

    Good luck xxxx
  • Joey0810Joey0810 Posts: 537
    Just to say h2b and I wanted different churches, in the end we settled on my choice. What I suggest you do, is sit down by yourself and have 2 tables on seperate pieces of paper in front of you. One titled h2b's church and one titled your church (the names). On the left coloumn you write different titles, e.g travelling distance from house in morning, distance to recepetion number church seats, how good the church looks inside, how nice it looks outside, is it a nice venue for photos, is there good car p[arking facilities, what are the emotional connections to the church etc. Then in the right hand coloum you put your answers, then get your h2b to do the same. Next, get together and compare your answers and discuss them realistically. I know the church is about the ceremony not about what it looks like, however these need to be considered when you can't find an agreement.

    This is just a suggestion anda personal opinion, it worked for me as something of the reasons my h2b hadn't considered and vise versa. Try not to get yourself to worked up over it, a calm apporach works best! Mind you, I did have to work on it and I did have to compromise in another area so we both had what we wanted!

    Let us know how you get on. xxx
  • Thanks ladies for your advice, thats a good idea 'piggy' to work things through logically.

    A friend of mine also suggested maybe having a bleesing at my h2b's church which may also be an option.

    I can't believe it's one of the first things we have to decide and we can't agree- typical!
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