Why do I feel so negatively about my wedding day? ;'o(

OK I got married on 1st August and it has taken me this long to face coming back onto this website to talk about it. Right now I am crying. I know this is a long one but please read on; I really need some support and advice with this.



I can't stop feeling sad and depressed every time I think about my wedding. Everyone on here says how their day was perfect, but I just can't feel like that. Thing is, my wedding day wasn't a 'disaster', so why do I feel this way? When people ask me about the day I say it was lovely because that's what people expect to hear, but I feel like I'm lying. I have always been a perfectionist and I'm annoyed thet not everything was perfect, but this is ridiculous!



Everyone else said the day was lovely but I think they enjoyed it more than I did! I've tried explaining to my husband how I feel, but he doesn't understand and gets annoyed, saying it's done with now.



None of the things I worried about going wrong went wrong, such as the car not turning up on time, the flowers looking awful (the florist always seemed disorganised), falling over in my heels, people being late and coming part way through the ceremony, etc. I'm not even that bothered by the fact it rained, because the venue inside was perfect for photos.



These are the things I keep regretting and feeling bad about. The ceremony was lovely but went too quickly, then thimgs feel like they went downhill after that:



- It didn't help that i was so tired and therefore emotional - I didn't sleep well the few nights before the wedding or the night before.



- The venue did a few things wrong, the biggest being messing up on the table plan so that some close family members were at the back of the room while work colleagues were at the front!!



- My best friend and MOH never showed any excitement or effort in the run up to the wedding. On the day her boyfriend had a car accident on his way to the wedding and was shaken up; so she spent the whole day with him and I hardly saw her - she never witnessed my throwing of the garter (instead of the bouquet). Then on the wedding night they never showed up at the hotel and my husband got angry as they hadn't paid yet so he'd have to pay. He nearly went to sleep angry without us enjoying our wedding night! She didn't text me until the next day to say they'd gone home. I still really resent her for this now.



- I spent ages deciding which pieces of music I wanted the string quartet to play after the ceremony but I never got to hear them - they did not start playing immediately after the ceremony while we greeted our guests because they took a while to move rooms, then after we returned from a ride in the wedding car, we were whisked away for photos and could not hear them from that room. They were lovely during the ceremony though.



- My dad's girlfriend's daughter did my hair as i didn't want the hassle of going to the hair dresser's on that day and only decided this at the last minute so it was too late to book a mobile hairdresser. I felt it looked a bit messy - my mum had a similar style at the hairdresser's and hers looked so much nicer!



- I assumed everyone would stay for the beginning of the evening reception at least so we'd have time then to speak to everyone properly and introduce each other to guests the other didn't know, but a lot of people left before (surprising as our wedding didn't start until 3.00) so we didn't get chance to do that.



- I felt my dress didn't look as nice on me on the day as it did in the shop as it wasn't tied as tight.



- The photographer left early without telling us (she was supposed to stay until the first dance) so we had to make do with family photos of us outside after the meal when it had stopped raining, and I spent ages looking for her before the throwing of the garter (she was supposed to photograph that) - my other bridesmaid had to leave early and was waiting for that, but as it was delayed as we were looking for the photographer, she had to go and she missed it. My MOH said the photographer told her she didn't know we were going for a ride in the wedding car and also she was only supposed to stay until 5.00, which was rubbish because I gave her a list of times when everything was happening (including the car ride) and the first dance was due to be at 7.30! The next day she emailed me and said sorry she had to leave early but she'd had flu all week and felt worse again!!



And the list goes on, but the rest is the small little details. God I know they aren't what are important, so why do I keep going over them in my head? I know what really matters is that we got married and our friends and family were there, so why do I still feel so disappointed and depressed? It could have been so much worse and everyone says it was a good day!



I just also still feel so let down by my best friend. When I tried to tell her how I felt she said the wedding had become all consuming and she wanted to talk about other things!! We always talked about her problems with her boyfriend and other problems! And I never asked her to help with any planning except to come to my town for the hen night and to buy the bridesmaid dresses, and even then she made it difficult to pick a date. The only other help I asked was the odd text message asking her opinion on something I was thinking of doing/buying! When I said I was excited as it was only so many weeks to go, she did not respond. We couldn't get two bridesmaid dresses the same due to sizes etc. In the end she bought one on her own from TK Maxx as a back up in case we couldn't find anything else. When she showed me I was so happy as it was perfect. When I said I was hurt that she left the wedding without saying goodbye, she just replied that she was hurt that I told the other bridesmaid that she got her dress from TK Maxx and it was a bargain!! Well she asked me where she got it from so I told her, but I never said it was a bargain - I couldn't have as she never told me how much it cost!!!



Anyway I think I'd better stop now. i really hope that one day I can look back on my wedding happily.



Thanks for reading. image
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Posts

  • BambagirlBambagirl Posts: 7,507
    I got married in March and we had a few disasters of our own! But like you, we both agreed that the best part of the whole day was the ceremony - we became man & wife and it was very meaningful to us.



    Sometimes the stuff that we feel is very noticeable isn't a big deal to other people who still enjoy themselves and say it was a great day and a lovely wedding.



    My own Matron of Honour was fantastic, she really was. But I was less than delighted with the photos, our chocolate fountain exploded before the ceremony even took place, our "ushers" arrived at the Church at the same time as me and so all the buttonholes we had for EVERY member of the congregation didn't get distributed, my son couldn't make it until the evening ceremony and didn't wear his full outfit that we'd bought him, just the jacket, two or three people didn't show up (who'd led us to believe they were coming), an old friend (not an especially close friend) in my hometown died about a week before we got married and was buried on our wedding day - so we got a few last minute declines from people who were attending her funeral, neither Earl nor I took the trouble to introduce our mothers to each other - something they both commented upon afterwards, my father didn't attend, and a few daytime guests didn't get any wedding cake as we didn't cut it until the evening and not everyone stayed for the full day.



    Thanks for reading MY list of miseries, froogies!



    Feel free to e-mail me privately if you want to compare notes in more detail!



    On the plus side, we enjoyed a lovely honeymoon and we're so glad that people DID make the effort to come and share our day with us. We're happy together and legally wed - and that's what counts!



    Bamba xx
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Thank you, Bamba - maybe if I hear more stories of people whose day didn't go according to plan but still look back on it happily, it might me come round! I get the impression that evryone else on here had the most perfect day possible!! Thanks for the offer to email, I may just do that if you don't mind!
  • NickiKittenNickiKitten Posts: 2,074
    My day was a disaster as my nan ruined everything for me and I ended up on the night cleaning the village hall and then crying in the toilets.



    Oh the well laid plans that went to pieces as I could not do everything myself.



    Fortunately the video of the day shows the very best and will hopefully last longer than the bad memories.



    Four months on and I have not heard from my nan, and I am not going to make the first move, she has purposly forgotten my husbands birthday.



    Also almost everyone from my work let me down on the reception, and there was too much food we paid for.



    Feels like the day was awful for me, although everyone else had a good time.



    Very disappointing, sucks to be the bride! x
  • hun, the list of things you posted is really just details and i reckon a normal inventory of things that dont go according to plan at pretty much every wedding. you really have to let go and remember all the amazing things that happend that day.

    we had stuff go wrong too. the processional music started too early so by the time i walked down the aisle, the song was half over (not so great seeing as i wanted t walk down the aisle to tha song all my life). our flowers were beautiful but very different to what i had imagined. the dj was pants but luckily didnt spoil the atmosphere. and i had a tonsil infection. nobodys wedding goes according to plan. but i loved our wedding day and to me it was perfect.

    please speak to you best friend and tell her that youre upset otherwise this will stick with you for a long time.

    just remember how you felt on the day, how happy you were. we put so much pressure on ourselves to make the day perfect that often we forget what its all about. thats why we turn into bridezillas. but really, the flowers, the music, the food... its all details. take you favourite wedding photo, one where youre smiling from ear to ear, and try to remember that THAT is what your wedding day is all about.

    xx
  • Hi Froogies



    I'm not getting married until June next year, but your story makes me really sad.



    That's rubbish that your MOH let you down like that, and even worse you and hubby had an argument over it - but people are selfish (your MOH, photographer and the people who left early) they are only human and they don't realise how their actions affect you. Let it go and forgive them.



    Please focus on the successes of the day - the ceremony, the pictures that were taken, the people who had a great time. Those parts are the bits your friends, family and husband will remember forever.



    We all dwell on the negative far too much and things can spiral out of proportion in our own heads when we go over and over small things.



    You are married and have a partner for life - we all build up our dream weddings in our minds and it's unrealistic for it to live up to those expectations. The bottom line is that you and your husband are married image everything else is the icing on the cake and not really that important.



    I wish you a fantastic future together - be happy!



    xx
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Nickikitten - I am so sorry that you too feel bad about your wedding day. Hopefully we can both start to feel better soon!



    Flower1982 and tt2b-married - thank you for your advice. I know you are both right and hopefully I'll start feeling that way soon!



    I did try and tell my best friend how I felt - but she just turned it round on me and accused me of letting the wedding become all consuming, saying I had high expectations of her (I don't think so - she never offered to help with the planning and I never asked her to, and on the day she hardly had to do anything to help) and blowing what I said out of proportion, making out I was being spiteful, when I only wanted to say why I was upset to sort it out. In the end I ended up apologizing for having said anything just to keep the peace, she apologized that she hadn't put as much effort into contacting me over the past year and we made up, but I don't think she really understood just how hurt I was, and because there were certain things I felt I couldn't say due to her reaction, I didn't get everything off my chest. I suppsoe I just have to face the fact that I couldn't rely on her the way I thought I could and that she let me down, and get on with the friendship.

  • Hmm Froogies, I am kind of with you but have been in denial about it for the last couple of months! Like you I have been telling everyone it was wonderful whilst at the same time feeling a bit blue,. We got married on the 3rd August and like you nothing major went wrong and yet...



    I think for me it was kind of a physicality thing - you're supposed to be swept away with joy and feel such elation that you don't notice or mind the little things. But I did. I just didn't seem to get into the swing of it. Things for me:-

    - i was on my own a fair bit of the getting ready. my bridesmaids and mum seemed more bothered about getting themselves ready than me. To such an extent that when my bouquet arrived and i wasn't keen on some of the green flowers in it, i sat and snipped them out with some scissors while mum fussed on with her buttonhole and didn't even notice, She also got makeup on the back of my dress!



    - ifelt sweaty and hot in the room pre getting married. v claustrophobic and as i walked up the aisle i was thinking about sweat marks rather than romance!!



    - my 2 year old flower girl screamed all the way up the aisle so much that no-one heard our carefully chosen music.



    - we had a very small ceremony with only 30 guests. immediately after the cermony we were told that a close friend had gone into labour that morning. her and her husband were very much missed and though we were excited for them, it was also kind of flat without them. Also i have a friend who had only been invited to the night do, but i knew she would already be at the hotel so i asked the wedding planner if he would ask her and her husband to come down and replace the couple who were in hospital and she said no!! I found that embarassing!!



    - i didn't like the photo session. we missed out on our expensive canopys, and she made me stand in a funny ballet position.



    - i didn't like the table set up. such a small wedding, we wanted to all be on the same table, but the wedding planner said one big table wouldn't fit, so we had 5 small tables. it meant that we were only with our parents and our best man. there wasn't much craic. DH's mum is a bit funny with me, my dad was stressing about his speech, as was my dh, and our best man, and my mum had a stinking cold. Much joy all round!!!



    - After the wedding we went up to our room, would have been lovely to have a lie and a rest, but i remembered i'd left all my stuff in mum's room, so went off to get it. they weren't there. i went downstairs and found them, then got the stuff, then went back to our room. Whereupon DH wasn't there. Took several more trips to find him. By which time our evening guests had arrived!



    - we'd organised a lake cruise before the disco. unfortunately it meant that instead of leisurely saying hello to everyone we were very twitchy. "hiya, nice to see you, we've got to go NOW!"



    - it rained throughout the cruise. we spent our time in a sweaty cabin looking at steamed up windows.



    - when we got back to the hotel the dj was there which prompted me to think that we needed to pay him. Except we couldn't find the cheque book, which we'd used to pay our band with earlier. we spent a full hour looking in various bedrooms and freaking out about it. it was eventually located in besr man's pocket where it had been the whole time. Feet really killing by this point. Corset also killing. Would've liked to change but couldn't face trek back to our room.



    - while we had been gone, the dj had shouted at the children for touching his equipment.



    - we had arranged karaoke for the night do, but we had kind of lost heart so we didn't sing, and neither did anyone else. wish we had



    -the dance floor wasn't very full all night. everyone did have a dance just not at the same time.



    - the hog roast was a bit late getting out so some of our friends with young childen had to leave without any food.



    -we didn't cut the cake.



    -not many people knew we had the first dance because there were 2 rooms and a lot of people missed it.



    -Jason's mum got completely bloto and didn't look aftre our boys over night as prmoised. My mum and my sister took them to bed and babysat for an hour each so we could have a dance, but we still had them in with us on our wedding night. Actuually that was quite nice though, it was lovely waking up with them.



    - i felt really guilty about not talking to everyone esp some of jason's friends.



    So that's it. It's nothing major, just a kind of sigh. I wish we could do it again so that i could let go and just enjoy it more.



    I hold on to the fact that the cermony was beautiful and our honeymoon was amazing. It's also helped me to look at the photos. The photos make it look like such a happy day. I'm sure in time that that's how I'll come to look at it too. It's been quite cathartic to write it down actually. Hope it helped you too xx
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Hi sallycinnamon1, thank you so much for sharing your day's events with me, and I'm glad it was a bit cathartic for you! Sorry to hear about all the things that upset you, though. (I too didn't get to eat any of the canapes!)



    It seems I'm not the only one who feels like this and for whom lots of little things went wrong - you just don't really hear about them much from other people. My mum said the bride never enjoys her own wedding as much as the guests, especially if she's the one who planned it all as she is worrying on the day about things going according to plan; I wish someone had warned me of that before the wedding - then I would have had lower expectations!



    Everyone said I look so happy in the photos - I'm good at smiling for photos and looking happy, but actually I was upset during the photo shoot that I was missing the string quartet!



    My uncle took video footage of the wedding, and I'm waiting for my dad to sort it out and put it onto DVD because I think if I watch ceremony and see how nice it was I may have better feelings about the wedding. xxx
  • Your post could have been written by me. Nothing major went wrong but there were a few things that I let get to me more than I should. And also, I just never got that whole giddy, excited, swept along in the romance of it all feeling. And I feel cheated somehow.



    Everyone goes on about how their wedding day was the most wonderful, perfect day and how it was the best day of their lives..... but I just don't feel like that at all. They say the day went so fast but mine dragged so much and, as awful as this sounds, I just wanted it all to be over by about 9pm.



    I felt detached and lonely for much of the day. Its odd but I expected that I'd be with people all day chatting. But people were all in their little groups and I felt like I was intruding when I tried to join them. They didn't make me feel like that, it was all me.



    My in-laws didn't say congratulations after the ceremony. They just asked me if I was changing my name. You can see it on the video. I go over and hug them and then kind of take a step back and then nod. They also didn't speak to me AT ALL for the entire day. And they didn't mix with anyone or make the effort to circulate.



    R's brothers girlfriend refused to wear the buttonhole we'd bought for her and she's got a face on her in all the photos. She also didn't speak to me all day. Also, since the wedding, she's been having digs at me on facebook. For example, she's posted photos of the wedding and theres only one picture that I'm in. And she's posted a comment on that picture saying 'bra strap alert' because you can see my flesh coloured bra strap slightly. That's just one example, there have been loads more.



    They're the things that have really bothered me and have meant that I've cried nearly every single day since.



    There were other things but they didn't really upset me as such. More just a niggle of annoyance than anything else. Like the venue setting the tables out in the wrong order and the ice-cream van not turning up with dessert which meant I had to ring them and demand they sent someone immediately, and my hair wasn't great and looked rubbish by the end of the night. And because we had a 12 hour power cut a couple of days before the wedding there were loads of things I didn;t have time to do or forgot to do. Like I didn't burn the cd's with the music to play at afternoon tea.



    I knew that because I'd wanted to get married since I was really little, that the day probably wouldn't be perfect or live up to my expectations. I knew little things would go wrong and I was prepared for that. But I kind of took it for granted that I'd feel like everyone else seems to feel. That I'd be excited and that the day would fly by and I'd just be carried along in this little bubble of joy. And I wasn't. And I wasn't prepared for that at all.



    And I feel really sad that everyone else (seemingly) has a perfect day and the best day of their life. And I didn't. I feel so ......... cheated.
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Hi Natalie,

    wow, I don't know what to say. I feel so sad for you. But you have stated exactly how I feel - somehow cheated. I spent so long planning and saved hard for two years for the wedding, surely I deserved to feel elated on the day, or at least to have enjoyed it more?? - as you say, like others on here seem to have done!



    I know what you mean about the people thing - I too envisaged myself speaking to people all day. After the ceremony my husband and I greeted guests as they walked into the next room. Most of them said congratulations and the odd word, some hugged us, but a few guests, in particular husband's guests that I hadn't met or that I didn't know very well, just walked past and looked at us without saying anything! Then at the evening reception I expected people to come and talk to me but they didn't, and I had to keep going round tables trying to strike conversation!



    Also, husband's mum had a face on her all day. He says she really likes me and was pleased for us, but she barely spoke to me(he just said she was busy catching up with family she hadn't seen for a while); she didn't even get us a card, never mind a gift (not that I expected people to get us gifts, but she's mother of the groom, some small token from her would have been special!??) and she was probably the only one who didn't sign the guest book.



    Sometimes I wish we'd just gone off and got married on our own!
  • Froogies, I really feel for you. I had a great day but I'm sure that it's only because I spent months thinking that everything was going to go wrong from people hating my dress to my hubby not turning up.

    We had a few problems like the bridesmaids car was late so my stepmum didn't have any photos taken before the ceremony with the bridesmaids, the mens buttonholes were wrong, we requested small (germini) gerberas and got the bl00dy big clown ones, the bay trees we ordered didn't arrive, we decided to have the speeches before the meal but the venue didn't pour the champagne until the end of the meal and MIL had a miserable face on her for most of the day.

    The only advice I can give is for you to focus on the good points of your day and hopefully the bad points will fade into the background.

    Sending you happy thoughts and remember that the best part of you day is that you married the love of your life and you will live happily ever after.

    xxxxx
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Thank you, Isabellawella - I hope that eventually the negatives do fade - maybe they will soon and then I'll be left just with happy memories!
  • Mim23ukMim23uk Posts: 1,163
    We had a lot of problems with our wedding.



    We got married down south so that my family could make the wedding. On the morning of my wedding one of my aunties (the reason we moved the wedding there) rang to say she wouldn't be coming and neither would her husband who was supposed to be filming the day.



    On the way to the wedding my nan and my auntie had a car crash, meaning that she missed the ceremony. My nan was devastated. My auntie on the other hand went to bed half way through the meal and didnt even say goodbye.



    My CBM also ripped her dress up the whole length of the zip during the dancing in the evening, ruining a £175 dress.



    My main course that i had ordered wasn't what i had asked for. I was supposed to be having a cheese and bacon stuffed chicken breast and instead got a chicken breast smothered in water gravy (not what i like as i absolutely HATE gravy and didn't eat it as i didn't want it to go all down my white dress).



    My photographer also didn't take any photos of the flowers which were my favourite part! So i have none.



    And not only that, my work mates didn't even give me a card for my wedding and rang me on the morning of my wedding to ask me about work.



    But the point is that my day was fabulous because despite those disasters, there were an equal number of awesome things that happened to make it brilliant.



    What you need to do is stop dwelling on the bad things and start thinking of the positive things. If you constantly focus on the things that are making you sad then you will ruin your married life and make yourself depressed.



    Write a list of all the good and bad things that you found from your day and if you really think about it, i think you will be pleasantly surprised. x
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    That's good avice, Mrs Maddison - I will give that a go. xx
  • mrshelen74mrshelen74 Posts: 9,282
    hey hun please dont worry to much, i was acutally sick on my wedding day so this had an impact on me as couldnt relax and enjoy the morning, good job i got married late. also didnt take pictures of our name on board, or reception room done up but we got married
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Thanks, helen74 xx
  • On our wedding day the car turned up 15 mins late, so I arrived at our wedding at 2.50 - it was meant to start at 2.30pm..



    As i got out of the car i managed to swish my dress near the exhaust and got oil all down the front of it! befored I'd even walked down the aisle! talk about gutted.



    Then they didnt play the music in the right order so it wasnt how i wanted it when i walked down the aisle..



    I cried so much that my nose was running and i didnt have a tissue! had to be handed one by the registrar - cringe! ..



    then it rained outside and so all photos are inside and not that great..



    then my husbands mum fell down the stairs - cut her leg to the bone and had to be taken to hospital - the whole event meant that we were still doing our speeches as the evening guests arrived..



    because i hadnt eaten anything in the day due to nerves i was starving when the buffet came out so mullered some bacon cobs and got ketchup down the front of my wedding dress!! ARGH!



    one of my bridesmaids kept standing on the back of my dress and ripped it....



    i didnt throw my bouquet and nobody reminded me too..



    i then lost said bouquet..



    my lovely husband got so drunk i had to put him to bed and then really struggled to get my wedding dress off..!!!



    however i wouldnt change a thing (apart from his mum falling down the stairs and getting oil on my dress) - everything that happened seemed to 'make' my day and i had the most magical time saying my vows to my husband and just enjoying every minute of being with him and all my lovely family and friends.



    Lood back on your photos and your dvd and appreciate all the times that you do look happy and think about all the good things - not the bad, because believe me, 99per cent of brides will tell you that a ton of things went wrong on their wedding day but it just cant be helped - move on and stop dwelling on the negatives, at the end of the day you got married to the man you love, thats the most important thing xxx
  • audieukaudieuk Posts: 84
    hello ladies,



    congrats to all for your wedding.

    i am not the complaining kind. i am a bubbly, make the best of it kind!

    but i feel a bit down and blue since wedding day.

    It was not a perfect day.



    yes we had beautiful weather, the venue was beautiful but nothing went according to plan.

    everytbody seems to have that perfect day. even my guest seems to have a better day than i had. everything was less than perfect and it makes me wonder what went wrong.

    i had loads of cancellation last minute.

    i barely slept the night before and was really tired in the morning. we were late for registry. my friend who has bad PMS, done a totally different hairstyle than we discussed. she also was my chief bridesmaid and barely spoke to me on the day.

    the other twobridesmaid were just plain useless and did not do a thing which is plain embarrasing.

    on top of that there was massive delay for my second outfit change as i forgot my bustier home! yes can you believe it!

    my chef was 3 hours late.

    And people kept asking me questions all day on what to do and where to put cutlery.

    i just could not relax. until i decided i cannot be that bride who can't enjoy her wedding.

    looking back it was a nice day.

    but it was not a perfect day.



    and it makes me sad.



    i was really upset the following day by the attitude of my bridesmaids. really let down in fact. but i told them, they are denying it but it's good to find who you can rely on. My family and friends were amazing.



    then we had a wicked party, the food was really nice, even though i barely ate anything, the venue was beautiful, we worked till 12:30 the night before to set up.



    i am still a bit sad i saw the pics yesterday and i wish i spent more time with guests or my mum. Had more food,

    Enjoy the venue a bit more. My beautiful flowers that i barely looked out on the day. and i barely have any pics of them too.



    it just felt like a dream most the day. and then you wake up the next day and it is over!



    But i love my husband he is a lovely man.



  • audieukaudieuk Posts: 84
    I was down for weeks, it was not so much the fact that i did not enjoy my wedding day. i did enjoy many moments of the day.



    But the fact that there was so many mini disasters on the day.



    i got concerned with the fact that all the other brides seems to have a perfect day with no hicks up.



    and i was wondering how comes so many things went wrong at mine.



    The fact that i could not enjoy some of the day was more due to the fact that everybody relied on me to find solutions up to the last minute.



    Me and hubby organise the whole wedding by ourselves with no support from family.



    when wedding came all lot of people came on board but we did not have time to brief them so much, as it was too late.



    on the day people were coming to me about cutlery, cakes, champagne. i just could not relax fully.



    Also, the chef was 3 hours late which mean that when guests arrived in venue no food was ready but luckily family found a quick solution.



    i had an outfit change, as we had a hindu ceremony as well and i forgot the bustier of my outfit. my cousin had to go and pick it up at my house which took over hour. and i could not come out of changing room as i was waiting for full change to do other ceremony. Most brides who have gone mad but i was quiet calm about it.



    and the bridesmaids were really useless. they did not do a thing, lift a finger when my mum was running everywhere. And when i confronted them , their excuse was nobody asked them.



    Now my CBM also best friend has not spoken to me for over a month and i have no ideas why. all i know is that she had really bad PMS on theday, was not helpful and shouted at me on the day infront of lots of witnesses for no reason. She also wanted to leave early which really huts.



    It makes me sad that the for bridesmaids acted as if they were VIP guests & did not help.



    but now i know where my true friends are.

    In retrospect it was good lesson. i know who i can trust, that family is everything. That people who really care, will do everything to make it right and that i love my husband.



    i did not get a perfect. i did not want one. i wanted a really nice day. Instead i got a day to remember with loads of moments (drama included) which will be part of everybody memories for a long time.



    So now i am happy.

  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Thanks, Hel26. I am starting to realise that the day was far from 'perfect' for so many of you, and I know worse things could have gone wrong, yet I just can't shake this depressed feeling every time I think about the wedding....



    Maybe part of the problem is that my MOH/best friend has made me feel that all the excitement I felt in the run up to the wedding was wrong; the fact that she showed no excitement for me and seemed to have a problem with me mentioning the wedding, when I know I'll be excited for her when it's her turn, made me feel negatively about the wedding beforehand and I wasn't as excited as I should have been because I felt it was wrong, and because I was upset that she wasn't excited.



    I think the way she has made me feel is a big part of how I am feeling about the wedding. She has been a big part of my life for so long, and every time I was excited I would text her because she was always the one person (other than my parents and husband) that I wanted to tell everything to and that I thought would most understand - I wanted to share my excitement with her but she didn't want to know.



    I also feel upset knowing that all through the wedding day she must have been annoyed at me because she thought I had told the other bridesmaid that her dress was a bargain (even if I had it wouldn't have been such a bad thing to have said, but I didn't). It hurts knowing that she probably had negative feelings towards me on one of the biggest days of my life.



    Al of this at the moment is overshadowing any happy memories of the day.



    I can't really talk to her any more than I have - as i said earlier, last time I said anything she blew it all out of proportion and accused me of being nasty. I want to move on from how I feel about how she was because it really hurts, but I don't know how to, even though we are still friends.
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Thank you, audie. I am sorry that your best friend has not spoken to you since.



    We too organised the wedding ourselves - in fact I did it all really, husband was a bit useless in helping with decisions and left it all to me! I am proud of what I have achieved - most things that didn't go according to plan were down to other people, not me!



    Like you said, people who helped (best man, bridesmaids), weren't really briefed until the day before, which made things a bit difficult.



    And also like you, the way I feel at the moment is that I will never again make the mistake of thinking I can totally trust and rely on my friends. Yes my best friend is still someone I can have a good laugh with and even feel close to, but I will always now be wary of assuming I can rely totally on her. I have realised my family and husband are the only ones that I can really rely on (my husband somethimes lets me down with small things but I still know he loves me and will always be there for me). I will put all my efforts into my family.
  • Well you MOH sounds like a spoilt brat - who cares where she got her dress from and that it was a bargain and why should she care who you told, for god sake why is it so hard for her to realise that it was your big day and that no one cares about her dress or what it cost. She sounds very jealous and bitter, is she in a relationship? If you want my opinion I wouldnt make any more efffort with her. Life is too short to be surrounded my people who bring you down and who go out of their way to ruin what is meant to be the most important day of your life. I would feel soooo angry if i was you. She'll be the one who ends up lonely, friendless and very sad if she continues to treat people the way she treated you. I know of people like her and I get exhausted by their behaviour - it must take some energy for them to behave the way they do! Hun I'm sure you have got other friends who you know won't let you down and who you know won't be as petty as to get annoyed at you telling people how much their stupid dress was!
  • mrshelen74mrshelen74 Posts: 9,282
    us brides put pressure on ourselves for the perfect day, its so not right. Please dont get too down you have marriedthe man you love
  • Hi Froogies,

    I'm so sorry you feel badly about your day - I'm starting to think this is not uncommon (there is a thread on "Marrieds" called "Biggest Regrets" or something which was good to read. Like you, I had some bad feelings about my day afterwards. I did actually have a lot of fun on the day but afterwards I did feel like it went too fast, I felt alone for much of the day (I spent most of the time at the reception talking to 100 people for 5 mins each, hubby was off talking to his friends a lot). We came from overseas for the wedding and there were so many people we had to see. At the end of the day my hair was a mess, my nose was red, I don't know what my bridesmaids were doing?! Half the pictures turned out badly afterwards because I was slouching, no one was around to tell me to stand up straight?? After the wedding my mum had a huge go at me about a photo that I took with my dad, and whinged and whinged which totally pi$$ed me off - I thought it was sposed to be my day, um not hers??! Also the photographer took a gorgeous picture of me and hubby at the door of the church but put the flower girl in front of us!! She looks like our child in the picture!! (shes my neice and I love her but that picture looks really weird now). I had sleepless nights over that picture because it would have been lovely to frame and we don't have one like it. (I have been looking into the wonders of photoshop, even though it seems a bit wrong to remove a child from a picture!!). Also I lost a diamond necklace that my dad had specially designed for me on my honeymoon because I was so exhausted and we moved hotels 3 times and so god knows where it went. I spent the first 2 weeks after the honeymoon stressed and crying because of these reasons but now I think these things are all going to mesh in my memories to make the whole day more memorable. My best friend and I already are having laughs over all the family drama. (We got told off for not inviting the two children of Great Uncle Fred - or whatever his name is - who we have NEVER met, and the boy looks MISERABLE throughout all the pics, and actually fell asleep on the table - hes 13!! and they gave us a 2nd hand card. I mean, thats just hilarious!!).

    I think in time these things will just because part of the tapestry of the wedding day and hopefully I will have some stories to tell my grandkids about it. I'm starting to think much more positively about the day, I hope you do too. And dont worry about other brides saying their day was perfect as I'm sure everyone had something that stressed about!

    best of luck xxxx
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Thanks, Hel26. My mum kept saying maybe she was jealous (in the run up to the wedding; I never told anyone about the little falling out we had afterwards including the dress comment, as it was too hurtful to discuss); I said I couldn't see how she could be jealous, as she recently got engaged to her boyfriend and will have any wedding she likes as her dad is rich and will pay for it all, whereas we paid for it ourselves (with a little help from my mum) and did it on a budget.



    I said I was hurt she left without saying goodbye, her initial response was that comment about the dress. And even if I had said it was a bargain, well all the better for her - I'd have been pleased for her that she hadn't had to spend a lot - I could understand her being hurt if I had paid for it then said it was a bargain, but she paid for it, so the cheaper the better in my eyes!!



    I do have other friends, but I don't feel as close to them and don't feel like I can tell them anything, like with her.
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Thanks, helen74 and aussiebride to be!
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Everyone on here has been so supportive - thank you.
  • robstersgirlrobstersgirl Posts: 4,164
    I pretty much hated my wedding day although looking back at the slideshow of it ,it seems a lot happier then I felt on the day,my hubby always calls me selfish when I try to explain to him what an ant-climax it was for me.

    The biggest reason was that only 1 member of my family turned up on the day image and I later found out that my brother had been at the registery office all day that day wating on a birth certificate and hid when i turned up to avoid seeing me on my big day.

    There are parts of my day I loved but on the whole it was a huge disappointment to me, at least the photos don't show it though image
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402
    Hi robsterswife, oh I'm so sorry, that must have been awful for you, especially the way your brother behaved.



    When I try to explain to my husband how \i feel, he thinks I'm saying we had a crap wedding day. I'm not saying that, just that it wasn't all exactly what I'd hoped for and that certain things are depressing me at the moment.
  • robstersgirlrobstersgirl Posts: 4,164
    Thats exactly the same problem I have ,he takes it to mean I think our marriage is crap ,I have given up talking about it to him now , I keep saying the renewal of vows will be better but he says that does'nt happen for 25 years eek.

    Here's the slideshow of my day (minus the right music)



    I don't remember it being as happy as it looked though it's really weird,I'm glad in a way we done it on a budget as I think I would have been even more gutted if we had spent 10's of K's on it.
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