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2nd time around - pre-wedding rows - wobbles or doubts?

hi everyone



I'm due to get married for the second time in August this year.



My relationship with my h2b has always been quite stormy, there is a bit of an age gap (he is younger by 7 years) and it took me a while to get my head round being in another relationship after my divorce.



He is letting me down constantly over some money stuff at the moment, nothing serious but I have paid for a few wedding bits on my credit card which he said he would give me the money for but hasn't yet and I desperately need it by Friday otherwise I will have to get the money from somewhere else.



he genuinely is forgetful, he's not malicious but he is also dragging his heels on some stuff to do with the mortgage too and it's all too much to cope with.



Both of us are happy with me being in control regardng money etc (I wouldnt be able to cope if I wasn't, took me a lot of hard work to get things straight again after the divorce) but he really is being monumentally useless right now.



Now I am having big doubts. I knew I was going to have them anyway because its second time round and it's a big big commitment especially after the first time went so wrong.



So.... what is the difference between wobbles and genuine stop the wedding doubts?



I can't really talk to family and friends about this, they know we tend to fight a lot and it generally blows over. I don't want to threaten to call the wedding off but at the moment it seems very tempting as this is the one thing I can do that will make him see how serious it is and how much he is hurting me.



All a bit of a jumble, sorry, just needed to vent a little and see if anyone else is 2nd time round and getting the jitters.



thanks everyone

xxx

Posts

  • teeniukteeniuk Posts: 1,046
    Awwwwww hun.

    Its 2nd time round for me to hun.

    I would say you need to have a good chat with H2B and explain how you are feeling the financial strain and that he needs to do his bit a little more, marriage is a partnership afetr all!!!

    Also tell him about your wobbles but explain that its because you have been through a painful divorce and are anxious about not having to go through it again.

    Personally I think everyone has some sort of wobble at some point but I myself have never had ANY doubts as th whether im doing the right thing getting married again, my H2B is my true soul mate and I know that I got married the first time for the totally wrong reasons, what i have now is TRUE TRUE love and its something i've never felt like this before over anyone, we have been together for some time now and we do have our ups and downs like everyone but he (and my children) is my life and I could never imagine my life without him. (as cheesy as that sounds lol)

    Maybe its just the financial stuff thats getting you down?? if you didnt have the money worries would things be A-ok or would there still be cracks and doubts about your relationship??? I would say talk to him love, get it all off your chest and see how the land lies then. Dont make any rash decisons yet, see how you feel once you have talked it through.

    Hope this helps.

    Nicki xx
  • racerbirdracerbird Posts: 49
    he has started a new job recently and I have tried to be supportive of this, but he has had a month to get the money to me and a month to get the paperwork sorted.



    Money is what we fight about the most, and this is what I find the hardest to get used to about being back in a relationship, that we will have joint finances and I will end up sorting his finances out as well as my own.



    I am someone who doesnt borrow or lend money from/to people I know, but he doesnt seem to mind, and this has led to a couple of embarrassing situations for me when people have asked when they are going to get their money back. This sounds awful and I feel like such a mug for being so trusting in him. He always gets money back to me eventually, but I don't think he gets how stressed out I get over it all.



    Everyone going into it second time round seems so sure, which makes me thing i am on the verge of making a very big mistake yet again. I have to be really sure either way this time, as there will be no going back if I call the whole thing off, and if I go ahead with it and change my mind it will finish me off I think!



    thanks for posting your experiences though, it has really helped me think.
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