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If you want to invite evening guests to day if you get declines, when you send invites?

Hi Everyone,

I am trying to get our invites out just now but am stuck on something so wondering if you would be able to suggest what you would do?

We are inviting evening guests & day guests. However, if we get declines from day guests there are some evening guests we want to ask to the day but can't currently because of numbers at the venue/our budget. But these guests are related to people who are on the day list, so if we send out day invites first and wait for declines, then send evening invites & any additional day invites we can later, the people who get their invites later may be offended at the later invitation I imagine?

To explain as an example -

- Great Aunt & Uncle are invited to the day. Their children & their grandchildren are invited to the evening. But if we get declines, we want to invite their children/grandchildren to the evening. (There are about 5 families that we have invited like this, except the children/grandchildren of 1 great aunt/uncle are invited to the day now as my parents are very close to them but less so to the others).

Should I send out day invites & evening invites at the same time and then if I get any declines from day guests, just phone and explain to the evening guests we would like to invite to the day?

Or should I just send day invites first and wait for declines, then send evening invites later and any additional day invites to the people on the evening list we are now inviting to the day after declines? I am concerned about this option as the Great Aunts/Uncles will have their day invites, but their children/grandchildren would then only get an evening invite or day invite later on depending on declines, so is may seem rude to evening guests who are only invited to day later.

Sorry for the long post! I'm wondering what you would do in this situation? I would just go for the 2nd choice if the evening & day guests didn't know each other but as they are the same family, that doesn't work and I am worried about offending someone. Any ideas on how to do this simply?

Many thanks!


  • mrsrhmrsrh Posts: 433
    I think you're right to think that by holding back their invites they will or may feel forgotten or offended that they haven't received an invite too (especially as their parents will have received their day invites), and i can see that if they weren't invited it would make it easier to hold back on the evening invites until day invite replies are back in.

    The only thing i can ask is - what happens if out of the 5 families where you want to upgrade them if day guests decline, what happens if you can only upgrade 1 or 2 of them? Is it all 5 or none at all? Which one's get preference? Will that cause issues? What happens if no day guests decline? Personally i would just invite them to the evening and treat them all the same. We've done that with plus one's of cousins to save confusion and stress (due to some having plus one's and other's not, we've not invited plus one's as we don't know them anyway - i know its not the same as your dilemma but we've treated them all the same).

    Are there other friends/relatives who won't know they've not initially received an invite and therefore just be happy with their invite when it arrives?

    Sorry i've not been of much help.
  • Treating them all the same makes a whole lot more sense! I had initially wanted to ask just all of the parents from the 5 families to the day and the rest of them to the evening, but my parents have specifically asked for 2 of the children/partners & grandchildren to come (this adds up to 15 people as one of the grandchildren has 5 kids who are all invited). So we have gone with the decision that it would be an exception for those people to be invited to the day because they are a lot closer to the family.

    My thinking is that if we were going to go with inviting those who are currently invited to the evening to the day instead of the evening, it would need to be all of the families (13 more people) otherwise it would be too hard to work out which to invite & just feel very rude, at least it feels like there is some semblence of a rule/exception just now rather than just leaving people out. We have an ok chance of getting 13 declines from our day list as H2B has a large family but they live elsewhere so not many are likely to travel. But I want to make sure before I assume image

    Your questions are making me think that it might make more sense to send all of the invites at once and then phone people and explain should we be able to invite them to the day instead of the evening. It's not ideal to have broken the list up as it is but it has taken months of discussion to get it where it is, so being honest with people is probably the best way forward rather than sending out evening invites later with some day invites with a later rsvp when their parents already have theirs.
  • We have the same problem and I've sent out all the invites - I've sent evening invites to guests that may be bumped up to day later. My mum said we could just pretend we sent them the wrong invite but I disagree and think I'll be honest with them and explain that we were really limited for numbers, but thankfully we have space for them for the whole day and would love it if they could come. I wouldn't be offended as a guest to be bumped up to day so hopefully they wont be either - people understand weddings are expensive x
  • MayBride - thank you! My Mom has a similar idea but I didn't feel comfortable with this. Hearing that someone else is sending them all out at the same time and then explaining later if we can ask them to the day has made my day! I am finishing the evening invites tonight and they are all going together - thank you!!
  • mrsrhmrsrh Posts: 433
    Just be aware that there are people who you definitely think won't travel/come but accept your invitation and there's bound to be someone who declines (without reason) who you really thought would come.

    The RSVP's are annoying me at the mo, we've had a loads of acceptances/declines (some on both sides we expected, some we didnt) but it's the one's who are still 'not sure if they can make it or not' that are driving me mad - they've had the invites for 6 weeks, rsvp by date is in 2 weeks but can stil see me waiting for these last few then lol
  • we have a 'bump up' list.

    day invites will go out in March with a return by end of April then evening and any extra day invites will go out.
  • july2011july2011 Posts: 817
    Personally, I'd invite the day to the day and the evening to the evening at the same time.

    If you get any drop outs, then phone up the evening guests and explain. If you're worried they'd be offended with the truth, say something like "we have been talking and we should have invited you to the day do, it would really mean a lot for us to have you there" Apologise and say that you should have invited them in the first place.
  • mrsrh2b - I know what you mean about people not doing as you expect with the declines/acceptances. We have already had 2 declines from save the dates (was surprised people did so at that stage) who we were adament would be coming so that has changed it. And I can well guess we will be having people saying they are coming who we don't expect to come!

    Thanks for all of your help ladies, I am going to send them both at the same time then just phone and explain if necessary.
  • lindsayulindsayu Posts: 1,939
    Different point of view: we're just going to keep the day people to the day and evening to the evening! We're assuming we'll get some declines but we're just going to look at it at either money saved / money to spend elsewhere!
  • flower88ukflower88uk Posts: 1,350
    i have the exact same problem too- we sent out day invites and evening invites but now some of the day people can't come.

    so i'm thinking of inviting some of the evening people to the day but don't know how to go about asking them ????? any suggestions???

    edit: to reply to lindsay- we have to have 50 people there because we've booked 50 we pay for 50 even if they don't come image

  • sazbobsazbob Posts: 26
    We have sent all our invites out together and if we have declines then will bump up evening guests. I think like you said, honesty is the best policy, just be truthful and let them know why it's changed image
  • YikesyYikesy Posts: 35
    Just to throw this into the mix - we know that we can have 100 people during the day and the rest we'll have in the evening. Therefore, we sent out 100 invitations 5 months before the wedding, got the RSVPs back (and bugged those who didn't RSVP so we knew!!). Now we're about to send out the second batch of invitations three months before the wedding, some day, some evening now that we've got a better idea of what's going on.

    I know that doesn't really help you flower88uk... you could perhaps tell the evening guests you want to bump up that the venue made a mistake with the number of day guests you could have, and now that you know you can have more you'd love for them to be there during the day?? Would that sound plausible?!
  • flower88ukflower88uk Posts: 1,350
    i can't see why it wouldn't sound plausible, i just really don't want them to think they are afterthoughts- because they really aren't.
  • When's the wedding? You could send save the dates if it's a long way off I found people replied to those even without the invites. Worth a try?
  • flower88ukflower88uk Posts: 1,350
    i've found a solution- tell the truth, then tell them why they weren't invited in the day to start with- i've told two people this now, they are both thrilled to be invited in the day and understood why we couldn't do that before.
  • I've been invited to an evening reception, but then nearer the time upgraded to wedding twice.

    The first was a good friend, who were on a tight budget and small venue and could only have 50 guests. I was rather narked by evening invite, but about a fortnight after evening invite arrived we were telephoned and promoted to day. My friend said he was really pleased when family members cancelled, allowing them to have more friends!

    The second time, it was a friend, but not a good friend, and we had an evening invite. I'm also a second cousin to the groom, as well as being friends. They had a last minute cancellation, and still had to pay in full for these two people, as the food had been ordered. Our friend asked us, if we'd got anything on in the day, and would we like to come for day, rather than them paying £100 for nobody! I think some people would have taken offence, but it was a lovely wedding, we knew lots of people, and really enjoyed it. We never expected a day invite, so it was a bonus.
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    BE honest, send invites all at same time and then if get declines approach those that are coming in evening and say now in position to invite to the day due to some others not being able to come.

    We bumped up 8 people from evening to day the day before the wedding due to others not being able to come due to the snow and illness. All those we approached were delighted and all came to the whole thing!!
  • Send out DAY invites to those who you suspect may not make it FIRST. Then once you have rsvp back (you could give these ones an earlier date than other people!) Dependant upon their answer, you then send day invites to your day reserve list (should they have said no). Hope this makes sense?!
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