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Hen do woes

Hi ladies,

Just need a bit of a vent here, so please excuse me for having a good old moan.

Getting married in October, most things are sorted now. We only got engaged in April so it's all happened quite quickly, but I've really enjoyed the wedding planning and haven't found it too stressful at all.

So I'm pretty suprised that the hen do is the thing which has caused me the most upset and stress out of everything.

I have moved around quite a bit so have never been lucky enough to have a large group of friends who I've grown up with (I'm also not great at keeping in touch). When it came to arranging my hen I wanted something to keep everyone happy and not too expensive. I originally wanted a wild weekend in Blackpool or Manchester, but thought that would be too costly and may alienate some of my friends who aren't into that scene. So I decided to keep it local, with a meal near my house, a few drinks back at mine before heading into town (Preston). I invited 16 people in total, booked it for 15th September. Was originally going to be fancy dress, but I changed this again to hopefully include more people (not everyone likes fancy dress).

A few people can't come because they're on holiday - fair enough. A few just haven't bothered to respond, which I think is a bit rude. 2 people who I thought of as good friends have said they don't want to come to the meal but "might try" to come out to town after (call me cynical but I'd put money on them not showing up). 

So right now I have a grand total of 7, including me. I'm sure I'll have a nice time with those who are coming, but just feel really hurt and let down by the others. It sounds mean and bitchy but I'm almost wishing I hadn't invited some to the full wedding day, and just to the evening do instead if they can't make the effort for me. I always make the effort to see them, and am going out for one of their 30th birthday parties the weekend after the hen do, even though I'm very short on money at the moment. 

Feels like they'll come to the wedding cos they don't need to spend any money, but not the hen do if it means paying for their own meal!!! (I can't afford to pay for everyone at the hen do, facing redundancy at the moment whilst paying for a wedding - not good!)

It's also not exactly helping my confidence right now, feeling like a bit of a loser with no friends to be honest. 

Rahhhh sorry for the big long essay but just needed to let it out!!!


  • uglybuffyuglybuffy Posts: 201

    7's not so bad.  I was recently at a really fun hen party of 7.  I would chase up the non responders, just in case.  Good luck!

  • flossycat100flossycat100 Posts: 6,527 New bride

    I think the 7 who are coming wil make up for those who don't! You won't notice so long as everyone enjoys the evening. I didn't bother with a Hen in the end because of similar problems- I was trying to organise my own and it became such a pain in the backside trying to find a date everyone could make that I ended up junking the idea.

    Sometimes people don't see a Hen do as the top of their list of priorities, sadly, and it's natural that life will get in the way of the best-laid plans x

  • manfawmanfaw Posts: 2,756

    It could be worse.  I have no idea how many people will be at mine as I am not organising it.

    I agree with Flossy that the 7 that do come will more than make up for those that don't and I bet you have a brilliant night anyway image

  • I know how you feel.  I had a really CRAP hen do and was left with 4 friends in the end and we made the most of the night.

    Quality is better than quantity.  Rather have those there that make an effort and want to be there.  Just remember, some of your friends may be jelous and that is why they don't want to make the effort.  They may be feeling envious that the night will be about you!

    Just don't make an effort with them in future.  Relationships are 2 way streets, if they don't treat you like you treat them then just don't make an effort with them anymore.



  • Thanks for your replies ladies image 

    Feeling a lot better about things today. Not least because I now have 11 (!!!) who have said they're coming to the meal! I think they'll just be 6 of us heading into town afterwards, but as you guys have said I'm going to be grateful for those who are making the effort and I'm not going to waste anymore time stressing over those who can't even be bothered to reply (coincidentally, some of those are ones who haven't even RSVP'd to the evening wedding invite - rude!!).

    Italybride wrote (see)

    Just don't make an effort with them in future.  Relationships are 2 way streets, if they don't treat you like you treat them then just don't make an effort with them anymore.



    Sooooo true! Just a shame it takes a happy occassion such as a wedding to realise who the true friends are xxx

  • I am in exactly the same situation at the moment. I know life gets in the way for people and 2 have babies and they dont have as much money as they used to but just feel like they cant be bothered to be there for me at the moment. Im trying to please everyone and i have been told off numerous times for this because its my day. People telling me to go and book it the people that do go will more than make up for those who dont. I just feel it wont be the same with those i want there. I just feel like not bothering with anything. Ive changed the details of the hen do twice now. No bridesmaid has offered to take it off my hands for me. Just feel hurt by it all lately. Maybe im starting to regret my decision in bridesmaid area. image

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