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unenthusiastic bridesmaid

I dont have many girlfriends so I have only asked one girl who i went to uni with to be a bridesmaid - we dont see each other much (we went to uni in scotland but i live in cardiff now and she lives in london so we only really see each other if we're both visiting family on the same weekend) and in all honestly over the last few weeks ive been doubting why i asked her and that it was a bit weird. 


anyway ive stuck with it and was planning to order her dress this weekend - the multiway bhs one since they have 25% off til tomorrow. I asked her if i should order it and she was like "yeh whatever you want" she said she'd have a look in bhs store which she has and they didnt have any. so she said i could order it if i wanted.  I asked her if it would be a small shed need (bearing in mind the small is a 6-10) and she replied saying whatever i thought, maybe a small maybe a medium and starting going on about how she was going out with friends today and how much she was looking forward to it. All she had to do was tell me what size - but i feel like shes maybe feeling a bit the same as i do, not sure why i asked etc? 

The other thing thats bothering me now is as costs have escalated we cant really afford to have any flowergirls/paigeboys at the moment (thankfully we hadnt asked them yet) but as time goes on i feel more and more guilty that i have an uninterested bridesmaid where as on the other hand the kids (who are family/god children) would be so exicted. 

I'm seriously considering telling the girl the financial situation and asking if she would be offended not being part of the bridal party. 

i really dont know what to do, my head is banging from tying to work it out!! 


  • y5c6y5c6 Posts: 467

    I personally think you need to go with your gut instinct and do what feels right for you.  If you are on a budget and feel that your family/god children would be more excited about it then that in turn will make you more excited also.  I would just explain your financial situation and see what she says.

  • thanks y5c6 - im just feeling pretty awful that im even considering relieving her of her duties but at the same time i want people who are involved to have at least some enthusiasm. 

  • explain due to finances you cant afford to buy everything for her, giving her the choice of whether she wants to pay and still be a bridesmaid or 'opt out' and just be a guest.

  • We can afford to have the bridesmaids and the flower girls and page boy but I have 2 very uninterested bridesmaids!! The issue that I have is one is my sister the other my cousin! I also have two very involved bridesmaids (my 2 best friends) so thats good! Im at the point where I think why am I bothering! I went dress shopping for my dress last week I invited all the bridesmaids and my sister and cousin didnt even bother replying!! The dresses I have chosen are reasonable so thats a bonus Iv told them im not paying for make up or shoes. Each girl is costing me about £110 including their gift but I always wanted the dont tell the bride experience but im now past caring!!! I have arranged a trip to London to get the bridesmaids dreses foll

  • followed by a trip to the Excel wedding show I have told them if they dont come then they dont get a dress and they cant be a bridesmaid!!!

  • Love it! I cant believe your sister isnt interested - altho i think id actually prefer if my bridesmaid was a relative, least that way i'd probably have chosen her since shes family rather than someone i consider a friend so i wouldnt care so much! Between dress, shoes, make up and hair and gift my bridesmaid is costing around £300, i just feel like shes being really ungrateful - i could have asked her to do/pay for her own make up and hair but i havent. 

  • I know im pretty upset that both her and my cousin arent interested as we prob have been planning our weddings since we were kids. I was pretty strict as to what I was willing to pay for as I have 4 bridesmaids, 2 flower girls and a page boy. The H2B has 2 best men (one is his 9 year old son) and an usher so we have a load of people to dress and buy gifts for!

  • I wish i had thought of doing that sooner!! thanks for the support tho, its good to know that someone else is struggling with bridesmaids being uninterested! 

  • Iv been so worked up I was making myself sick!!! I know exactly what your going through xxx

  • I got engaged last may. The only contact I've had with one bridesmaid since then has been an email exchange regarding going for dress fittings before Christmas. It had been arranged for a month and the week before I emailed all involved to remind them all and she replied saying she couldn't make it.

    I've heard nothing from her since. Not even when I posted on Facebook about an emergency trip to the hospital. Very odd. I've obviously upset her somehow.
  • Cant believe weddings cause so much stress!! they are meant to be one of the happiest days of your live but all they cause is upset and family feuds! I wanted to go abroad to avoid all this crap - i think thats why its bothering me so much now!! 

    ThePsephologist thats terrible, what are you going to do?? 

  • To be honest, I've decided she's not going to take part. I'm goin to wait to see if she makes any contact at all before I say anything.
  • I thought about doing the same with this one, just waiting and seeing if she bothers to ask whether or not i bought the dress or not. Think ill let the dust settle then tell her the finances arent going to stretch and we are only going to include family in the bridal party - hopefully she'll understand. 

    I hope everything sorts itself out for you image Its giving me a headache with everything, not sure how many numbers to book what for now! 



  • I also have a get uninterested sister as a bridesmaid and am seriously considering saying don't bother! She has done nothing but moan about the fact that we are getting married at 12.30pm because it will be a rush to get ready or if I do bring up the wedding she will change the subject. The latest issue is the hen wedding. We are currently not talking due to her blowing up at me about her inviting her freind along to it without asking me. The words you could have asked me came out of my mouth and she literally went for it saying how she needs to make sure she'd has a good time and went even crazier when I told her it is MY hen weekend!! I won't get at my wedding but the thought of having her as a bridesmaid makes my blood boil at the moment image xx
  • * I want her at the wedding that should say x
  • Sashaj05 hav things calmed down any? image Having heard everyones experiences on here, and after speaking to my 'aunt' (my mums best friend) whos daughter is getting married in spetember ive decided im going to ditch her...everyone keeps telling me its my day and bridesmaids are supposed to be supportive! At the moment im not sure who i will ask instead but having none seems better than having one uninterested one! 

  • Just remember it's YOUR day. Don't let anything make you look back and regret a choice.

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