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Bridesmaid

Hi All

I just need to vent before i explode

I have 2 bridesmaid and im not getting married until June next year so there is time to recover this situation.

I went with bridesmaids on several dress finding shopping trips and we finally found the ones back in March. Now one of my ladies is large im talking size 20 but that doesnt matter to me. Back in March i checked she was happy to be measured as she was on a diet and she said yes.

I have seen her loads of times since and she wears baggy clothes I did ask the diet was goig and got mixed reviews from her but she confimed she has not put any on.

The dresses arrived 4 weeks ago and i let the ladies know and we went on Saturday to collect.

When they tried them on a size 26 was too big for my bigger bridesmaid so we ordered her a size 24 which she was digusted at hence her saying she was going to keep going withthe diet.

She came out the changing room and the dress didnt fit not due to them having ordered the wrong size but because she has put on at least 2 stone, The lining of the dress didnt even pull down let alone the rest of it. Even the original size 26 was too small that the shop had

To start with i couldnt speak, i think my face said it all.

Why oh why after you have had a dress fitting would she put on that amount of weight?

im feeling awul at the moment as its going to be a case of if the dress doesnt fit then she cant be my bridesmaid. Am i wrong? I know we have until april for final fitting but can she loose the weight she has already had 5 months and has put it on

RRRRRR bridesmaids

Posts

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    to be honest although this a set back for you i think you should calm down - as a curvey/chubby girl myself its difficult to diet as a bride i gained almost 2 stone just from stress eating and i was ment to be on a diet

    ur bridesmaid has ages to slim down - maybe the diet isnt right for her - try and be supportive rather than thinking about ur wedding - im sure she feels like crap gaining weight and will not want to be bigger and on show at ur wedding - also its a differnt diet thought when u have a year to lose complared with 5months for example

    why dont you go a a slimming class with her or go walking/jogging as im sure as a bride u might be trying to slim down urself or just toneup? ask what kind of diet she is doing too as its prob just not working - i have tried loads and they only work for a little while until i realised i was slimmer before i tried to diet (all my diets say cut out bread and most other carbs - i love bread! - but in taking out filling items i ate smaller heathier meals but i was hungry so ate more crap i have now started eating bread etc again and have lost 6 lbs in 3 weeks and all im doing is cutting down on junk but having sandwiches, pasta etc instead of a salad)

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    I can understand that you will be totally harassed by this situation because you probably feel that you have enough going on but it probably doesn't come as close as how bad she feels about the situation. You said that she was disgusted at being a size 22 so imagine how bad that will have been when the size 24 didn't even fit anymore. Your saving grace is that you have a good bit of time left but in the event that she is unable to lose the weight in time I think in this situation you need to forget about the whole bridesmaid situation (yes you will have wasted money buying a dress at a time when you are just losing cash all the time) but I would assume that the day after your wedding - you still want to have a friend. xx

  • tonskytonsky Posts: 154 New bride

    Thankyou ladies your right i definatelyd ont want to loose a good friend over this and as i say i dont really see her weight it just shocked me on saturday after everything she had been saying.

    She keeps doing the cambridge diet but as soon as she comes off it puts twice as much back on

    I have tried encouragement, offering to meet for swimming, walking etc beucase your right im trying to loose weight myself and have lost half a stone already and maintained that even though i went on holiday and had a binge

    Im hoping the shock of the dress not fitting might give her the much needed budge to do something about it, i have tired, her doctor has tried as we are worried about her health as well.

    It was just she told me she had not put on any weight that shocked me i would rather she was honest if i had known i would have suggested just taking the dress and her try on in private rather than in a shop full of brides and people.

    Also on top of this my dress has arrived and its had to be sent back due to being poorly made and from the wrong material so please dont think i have anything against big girls im not a size 10 by any means its just the whole situation of being honest that i think has got to me.

    I just needed to vent if that make sense rather than keeping it bottled up and stressing more.

     

  • JulyBugJulyBug Posts: 420

    Poor you tonsky, it sounds like you've got a lot going on! The one thing I'd try and think about in relation to your bridesmaid is that I'm SURE she wasn't 'lying' to you about her weight...she probably was in a situation where she didn't want to face it and was too scared to maybe check if her weight had gone up. I'm sure she was as shocked as you were when she realised the dress didn't fit - she's probably just been telling herself it's ok etc. I can totally understand that it's frustrating for you as you've paid the money etc - but you mentioned that you were upset that she hadn't been honest and I'm sure she wasn't doing this in any way to lie to you or anything like that. 

    Once you've calmed down about it (and again - I totally get why it's frustrating for you), maybe just think for a moment about how she must have felt, it must have been so awful and humiliating to have people there (you, the staff at the shop etc) and try on a dress that is way too small for her. She must have wanted to go home and hide! I do hope she manages to lose some because it sounds like it's making her miserable. Maybe make it clear to her that you want her to lose weight if she wants to not for your wedding as it could be that she is feeling a lot of pressure and that's making her panic and eat out of stress? That's just a thought but maybe worth talking it through with her. I really hope it all works out and she's able to be there with you as your bm on your big day!

    And I also really hope you manage to sort out your dress situation, that sounds really stressful!

  • tonskytonsky Posts: 154 New bride

    thanks Julybug its just nice to talk it through and your help is great and your right as the bride you can be so focused and only see your point of view so i really appreciate the help

    My dress will be ok my mum is on the case with that and also the bridal shop. Its an eternity brides dress so a good make so god knows what has gone on there but i have hope.

    my BM is now on 2 weeks hols so ill leave her till she gets back as she is out of the country then have a chat with her. Your right i couldnt do it at the weekend way too many emptions going on. im trying to be so considerate of everyones feelings this is the one place i felt i could let off steam and people not take offence, just offer help which is what both you lovely ladies have done so thankyou, i really do appreciate it

    xxxxx

  • PopsyxxPopsyxx Posts: 1,009

    Like you say yoi have plenty of time to time to sort it. I know how horrible it feels to have to admit you are a bigger size. I never admitted to anyone I was a size 24, in the last 18 months I have gone down to a size 17. So pleased!! She still has time to loose weight, why don't you look for a dress with a lace up for her? And agree on a size say a 22? So she has a target and support her. Exercise together etc and Atleast a lace up gives and takes a little too xx

  • tonskytonsky Posts: 154 New bride

    Hi Popsy

    Well done you thats great news do you mind me asking how you did it? as id like to give her some ideas as encouragement.

    Unfortuately we have the dress as she was measured in march saying she would not put any on and its already a lace up back. The lady showed us how to make the lace up back a bit bigger but thats not the problem its the dress physically cannot be pulled past her hips as her bum is stopping it. Unfortunately when she puts weight on its the bum area

     

  • PopsyxxPopsyxx Posts: 1,009

    Thank you, meant to say size 16 not 17! Lol 

    i used my fitness pal so calorie counted everything, absolutely love it! You can eat whatever you want! If your eating out it isn't the end of the world just count the calories! I also started excercise. and it's mainly since then the inches have fallen off! I go to boot camp 4 times a week, if I could go more then I would. 

    People say then don't have tine but if you really want something you will make time for it! I work 12 hour days but still manange to go to a class! 

    Recently my weight wasnt budging so I started to take herbalife shakes just one in the morning and still eating healthy meals for lunch and dinner and I actually snack a lot more now then I ever have done and in the last month lost another half a stone! 

    now aiming for three stone image 

     

    hope that helps, any other questions just ask image xx 

  • tonskytonsky Posts: 154 New bride

    Thankyou popsy thats really great guidance i really appreciate it and ill be sure to pass on the hints and tips i think it's what she needs rather than being stuck on a liquid diet she needs a bit of exercise to start the process

     

    Keep going you can make the 3 stone loss

  • PopsyxxPopsyxx Posts: 1,009

    Thank you. 

    Are you quite close friends? It can be sooo daunting going to a exercise group as the biggest girl. 

    If you don't mind doing the classes with her you could say you want to get fit before the wedding, or if your close enough and feel you could say it just be open and say you want to support her and will go to classes with her to help loose weight. 

    I never thought I would say it but I love exercise!! Makes you feel so much better, so determined now especially after seeing results that I am having a personal trainer soon to knuckle down on my last few wobbly bits!! We are also getting married in Cuba so want to wear a bikini which I purchased my first one yesterday and it felt amazing!! 

    Even if she starts off by walking, its doing more then the people sat on the sofaimage 

    i have cried many times and also chucked up whilst at bootcamp but can honestly say it's so worth it!!

     

     

    sorry to have rambled on ???????? xx

  • Jomc11Jomc11 Posts: 484

    When we were ordering ours, 1 of my maids wanted to order a smaller size but i wasn't too keen but she was adamant, I eventually agreed but told them all after that day if the dress comes & any are too small, I ain't paying for a new one & they can pay us whats already been spent. might sound bit harsh but its a lot of money & I wasn't having the stress of that.

    Poor you, can you talk to her & see if there's any other issues why shes put weight on, i myself are constantly on a diet, my wedding dress doesn't zip all the way up yet but i have 5 months for it to do so & it will do, my aim is that it needs taken in! so i know how hard it is but if you have something to look forward to its a little (just a tad!) easier, speak to her & see if there's anything else, suggest going out walking (works wonders) start off 1/2 miles then up it every week or so, she does have plenty of time & possibly the stress of knowing sh had to fit the dress made her stress out & go the other way.

    Good Luck, keep us posted I want to know this all works out image

  • tonskytonsky Posts: 154 New bride

    thankyou popsy and jomc11 you have given me some great ideas and ill definately speak to her.

    Walking definately works i didnt used to do anything and im up 4 miles in an hour now and its paying off

    Unfortunately we are 45 minutes drive apart but we have known each other for years so ill see if there is someway half way we could meet for walk / exercise class so she is not doing it alone.

    I do think she has a few work problems and everything has got on top of her, i think i felt more hurt because i have problems with my dress as well so between the pair of us its a disaster at the moment but we can put it right

     

    I will defo keep you all updated

     

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