Sister wanting attention

I never thought I would resort to talking to strangers on the Internet but I need other opinions. I have only been engaged about a month and I am still quite excited planning the venue as we are not getting married for two years. So far we have viewed two venues together, however my partner has to work so can't see the other venue with me. Both my parents are working so I asked my future mother in law to join me especially as we get on really well. I told all of this to my sister who has completely flipped saying that I'm leaving her out. I informed her that I wanted some time with my future mother in law and felt it was appropriate to involve her as they are paying for half of the wedding. I reassured my sisiter that I would love either see a different venue with her or I would take her back to one of our other options. Here is where she went nuts telling me that I was excluding her and wasn't thinking of her at all and didn't care about her feelings and how as my sister she should come before my future mother in law. I calmly told her I do care but still wanted to spend some time with my partners mother. The phone call eventually ended with her shouting profanity down the phone at whigh point I put down the phone. At this point I was angry but unsurprised as this was normal behaviour for her. Either way I rang my dad to apologise for the back lash he was going to experience  (she lives at home), but was basically told that I was being unreasonable and should involve my sisiter more in the wedding planning. Again I have only been engaged a month other than venues and a quick look on pintrest I have done no planning. My question is am I in the wrong? I am quite upset as my dad is implying I am but my lovely partner says I have done nothing wrong. So which is it? 

Hope you can help me with this as I am starting dreading planning if this is what the next two years is going to bring. 

Posts

  • littlesislittlesis Posts: 22

    Ahhh sisters :) 

    I'm sorry you've had a stressful time to begin with and sometimes sisters can manage to agitate like no other people on the planet. 

    I would say that whilst you felt like you were doing a nice thing to make sure your FMIL was included, perhaps your sister felt that she would be your first port of call for all wedding related stuff. Of course there is no excuse for sweraring and shouting, but I know from personal experience sometimes people don't want to admit they feel hurt so they lash out instead (the fact that you were unsurprised about her behaviour tells me that you've been there before too!) 

    i don't think you're in the wrong at all, but for the sake of your sanity for the next couple of years, I would give it a few days for things to cool off and then maybe suggest something for your sister and you to do something together, perhaps create a Pinterest board for ideas that you share or look at bridesmaid dresses. I know it can feel really frustrating to essentially 'let her off the hook' but I suspect she just really wants to be involved and reacted in a very childish way. 

    Good luck! 

    X

  • Charlotte237Charlotte237 Posts: 274 New bride

    I don't think you're in the wrong in the slightest - I was nothing to do with both my brothers' wedding days (sisters are different though I guess)... However for the sake of keeping the peace and being the bigger person, maybe just bring her along, and get her involved as much as she wants to be; the Pinterest idea above is a good one; maybe get her starting her own board of ideas that you can look at together! 

  • Sarah398Sarah398 Posts: 266

    Oh dear!  This isnt going to be fun for you if this is what youre going to be dealing with for 2 years (you said this is normal behaviour from her, so going on that).

    Now before I get backlash - I'm not saying you should exclude people from wedding planning, it should be enjoyable & exciting for all & its nice to share these planning days with special people in the family (both sides), but as most of the posts on here testify, it cant always be like that.

    However, in my experience & opinion it may be worth thinking about keeping planning very much low key, keep only 1 or 2 people in the loop if you must.  

    I planned all my wedding with my H2B only, the only times I invited opinion was once when I first tried on dresses, which was my mother & BF, because I knew they would enjoy it more than me LOL!.

    Now you might think that im being miserable but now that im getting nearer to the wedding im excited that our wedding details will be a suprise for those attending. 

    You will find that people will start giving you thier opinions & making demands even when you thought they wouldnt be like that & it can cause a lot of stress for you.

    Congrats BTW XX

  • Sophie177Sophie177 Posts: 190

    Nope, I dont think you're in the wrong at all!  Sounds to me like she might be a bit younger and gets pandered to at home thou, from your fathers reaction, so expects to get whatever she wants.  I like the idea of creating pinterest board with her, but that might lead her to expect a major role (such as BM) which you may not have decided on yet.  I'd suggest being firm with both your sister and your dad saying its your wedding, not hers,that you're only just starting on this exciting time of planning your wedding, and you're sure there will be opportunities over the next year or 2 for her to be part of the planning.  

    hope that helps!

    x

  • Jenni8Jenni8 Posts: 3,201

    I don't think that you are in the wrong based on what you have said. My opinion on the subject is more in line with Sarah398. I dont think that sharing lots of planning is essential. Our day has only been planned by myself and H2B. No-one else has had input and no-one will. I prefer the element of surprise and think that this would be nicer as guest too! 

    Nevertheless, not many people think that way and as your sister, I bet she is excited to be involved. I wouldn't give in to the her demands re. the venue, but for the sake of peace, definitely show her pics of it, start a pinterest and share it with her, ask her to contribute to it/start her own for your wedding. Take into account any of her ideas and maybe take her dress shopping if you think she will be useful! Ask her for ideas (you dont have to take it into account!)

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