Hen disappointment

So I'm getting married in December and 2 of my best friends who are my bridesmaids are organising it. I am someone who never organises birthday plans or celebrations for me as I don't have massive group of friends and those I have are dotted around. 

 

I have 5 great old school friends, 3 of which I've known since I was 5 so we're pretty close, but other friends I've met throughout my career and not always stayed in great contact with, but we see each other a few times a year at least. I went to uni but don't talk to any of them anymore.

 

But in organising my hen I gave the BMs a list of about 12 people and they've all just dropped out other than the 5 old school friends. Not that their friendship isn't enough, but I now feel really pathetic and feel like not bothering. 2 of the 5 are very stuck in their ways so they won't want to do anything exciting anyway. Now it's going to just feel like any regular girls night that the 5 of us have anyway and so what's the point.

 

Thoroughly fed up! This is why I never bother with birthdays because it just ends up like this. My other friends who got married last year had so many people turn up and I actually feel embarrassed by my situation. Not that this matters, but I'm the one that went to uni and met a whole bunch of new people and have traveled and worked with great people so why can none of them make my he ? 

Posts

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 4,014 New bride

    I can empathise with not having a massive group of friends- and those I do have are spread from Newcastle to Southampton! In fact on these forums, the most common hen party related post you will see is from ladies who are worried they don't have enough friends! So I just wanted to let you know first of all that you shouldn't be embarassed or feel pathetic.

    I know it's a real bummer to have a lot of people drop out and just not bother to make the effort- you can't do anything about that apart from not bother to invite them in the future. As it's just you 6 now, can you do something nice for a small group like a spa day? There's a lot of pressure to have a big loud hen party with 20 or so girls, but that's just the popular image. One lady on here (I can't remember who sorry!) just had a hen party with her best friend and they had a lovely weekend just the two of them. The girls who are still coming and who want to organise it clearly do care about you having a hen party, so I'm sure you can still do something lovely.

  • MC98MC98 Posts: 211

    I felt exactly the same about mine- I had 7 girls there (one being my sister and one being my H2B's cousin- her inviting herself is another story lol), and one of my friends actually dropped out about an hour before we were expecting her! 

    BUT.. It was a really fun night, and I'm glad I had the time to spend quality time with the few friends who I care about the most! 

    If you're really worried about it being 'just a night out' then why not try and do something a little bit different (but not too 'out there') for those who aren't as adventurous- we went to a burger joint and did a cocktail class which was lots of fun.. We didn't go all out with sashes or badges etc (and not a willy straw in sight!!) but there are lots of little accessories you can get that make it obvious you're on a hen party! I had a little veil and some bride to be glasses!

    I'm rambling, but just try not to have too any expectations of what it *should* be, and enjoy the time you do have to spend with your absolute besties :) 

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  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    I had loads of people drop out of mine too. I think I started with 15 and ended up with 8. A few didn't even bother turning up then texted me to say that they weren't coming whilst we were sat eating our meal!!

     

  • MC98MC98 Posts: 211

    Bloody hell bella I'd be fuming! I know no one cares about a wedding as much as the bride and groom do, and you can't expect people to invest as much time and effort as you'd perhaps sometimes like.. BUT that is just plain rude- whatever happened to manners! 

    bella2015 wrote (see post):

    I had loads of people drop out of mine too. I think I started with 15 and ended up with 8. A few didn't even bother turning up then texted me to say that they weren't coming whilst we were sat eating our meal!!

     

     

  • MrsE2016MrsE2016 Posts: 1,209 New bride

    I've had this exact headache this week - there's only 6 of us on mine and my Mum & sister can't even be bothered to come. I purposely asked my friends who are organising to do something that was low key and quite close to home so that people didn't have to spend loads of money or travel far (and its only a Hen Night, not a weekend) but still people have dropped out. 

    I got really upset last night speaking to my other half - but then realised I should focus on the ones who do want to be there and make it amazing for me. 

    Try not to worry about it - it's better to have a small group of best friends than a large group of people who are there to 'make up the numbers'

    You'll have an amazing time xxx

  • MrsS85MrsS85 Posts: 688 New bride

    As already said its quality not quantity, some people have big friendship circles others don't, enjoy some quality time with your old friends.

  • Emma417Emma417 Posts: 241

    Thanks for your comments ladies, and you're right that I do need to focus on the people who do want to be there.

    Whilst I don't anything tacky, I'd be up for something more fun and crazy. I love a spa, but not what I saw myself doing on hen party and cocktail making we did for last friend's hens. 

    Now I feel like I'm going to be doing something to accommodate and please the ones that can come, as opposed to what I would want… Whilst a couple of my friends coming were happy with TGI Fridays for their own hen parties (and not for a cheaper option), I'd rather not bother at all than do that! Sorry I know that makes me sound like a complete bridezilla!

  • MC98MC98 Posts: 211

    I absolutely get that Emma417- if it's not something you want to do, then actually why bother.. And you could go to TGI's or somewhere similar any time, so it's not really special! 

    Have you had a google for things around you- I originally looked at Segway tours, escape rooms, vintage afternoon teas and even an unlimited pizza and prosecco afternoon before I settled on the cocktail class.. I'm sure you'll find something that feels more 'you' and I'm sure the girls will be more than happy to get involved!

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 4,014 New bride

    I'm considering doing a 'crafty' hen party class, where we can make fascinators (they also do them for garters or knickers etc)- what about something like that? Followed by a nice meal or afternoon tea!

    Also saw somewhere that does vintage style make overs and then pin up photo shoots- that looks fun but don't think I could persuade some of my hens into it!

  • Niki_84Niki_84 Posts: 77

    Sorry this is happening to you, Emma.

    I have to say that since we mentioned the date of our wedding and everything else following that, we have really seen the true colours of friends. We have become closer to some friends we were not as close to before and some "friends" have dropped off the radar!

    You will have an amazing time and the ones not coming will be the ones missing out. Not you.

    I'm all for a small group anyway! Much more intimate. I had 10 guests at my hen do which was just a lovely afternoon tea and even then, I didn't get to chat to 2-3 girls as much as I wanted. I would say my perfect number is between 4-8!

    Enjoy your day and try not to let it get you down. xxx

     

     

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  • Emma417Emma417 Posts: 241

    Thanks for the support ladies. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt like this.

    I do understand that everyone has their own lives and commitments and that my hen isn't necessarily that high up. But it's actually the ones with families and more financial pressures who are making the effort - so for this I am grateful. 

    I just hope my 2 BMs haven't put down any deposits yet, which they will end up losing. I'm meeting up with one tomorrow so we'll talk about it then. m 

  • NikkiMNikkiM Posts: 1,653 New bride

    Definitely don't worry. I've also had the upset at not having many friends to attend my hen do to the point I wanted my sister who is organising it to cancel it.

    I had a list of 9 plus me. My FMIL and FSIL dropped out after confirming they were coming and deposits needed paying. Another 'friend' decided she might go skiing instead although hadn't booked anything. My sister asked me to think of others to fill the empty spaces otherwise it would cost those going a lot more money. I think the hen do is being organised through a hen company so a weekend of activities had already been priced up by the company. I literally was down to asking my mum and sister if they had any friends they wanted to invite! One of my sister's friends is coming, which now means I'll have to invite her to the wedding. Luckily we get on quite well.

    The hen do isn't until the end of February but I'm already losing touch with one friend who literally was asked and asked and asked and asked to get her deposit paid in time. When I told her if she didn't pay it would mean she would lose her place, she seemed upset but didn't make any moves to get the money paid. It wasn't a case that she couldn't afford it, just that she was 'too busy' to get round to it. She finally did at the final minute after asking me for log in details for the website to pay her deposit - I wasn't supposed to know anything about the hen do so she messed up there.

    Now I struggle to stay in contact with her as she's always forgetting our catch ups, cancelling last minute, double booking stuff. I really wish she wasn't coming to the hen do now. However, I expect her to make her excuses as to why she can't pay/can't come nearer the time, which will make me happy. It's a shame as we used to be great friends but we became more and more distant over the years and she's surprised she's no longer considered a friend enough to be a bridesmaid! 

    So to cut a long story short, whilst I was initially upset about my lack of friends, I'd much rather spend quality time with the people I class as real friends who will be there for me for many years to come. 

  • Heather50Heather50 Posts: 121 New bride

    I had a weekend in York with my 2 bridesmaids and it was perfect! We spent the time doing what we wanted - a Turkish spa and then most of the time drinking in the sun. more people= more people to please so it was just such a nice and relaxing time. We still had a night out etc but sometimes less people definitely makes for a better time. less people means you will also get to spend more time with the people that matter so don't feel that it's a case of the more the merrier-just have fun with those that count xx

  • BekhaGBekhaG Posts: 586 New bride

    Hi Emma417, don't stree- its quality not quantity. I invited my 7 closest pals, my mum and FMIL and 2 uni mates. My mum lives abroad so didn't come back for a 1 night hen do and my uni mates couldn't make it due to the cost so it was me, 7 mates and my FMIL. We had a blast, I loved it. It didn't even occur to me to invite people from my wider circle of friends and work mates etc. I wanted it small :)

  • BekhaGBekhaG Posts: 586 New bride

    Don't stress that should say

     

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