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I'm new to the site, having only been engaged 3 weeks. I have a few concerns, and speeches is one of them.

Both my fiancee and father have both said they don't want to do a speech. I'm traditional and i would LOVE for them both to do a speech, doesn't have to be funny or long, even a 20 second speech will do me fine. 

So i have thought of me and my mother doing speeches instead, but i really want the 2 men in my life to do them. Is there a way i could try to convince them or should i just not have speeches??



  • MrsT2017MrsT2017 Posts: 224 New bride


  • MrsE2016MrsE2016 Posts: 1,210 New bride

    He might change his mind closer to the time but if he really isn't the type of person to do a speech, don't force him. 

    I've been to weddings where the groom has said very little & it's not an issue. Nowadays there isn't a set formula - brides do speeches (I did!), Maids of Honour, Mums, Brothers, Sisters, friends - your day is what you make it & if that means having less speeches or no speeches then so be it.

    Alternatively could they write something for someone else to read? Or pre-record some audio (even if its a poem or something) so that the pressure is off on the day?


  • Lexi90Lexi90 Posts: 971

    I would dread doing a speech too, so I totally understand him! 

    I did think maybe he could pre-record one? Or just say a little thank you to everyone. I agree you and your Mum can definitely do a speech- personally I think whatever you want goes at weddings nowadays! 

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I recently had to read a very short prayer at a funeral, I wanted to do it, I practised and was confident that Id be fine. And I was until I climbed up the steps and saw all those faces looking at me.

    I did it, but I was shaking for what felt like ages afterwards. It wasnt enjoyable.

    So thats reinforced to me that I wont put any pressure on anyone to speak, whether it be a reading or a speech. I think speeches are a little bit old fashioned anyway, and often very boring. Theres a set script that leaves not much room for originality. Father has to say how proud he is and make a joke about getting rid at last, groom has to thank everyone and say how beautiful his bride is, best man had to embarress the groom without crossing the line.

    If your fiance doesnt want to do a speech in front of everyone why dont you suggest writing each other a letter to read on the morning instead? You still get any gushy stuff he might have come up with without making anyone deeply uncomfortable.

    Ive seen people not eating, white as a ghost while they sit and dread reading their speech, it just seems a bit mean to me 😂

  • Libby13Libby13 Posts: 244 New bride

    I've been having a similar problem, my fiancé is absolutely terrified of public speaking and is dreading the speeches. He's even had nightmares about it 2 years before the wedding and doesn't like looking at wedding photography because it reminds him of the speeches :( our best man and my mum are happy to do speeches but my fiancé thinks it would look bad if they did one and he didn't. He also thinks it would be bad if he didn't do a speech and thinks everyone would be expecting it and thinking he hasnt bothered

    I've taken control of this and decided no speeches. I want my fiancé to look forward to our wedding, not be panicking in the lead up to it and I know he won't enjoy the day until the speeches were over. I have to admit I would have liked to hear a speech and also heard a funny one from the best man, but my fiancé being happy is way more important. 

    To be honest speeches are pretty boring, very cliche - people say the same things each time. The way I look at it is that without the speeches we will have longer to do the fun stuff i.e. Get the party started a little earlier!


    Definitely don't force your groom to make a speech, he will just be worrying all day. I think either you and your mum do one or dont do any at all. Maybe you and your fiancé should just stand up before the meal (get it over with then you dont have to think about it during the food) and say something like "We'll keep this short and sweet because we know how speeches can go on, but a huge thank you to everyone for coming and we hope you enjoy the rest of the day"

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    My husband was also petrified and was shaking whilst he was doing it but it was lovely in the end. His best man was the same and only decided the day before the wedding that he was doing a speech as he was so scared!!

    If they don't want to do a speech then suggest they do a toast instead.

    I do public speaking on a daily basis and it doesn't bother me but I know lots of people hate it.

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