Embarrassing the bride

So at the weekend I had my parents over, and had to have a firm word with my mum when she let slip that she was planning on setting up a table at the wedding full of old, embarrassing pictures of me as an awkward teenager. Not ones of h2b, or of us as a couple, just of me aged 14 wearing trouser skirts and my face covered in pimples. Yes, I get that they think it's cute and affectionate, but it's something for a 30th birthday party, not a wedding.

I've also had to clarify with h2b that his grooms speech should say nice things about me, when he started talking about how he was going to 'bust my chops' in it.

Is it only me that thinks deliberately embarrassing the bride on her wedding day is not funny?? I know I will have some cringey moments from the father of the bride speech and I expect that, but surely that should be it? Don't I get to be the elegant, beautiful bride on my wedding day? Shouldn't any pictures displayed be lovely romantic ones of our relationship? Shouldn't h2b's speech be about how much he loves me, not the time I ate a whole krispy creme dozen? Seriously people, you have the rest of my life to take the piss out of me, can't I get one day?!

I can trade bantz with the best of them, but I don't think I should be humiliated in front of a room full of people at my own wedding! Am I being too sensitive or do you agree with me? Is anyone else having this problem? Now I'm paranoid about what's going to be done and said on the day, argh!!

Posts

  • britbirdbritbird Posts: 1,472 New bride

    Light hearted banter is perfectly acceptable but looking at this, it is going too far. Perhaps sit down with your H2B and explain how you feel and why. I am sure when he hears how much it would upset you he will make sure everything goes to plan. 

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    I agree with you, the bride should be allowed a day without embarrassment. I was luckyish in that my mum wanted to do a slide show of me though the ages which wasn't good I had massive issues for a long time about thinking I was ugly, over that now but I don't need reminding, anyway I pointed out that my OH doesn't have a single photograph of growing up (lost them all when things went bad in Zimbabwe) so it wouldn't seem right for there to be pics of me and not him, phew! I know that there will be a couple of cringy moments in my dad's speech but I've said I don't mind a giggle but I do not want to be outrightly embarrassed as it would seriously put a dampener on the day, hopefully he's taken that on board. 

  • NikkiMNikkiM Posts: 1,648 New bride

    I read this whilst I was sat with h2b and quizzed him on what he's planning on saying. He tells me it will all be nice and he may cry especially if my dad cries but he may have to say something about me burping and farting!  I seriously hope he's joking! I would laugh about me eating a whole Krispy kreme dozen as that comment did make me laugh out loud. I'd be quite proud of that achievement but I think any bodily noises should be kept away from the wedding day!

    H2b thinks his best man may use a line he used at his own wedding...something along the lines of 'D knew Nikki was the right one for him when he saw her knickers for the first time and they said next.' That's not even funny. I'm just holding out hope that someone will say something lovely that will make all the potentially cringey bits worthwhile.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,419 New bride
    britbird wrote (see post):

    Light hearted banter is perfectly acceptable but looking at this, it is going too far. Perhaps sit down with your H2B and explain how you feel and why. I am sure when he hears how much it would upset you he will make sure everything goes to plan. 

    Thanks, I'm all up for light hearted banter but not actually being 'roasted'! I have told him that it will upset me if he made me the butt of jokes on the day and he has accepted this.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,419 New bride
    Tanya128 wrote (see post):

    I agree with you, the bride should be allowed a day without embarrassment. I was luckyish in that my mum wanted to do a slide show of me though the ages which wasn't good I had massive issues for a long time about thinking I was ugly, over that now but I don't need reminding, anyway I pointed out that my OH doesn't have a single photograph of growing up (lost them all when things went bad in Zimbabwe) so it wouldn't seem right for there to be pics of me and not him, phew! I know that there will be a couple of cringy moments in my dad's speech but I've said I don't mind a giggle but I do not want to be outrightly embarrassed as it would seriously put a dampener on the day, hopefully he's taken that on board. 

    What is it with mums and pictures! You're right, I don't need reminding on what an awkward and unhappy teenager I was on my wedding day. We are the same, h2b has almost no pics from his childhood as his parents just didn't take any. So it would look weird with just pics of me even if it wasn't embarrassing! Glad you managed to head that one off before your mum could put it into action.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,419 New bride
    NikkiM wrote (see post):

    I read this whilst I was sat with h2b and quizzed him on what he's planning on saying. He tells me it will all be nice and he may cry especially if my dad cries but he may have to say something about me burping and farting!  I seriously hope he's joking! I would laugh about me eating a whole Krispy kreme dozen as that comment did make me laugh out loud. I'd be quite proud of that achievement but I think any bodily noises should be kept away from the wedding day!

    H2b thinks his best man may use a line he used at his own wedding...something along the lines of 'D knew Nikki was the right one for him when he saw her knickers for the first time and they said next.' That's not even funny. I'm just holding out hope that someone will say something lovely that will make all the potentially cringey bits worthwhile.

    To be fair the dozen krispy cremes was an exaggeration, but there is a 'muffin incident' he keeps threatening to bring up. Bodily noises should certainly not be included in any wedding speeches!

    As for that knickers 'joke', seriously wtf is wrong with people 🙈

  • Completely agree. Photos just of you are not for the wedding - the hen party maybe, or a birthday as you say.

    And the speech shouldn't overly embarrass you especially as you don't get the chance to say a witty remark back. You can't just sit there while everyone takes the pee. Try and explain this like Tanya said.

    (I'd be pretty proud of the Krispy Kreme story though!)

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I wouldnt mind the odd joke or hilarious (not) story, or dodgy pic (my stepmum has loads) but not too much, its mean.

    H2b doesnt want to do a speech and Im sort of glad after reading his material for a best mans speech once that consisted of 2 lines, a joke about the groom 'coming early' to the wedding, 'no surprises there then bride *wink wink*' 🙄

    I think puttingthe bride in a mood and sex jokes arent wedding material, and if it happens to me I wont be hiding my feelings and if everyone ends up feeling awkward as well as me then so be it!

    And also, dont parents realise that bad childhood and teeange pics are more reflection on them than us? My stepmum is entirely to blame for the fashion choices and my mum is to blame for my fringe so they should be ashamed of themselves 😂

  • Both of our mums are doing a little collage of hilarious kids pictures - Mr Tartan's mum started it off with a CRACKING wonky ginger pudding-bowl haircut whatsapp, which had me wetting myself laughing, especially as the caption is "look at what you agreed to marry!". She did a collage for Mr Tartan senior's 60th, and it went down a treat! So she wanted to do one, and I asked my mum to do one of me. She used to dress me as Andy Pandy most of the time, and I think we all know that I wasn't an attractive child, but I was loved and dressed in "designer" neon clothes a lot. I am looking forward to what they dig out, as I'm not that fussed about kid pictures!

    However. Speeches/anecdotes/jokes purely to embarrass the bride are completely off limits. Mr Tartan and his best man are well aware of this, and the best man's wife will be my enforcer haha! Mr Tartan told my friend when tipsy that he isn't going to write it down, he's going to speak from the heart, and he's really worried he'll cry. So hopefully farts won't come up... but if they do he's getting a kick haha.

  • image😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    Oh no! Did your mum say why she thought that would be nice? I'm glad you found out in advance and hopefully she won't bring it up again. 

  • You absolutely do deserve to be a beautiful elegant swan for your big day! I would be mortified if any teenage pics of me emerged on the day as, even now, my fiancé has never been exposed to the great bob disaster of 1997.

    Some people were gorgeous kids but some of us took a while to bloom - or as mentioned above, break free from our parental stylists.

    At least you have made it clear to your Mum now. Just prompt her every now and then. Are there any awful pics of her that you could arm yourself with in retaliation?!

  • CE26CE26 Posts: 347 New bride

    My Dad did an amazing Dungeons and Dragons themed father of the bride speech. It did include some funny photos but they were ones he'd pinched from Facebook so nothing we hadn't already been happy to share. 

    We are a light-hearted family and he did it in such a well thought out way that it really topped off the day for us. 

    However I totally agree that nobody should be aiming to embarrass anyone in their wedding day.

    Plus I think wedding days are about your future together...not your spotty teenage past.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,419 New bride
    The new Mrs P wrote (see post):

    Completely agree. Photos just of you are not for the wedding - the hen party maybe, or a birthday as you say.

    And the speech shouldn't overly embarrass you especially as you don't get the chance to say a witty remark back. You can't just sit there while everyone takes the pee. Try and explain this like Tanya said.

    (I'd be pretty proud of the Krispy Kreme story though!)

    Exactly- I don't mind an embarrassing old photo being shared on Facebook or something when I can join in on the joke and the banter! But if I just have to sit there gritting my teeth trying to be an elegant bride while everyone laughs at me? Ugh.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,419 New bride
    MrsJohnstonToBe wrote (see post):

    I wouldnt mind the odd joke or hilarious (not) story, or dodgy pic (my stepmum has loads) but not too much, its mean.

    H2b doesnt want to do a speech and Im sort of glad after reading his material for a best mans speech once that consisted of 2 lines, a joke about the groom 'coming early' to the wedding, 'no surprises there then bride *wink wink*' 🙄

    I think puttingthe bride in a mood and sex jokes arent wedding material, and if it happens to me I wont be hiding my feelings and if everyone ends up feeling awkward as well as me then so be it!

    And also, dont parents realise that bad childhood and teeange pics are more reflection on them than us? My stepmum is entirely to blame for the fashion choices and my mum is to blame for my fringe so they should be ashamed of themselves 😂

    Not sure whats worse now, the knickers joke or the 'coming early' one! I'd be so mortified if there were any sex jokes in the speeches- not that I'm a prude about it, but all my elderly relatives are in the room! Cringeee.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,419 New bride
    Hails wrote (see post):

    Oh no! Did your mum say why she thought that would be nice? I'm glad you found out in advance and hopefully she won't bring it up again. 

    They were just talking about an embarrassing story that I'm sure will make it into the father of the bride speech, and I was laughing about the god awful hair cut I had at the time it took place. (Like I'm not even exaggerating, I had a fringe cut in at the hairdresser and hated it so I literally chopped the fringe off myself and was left with this awful stubby non-fringe until it grew back.) So my mum says "well there'll be somewhere to put pictures like that won't there so everyone can see? I was going to do that one, and *insert other terrible picture*, and these ones... we can have a table of them all can't we."

    NO MUM NO

    I'm sure she thinks I'm being a control freak (she said the other day that even the weather won't dare misbehave on my wedding day) but I feel I have to put my foot down about stuff I don't want there!

  • Jenni8Jenni8 Posts: 3,202
    Rosegold017 wrote (see post):

    Some people were gorgeous kids but some of us took a while to bloom - or as mentioned above, break free from our parental stylists.

    Hahahahaha I was most definitely a late bloomer - as someone previously mentioned, I was also struck by the bob disaster of 1997 LOL.

    I never really thought about this before so I might have a quick word. Though it is useful for me that my sister got married just a few months ago so if that is anything to go by, I have nothing to worry about. My parents organised a photo collage of her and her husband growing up and did corresponding images, it was quite sweet and not intended to embarrass. I might have a word with everyone just to be sure though!

  • Mimi8Mimi8 Posts: 314

    I agree with you Hun, this is the one day you should expect everyone to be nice, some people might like naff photos of themselves on display but I would have never done that for my daughter's wedding , she would kill me !! As for the speeches , I had to listen to one of the best men heckling me as the groom talked about me ( very affectionately ) referring to me as Hitler, etc. It was not very nice . You should be hearing from your groom lots of Compliments not a load of insults , as you said just for 1 day it should be possible. 

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