Forum home Emotional support

Best Man Problem

Hi all,

 Hope someone can help me out, will give a little background story first.

so I have 3 sets of parents

Mam and Dad J had me (Real Dad)

Then they got divorced when I was just a baby. Mam remarried to Dad S and he raised me, but still seen dad J every week.

Mam and Dad S had my little sister then got divorced when I was 9. I still seen Dad S all the time and got treated the same as little sis.

Mum then remarried to stepdad 5 years ago. so I have 3 sets of parents. Dad J and Dad S also remarried in that time.

H2B similar his mam and dad split and also remarried so that's 5 sets of parents between us.

Now we decided to NOT have parents on top table as it would be out the door into the carpark haha  and have gave them each a table of their own to host. so we have decided that for the top table seating we would like:

Bride, Groom, Best Man(his brother 1), MOH, usher (his brother 2), bridesmaid (my sister)

When we asked Brother 1 to be best man. he accepted the role, but he is a quiet man so were not expecting a huge funny speech.

Best man has now text us asking for his Girlfriend to sit at top table. I love this girl and we are close but I wasn't planning on having other halfs at our top table. If I let the GF sit at top table is it not fair on MOH, bridesmaid and usher as their Other halfs would not be at table.

I have told him this but then he is saying that he needs his GF there as he is nervous to make speech (I understand this but what is he going to do ? hold her hand while he does it) and he doesn't want to eat on a table with a bunch of strangers (its his 2 brothers, my best friend and sister who he has known for 10+years)

I said to him it will be for a hour tops. Just while we do speeches and food (its a buffet style) but he is having none of it, saying if she not on top table he wants to sit at parent table with her instead ! (wich is right next to us with brother 2 GF there) 

The whole wedding planning process has been so stressful with all the parents having their say etc. and now I'm getting to a point where I'm going to start being a bitch and just saying NO. to peoples requests.

The way I see it when my H2b is going to best man for him, I'm not fussed that I wont be at his top table, and will be on a family table. this is fine by be.

What can I say to him or any ideas for my top table ?

Thanks for reading through this. I understand I maybe confusing.

xxx

 

Posts

  • Seating problems seem to be a reoccurring theme on here recently. I'm in the "tell him to grow up" camp. You're paying for him to have a meal, he should be more grateful. And as you say it's not like he's sat with a load of strangers.

    Are you doing speeches before or after the wedding breakfast? Maybe consider doing them before, then he can be with his girlfriend in the run up?

  • Thank You !!

    Yes doing speeches 1st to get them out the way. I have asked him if he will just sit with us to do speeches then he can go sit wherever. but still a big fat NO !

    I did consider last night for having all there other halfs with us on top table, but some of the other halfs are not even that serious in relationship terms. And I wouldn't want to look back at photos for me to think 'ahh yea that was such and such old fling from 5 years ago ! do you get what I mean ?

    some of the others have been together long than what the best man has been with his GF. The others on table arnt bothered that their OH  are on a different table so I don't understand why he is !

    We had a convo about this when his GF was there and she was happy to sit with his mum and not on our table. so why is he bothered now for ?

    arghhhh.... bloody men ! worse then women !

     

    thanks again

    xx

  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 516 New bride

    We decide against a top table, due to the amount of sets of parents, and have opted for a sweetheart table, just H2B and I 😀

    Anyone who is making a  speech can then come up and stand beside us, while they do that, but they'll all be on other tables, as near to us as possible. 

    Perhaps that's an idea for your situation?

  • MrsCarnegie2Be - I think that is what we will probably end up going with. Just to avoid all the stress and moodiness of the BM. just really annoys me that people can not do what they are told for 1 bloody hour !

    I wouldn't dream of kicking up a fuss for someone else wedding ! I need to speak with Mother in Law and see what she says. if she aggress with me then she will get her son told ! if she doesn't then I will give in and go for sweetheart table.

    Thanks again

    xx

  • We re having a sweetheart table,saves any arguement and if any of the best men decide they want to make a speech I m happy for them to do it wherever they re sitting. 

  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 516 New bride
    MrsBell2Be2018 wrote (see post):

    MrsCarnegie2Be - I think that is what we will probably end up going with. Just to avoid all the stress and moodiness of the BM. just really annoys me that people can not do what they are told for 1 bloody hour !

    I wouldn't dream of kicking up a fuss for someone else wedding ! I need to speak with Mother in Law and see what she says. if she aggress with me then she will get her son told ! if she doesn't then I will give in and go for sweetheart table.

    Thanks again

    xx

    I know exactly what you mean, why can't people just suck it up, it's for an hour or so. Hope you get it sorted x x 

  • Stepsy10Stepsy10 Posts: 3

    We have a similar situation with regards to my family. 

     

    So much so, that the man who is not my dad but raised me very much like his own daughter... Will not be attending. But that's a whole other thing entirely. 

     

    We have opted for a sweetheart table as well. We thought not only would that stop any "why haven't I been picked for top table" remarks, but it's also nice to be with each other just for that section of the day. 

    I hope it goes well for you - and do not feel bad about saying no! It's your day, the both of you. 

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    I'm also in the tell him to grow up camp. It sounds like having his GF on the top table would cause more issues for you so put him on a normal table. You never know, he might realise how stupid he is being when he sees everyone else having fun on the top table and he's not there and missing out. It really annoys me how some people can't be separated from their other halves for a little bit! I've been at weddings before where my OH has been on the top table and I've not known anyone else at the wedding. You just get on with it!! 

    My best friend got married last year and she has two best friends. I was the maid of honour but she didn't tell the other girl (altho she worked it out on the day but that's another story). Rather than sit me on the top table and cause an arguement with the other girl, they had parents and then each picked one person to be with them. I know he picked his sister who happened to be a bridesmaid too and i genuinely can't  remember who my friend picked. I wasnt a significant detail to me! The other friend however caused a scene during the wedding breakfast because my table was closer to the top table than hers... (cue eye roll). 

    You're never going to please everyone! 

Sign In or Register to comment.