Can I change out of bridesmaid dress for the evening?

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  • EJS1982EJS1982 Posts: 664

    Personally I think it would be odd and an insult to the bride if you changed out of your bridesmaid dress. It's one day, one outfit. It's not going to kill you to wear it!

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I think itd be really rude. I went to a wedding where the bridesmaid got changed and although the bride didnt mind the guests were talking about it all night.

    id just get the dress shortened and put up with it for one night. You have plenty of other nights to dress up without risking offending anyone.

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    I didnt have any BMs but would have been very upset if they'd changed during evening. You need to speak to her about it though, it's only really her opinion that matters, not ours on a public forum! She may be OK with it, but i certainly wouldn't have been. 

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830

    I would be seriously annoyed if my bridesmaid changed half way through the day. It's one day and you have plenty of other nights to wear the dress you bought. 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Can't lie, I would be very unhappy if my bridesmaid did this. It's one night, it won't kill you to wear it

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26

    I thought the same too but she seems to not have made an effort at all with my dress! I now I'm only the bridesmaid but i now when it comes to my wedding my bridesmaids will have beuatiful dresses and I'd want them to look and feel lovely. she already got me the dress as I've said in the post but after that she took me to a charity shop (my mom came with us) and her mom was there too and it wasn't the fact it was a charity shop it was the fact the dress was hideous both of our moms said so my mom even said to me on the way back home that it's like she's trying to make me look horrible so I don't upstage her. I have said I feel like not being a bridesmaid over it but then again I can't say no I wouldn't be that nasty 

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    Sadieee wrote (see post):

    Can't lie, I would be very unhappy if my bridesmaid did this. It's one night, it won't kill you to wear it

    Would you feel unhappy if you'd only payed £20 for the bms dress though? As I thought if she had payed a lot of money for it I wouldn't have even thought about wearing another dress I just thought it wouldn't be as bad seeing as the dress was so cheap plus I'd only change after speeches and everything else 

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

    I am personally letting one of my bridesmaids change for the evening if she wants too as she never ever wears dresses, I did ask if she wanted to wear a suit but she was determined to wear a dress. All I asked is if she would wear it until after the meal and she can change for when the evening guests come, if she wants. My other two bridesmaids want to stay in the dress all evening. 

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    Myrtle wrote (see post):

    I am personally letting one of my bridesmaids change for the evening if she wants too as she never ever wears dresses, I did ask if she wanted to wear a suit but she was determined to wear a dress. All I asked is if she would wear it until after the meal and she can change for when the evening guests come, if she wants. My other two bridesmaids want to stay in the dress all evening. 

    i did ask her if she'd mind a few months ago before she had bought me a dress I only asked to see if she would be okay with it me wearing a shorter dress she said she'd like me to stay in my bm dress all night but if it's gets uncomfortable I could change 

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    Sorry but it's not about u. How wud u feel if ur BMs said they didnt like their horrible cheap dresses? She is hardly making u look awful on purpose, if nothing else why would she want to do that to a friend and ruin her pics? Have you spoken to her about not liking it? Maybe offer to go half on a new one of similar colour? I think changing out of a dress on day is as nasty as refusing to be BM, its def not a solution to your problem. You need to talk to her! 

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    She has said if it gets uncomfortable you can change? So whats the issue then?! Confirm this with her, problem solved! 

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830

    I paid £37 for my bridesmaid dress. And my flower girl dresses were a combined total of £35. 

    I've been a bridesmaid on three occasions and every dress was awful. Did I say anything? No. Did I change? No. I wore each dress to the bitter end. Including the shoes which pinched my toes. 

    When it's your day you can dress your girls in whatever you want. But be aware that they may think the very same thing about the dresses you pick. 

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    gill17 wrote (see post):

    Sorry but it's not about u. How wud u feel if ur BMs said they didnt like their horrible cheap dresses? She is hardly making u look awful on purpose, if nothing else why would she want to do that to a friend and ruin her pics? Have you spoken to her about not liking it? Maybe offer to go half on a new one of similar colour? I think changing out of a dress on day is as nasty as refusing to be BM, its def not a solution to your problem. You need to talk to her! 

     

    Yes I now it's not about me! But as I said I'd want my bridesmaids to look stunning. As I said I didn't tell her I didn't like it as she really liked it and I went along with it, the only thing that annoyed me was the charity shop as it was awful and she didn't even like the dress much herself! I've tried that I said I'd pay for it as I saw a lovely dress in the exact colour she wanted and I said I'd pay for it but she said no so I said fair enough. I can't really say anything now as her wedding is only a few weeks away just wanted honest opinions on the changing thing I can totally see what your all saying though and think I'm just gonna stick with the dress. 

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    FutureMrsThomas wrote (see post):

    I paid £37 for my bridesmaid dress. And my flower girl dresses were a combined total of £35. 

    I've been a bridesmaid on three occasions and every dress was awful. Did I say anything? No. Did I change? No. I wore each dress to the bitter end. Including the shoes which pinched my toes. 

    When it's your day you can dress your girls in whatever you want. But be aware that they may think the very same thing about the dresses you pick. 

    Fair enough, that's why i haven't said anything to her as I now it's her day, won't be the same for mine as all my bridesmaids will be my sisters and they'll all have a say 

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 664 New bride

    Personally, I'd be really offended if my BMs changed out of their dress for the evening, regardless of how much or how little the dress costs.

    It's not your day. And it's exactly that... one day. Suck it up.

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    MrsRendall2B wrote (see post):

    Personally, I'd be really offended if my BMs changed out of their dress for the evening, regardless of how much or how little the dress costs.

    It's not your day. And it's exactly that... one day. Suck it up.

    It's not about how much it costs its just awful looking lol 

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    How you would dress your girls is also irrelevant. If thats what shes chosen then thats it. If you tried to compromise and she said no then just get on with it rather than potentially cause more upset by changing. You seem hung up on the cost, its hardly going to have 'i got this in a charity shop' on the back so don't worry! I got my wedding dress very cheaply from china and it was lovely, got loads of compliments and felt amazing in it! As long as you wear it with a smile I'm sure you'll look lovely and the bride will be happy. 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride
    Rachael140 wrote (see post):
    Sadieee wrote (see post):

    Can't lie, I would be very unhappy if my bridesmaid did this. It's one night, it won't kill you to wear it

    Would you feel unhappy if you'd only payed £20 for the bms dress though? As I thought if she had payed a lot of money for it I wouldn't have even thought about wearing another dress I just thought it wouldn't be as bad seeing as the dress was so cheap plus I'd only change after speeches and everything else 

    The bridesmaid dresses im looking at are £30. The one I wore for my sisters was £25. We loved them.The price doesnt matter. As for the looks, why does it matter how your dress looks? It's only the bride and grooms outfits that really matter

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    gill17 wrote (see post):

    How you would dress your girls is also irrelevant. If thats what shes chosen then thats it. If you tried to compromise and she said no then just get on with it rather than potentially cause more upset by changing. You seem hung up on the cost, its hardly going to have 'i got this in a charity shop' on the back so don't worry! I got my wedding dress very cheaply from china and it was lovely, got loads of compliments and felt amazing in it! As long as you wear it with a smile I'm sure you'll look lovely and the bride will be happy. 

    I'm not hung up on the cost I mentioned it because it i wouldn't have asked at all if she'd paid a lot of money for it I just didn't now if she'd mind as much seeing as the dress was only cheap, she hasn't paid much for her wedding dress either but it's stunning! I just thought because she has already said she would like me to stay in it all night that she'd be a bit pissed off if I changed even if I did say I was uncomfortable, I'm just gonna stick with it though as you ladies have changed my mind on it I don't want to upset her or anything or be rude thank you for your replies!

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    'It's not about how much it costs its just awful looking lol'

    Well it clearly is about cost, you have mentioned several times that it was from a charity shop and exactly how much it cost, you also said that the expensive one was lovely on you. You saying its awful looking is your opinion, everyone has their own personal taste usually, this is someone elses day, and only one day. And you giving your sisters all a say is irrelevant. You are the BM not the bride, so how you would do it doesnt matter! Wearing the dress that's bought for them is about the most basic role of a BM! I have worn some corkers in the past, but the bride liked them so you just get on with it! 

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    Cross posted. Ok well all the best! 

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    gill17 wrote (see post):

    'It's not about how much it costs its just awful looking lol'

    Well it clearly is about cost, you have mentioned several times that it was from a charity shop and exactly how much it cost, you also said that the expensive one was lovely on you. You saying its awful looking is your opinion, everyone has their own personal taste usually, this is someone elses day, and only one day. And you giving your sisters all a say is irrelevant. You are the BM not the bride, so how you would do it doesnt matter! Wearing the dress that's bought for them is about the most basic role of a BM! I have worn some corkers in the past, but the bride liked them so you just get on with it! 

     I've mentioned it because like I said I wouldn't have asked at all if she had spent a lot of money on it. I'm not like that anyway im all for a bargain. It's a fact that the dress is just ugly but like I said I've had your honest opinions and it's changed my mind about it as I've never been a bm before so didn't now whether it was rude or not

     

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    gill17 wrote (see post):

    Cross posted. Ok well all the best! 

    Yeah. Tar.

  • MrsNolanMrsNolan Posts: 684 New bride

    Do you have a pic of the dress? I'm sure its not horrible. 

    All you can do is have a conversation with her. She'll tell you if she's okay with it or not. 

    I was my sisters bridesmaid 6 years ago and changed out of my dress after speeches etc before the evening reception, however I was 5 months pregnant at the time and squeezing into a (loosely) corseted dress was unbearable by this point of the day, 

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 664 New bride
    Rachael140 wrote (see post):
    MrsRendall2B wrote (see post):

    Personally, I'd be really offended if my BMs changed out of their dress for the evening, regardless of how much or how little the dress costs.

    It's not your day. And it's exactly that... one day. Suck it up.

    It's not about how much it costs its just awful looking lol 

    If it's not about the price then why do you keep mentioning it? Along with the fact it came from a charity shop? She could've chosen a dress at £200 and you might still have hated it and I'd still think you should wear it all day. 

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    MrsNolan2017 wrote (see post):

    Do you have a pic of the dress? I'm sure its not horrible. 

    All you can do is have a conversation with her. She'll tell you if she's okay with it or not. 

    I was my sisters bridesmaid 6 years ago and changed out of my dress after speeches etc before the evening reception, however I was 5 months pregnant at the time and squeezing into a (loosely) corseted dress was unbearable by this point of the day, 

    I haven't got a pic of it,it really is horrible lol I havent known her for long either so I was really honored that she asked me as she said she'd like me off her fiances side of the family, I went with her for a few dresses to try on and they were beautiful but the ones that were lovely (& she like them too) she never bothered with than the ugliest dress she bought it without me knowing and just told me to come and try it on so that's why I was a bit annoyed about it too,  I just don't want to stres her out either as its only a few weeks away, I'm just going to get on with it as I didn't now whether it was rude or not to change, can understand why you changed though that's totaly different x 

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    MrsRendall2B wrote (see post):
    Rachael140 wrote (see post):
    MrsRendall2B wrote (see post):

    Personally, I'd be really offended if my BMs changed out of their dress for the evening, regardless of how much or how little the dress costs.

    It's not your day. And it's exactly that... one day. Suck it up.

    It's not about how much it costs its just awful looking lol 

    If it's not about the price then why do you keep mentioning it? Along with the fact it came from a charity shop? She could've chosen a dress at £200 and you might still have hated it and I'd still think you should wear it all day. 

    Because if it would of been expensive like that I wouldn't have asked at all if I could change or not seeing as it wasnt very expensive I wouldn't have thought shed mind as much if I'd changed.

  • Rachael140Rachael140 Posts: 26
    Rachael140 wrote (see post):
    MrsRendall2B wrote (see post):
    Rachael140 wrote (see post):
    MrsRendall2B wrote (see post):

    Personally, I'd be really offended if my BMs changed out of their dress for the evening, regardless of how much or how little the dress costs.

    It's not your day. And it's exactly that... one day. Suck it up.

    It's not about how much it costs its just awful looking lol 

    If it's not about the price then why do you keep mentioning it? Along with the fact it came from a charity shop? She could've chosen a dress at £200 and you might still have hated it and I'd still think you should wear it all day. 

    Because if it would of been expensive like that I wouldn't have asked at all if I could change or not seeing as it wasnt very expensive I wouldn't have thought shed mind as much if I'd changed.i put it was from a charity shop because it was. Am I not allowed to put wher it was from or something? I've already said I asked for honest opinions got them and I'm not going to bother changing

     

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    I dont think it has anything to do with price, thats the dress she wants and she likely expects you to wear it all day. Would her getting cheap shoes mean she plans to take them off after ceremony, or that they are a less important item or decision? It doesnt matter if it cost 2 quid or 200, its a bridesmaid dress now and that mostly entails wearing it all day. 

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