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A16A16 Posts: 15 New bride


So we have just booked our venue and the time has come to pick our wedding party. The issue is the OHs sisters. I currently have 4 bridesmaids, not including them, but since we got engaged the sisters have gone on about bridesmaids and have I decided who I am having. The issue I have is I get on with one but not the other, she is rude and looks down her nose at me and always has done.  Up until last week I had planned on having them both bringing the total to 6. However she made her opinion of me quite clear and I just dont know if I can do it. I just feel she is ruining something that should be a special time for my OH and I by making it about her. I've discussed with my OH about them not being bridesmaids and getting them to do a reading or something. I think he feels upset by this but also understands my reasoning behind this after the way I have been treated by her recently. 

i know in the grand scheme of things this is such a small issue, but I can't help think am I going to create an issue by not having them. I also can't stand to think she will try to control the wedding by being involved. Am i wrong to not have them as bridesmaids? The thought of it is reducing me to tears and I honestly do not know what to do!! 


Thank you for reading and for ang advice that can be offered. 


  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    I dont think you are wrong. Traditionally the Brides attendants are usually her own sisters or friends it's only really recently that people seem to think they should have their OH family too but I think you should have people who are your own personal friends who have known you a long time and have your best interests at heart.

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 406 New bride

    At the end of the day it's you that will have to deal with the stress of getting her a dress, hair, makeup etc and you'll be the one getting ready with her on the morning. If you feel that this will taint he planning, build up and day itself by being such a big part of it, then it is totally reasonable for you not to ask her. 

    If your h2b wants her involved could he not have her as a female usher/best woman. That way she is involved, but your h2b has to sort out her attire and deal with her on the day. 

    There is a large amount of people on this site who have had bridesmaid issues (me included), and so if you already feel like she would add stress, then don't ask her to be bridesmaid. My bridesmaid issues caused me to have chronic migraines for 9 months, I even had to have CT scans and see a neurologist, only to be told it was stress related. It all came to a head with my problem bridesmaid and she is no longer speaking to me, but my migraines have stopped completely. 

    My advice would be, if your gut is telling you she'll be an issue then don't ask her to be bridesmaid. It sounds like she'll cause a fuss regardless, but at least if she's not bridesmaid you won't have to interact with her too much.

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I hate to read about brides feeling stressed or upset about feeling pressured to have SILs or other in laws in their bridal party. The clue is in the title, BRIDESmaids. Have the people you actually want, not those you feel you should. If they were so keen on being bridesmaids they would have made a good relationship with you, but they havent, so tough luck imo.

    I would not have them, but tell h2b hes more than welcome to involve them in his own side of things. And next time they ask if youve decided on your bridesmaid yet, excitedly tell them that yes, youve chosen those 4 girls and youre teally happy youre going to have your closest, most lovely girls around you to support you.

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Pretty much what MrsJ said, they are called bridesmaids are should be chosen by the bride from people she feels will help and support her on the day/lead up. One of h2b's sisters wasnt happy I wasn't having her daughter (he has 4 nieces so was not going to have them all and certainly wasn't going to pick one and not the others!) but oh well. Pick you will make you happy, not people you are picking just because they are related to h2b! Good luck! :)

  • A16A16 Posts: 15 New bride

    Thanks all. Nice to hear that I'm doing the right thing. I know it will cause problems but I think I will just have to deal with the bumpy road ahead. But you're right, if that is what they had wanted then they should have thought about that before saying the things they have.



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