Who is suppose to get a save the date?

As title says really. Is it just the day guests you are suppose to send save the dates to or evening guests too? So far I've sent them to day and evening guests. Most of our guests have to travel a distance and have children so I'm guessing by sending a save the date it gives them time to book a place to stay and organise childcare. X

Posts

  • If guests will have to travel far then it makes sense to send to both but I would try to subtley drop in that they will just be evening guests. They may be annoyed to not have made plans in order to save the date and booked travel/accomodation to then find out they are only evening guests. 

  • There are no rules.... just send them to anyone you definitely want to be there 

  • AwhelenqtAwhelenqt Posts: 837 New bride

    Everyone! Not everyone works Monday - Friday 9-5 jobs so need lots of notice to book time off even if they're just an evening guest, they may usually work evenings, or want the day after off to recover! :)

  • Lexi90Lexi90 Posts: 971

    Personally I would either send to day only guests or make it clear the evening ones are for evening only. I would be disappointed to get one and then realise it’s only the evening and to have saved the whole day.

  • Lucy266Lucy266 Posts: 176

    I wouldn't send them to evening guests for the reasons outlined above! I would be very surprised to get a save the date then an evening invite. 

    Save the dates are useful to make sure your nearest and dearest keep the date free. They don't need to go to every guest. 

  • yes, ceremony guests only.... and only the absolute definites.  We only gave StD cards to about 2/3 of our planned day/ceremony guests

    Bear in mind that people and circumstances change, ans so might your guest list - Save the Date is the promise of a real invitation, which means you really have to invite everyone who gets one.... so use them sparingly.

    (there are other less formal ways to let everyone know date & place in advance) 

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,298 New bride

    We've sent ours to day guests we definitely want there. 

    I've already had a sh*tty message off my cousin because the SDT wasn't addressed directly to her, only "the familyname", and she could see who the unloved cousin was who didn't get an invite. I pointed out NOONE has got an invite yet! 

    F and I have decided whatever we do we are going to annoy someone, so we may as well do what we want and enjoy ourselves. 

    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • Mrs-17Mrs-17 Posts: 89 New bride

    I would say just day guests. If I received a save the date, I'd keep the day free as a result. I have known people to send 'save the evening' cards too which I think is a lovely touch and can let you know exactly where you stand.

    We found out the hard way that friendships can drift apart between save the dates and invites, but once you've sent a save the date you're obliged to follow it with an invitation. 

  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 712 New bride

    We only sent to day guests and only had one person ask why they hadn't received one (awkward!!).  We just explained, nicely, that they were evening guests due to numbers 

     

     

     

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    I only sent mine to close friends and family, who I knew we would definitely want to invite nearer the time! I think it's rude to send save the dates to evening only! You're asking them to potentially not book a holiday or make plans to only come to the evening.

  • Ooppss I guess I'm rude then Hails. Was only asking for advice not critiscism. Pure mistake on my part, was only when I thought about it that made me think am i only supposed to send to day guests. Thanks for constructive advice from some ladies. Guess il just have to apologise to the evening guests I've sent them to. 😐 xx

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    Yes, I have given you advice - close friends and family only. Bit late now anyway seeing as though you have already sent them. I would definitely clarify to the evening only that they aren't invited to the full day as it might influence their decision, especially if you are getting married in peak wedding season. 

  • You only said that's what you have done and basically called me rude! I wouldn't call that advice. 😐 good luck with ur wedding planning, hope it's going better than mine. X

  • AwhelenqtAwhelenqt Posts: 837 New bride

    I really don't see anything wrong with what you've done - there is no right or wrong, it's YOUR wedding. Budgets are tight and you can't have everyone there for a full on meal and everything but you can still desperately want them there. If I got a save the date as an evening guest I'd think "wow, I may just be an evening guest but they clearly really want me to be there!" 

    Even when I have evening parties in general life I invite people months in advance because they're all unreliable and I need to make absolute sure they have the opportunity to book I the next day off work if they'd like to come. Like evening guests still have to make arrangements and it's still a wedding that I'm sure they'd still love to attend? 

  • Leann, you asked for advice and got it.... no need to attack people for sharing honest opinions.  As its too late anyway, why ask unless you were prepared for some people disagreeing?

     

    My advice at this stage would be, if you made it clear to evening guests that you will only be inviting them to the evening, then just let it be.  If you didn't do that then it might be a good idea to, just to avoid any misunderstandings and awkwardness down the line

     

  • I'm not attacking anyone just didn't expect to be called rude if I'm honest 😐 

     

    Yeah think I might just try and message them somehow. Thanks everyone. This wedding planning is exciting but can see how it can be stressful to some people. 157days until we become Mr and Mrs 😛 hope everyone's planning is going ok xxx

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 405 New bride

    I sent save the dates and save the evening's out. I made them myself so it was pretty easy for me to modify the template to say save the evening instead of save the date for the evening ones. 

    Personally I don't think it's rude to send save the dates to evening guests so long as it's clear they'll only be invited to the evening. We had a few friends that travelled a fair distance just to be at the evening of our wedding, which they wouldn't have been able to organise in time if we'd have waited for the invites to go out. 

    For those you sent save the dates out to, who are just going to be evening guests I'd just send a quick message saying something like "Hi, I hope you are keeping well. Thought I'd check that you got the save the date for our wedding? We'll be sending you a formal evening invitation nearer the time, just thought we'd give you plenty of notice. Hope to see you there :) xx"

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,298 New bride
    Leann3 wrote (see post):

    I'm not attacking anyone just didn't expect to be called rude if I'm honest 😐 

     

    Yeah think I might just try and message them somehow. Thanks everyone. This wedding planning is exciting but can see how it can be stressful to some people. 157days until we become Mr and Mrs 😛 hope everyone's planning is going ok xxx

    I wouldn't worry Leann.. and I certainly don't think it is rude, it is an invitation (or request to save a date) not a Court summons... no-one is being forced to attend (or save a date, for that matter)! If people have other plans or priorities, then so be it. 

    Best of luck with planning going forward, not long to go now! 

    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • Thanks ladies. I haven't sent messages to evening guests I have sent a 'save the date' for the simple reasons, there isn't many evening guests I have sent them too, some who were originally evening guests who have a save the date' I've been able to fit in the day, and also we received a save the date a couple months ago and had an evening invite through the other day. It didn't bother me that we hadnt got a invite to the day so hopefully all will be ok. It's getting closer!!! Invites will be going out in the nxt couple days 😁 xxxx

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