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Bridesmaid Proposal Etiquette for a Newbie

Hi there - new to all of this and I've (unfortunately) not much experience with weddings, so I'd appreciate some opinions! I'm also experiencing a bit of culture clash as I'm American but have been living in England for awhile, so I've absolutely no clue as to etiquette for this kind of stuff!


I got engaged recently, and have been in touch with all 5 of my bridesmaids (including MoH) and have let them know that I want them to be bridesmaids, etc. They were all absolutely thrilled luckily! My MoH is American and the rest are from the UK. I've noticed a trend of brides doing bridesmaid 'proposals', mostly from Americans though I've seen a few mentions of it on here...I have honestly never heard of this before and am now feeling very guilty! 


Should I do some sort of belated 'will you be my bridesmaid' proposal thing even though it's already been asked/established? I'm planning on paying for their dresses, hair/makeup on the day, giving them personalised gifts after the wedding as a thank you for their help, and they each have their own on-site accommodation for the wedding - so I'm wondering whether it's necessary to go even more over the top than that, but I don't want to be stingy/not following proper etiquette. Thoughts? 


  • In the uk I think the whole bridesmaid proposal thing is quite unusual.  Just maybe invite them out for a nice dinner or cook them a meal to say thank you.  Really don't think you have to retrospectly 'propose' to them.  I would be cringing lol!  

  • Zoe189Zoe189 Posts: 19

    when  first asked I did them gift bags in silver as they were originally having grey dresses, with a poem I found in Pinterest. I filled the bag with earrings and a few little extras.

    then we decided not to plan the wedding for a littlle longer so when the time came that we did, I got bottles of wine with personalised tags asking if they would be my bridesmaid.

    its all very commercial Now, try not to get sucked into something you don’t really want too xx

  • I really would not worry about it! I wanted to do a full proposal but I got engaged just before Christmas and was too excited to ask them so just wrote them a card. 

    I think the full on proposals are completely unnecessary and just done for a bit of fun, no one would expect it or find it rude/stingy that you didn't! 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride

    My friend gave us a small gift box with lip balm, mini prosecco in when she asked us.

    I just asked them, can't even remember when now! We've always knows we'd be each other's bridesmaids so it was a given really.

  • Michelle330Michelle330 Posts: 119

    I’ve been a bridesmaid about 3 times over the past few years and my friends have just asked me, no gift no proposal, nothing, just a friend asking a friend to be a bridesmaid. It’s how I plan on asking mine when I get round to making a decision on bridesmaids.

    I don’t see the need for A proposal really, just seems daft to me. If I needed to bribe my friends into being bridesmaids by buying them a gift and making a fuss of them they wouldn’t be friends reall. They get a gift at the wedding as a thank you for doing it Anyway.

  • shanmia35shanmia35 Posts: 65

    I sent my friends a Whatsapp! (I got engaged on holiday and was on the way home and wanted to tell them immediately but at the same time!)

    I don’t get the whole bridesmaid proposal thing - it’s really not necessary! Being asked to be a bridesmaid is lovely enough (I was asked to be one for a wedding last year while out for drinks in a pub - no proposal there either!)

    I do think it’s nice to get thank you gifts later on, but plenty of time for that.


  • ducklingduckling Posts: 116 New bride

    I think you’ve done it just right, don’t fret! I took my sister (only bridesmaid) out for dinner and asked her (well told her really!)

    I must admit I totally cringe when I see what some people do to ‘propose’ to their bridesmaids, on a Facebook group I’m in someone had actually bought rings and done the whole down on one knee spiel - if I had been the recipient I think I’d have wanted the ground to swallow me up! 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    I'm not a fan of the BM proposals personally. I'm already paying for dresses, jewelery, hair, make-up, thank you gifts and a couple of other bits for the morning/day, plus all the food and drink that the other guests are also getting. I dont think I even really asked them, my MOH of honour is my sister and it was always known we would be each others MOH and my other BM is my best friend who I had already said in the past I would have when I got married, so when the time came I just started talking wedding stuff to them and they already knew.

  • Eliza.BEliza.B Posts: 23

    I asked my bridesmaids with a small gift (chocolates in a cellophane bag, a notebook in ribbon and a card wrapped in a striped sweet bag). However if I didn't do one it wouldn't have mattered I just liked the idea. What's important is that they've said yes, plus you're already covering their costs and buying thank you gifts so don't worry about it xx

  • Kitty12Kitty12 Posts: 119 New bride

    I only had one BM, and I didn’t even ask her. She’s my best friend and we’d talked about her being my MOH for years before I got engaged, so it was just a given! I did get her a little gift set of a wrap, some earrings and a necklace, and then I got her a nice bracelet to have on the day, but I think she’d have been mortified with a proposal!

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340 New bride

    I just said to mine We're getting married, do u wanna b my bridesmaids? And they said yes. Job done.

    There's no etiquette. If u want to 2 do a 'proposal', great, but u don't need 2. And i think if u already asked then doing it now would just be weird. I think its just another thing the companys making money out of us brides2be encourage us to make a fuss over and spend money on!

  • Thanks so much for the response everyone! I do agree, I don't think I could cope with doing a retrospective proposal and I don't think it's really my style to do one in the first place. 

    I feel much better now - definitely a weight off the shoulders so thank you! Though, I do think I'll take them out to a nice meal or to the pub collectively to celebrate (any excuse to get some nice food and bevs in!) xx

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