Adult only weddings?

Hi All, just wondering if anyone has had or attended an adults only wedding? did guests not attend as a result, was there hesitance to attend? Thanks all!

Posts

  • Mrs-17Mrs-17 Posts: 89 New bride

    We've been to many adult only weddings.

    We also had an adult only wedding, and nobody declined the invitation at all! We had a great day, it was a very booze heavy day as we knew it would be, which is why we didn't think it appropriate for children to attend.

    Hubby and I have just declined a wedding invitation which was addressed to me and him though, as we will have a 6 week old at the time that i won't feel comfortable leaving. 

    It depends how many of your friends have children and what the age range is, as well as how upset you'll be if anyone declines. We expected some people to decline and were surprised no one did - we would have understood if anyone with a young child/ren felt they couldn't come. 

  • I've been to many - probably more and more as I get older. They're my favourite. I like being able to hear the vows and I don't like children running around and hiding under the tables/ tablecloths whilst I'm trying to enjoy a relaxing meal.

    I was to one once where a child was trying to LICK the cake before it was even cut (no joke).  At another, the kids were running up the stairs on the side of the stage and then taking diving leaps off of it.  I'm pretty sure the stage was there for the "entertainment" and that they weren't intended to be a part of it.

    Sure, I've heard of people declining the invite because they have to stay at home with an infant or can't arrange for childcare. But that's not the majority of people, and I think even adults with children like a nice adult night out now and again.

  • Michelle330Michelle330 Posts: 119

    Hi, I know one of my oldest friends wouldn’t attend if I had a no children wedding, she will have 3 by the time we get married, and lives 150 miles away, she will be travelling up the day before the wedding and going home the morning after. She wouldn’t be able to find child care for what would essentially be 72 hours straight, and I wouldn’t dream of expecting her to for my wedding. My OH has friends with kids who love in further away who he wants to attend who woulent due to finding childcare for that length of time.

    To us having our Best and oldest friends there with us to celebrate is far more important than having a booze heavy adult only wedding. Even though child free sounds more peaceful.

  • Kitty12Kitty12 Posts: 119 New bride

    We had an adult only wedding, not because we wanted it to be a boozy affair, but because we didn’t want the disruptions during the ceremony and speeches, and we wanted people to be able to dance without kids sliding around the floor. I generally don’t like being around kids at the best of times, so we decided for our day we’d do what we wanted to do. We had two couples decline the invite because they didn’t want to come without their children, and that was absolutely fine.

    Its your wedding, you have the right to choose not to have children there, just don’t take it personally if you get a few people declining the invitation.

  • We’re having adults only. We’re having just a reception, figured people with enough notice would have chance to sort out child care! We just put “We love your kids but adults only please” to make sure the message was clear and not arsey.  

     

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Adult only weddings are fine. I havent been to any but I have attended some that although my daughter was invited I arranged childcare instead. As for the boozy wedding thing, our wedding will be a very boozy affair as all the family on both sides like a drink and party and we are still having 11 under 10's there.

    As long as you are ok with the idea of some people saying no (the amount of posts on here from brides who choose to have adult only wedding but then get upset when MOH/BM/Friend/Relative etc can't come because they dont want to leave their baby or because they can't get childcare is staggering) then it's completelty fine!

    Give everyone lots of notice and be prepared for people who say it's fine but then who end up pregnant and when push comes to shove they change their mind because leaving a few month old baby is harder than they thought!

  • ducklingduckling Posts: 116 New bride

    Ours is child free with the exception of babes in arms. Personally I think its a bit cruel to ask mothers to leave babies, so we’ll have 4 under 1’s attending. An usher will sit them near the back for the ceremony and show them the room they can use if the babies get restless, and I trust my friends to leave so there’s no crying through the vows :) Everyone else coming has been very happy to arrange childcare and have a night off!

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,350 New bride

    I've been to a few adult only weddings. The last one I went to had 2 children there, both the grooms have a niece each. One was flower girl and the other was only a few months old so they included both. We had a great night without out son :-) That said, it was local and we had my parents down to watch the baby.

    I think most weddings should be adult only tbh. There is a difference for babes in arms of children over a certain age, but I know my son would be bored at a wedding and end up being quite grumpy.

    I think as long as you give lots of notice and don't get arsey when someone says they can't come because it's no children it is ok. A lot of brides on here fall into the trap of think if person A can leave their child why can't person B. Each child and each parent is different and what might be possible for one isn't for the other.

  • like others have said, it’s your choice and people will respect that. You may have some hesitatio/declines from people travelling a long way (as in if they need to arrange 3 days childcare) or those with babes in arms. 

    my first wedding wasn’t adults only nor will this one be - I have 2 children, moh has 1, and I have 5 nieces/nephews under 11. 

    I have however limited the children - so it’s only family/bridal party. 

    ive been to a wedding where this was the case and am invited to another where this is the case. 

    Personally i like children at weddings, but maybe that’s because all of the children at weddings I’ve been to have been extremely well behaved. There was definitely no noise during the ceremony (at my first wedding, my nephew 2 at the time, got upset and his mum just took him straight out) or speeches. There was no misbehaving at the dinner table and they danced yes but the grown ups where sliding around the floor more than the kids were lol 

    All being said - make your choice based on what’s right for you and your h2b and stick to it :) happy wedding planning 

  • Rach371Rach371 Posts: 1,107 New bride

    We're having adult only, except three children who are our immediate family. We added up the numbers and if our friends brought their kids that adds another 30 people onto our guest list!

    I've been to weddings where children are brilliantly behaved and I've been to a wedding where a baby cried throughout the ceremony and a toddler ran up and down the aisle! Although to be honest that says more about the parents than the children! You have to do what's right for you. If it helps, no one on our list has declined because they can't bring their children, in fact most of them are happy to have a night away. We are also having a big picnic the day after where everyone brings something and kids are welcome to that. I think that's a good compromise

  • AwhelenqtAwhelenqt Posts: 836 New bride

    We actually only have 3 kids coming because they're the only 3  kids we know... And 1 is our son haha and other 2 are OHs niblings. 

    I think exactly the same  as everyone else has said it's absolutely fine but you can't get upset when parents decline to be with their infants.

    My sister has always said her wedding will be adult only but that leaves us in a real pickle because we will have no one to watch our son  as only my side of the family can and they'll all be there. 

  • MrsC2017MrsC2017 Posts: 192 New bride

    We had a child-free wedding except for my cousins who were bridesmaids and they were older children anyway (only two of them, aged 9 +).  We had one person from a couple decline to stay and look after his children, but his wife still came and was completely understanding about it being our decision.  All of our other friends with children embraced a child-free day and night! 

    What I would say is do it tactfully - perhaps make the rules clear i.e. if you are going to have some children there (immediate family or something) then make this known when you tell others you aren't having children. 

  • Elz2017Elz2017 Posts: 316

    I've been to, and thoroughly enjoyed, child free weddings. I've also been irritated by kids squawking and running about during ceremonies. Being child free ourselves, and having no great love of children, think everyone expected our wedding to be adults only.

     In fact we've invited kids - we were fully aware that OH's brother wouldn't come without their kids, as well as at least two of my cousins. So we kind of had to (as above, added 30 to the guest list). In our situation - wedding far away lasting the weekend - it didn't seem fair to ask people to pay for childcare as well as flights/ferries. 

     Quite a few people have chosen not to bring their kids (all people with a free option!), and those who we expected to bring them are doing. I will be making it clear that I'd expect any misbehaving or crying children to be taken off somewhere during the ceremony, and if that makes me sound a sod, so be it.

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340 New bride

    the last couple of weddings we've been to were 'adult only'.  No fuss, they just didn't invite kids and afaik only 1 couple at one of the weddings didn't come because of it.   They were both lovely days.

    Its ur wedding - if u don't want kids there, don;t have them.  End of.

     

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,760 New bride

    I've been to a few, though the older we get the rarer they get as most of our friends have kids now. What tends to happen in our group is they say "close family kids only" or similar.

    We are having our son, direct nieces and nephews, and kids of the wedding party only in the day just because our venue is max 70 people. All welcome in the evening, but we tend to find most of our friends prefer to attend weddings child free anyway - we do! We have left a couple of spaces free & have said babes in arms are welcome or if anyone gets let down on childcare last minute we'd rather they came with child than not come at all.

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,760 New bride
    KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

    I've been to many - probably more and more as I get older. They're my favourite. I like being able to hear the vows and I don't like children running around and hiding under the tables/ tablecloths whilst I'm trying to enjoy a relaxing meal.

    I was to one once where a child was trying to LICK the cake before it was even cut (no joke).  At another, the kids were running up the stairs on the side of the stage and then taking diving leaps off of it.  I'm pretty sure the stage was there for the "entertainment" and that they weren't intended to be a part of it.

    Sure, I've heard of people declining the invite because they have to stay at home with an infant or can't arrange for childcare. But that's not the majority of people, and I think even adults with children like a nice adult night out now and again.

    That's just poor parenting though. I would never let my child behave like that at someone else's wedding, and he's been to a few.

  • All of my friends except a few have children and keep getting pregnant so we've resigned ourselves to the fact that if we want people to actually turn up then we open our wedding to children too! Lol We also have friends who recently adopted so would be unfair to ask yhem to leave their children at home so naturally you cant have a rule for one and a rule for another. Luckily most of the children are well behaved! However, I have put this statement on our wedding website:

    Your children are welcome to attend our wedding but if you'd prefer to be carefree and get a little tipsy, leave your little ones at home. The Reverend has also informed us that there is a seperate room to take your children should they become inconsolable during the ceremony, he will provide details when you're welcomed into the church. We will provide some toys and games to keep any children in attendance occupied during the reception although everyone is welcome to bring their own toys! Adults are also welcome to play with the toys and games we have provided, in fact we encourage it! 

  • RS2017RS2017 Posts: 198

    I think it’s really normal - ours wasn’t child free, we had family children and newborns, but we didn’t invite the children of guests generally as there were so many. I don’t think most people expect to be able to take their children. It’s your wedding so you get to set the guest list!

    The difficult areas are family children and babies, some people take offence there so you’ll need to decide what to do. If you don’t have babies along then those people may have to decline, although to be fair so might parents of older children with no childcare. Also decide if you’re going to make exceptions and if so on what basis - be warned that if you say to friend A she can bring her 3 year old then friend B who has arranged childcare might be annoyed to turn up and see someone else has been allowed to bring their child.

    I would say do it by all means but be prepared for possible declines and accept them with good grace. Sometimes people really just aren’t able to arrange reasonable childcare.

  • Hi All, thank you all SO much for the replies....we don't actually mind kids coming but as stated by a couple of brides it adds so many to the guestlist, really we would love everyone to come as we have kids ourselves but it makes a huge difference in terms of cost which we can't easily afford. I like the ideas to make it 'children of immediate family' and 'babies in arms' only. Decisions....decisions!

  • I don't have children myself but I have 13 cousins, who all have 2 or more children ranging from ages on 0 - 15.

    We have decided on adults only due to this almost double in numbers, parents don't get to relax, and as other people have said - they will be bored and sometimes disrupt proceedings.

    We have had small comments from 2 members of the family but we have stuck to our Guns.

    I don't remember any weddings I went to as a child! lol

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