Feeling a bit deflated after dress shop

So I went dress shopping for the first time yesterday with my mum and my sister, and ended up buying a dress, which I hadn't expected to at all!

I do absolutely love the dress but I found the whole process very anticlimactic, and I feel a bit deflated. I think too much Say Yes to the Dress/Don't Tell the Bride made me expect it to be a really special and emotional experience, but nobody cried, or seemed overwhelmed by how I looked - it just felt like I was trying on jeans on Topshop! I felt really beautiful but I guess disappointed that this wasn't reflected in their reactions.

I thought it would be a really lovely shared experience with my mum (and was the main way I planned to include her) but instead I just felt upset with her for being really objective and not showing any emotion. I think she feels guilty that she didn't say/do the right thing, so I feel sad that it isn't something she'll look back on fondly either - I didn't want to take that from her. 

I suppose I wanted a 'moment' for both of us that I never had, and now won't have, and I guess I am a bit upset that my dress doesn't have those happy memories and connotations (even though don't get me wrong, it is perfect!)

Did anyone else find the experience disappointing/underwhelming? x

 

Posts

  • I didn't find it dissapointing, but then again I didn't have the choice to have my Mum there so my Sister came with OH's mum.

    I think we do expect a huge reaction and when we don't get one ( I had a reaction from sister, but not the same as having your mum there) it does feel disappointing.

    Try to focus on other things that do make you happy, and do not make you feel deflated.

    You cant change it now. On the day your Mum no doubt will be feeling totally different as it will be the Wedding Day, hair and makeup done and a general excited Vibe - this will more than makeup for the underwhelming response on the dress fitting day.

    As long as the reason she didn't show the right emotion wasn't due to the dress itself ( I,.e. she didn't like it or think it suited you) then its really not a big deal.

    So much more to look fwd to xx

  • I think a lot of brides feel/ felt the same. Honestly, you can blame TV and social media, once again, for giving us this impression of what an experience "should" be like and feel like versus what reality actually brings.

    A lot of brides and their families don't cry; a lot of brides shop alone; very few shops look anything like SYTTD; not all shops fawn over the brides and really bring out the "red carpet" services of champagne upon purchase and such.  Dress shopping is more often struggling in and out of heavy dresses in the wrong size whilst a SA attempts to clip you into them, avoiding staring at your granny panties, behind a curtain that feels completely inadequate for privacy. 

    Best case scenario you fall in love with and buy a dress you feel good in at a price that doesn't break the bank, and it shows up on-time, as specified. The worst case scenarios involve family members criticising, shop assistants being pushy or rude, racks of dresses out of your price range, and a dress that arrives weeks late, in the wrong size or colour.

    All things considered...I think you did alright!  Onwards and upwards as they say, there's lots more wedding to plan.

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,954 New bride

    I can relate to this. Firstly, I bought my dress on the first shop visit when I had envisaged browsing and trying on far more dresses. Not all my bridesmaids could attend so I just went with my mum, and while she liked the dress and thought I should buy it, no one cried or got emotional.I was wracked with nerves about making the wrong decision. I didn't even buy it there and then as I had to discuss the finances with my fiancé, so I actually bought it over the phone on my lunch break at work the following week.

    I've been wedding dress shopping 3 times, with 2 friends as well as myself, and have been offered a cup of tea once, and certainly never any bubbly!

    One of my bridesmaids still hasn't seen it, so in a few weeks when we are all free I'm going to have them round for some dinner and fizz, and I'm going to try on my dress with some different veils/accessories I've bought and see what they think.

    Tragically, I've actually considered going to Wed2Be myself to try on more dresses to get the feeling out of my system - I know my dress is 'the one', but I do feel a bit cheated out of the whole experience much like you.

  • KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

    Best case scenario you fall in love with and buy a dress you feel good in at a price that doesn't break the bank, and it shows up on-time, as specified. The worst case scenarios involve family members criticising, shop assistants being pushy or rude, racks of dresses out of your price range, and a dress that arrives weeks late, in the wrong size or colour.

    All things considered...I think you did alright!  Onwards and upwards as they say, there's lots more wedding to plan.

    👏👏👏

    I recently said on another post that Say Yes To the Dress has an awful lot to answer for, firstly Kleinfelds is like a cattle market but they don’t show that on TV, why do you think they have so many sales assistant. Secondly it takes up to 8 hours to film one bride trying on up to 5 dresses. No wonder brides / MOBs cry they have been broken down by the constant retakes to get the reactions viewers love, mums crying, bitchy bridesmaids etc that we then as consumers love and think is how we should behave / react. 

    On your wedding day, when your mum is helping you get ready and zipping you up, I am sure you will get your moment 💖

  • Did you try it on with a veil? For me, this is what made the difference between just trying on a pretty dress, and being transformed into a bride. If you didn't, perhaps you could do this at your first dress fitting, and take your mum along to that? xxx

  • Helen377 wrote (see post):

    Did you try it on with a veil? For me, this is what made the difference between just trying on a pretty dress, and being transformed into a bride. If you didn't, perhaps you could do this at your first dress fitting, and take your mum along to that? xxx

    I agree, when I went to try on my dress for the second time I tried it with a veil and it made me really emotional. I'd always laughed at the idea that I'd cry buying my wedding dress before! I'm so not that sort of person.

  • I wrote an almost identical post to you very recently Lucy394! I felt extremely deflated after my experience for the exact same reasons as you... it's putting me off wanting to go again - at least you found your dress :) xx

  • A17A17 Posts: 4 New bride

    I had this too.  Everyone loved the dress (Mum, Fiancé's mum, MOH) but no tears or super super excitement.  My first trying on of the dress was also underwhelming as I thought the assistant wasn't very enthusiastic, but I went and tried it on a second time and the second assistant was much, much better.

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    No one cried when I chose mine. It was a fun day, but it was more like “oh yay! I think this is it!” Trust your choice and know it’s not about the dress. I dont think there always is a moment or tears, and there certainly doesn’t have to be. I reckon it’s a bit of a myth and we put too much pressure on trying to create it.

  • Yes, my experience was the same! Just me and my Mum, and my Mum was very pragmatic about it all just asking practical questions etc. I loved my dress and am happy with it, but I was expecting her to look more emotional because of media etc.

    I think as long as we are happy with our dresses then we should just be happy :) And like other people have said, we are so lucky to have our Mums here to share these happy times with us. I am sure the wedding itself will be more emotional <3

  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 933 New bride

    I agree that social media and tv has a lot to answer for. It's so sad that we put so much pressure on our looks for the wedding, and also that we expect our friends and family to have the perfect reaction! That's not real! Real shopping involves trying on lots of different looks, staring at all the flaws in the mirror for hours and then finally being happy when you find a dress that suits you, is comfy, and you can afford! That just doesn't make good tv! No one cried when I found my dress, but I think it would have been weird if they did!

    I knew I had definitely found the dress due to the comments from a couple of ladies sitting nearby speaking in Spanish. I don't think they realised I could understand!

Sign In or Register to comment.