An invite to an extortionate wedding abroad! Advice needed!

I apologise in advance for sounding like the biggest whinge bucket ever but I never fail to blown over by people’s sense of entitlement when it comes to weddings! 
The second of January we recieved an invite to a wedding in Jamaica 2020.My husband has been asked to be best man and me as a plus one. In total (including travel to airport etc) we’d be looking at 2 grand each! They even supplied an itemised list of everything that had to be paid for and included ‘£8 each for airport mini bus’ just wow! 
Upon investigation it seems to be one of these packages where the guests cover the cost of the wedding as it has to be for 14 days and everyone has to stay in the same hotel. 
Cost aside we’d really struggle to get two weeks off work and we asked and just going for 7 days isn’t possible apparently...
Not only would we have to sacrifice any dreams of our own summer holiday but I really don’t fancy spending two weeks in a hotel with a wedding party.
Everyone else in the group is really hyped and excited and we’ve already been added to whatsapp groups initiating plans. I do feel it’s a bit cheeky as all other weddings abroad that I’ve known of have allowed guests to choose their own accommodation and also the duration they stay! I also feel that it’s quite short notice for such a big outlay! I don’t want my husband to miss out and I don’t want to be the bad guys but I think it’s better to say sooner rather than later if it’s not possible. 

Any thoughts? 

Posts

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,077 New bride
    If you want to go, just say you don’t have the annual leave to accommodate 2 weeks there, you’ll fly out and join them for one week and make your own arrangements. If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it, when you plan a destination wedding that’s one of the things you need to take into account. 
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.

    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,077 New bride
    Totally agree - it's an invitation, not a summons. If you can only do a week and want to stay elsewhere, say so very clearly from the start. I bet there are others feeling the same as you. Price up your own holiday and just say "this is what we are doing, see you out there". If they get annoyed they aren't nice people.

    I'm on a few Facebook wedding groups and tbh, many of the destination brides are very entitled, kicking off because they think they should be able to dictate what other people spend their money and annual leave on, then others chime in saying things like "those who care about you will make the effort and come" etc., as if those who don't have 4 grand to drop on a holiday not of their choosing don't care - it's ridiculous and I have to bite my tongue and avoid those threads now.
  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,135 New bride
    As a destination bride myself this is awful and so entitled and would put me off going (and if it was someone close enough I’d be telling them to change their attitude a little!). Of course you can go to Jamaica for a week, heck you could go for a long weekend if you really wanted to. The reality is a week probably would work best with charter flights and hotel packages but I don’t see any need to go for two. If you can afford it, and want to go, then book what you want and can afford and tell them you’ll be at the wedding. That might even mean having to pay for day access to their resort. I suppose it also depends on when in 2020 - if next Jan then yes it’s short notice but if it was next December then I think it’s fair.
    We purposely chose somewhere that was a short flight so that people could go for just a night or two if they wanted and researched a range of options across budgets, but also suggested people look themselves and find something suitable to maximise the amount of guests who might be able to make it. 
    I cant believe that you have to pay for an airport shuttle - If I was going to a lovely resort for two weeks I’d kind of expect that to be in the package costs of the hotel!
    I’m sure the amount of people super excited now will dwindle when cows and saving and the reality of such an expensive trip hits. Just say you’ll do what you can to try and be there and remove yourselves from discussions until you’re clear on what you’re able to do or not. Don’t feel pressured, I’m sure deep down the bride and groom know it’s expensive and a lot to ask and shouldn’t if they’re nice people have any issue with your hesitation or even possible decline of the invite. 
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