Bridesmaid is tight!!!

JMB2019JMB2019 Posts: 73 New bride
I know I know it’s not expected for bridesmaids to pay for much. However I have three and they agreed (I didn’t expect this at all) for them to pay for my hen party (well my hotel and bus share) one has then made comments to me saying that she doesn’t feel she see’s me enough to pay for my share etc. Baring in mind I am paying for her to be a bridesmaid. 
I told her I didn’t expect her to pay for me etc, however the other two keep saying ohh no u have paid for enough. Has anyone ever came across this??

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  • JMB2019JMB2019 Posts: 73 New bride
    JMB2019 said:
    I know I know it’s not expected for bridesmaids to pay for much. However I have three and they agreed (I didn’t expect this at all) for them to pay for my hen party (well my hotel and bus share) one has then made comments to me saying that she doesn’t feel she see’s me enough to pay for my share etc. Baring in mind I am paying for her to be a bridesmaid. 
    I told her I didn’t expect her to pay for me etc, however the other two keep saying ohh no u have paid for enough. Has anyone ever came across this??
    No she isn’t skint before anyone asks this 
  • Ambam19Ambam19 Posts: 583 New bride
    Have u seen her much?
    Maybe she's questioning why she's a bridesmaid? 

    I'd be irritated too but it's your choice to have a wedding so however she wants and chooses to spend her money is up to her x
  • JdotJJdotJ Posts: 196 New bride
    Unfortunutely you can’t choose how people spend their money. I can see where you’re coming from but although you may not think she’s skint, you just don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. She could have a lot of debts etc... that you don’t know about, and you just can’t tell people what to do with their money. 

    That being said, if she says she doesn’t see you enough to pay for your share, I question why she said she’d be a bridesmaid in the first place. I’d probably expect her to drop out or distance herself the closer to the date it gets. 

    How much is she expected to pay for you?

    Jx
  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    Maybe put some time in with her. Keep in touch and ask how things are, invite her over for dinner, make a date for you to do something just the two of you. It sounds like she’s moe questioning her friendship with you rather than really struggling with the cost. However, I do agree with the above - you may think she’s not skint but honestly you have no way of knowing for sure. Sometimes people with the worst money and debt issues put on a convincing pretence. 

    When is the hen? And when do things have to be booked and paid for? If you have time I would let it lie for a bit, try reconnecting as friends and then see if either of you feel differently.
  • It’s very kind of the other bridesmaids to offer to pay your share, but I really don’t think you can insist or expect it for all of them. Let those who have offered pay a third of your share each and cover the final third yourself. 

    How are you ‘paying for her to be a bridesmaid’? Do you mean for her dress etc - I mean that’s expected isn’t it? And I don’t think it means she owes you anything. 

    Agree with MrsTracey, if she is expressing that she doesn’t see you enough then maybe focus on that, check in with her and try to spend time with her that’s not related to the wedding. 
  • SlySly Posts: 36 New bride
    You say you dont expect anything from any of them yet are questioning why she isnt contributing. If the others are offering to pay then that's great but it is their choice, perhaps she wasnt consulted by them and now feels railroaded or awkward about it all. As someone else commented, perhaps payment is a big issue for her as she may well have debts you don't know about. Or she quite rightly feels she shouldnt have to shell out. You asked her after all and made the decision how many bridesmaids to have. I know you may feel a bit narky and a bit insulted given the others have been so generous but be mindful things are not always what they seem. Work colleague sat opposite me right now has been on 3 hols since December with 2 more planned this year yetvthe ballifs are banging on their door😲
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