Coral with a hint of Mint - August 2019

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Posts

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    In another of those planning lulls now where I'm basically just waiting for stuff to be delivered, yawn! I suppose there had to be some downside to being super organised haha! 

    However, had these lovelies delivered yesterday to go with the G&T kits for my maids:

    They're so cute. Could've gotten them with initials on but I figured since I already have candles and the necklaces with their initials on, it might be a bit overkill. 
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Also, just had a Whatsapp from one of my maids asking what we're doing the night before the wedding and I found myself getting incredibly excited!

    We have The Lodge booked for the night before which will be for my, mum, sister and my twin MOHs so that took care of accommodation :) But they also throw in some pizzas, snacks, a bottle of bubbly and girly DVDs so I reckon a pamper night is on the cards!

    Told this to L (one of my MOHs) and she said she has a nice idea for some pampering stuff so to leave it to her - yay, one less thing for me to arrange!
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Hen do

    Realised I haven't said much about my hen do. Although to be honest, I don't know that much about it other than the dates and location haha :lol:

    I was told to book off the 5th-10th July (Friday-Wednesday) which seemed really long but apparently we may need 'a few days to recover' haha.

    I know it'll be in London as that's where most of the attendees live/work so it's the most convenient for everyone. In fact, the only people travelling for it are myself, my mum and sister.

    That's all I know! Have to admit, not sure how much I'm enjoying relinquishing control haha but I trust my maids and I know they'll have planned some really good stuff so I'm just going to resist the urge to find out what they're doing :wink:

    Good news is one of my maids was a maid for someone else just last weekend and she organised a brill hen do for that :) So I have great faith in her abilities haha.
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Ooh, and I do know that on the Friday night it'll just be me and my twin besties going to the casino where I met Tim for a few drinks and maybe a bit of a gamble (read: an hour spent shoving the smallest coins allowed into a slot machine :lol:)
  • Aww you have so much cute stuff! I'm off to look at coat hangers on Etsy! :D

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    @cluelessbride01 Happy shopping! :) I've lost countless hours on Etsy these past few months :lol:
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Just had another message from one of the twins asking what my "full name is? As per your passport?" :smiley::smiley: getting giddy now!!
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Slight side note... I'm determined to get our harpist to play this at some point before/during/after the ceremony! H2B and I looooove the film and this is beaut


  • Oooo wow! Your hen sounds amazing! How have you coped with relinquishing control? I’m terrible and want to know everything 🤣 

    sounds like you have a great bunch of girls which is amazing 😁 

    with the glasses you could always get the transfers off eBay/Etsy if you change your mind later on! 

    The night before the wedding sounds amazing too, so nice to have everyone together the night before! Plus pizza is the go to meal the night before 😍
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Ah thanks @Blondiebride2019. I haven't coped with it all that well haha 🤣 but on the other hand, it's quite nice to have one less thing on my plate so I'll take it!

    Ooh transfers is a good idea if I change my mind.

    I know, I'm so looking forward to the night before the wedding! Long bath, pamper time and pizza is always a perfect combination.
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    edited 11 April
    Just realised one big thing that needs adding to my to-do list... seating plan!! :neutral:

    I'd start now but there's not much point when we're still waiting on so many frigging RSVPs (come on people, invites went out in January!!). I'm not too bothered because I know most people are actually coming but could really do with their meal choices and whether they want a room so I can allocate them one. Out of 54 guests, we so far have 15 confirmed guests 🤣 and at least 5 of those are my family haha.

    Thankfully, the seating plan shouldn't be too difficult... quite lucky in that there's no major family or personal dramas between people so everyone can go pretty much anywhere.

    That said, I'd love some input on the following:

    - Do I mix friendship groups from both sides so that people get to know each other or try and keep people on a table with people they already know? I'm guessing the former is probably the 'right' thing to do but that's extra work trying to put people together who might get along/have things in common :lol: . Plus, would they even speak to the other people or just the people they know? 

    - Is there any particular 'etiquette' when it comes to doing a seating plan? I'm sure there's something about how the top table is supposed to be arranged. (Not that I'd necessarily do everything 'by the book', but I'm intrigued and a bit of a sucker for tradition)
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    @MrsRendall2B I was discussing this with a group of friends last week and they all said they'd prefer to sit with friends they know. In our group, we all have busy lives and jobs and are scattered around the country, so we don't all get to catch up as often as we'd like to so we love a good wedding! A few couples who don't know anyone else we have made sure are seated with people I think they'll get on with, but generally we've stuck to established groups. Broadly we have 2 tables which are close family and wedding party, one table for C's friends, one table of mixed less close family, and 1 smaller table of my step-family.
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Thanks for your input @MrsCToBee, my friends are very similar - scattered all over the place and don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like so I was thinking of putting them together but didn’t know if that would be considered rude. I suppose there’s plenty of time during the rest of the day for people to mingle, if they want!
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    The FMIL strikes again...

    If you’ve seen some of my other posts on here you’ll know the issues and annoyance we’ve had with H2B’s mum trying to overrule the guest list. I haven’t heard from her (not about the wedding, at least) for a while so I thought we were in the clear. 

    That is is until I was awoken at 4:30 by a string of text messages (presumably sent last night but hadn’t come through for some reason?). 

    Once again, asking if we’re inviting two of her friends - we’ve had this discussion SEVERAL times now and the last time H2B called and pretty much shouted at her that it’s not her decision and if we want them there, we’re more than capable of sending an invite. 

    She’s also asked if we’re inviting her pretty-much-an-alcoholic brother who is also pretty racist and his wife. I don’t understand why as I know she’s not particularly fond of him. Also, T’s sisters’ partners are black, between them have 4 mixed race children and my two MOHs are mixed race. As much as you’d like to think someone wouldn’t be stupid enough to say anything at a wedding, when you couple that with his alcoholism, it’s just a recipe for disaster in my opinion. 

    Don’t know how to respond to her. Was going to go down the lines of “Look, we’re already at the number of guests we’ve paid for, inviting any more will incur extra cost which we haven’t budgeted for. If we get any declines, we have a list of people we’d like to invite”. But I feel like her response to that will be to throw money at us to cover their share. That’s all well and good but it’s still a no from me for a few reasons:

    1. It’s not fair on the other people we’d invite if we had the space/budget. 
    2. Kinda defeats the purpose of us trying to keep it a small wedding. 
    3. Don’t want to set the precedent that she can just give us money and we’ll cater to her every whim.
    4. And perhaps most importantly, we’re bloody adults capable of making our own decisions about who we would and wouldn’t like at our wedding!!

    😡🤬 rant over.  
  • Ahhhh MIL!! They’re a dream aren’t they.  In regards to her friends, if you have already had the discussion before then I would just be polite and say something along the lines of ‘T and I have decided that we only want X amount of guests and don’t really want people there that we don’t know, we want to keep it close friends and family so unfortunately can not accommodate friends Y&Z’ or something along those lines.

    Is T close to this uncle? I think sometimes it’s assumed the family get priority (no matter how close they are)! Have you told her your reasons for not wanting him there? Have you invited other uncles and aunts?  If you haven’t and he’s not a close family member then tell MIL that you can’t possibly have everyone at a limited numbers wedding so have invited people you see regularly.  I feel your pain! It’s so hard to reason with people.

    If someone can’t make it and you use your reserve list then she doesn’t need to know, just pretend they were always invited and sorry, but you’ve had no one decline so can’t possibly invite more! Haha if she offers money for people you don’t want there then just say again about how you want a small wedding and her offering to pay is kind but defeats the point. 

    Ultimately if she keeps on nagging,  T will have to step in and tell her to stop.  You don’t want her stressing you out in the last few months.  Hope you get it sorted!

    sorry for the essay haha I feel very strongly about bossy MIL as you can tell 😂
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    I genuinely wouldn't reply at all, and I certainly wouldn't justify yourself as that makes it look like it's open for negotiation!
    Forward them to your fiance and let him deal with it because a) he will be more frank with his own mum than you can and b) it sounds like she's trying to be sneaky and get you to agree while he's away - so present a united front!

    I'm pretty blunt so I'd just reply "we've discussed this several times and the answer is still the same  - no".
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 805 New bride
    I wouldn't come up with excuses because she'll keep pushing. If you offer up a list of reasons it's like you're still open to discussion. "We've already decided the guest list" on repeat is better than giving her the option to argue back.
  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride
    Aha I have one of these too. I'd just forward it to FH and refuse to engage with her on it. If the invites have gone out and the guestlist is done then it's end of discussion. As FH ended up telling his Mum, if you want to hang out with your family and your friends renew your vows or throw a party. 
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    edited 12 April
    Thanks all.

    Thankfully (for once) she'd sent the same/similar message to T which I hadn't realised so I've left him to deal with it. Normally she comes straight to me knowing I'm a soft touch compared to T and his sisters who've had to deal with her for 30+ years.

    As you said @MrsCToBee, if it were my mum, I'd have no problem telling her where to get off 😂 Thankfully she's not demanded anything and even joked "Should I send you my list too?!" when I told her about this morning haha.

    @Blondiebride2019 They're not close at all as T grew up in London and his immediate family are still there whereas this uncle is in Lancashire. It's a bit awkward since we're getting married in Lancashire so probably not far for him to come but I'm not one for inviting people out of obligation. T's seen him maybe once in the 4 years we've been together and I've met him for all of 20 minutes at a funeral (which was more than enough). 

    T's mum just seems to have some complex about not leaving people out of things / involving everyone. She's terrible for it and it's usually to her own detriment! Say if she's got visitors and is making a meal, she'll then have to invite T's sisters, partners, children, two other relatives that live in London and before you know it they're trying to squeeze 14 people round a table in a small flat in London. Then once everyone leaves she starts talking about how much hard work it was preparing for and hosting that many people 😂

    We've invited T's auntie on his mum's side but she's been good to us over the years - had us over for dinner, we've stayed with her a couple of times, spent time with her when she's visited T's parents and she let us stay in her holiday house in Crete for free. We've also invited his aunties/uncles from his dad's side but they're a lot closer as they used to go visit them in Orkney most summers (even though it's further away than T's mum's family) and I've met them all for more than 20 mins.

    Sorry for the essay there! I just feel like it helps in these situations when there's a bit of context. Anyway, she's T's problem now... 😂
  • jjward2019jjward2019 Posts: 128 New bride
    I agree with @Blondiebride2019 tell her you have no more space but if anyone declines they are your first reserves and then just say no one declined - she'll never know! Good luck!
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Thing is @jjward2019 she will know if people decline. At the moment, it's looking like the only declines we might get are from T's family up in the Orkney Islands which we somewhat expected but if they decline, FMIL will definitely know about it. So I certainly wouldn't tell her they're first reserves :wink:

    Also, not that this should be a 'thing' but T's family and friends are already (pretty massively) outnumbering my family and friends. I mean, there's not many other people I'd invite because I just don't like that many people 😂 but she doesn't need to know that. 

    In fact, if she mentions it again I'm just going to say that out of the 52 adults and 4 children we have coming... (time to do some maths) 30 adults and 3 children are T's family and friends. Leaving me with 22 adults and 1 child. And that if we do decide to invite anyone else, it'll be from my side to even things out. 
  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 222 New bride
    Why are guest lists always the cause of drama :joy:
    I'm glad T is happy to say something and won't leave it to you to be the bad guy! You've got completely valid reasons for not inviting them if she does decide to argue her case, which hopefully she won't!
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    I know, right? @MrsW2020 To be honest, we had a pretty easy time doing the guest list until other people starting shoving their noses in!

    Yeah, I'm glad he backs me up in these situations. He thinks she's crazy anyway and has had enough of her 😂 think he's incredibly glad I dragged him up north.

    In the end, I replied to her with exactly what I'd said I would about T's family and friends already outnumbering my side and that if we did have any declines, I had family members I'd like to invite. Mostly because I thought a double pronged attack would be the way to go. She often bats T off when he's firm with her as she just thinks he's being harsh. So I thought if we both went to her with the exact same thing, it would be harder to fight and apparently that's true because...

    She's responded and just completely blanked what I said 😂 just told me what she's been up to this week and what she's got planned for the rest of the Easter hols (she works in a school). So I think, although don't want to jinx it, I think I may have won!! 😂 #winning
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Still no further word from FMIL so I think I'm in the clear there. :smiley:

    That said, I had one of those wedding nightmares last night! 😂 The first one I had maybe a month or so was that 'OMG, the wedding is today and I haven't booked a hair/make up artist, haven't had my dress altered' etc. etc. (needless to say I swiftly followed that one up by booked a hair/MUA and booking my dress in for alterations haha).

    This time however, I'd done everything but had woken up on the morning of the wedding and realised I'd left some key things at home like people's gifts, table décor, my shoes, bridesmaid's dresses. I feel like these dreams are trying to tell me something so I'm currently working on a packing list to go in my spreadsheet haha 😂 Covering all of aspects of the day from everything I'll need in the morning / things we need for the ceremony / reception / evening etc. Plan is to print it out in the week before, one tick when it's been boxed/packed in a case and double tick when it's been packed in a car and sent to the venue haha.

    What crazy wedding dreams/nightmares have you had?!
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    P.S Yes, I may be a little neurotic with a touch of OCD but if it stops me from turning into a stressy bridezilla in the run up, gotta be worth it, right? :lol:
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 805 New bride
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    @OmRum only mildly, thankfully. I tend to go through periods of obsession with certain things until I find something new to get anxious about. It mostly just leads me to almost over-plan things down to minute detail which in some ways makes things worse because I just end up anxious about things not going to plan but it helps me feel better in the short term. It's part of the reason why I'm trying to keep the wedding pretty small - less people, less margin for error?

    Have to say it's been exacerbated somewhat by wedding planning - so many decisions, so many things you could easily let yourself get worked up over without having any of those problems. Just have to keep reminding myself that even if it doesn't go entirely to plan down to the second that the main goal will still be achieved - I'll still get to marry my best friend and I shouldn't let anything detract from that.
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 805 New bride
    It's so difficult to manage the obsessiveness even when you know it's details that people won't notice if they're not there. I had to make back up plans for everything as well, such as where we'd buy last minute wine if the bar didn't show up, etc., which looking back of course seems ridiculous. Even though I knew these things didn't matter I would wake in the night with panics!

    As someone who's come out the other side... it won't all go perfectly to plan, but you will still have the best day ever. You're right about focusing on the getting married bit. Once I'd realised that the rest didn't panic me as much any more.
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Thanks! This is why we've gone for a pretty all-inclusive package where the venue does a lot and it's also why I've tried to leave myself as little to do in the run up as possible, other than over-seeing everything. It's helped that our suppliers have been so great so I trust them to deliver on the day.

    You're completely right about it being hard to manage the obsessiveness knowing that it won't matter to others - just makes you feel even sillier for being obsessed over it and then anxious about whether people think you're being OTT and bridezilla-esque. It's a pretty vicious cycle but I find mindfulness and meditation help me a lot and when it feels like it's getting too much, I either snuggle into H2B if he's here or look at pictures of him. :lol:
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Morning all :) 

    Feels like ages since I've been on here! But a busy, stressful and surprisingly long 4-day working week (which finished at 8pm on Thursday rather than 5!) had really taken it out of me. I'm away for the long weekend in Scarborough with family for my gran's 85th birthday and it's been so nice.

    It's also been quite nice to have a week where I haven't really thought/worried/stressed about the wedding at all. Not that I usually 'stress' over it, but I find it too easy to get hyped up and super-involved in wedding stuff that I don't always let my mind switch off and take a break.

    So I'll be MIA again until next week but I have lots to share with you when I'm back (and probably even more by then).

    I hope everyone is enjoying the Easter weekend (particularly those for whom it's a 4 day weekend!) and the glorious weather we're having at the moment :kissing_heart:

    I'll be back soon xx
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