Best Man Issues

My H2B's Best man has really upset me and I'm not sure how to approach it with my H2B as I don't want to cause any problems between them. I've considered confronting the Best man about it myself but I'm not sure if it would make matters worse.

The Best man has so far done nothing for the wedding (been planning since 2017). He was going to hand deliver the save the dates to the H2B's family which we really appreciated however we then found out he dropped them off to H2B's mum to leave her to do it. He also posted pictures of the outfits they're wearing on facebook and gave me abuse when I politely asked him to remove it as we wanted to keep things like that a surprise for the guests on the day. He eventually removed it so I've looked past that issue but it gives a kind of idea of what he's like.

It's 6 months to the wedding and he's organized nothing for the Stag even though H2B and others have been asking about it. H2B tried to help him by giving him ideas of things he'd like to do. He told him what dates he could get off from work so they could at least settle on a date but that still hasn't happened.

H2B requested no strippers because he doesn't see the point, it's not somewhere he'd usually go so why go spend the money on it just because it's his stag. He also added that he knew I don't agree with strippers so he wouldn't go anyway to respect my feelings. The Best man then told him that the Stag night is one night with no rules, he can do absolutely anything and doesn't need to respect my feelings because if I don't like it then H2B can "just find a new Mrs". My H2B showed me this chat and I'm fuming. H2B said he's being a t*at and it's actually p*ssing him off now but he doesn't think he can tell him he's no longer Best Man. Best Man is always nice to my face but I'm hurt that he has said that. If one of my bridesmaids "encouraged" me to disrespect H2B's feelings in anyway I'd have had a serious word with them.

I have suffered from anxiety in the past however I have had it under control for a number of years but this has seriously triggered me. With the Best Man's attitude being the way it is I'm starting to dread the big day because of him. Thinking about his speech is making me physically ill because if he encourages H2B to not respect my feelings then what kind of things will he say in his speech.

Has anyone else had a issues with the Best Man, or has anyone had to drop the Best Man - if so how did you go about it.

Thanks in advance


  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride
    I wouldn't confront the best man yourself. Your H2B needs to speak to him and sort this out properly. What does he respond to these whatsapp messages? If he's a good enough friend to be asked to be best man, he's a good enough friend to be sat down and given a stern word by your FH. 
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • Bubbles19Bubbles19 Posts: 3 New bride
    Thanks GinAndBling.

    H2B told him the chat wasn’t for taking the p*ss and they need to get plans sorted. I think he was giving him the benefit of the doubt and thinking he’s joking so hasn’t fully addressed it. The best man didn’t reply after that 
  • Hullass1972Hullass1972 Posts: 596 New bride
    Does FH have anyone else that can have a word with the best man and steer him in the right direction regarding the stag and speech, like his father if he's still around? Think the BM needs a gentle warning that his attitude isn't acceptable and he needs to pull his finger out.
  • Bubbles19Bubbles19 Posts: 3 New bride
    Thank you Hullass1972, there’s another groomsman that could have a word so that’s an option - thanks 
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