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Help! upset friend as not bridesmaid......

Hi, has anyone else ended up upsetting someone as you've not chosen someone as bridesmaid who thought they were going to be?

I was bridesmaid for this friend, my oldest friend, and shes always assumed she would be mine, as I say she is my oldest friend but I have other friends, I have known for years that I see nearly everyday, so I have chosen her. Everytime I saw other friend she kept asking about what she would be wearing and if I didnt chose her she'd never forgive me (she's very pushy!) so today I worked up to sending a text, to explain nicely Id chosen someone else, I admit I was too scared to say face to face. Anyway I havent heard back and know she is fuming with me. How do I handle this?!

Would love any advice and to know if anyone has had similar issues?



  • LollyxxukLollyxxuk Posts: 1,455
    ooh no, tricky one!!!

    i think i would be gutless and ask her to be one too!!
  • Well, thats what Im normally like (a pushover!) a few other friends said they thought thats what I'd do, but I thought, NO! not giving into her, its my wedding day! the way shes acted makes me not want her even more! but at same time, dont like upsetting anyone
  • I haven't really got any advice to offer but did find myself in similar situation.

    I was bridesmaid at two of my friends weddings and then had another 3 friends who had always assumed they would be bridesmaids for various reasons.

    I have chosen my daughter (age2) and two family friends (age 9&10). I would have liked to have had 1 or 2 adult bridesmaids but was too much of a chicken to single out any of my friends and offend the rest. I chose the easy way out as I simply said "I'm only having little ones".

    Perhaps I'm being a bit cheeky in doing it without them being bridesmaids but I have been asking some of them for help with different bits and pieces, I have dragged some of them dress shopping and to wedding fayres and another one is organising my hen weekend...she did volunteer!!

    I know that I have offended at least one of them
  • I would also prob be gutless and end up asking her as well.

  • Oooh tricky one.

    I've upset my friend too, but really, the way i see it is it's tough. It's my wedding and if you're a true friend it wouldn't bother you as much.

    Good for you for standing your ground.

  • I'm in a similar situation as I have a really close friend who I know would love to be bridesmaid but I decided not to ask because it would just stress me out too much. While her heart is in the right place, she's really pushy and has completely different ideas about what I 'should have'. Her suggestions for a hen night are perfect for her but my idea of hell.

    So far I've avoided the issue because I couldn't think of a way to let her down without it sounding like I think she should be bridesmaid and I just don't want her. And personally I would never assume I was going to be someone elses, although I might hope to be. I'd also accept it if I wasn't asked.

    All I can suggest is that you make sure she knows you'd love her to be at the wedding but that you'll need a lot of support leading up to it and your other friend is in a better position to provide this. You can be as understanding as possible but it's not your responsibilty if she's still upset.

    My excuse is that I'm having h2b's sister and a friend from school who still lives in my home town so can help with the organisation there.
  • March08BrideMarch08Bride Posts: 1,993
    I had a similar situation, someone assuking they would be my bm...I just plucked up the courage to say I'm sorry but I want A,B+C instead...she was gutted at first, but she has soon has got over it!!!! Perhaps you could ask her to do a reading for you or still get involved with the planning?? Good luck, be brave - just remember it is your wedding!! Besides, tell her - if she was any kind of friend being bridesmaid shouldn't be an issue because she would understand that u have lots of hard decisions to make and would just be happy for you getting married, to be coming to the day and supportive! What would she be like as bm? If she is anythign like the friend I told that she wasn't mine, if I had have agreed she would have tried to steal the show as she is a drama queen and loves attention!! She turned up to her step parents wedding in a white dress and looked more like the bride than her mum did!! xxxxxxxxxx
  • LollyxxukLollyxxuk Posts: 1,455
    i can kind of see why she would expect to be bridesmaid if you were one for her... i think i would expect it too.... even though you shouldnt!!

    like mrsyoung2be said why not invlve her in other ways?? like a reading or organise your hen night. xx
  • happybunnyukhappybunnyuk Posts: 1,869

    i agree with Lolly - see where else you can get in envolved,

    i asked my best mate to be CBM - we argue non stop, no doubt youve seen my other posts, and to be honest with her i think its a jelousy thing, but its MY wedding, she can give her "opinion" all she likes....

    my decision is final... thankyou & goodnight LOL ...........

  • Hi girls, thanks for all your words of wisdom. I still havent heard from her, so guess Im in the doghouse.

    Mrsyoung2b you asked what kind of BM should be, well, she is very bossy, and Im pretty sure this is the first thing that I havent given into her over, I dont want to run the risk of her bossing my family and other friends around on the day. One of the reasons I think she wants to do it so badly is because she loves to be centre of attention, and yes another one that would want to steal the show!

    At the end of the day Im closer to my other friend and want to share it with her, and as we are only having 1BM I am sticking to my desicion.

    I will have to think of something else to do, hen night all organised so thats out. She probably wont want to do anything now tho!

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