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Hey, I just thought I would post this as I figured there would be a few ladies who have big days without special people in their lives. Not just mothers and fathers but grandparents and siblings too. Created a thread where we could share our stories and discuss how to remember them on our day.

My Mum was diagnosed with a metastic carcinoid (a rare type of small tumour in the gut) in December 2007 with tumours spread to liver. We were told it was slow growing and there was lots of treatment options so we waited through January 2008 having tests and making mum confortable but Mum started to decline so in february Dad got her into a hospital and she had chemo. She started to get really ill in March and then I had a phone call from my Dad 'Your Mum is dying, her body is shutting down' so all the family rushed to be beside her. She passed away 15th of March 2008 after gripping my hand hours earlier saying 'It'll be alright just pray...My perfect 2:4 family had just been ripped to shreds

I miss her so much and although Dad and I are close (I live at home, Brother lives in Sheffield) it has caused a lot of emotional times for both of us. I am really close to my auntie who has no children so she has been like a sceond mum to me and i have a lil suprise for her at the wedding.

I have a few ideas of remembering her on my big day

-Using my parents wedding hymn and my mum's wedding ring for my right hand

-Flowers from mum's plants for the wedding

-a table dedicated to her (and my fiancee's grandad) at the reception

-I am have a vial of her perfume round my neck on the big day

- I am having a reading of her favourite psalm at my wedding



  • Unfortunately I will be both fatherless and motherless at my wedding, as I lost my dad when I was 14 and my mum when I was 28. I'm now 43 and getting married next June. Both my parents died from cancer so we have donated a sum to Cancer Research instead of favours as one way of remembering them at the wedding.

    I will also be wearing my mum's engagement ring on my right hand at the wedding. Plus I know that H2B plans to raise a glass to them and my brother (who died in 2005) at the reception during his speech.

    My sister is giving me away since she is now my closest immediate family (I have a son but felt he was a little too young to do this as he is only 10). You are lucky that you still have your dad around to perform this duty for you.

    When is your wedding?

  • My Grooms mother sadly passed away 13 years ago when he was 13. we are having a 2 realtouch bouquet made as decor for the ceremony table,

    One my mum will take away, and the other we will keep next to the last photo he has of them as a family which is actually at a wedding, and with some other sentimental items so it will be a very low key nod to his mum,

  • My wedding is the August the 20th 2010, I am so sorry to hear about your losses

    We are also getting married in a church just down the road from where my Mum grew up...
  • i will be motherless on my wedding day my mum passed away when i was six and my father did a runner when i was 3 t**t. im walking by myself down the so il feel that she is with me also there arent 2 b any flowers apart from freesia they were her faves.xox
  • Black-RoseBlack-Rose Posts: 4,305
    I didn't have my Father on my wedding day. We didn't just remember him by name because it would have upset my Mother so we just raised a glass to 'absent friends'

    But on the cake table I put a photo of him and a poem and a candle with a red rose. Our flowers were cream roses but I could hear him saying I'm from Lancashire I wear a red rose, so I bought him his red rose.

    This is the poem:

    Dear Lord please clear a spot for him

    He should have the perfect view,

    His little girl's a bride today

    And I am counting on you,

    Let me feel his presence

    As I journey down the aisle,

    And let me feel his absence

    If only for a while,

    Let me stop and think of him

    As I am given away,

    And know that if he could

    He would be here with me today,

    Dear Lord please clear a spot for him

    He should have the perfect view,

    And if he should get sad today

    Dear Lord I count on you.

    My daughter gave me away, she was 12 then.

  • My mum died 12 years ago and my dad last year. I plan to mention them in my speech along with H2B's mum who died 7 years ago.

    My sister has my mum's wedding ring and she is lending it to me, as it doesn't fit my fingers I am going to pin it into the inside of the bodice of my dress
  • DandHDandH Posts: 371
    i lost my mum nearly 11 years ago, we're getting married at the same church as she was married in (an burried at) and having yellow roses as button holes and in my bouquet as they were her favorite and in her boquet too
  • ChardonnayChardonnay Posts: 1,761
    I can't imagine how hard it is for all of you as I am incredibly lucky to have both parents still with me. However, a good friend of mine had lost both parents within 6 months of her wedding, and she opted to create a new role for 'brother of the bride'; he was her bridesmaid & father all in one, and gave a speech as 'brother of the bride'. Not sure if that idea appeals to anyone but thought I'd share it.
  • Hi all. Just thought I would share my experience.

    My dad died when I was 10 and my mum when I was 16. I am 28 now and getting married March 8th 2010 abroad - just the 2 of us.

    Part of our decision for this is that it would just be too hard to do it in this country with so many of my family missing (have also lost 3 of my 4 grandparents)

    We have bought a special candle with a dedication poem on it with their names. It will go on a table with their wedding picture and after the ceremony the priest will say a prayer for them while we light it.

    I know that they will be with me on that day and watching down on us.

    Good luck to all the brides (and grooms) who will be missing a loved one on their special day.

  • Wow this is a tough topic. I lost my mum 4 yrs ago and have been wondering how to acknowledge her at the wedding.

    Just reading this thread has made me cry so I have to be careful not to do something thats going to have me, my sisters, dad, her sisters and dad in tears. At the end of the day, it's a happy day and I know my mum wouldn't want us upset.

    I am having some of her sparkly jewellery wired into my bouquet and then rather than throwing it, I'm going to put it on her grave (obviously removing the jewelery first!)

    I've got a candle and a pic of my mum and dad on their wedding day but I don't know where to put them or how much attention to draw to them.

    Other than that my h2b will mention her in his speech...but I have warned him, briefly and happily!
  • vixenvixvixenvix Posts: 1,638
    Hey everyone.

    My dad died when I was 3 months old so him not being at my wedding isn't really going to effect because I've never known what it's like to have a dad.

    My grandad was more like a father to me and he died 6 years ago. I miss him everyday and had always planned that he'd walk me down the aisle, even after he'd died that thought never went away.

    As soon as I got engaged it hit me that he won't be there with me on my day. We're having our wedding on his birthday so that I feel in some way he is with us.

  • My father died aged 46 at midnight on millenium eve from a huge heart attack. I was 20 years old.

    I'm not entirely sure how we will remember him on the day but I've been thinking about having a picture of him in a frame on the top table. I'm sure my mother will mention him in her speech although I do worry about this a little as I'll be very likely to cry with emotions running high on the day.

    It's very difficult.

  • My mum died four years ago, a month after my sister's wedding, all the last photos we have of my mum are from that day, she looked amazing, her heart attack was a complete shock.

    I am getting married in the same church as my sister and I am dreading it. I really don't want to be sad on my wedding day, but I can't see how to avoid it. I have been having nightmares about my dad's speech, as I know he will mention my mum. Two of my best friend's have dead parents and at their weddings, they mention their parents and they both cried (I also cried). My whole wedding experience has been shadowed by not having my mum around...I am getting married in May 2010 and haven't gone wedding dress shopping yet, looked at flowers etc....... it is only natural our parents will die, but at big occasions it feels so unfair that they are not around.
  • Hey,

    I lost my Mum in 2007. I don't think ive actually dealt with her death yet. I can't seem to get it to click in my mind that she is actually gone. (is that strange after 2 and a half years?!) I keep thinking that one day it will hit me but that day hasn't happened yet and i'm worried that it will on my wedding day. Obviously i was devasted when she died, but i kind of detached myself from the reality of it and it was as though i was watching it all happen to somebody else. I don't know if this is making any sense! I don't even think it makes sense to me! i haven't ever really talked about it to anyone but just wondering if anybody else has felt like this?
  • thought I would continue with my story, im 25 and get married on the 14th August 2010.

    My dad has suffered with heart problems for years and all his brothers have suffered with it. My dad has been really fit and well with no problems for awhile.

    On 10th sept 2009 my dad collapsed and died aged 60...his heart was just too tired to cope anymore.

    I dont know how to remember him on my day yet because I cant cope to think that he isnt going to be there to walk me down the aisle. Im thinking that I may have my favourite photo of him at the church at the bottom of the aisle...or a small photo of him in my flowers so that he is still with me down the aisle.

    I also love the idea someone has put further up ^ with the prayer and his photo on the cake table.

    kel x
  • IMPOIMPO Posts: 86
    My fianc????s father died just over 5 years ago when we were 15, me and him shared a birthday and he was really close to my fianc????. The day before we get married we're going to go and visit the area where his ashes were scattered. I'm from a very small family and my great grandmother was an inspiration to us all. She conquered breast cancer and lived for 25 years after her husband died (in 1975), so I'd like to remember her somehow. Unfortunately her ashes were scattered down in Kent (we live in the Midlands) so it would be hard to go down with everything else we've got to do. My grandma has said that I could tie my greatgrandma's wedding ring into my bouquet, and I might do that.

    Of course, in my fianc????'s speach he'll raise a glass to absent friends and rather than asking for presents, I think we're going to ask for money to be donated to Cancer research as both Andy and my great-grandma suffered from the disease and unfortunately it killed Andy.

    I need to be less emotionally labile... stupid thread making me cry.
  • Hi

    I lost my Dad in February this year. Its a bit cliche but I think of him every day and I expect my wedding next May will be very emotional. We didn't expect it - he just had a heart attack and that was it (he was making tea after being at work all day), He'd had chest pains but the doctor said it was a strained muscle after he'd slipped in the snow. He was 52.

    We decided to get married after Dad died. Reckoned we needed something to look forward to after a couple of years of bad luck. So I have asked my Uncle (Dad's Brother) to give me away (he cried when I asked him) and I am probably going to have a table with a candle with pictures of those that cannot be with us.

    One thing I want is I would like Dads wedding ring, I want to have a bit of it melted and added to mine. I daren't ask my Mum tho. Dad's ring was gold and I am having platinum so I would be able to have him with me at all times and will be able to spot him at any time. I havent had anything of his from home and I do think this would be perfect - I just don't want mum to think I am being selfish...

    What do you ladies think?


  • Quoted:

    I lost my Mum in 2007. I don't think ive actually dealt with her death yet. I can't seem to get it to click in my mind that she is actually gone. (is that strange after 2 and a half years?!) I keep thinking that one day it will hit me but that day hasn't happened yet and i'm worried that it will on my wedding day. Obviously i was devasted when she died, but i kind of detached myself from the reality of it and it was as though i was watching it all happen to somebody else. I don't know if this is making any sense! I don't even think it makes sense to me! i haven't ever really talked about it to anyone but just wondering if anybody else has felt like this?

    Hi, I can relate to this. After my father died I was so focused on supporting my mother that I almost forgot to grieve myself. A couple of years later I hit rock bottom and went off the rails a bit. His death definitely affected me more than I thought it had. Just remember everyone grieves in different ways and there is nothing strange about how you feel.

  • hi Claire,

    I think you should sit down with your mum and tell her what you would like to do but also explain that you understand if she doesnt want to go ahead with it! hope that makes sense


  • Thanks Kel,

    I am just scared!! You make sense tho and I guess I'll just have to be a brave 33 year old woman rather than a frightened 12 year old girl...


  • I would be scared too but you never know she might want you to but doesnt know how to bring it up with you...good luck hun.


  • Claire,

    you never know your mum might of had a similar idea and doesnt know how to talk to you about it!! Good luck hun


  • Hi ladies.

    My dad died almost 11 years ago & I've missed him dreadfully ever since, but it's really brought it home now I'm getting married next May. In addition, my mum died 3 years ago, so I have neither parent to share my big day. Neither of them met my H2B as we will have been together 3 years next March. Also, my H2B doesn't have either of his parents. His 3 children from his previous marriage are forbidden to speak to him by his ex-wife. He has a sister who will be at the wedding though. I was never lucky enough to have any children of my own, & have no brothers or sisters. One of our friends is acting as my escort on the day. I would love to remember my parents on the day, but not sure how I would cope emotionally as it's made me cry just reading this thread & writing my own response. x
  • Sprite68.

    I am so sorry to read your post. I don't know what to suggest but maybe you could have something entwined into your bouquet or sewn into your dress? Or a locket to wear. Something that you will know about for you to cope with for yourself. Or maybe you could get your friend to mention those not at your day in their speech?

    Like I say - I just don't know what else to suggest for you, Maybe others will have other ideas?

    Weddings are such happy occasions that it is sad that we have sadness to deal with isn't it? But those that cannot be with us in body must be looking down from somewhere to be with us - they'll give us the strength to enjoy our big day and comfort in the knowledge that they would have been so proud...



  • Hi Ladies

    My oldest brother died 19 years ago in a car accident, he was 18 and I was 8, and my mum died 8 years ago due to breast cancer when I was 18 and she was 50.

    I miss them every day, and has really hit home for me especially not having my mum to come dress shopping, look at flowers etc. When me and h2b first got engaged I cried quite a lot because to put it bluntly, it's just not fair! I'm sure all you ladies feel exactly the same way.

    On our wedding day, they will be both be mentioned in the speeches and a toast raised to them. There will also be a second dance in which my family will come and join us and You'll Never Walk Alone will be played as this was the song that was played at both of their funerals. I'm going to try and not be upset, although I know that;s going to be a tall order, but I just want that time for them.

    Hope all you ladies get on ok during the planning process and on the day.

  • sueian3sueian3 Posts: 938
    Hi all

    I am not a B2B as we have just celebrated our 1st anniversary last Sunday, but I still come on here now and again.

    My Dad died 16 years ago and my Mam died in Feb 2007 after fighting a short but very courageous battle with Pancreatic cancer.

    That same year I turned 40 and my hubby (partner at the time) proposed on my birthday. We had been together 7 years and so decided to get married the next year. Lying in bed one night it struck me that my parents would have celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversary the next year and due to a leap year, it fell on a Saturday - so that was that wedding date decided. I themed my wedding around the colour gold in honour of them and had the registrar read a short poem at the start of the ceremony:

    "In remembrance, a moment we'll take, thinking happy thoughts not sad

    Today is the Golden Wedding Anniversary of Sue's late Mam & Dad

    A fitting day to declare to all that you want to be together

    And to share the love your parents had and remember them forever"

    I had a photograph of them on their Wedding Day in a frame on a table in the ceremony room which was then moved to the reception room next to a memorial vase in which I placed my flowers.

    I also had tiny photographs of them on Tibetan charms attached to my bouquet which I carried so that they were facing me.

    Some people might think this was too much but for us it was perfect.

    Hopefully photo attached

  • I lost my dad 22 years ago and my mum in May this year - h2b lost his dad 10 years ago and his Mum 3 years ago -we've had my parent's wedding rings remodelled into ours and photos are going to be at the altar with us and at the reception.

    My nephew is giving me away but I hope our parents are looking down on us on the day
  • black rose - that poem is beauitful and will consider putting that in our order of service. thank you
  • My mum died when I was two, I'm twenty five now and she was only twenty three when she died in an accident. We are getting married in the teeny church they got married in and she grew up on a farm house opposite. At her funeral they collected money so they that they could buy this church a new piano, which is still there and wil be played by one of our best friends on the day
  • My father passed away on 31st August last year after a brave year-long battle with throat cancer. I have been struggling to deal with losing him, and in some ways it doesn't seem to get any easier. I was, and still am Daddy's girl.

    The day before my father passed away, with all of us around him, Mum, my two brothers & me, Dad told everyone that H2B had asked his permission and that he gave us his blessing, and then he asked my eldest brother to give me away. I am so grateful to him for doing this. So we know, in a way, he'll be there too.

    I'm sure my brother will mention him in his speech, and I think H2B is planning to say something too. My father had a thing about penguins (something I wholeheartedly encouraged him in - socks, books, mechanical penguin, penguin adoption...the list is endless) and my ???????inheritance??????? simply said ???????Penguins??????? - so there will definitely be a penguin or two at the wedding. Mad maybe, but he'd love it!

    Something I've realised through writing this - I had to leave my desk earlier when reading this post as the sadness of it all is overwhelming - but now, thinking about his penguins making an appearance at the wedding has put a smile on my face. My father would've hated it if I (or any of us) was sad on our wedding day because of him, and the same goes for everyone who has posted here.

    [Modified by: MrsHuckstep2B on September 23, 2009 05:42 PM]

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