I hate my wedding

I got married a couple of weeks ago and i hate majority of things about my wedding and only have bad memories. I always dreamed that it would be the best time of our lives and after 2 years planning it should of been.

Lets start at the begining. Basically planned 2 hen do's 1 for close family where we were going away for couple of days and to a show then 2nd a party in a hall that was a free for all fun nite games etc. The weekend away got cancelled due to some family problems on partners side and majority deciding when i went to book that they suddenly didnt have enough money (had plenty of notice and weekend looking to cost £150 each all inclusive) so we decided on a spa day £30 each but no everybody except me, sis and mum dropped out due to various reasons and the special offer i got meant peeps had to be in pairs so again got cancelled. The hall for the party also fell through due to double booking meaning we had to change date and ended up at a restaurant which also meant alot of people couldnt make new date at short notice. The restaurant also meant everything was well behaved had meal went home the most fun was dressing up! Hubbys stag wasnt organised by best man aka his big brother so one of the ushers ended up organising a very last minute stag do that resulted in arguments because he was late back for suit fitting. Then came the day hairdresser hurt her back so bridesmaids didnt finish having their hair done til 11, i had to do my own as there was no time to wait for hairdresser to do mine as well. Hairdresser was also meant to do mums hair but again there was no time. Mum got extremly stressed throughout morning. There was no time to eat or drink anything as i had an hour in the end to try and finish my hair, do my make up and bridesmaids get bridesmaids in their corsetts as well as dress the little bridesmaid as i was the only person she knew plus get myself dressed. The photographer got the ump about us not being ready on time and couldnt get all the pics i wanted then because he was late leaving us didnt get many of the guest shots. When i got to church we hadnt rehearsed walking in properly so that went wrong and we were at the front before the music kicked in. The git of a best man wasnt wearing his full suit and looked a mess and had his hair pulled over his face. His son wasnt in his suit either and was in jeans and a 2 in 1 style long sleeved top. He kept his son on his hip throughout the service so in the official photos all i can see is me and bm with kid no hubby! He then resorted to telling the photographer to f**k off and wouldnt be in any photos outside. At the reception there was lots of problems that we are trying to book a meeting and complain about them but thats a whole other chapter but summed up was severly not the service i expected for a wedding (especially not tomato soup down my dress twice!)and my best mate has her wedding booked there next year !! At the meal bm refused to let kid off lap again then when his great aunt at first time of meeting his kid dared to take a picture he stood up made a sceen and stormed off not to return. This was half way through meal! An usher stood in a did the speech etc but it was unfair that he got put on the spot like he did. All of this basically but me in a mood for rest of day so i couldnt relax enjoy or even show i was happy. Husbands bro basically ruined majority of it! He made us so many promises before the wedding but i wish i had used my gut feeling as he can make me feel like a bit of dirt in my own home but he is devious enough to do it without anybody realising what he is doing.

Then we get to the honeymoon which this bit is trivial when looking at what some peeps are/ have gone through recently. The place wasnt as secluded as it was meant to be, only a shop on site despite being told bar and restaurant - this was down a pathway in the golf course next door to the resort and despite having an empty restaurant refused to seat us coz we hadnt prebooked but if we sat in the bar for an hour they would fit us in then! Had a major arguement whilst there coz of the official pics and his brother! Again this wasnt the honeymoon we had dreamed about.

We went to see his parents tuesday night to get hold of their pics from day. Thing walked in and made a snide comment towards me. His dad tried to laugh it off! Im trying to be civil to him for hubby sake.

Peeps keep asking how it all went but all i can say is ok. Closer friends have asked why i showed no real emotions on day or even now about it and the truth is the whole thing makes me so upset i would of ended up crying for the wrong reasons or doing something that i would regret but i cant say that as everyone else says how wonderful their day was and it was the best day ever. I just wanted to be able to say that.

I dont even know why im writing this but ive gotta try and say it somewhere as i cant tell hubby or family as it will hurt them too much that i feel this way especially when so much time energy and money was put into it all.

Thank you if you read this and sorry its long x


  • rabbitsrusrabbitsrus Posts: 346
    How do you feel about being married? Provided you are happy with the end product can you pick some nice memories from the day and leave it at that? Moving forwards and not obsessing about it will help you to get over it and get on with your life as a Mrs!

    Hope you start to feel better about things
  • Hazel85Hazel85 Posts: 374
    I know it might sound crass, but surely the one thing that did come out of the day as a success was that you are now married and starting your life together?

    I know the photos are a big part of the day - to recify this in a small way, could you and your new husband do a "Trash the Dress" style photoshoot, just the two of you? If you could do that fairly soon, you might have better memories about the day you donned your dress again?

    You have more "best day evers" to look forward to - children being born, anniversaries - could you plan from now for a one year blessing, or something like that, and avoid the guests who caused the aggravation in the first place?

    Sorry I can't be more helpful!
  • Oh Hon, I'm so sorry your wedding didn't live up to what you dreamed of image

    I don't know what else to say

  • Becky85ukBecky85uk Posts: 434
    It must have been awful for you and I think id feel the same as you esp if id have put a lot of money into it. But as the other girls say, your married and you get to spend the rest of your life with your new husband thats a big good part. And who knows maybe you can talk him into having a vow renewal at some point x
  • Hey LJ69, I think you should sit back and have a laugh at all the things that went wrong because despite all the numerous mishaps, it's amazing that the wedding actually did go ahead and the best and most important part is that you are now married to the love of your life. It's so disappointing when things don't go as planned but that's life and unfortunately we can't control everything around us (even though we painstakingly try). It's amazing that you didn't have a nervous breakdown through it all and even though it was stressful, you're past that and I think you sit back and have a laugh at it. At least now, you have much more interesting stories to tell about your wedding. I feel awful for you that things didn't go as expected but don't let it to continue stressing you out and make happy memories with your married life now that you can look back on.

  • shelleyf30shelleyf30 Posts: 3,971
    I dont know what to say apart from OMG!

    I think you did well given all the factors and agree with other comments about making the most out of it, have a laugh, tales to tell thegrand kids ect

    Also love the idea of the photo shoot, there is a company called in to the blue which also does photo experiences for couples
  • MissM2mrsBMissM2mrsB Posts: 448
    I think the photoshoot is something you should definitely look into. How about booking a nice weekend away somewhere too, so you have something to look forward to? I'm sorry things didn't go too well on the day, I think you've done really well to handle things as well as you have.
  • MrsW31MrsW31 Posts: 2
    Oh dear - you poor thing. Personally, I think honesty is critical to relationships. This has clearly upset you and, though I agree that you should try to put it behind you now, I also think that the upset you feel will not go away if you try to contain it. Another thing that won't go away is your new husband's brother.

    You say you can't tell your husband about it, but I think you absolutely should. Otherwise, regret will give way to bitterness and eventually resentment, all emotions that will contaminate your marriage if left untreated.

    You may find talking to your husband will allow you to let this go, but also enable you to jointly negotiate future dealings with his brother who, presumably, is not going to live on the moon any time soon (and who sounds like an overgrown spoilt child!). It will also bring you closer as you start you married life, whereas keeping this bottled up may eventually create gaps between you two.

    Hope you find some comfort soon.

  • hi

    i ditto all the above. try to move on and just remember that you are now married. don't put too much emphasis on the whole 'perfect day rubbish'!

    my husband missed everything on our wedding day from the lunch onwards due to sickness so i know how it feels for the day not to go how it was planned, but at the end of the day, we're married, life is back to normal now and we had a good laugh about it once he'd recovered!
  • TrapurTrapur Posts: 498
    It does sound like you did have more than your fair share of nightmares, and I know its easy to say, but I agree with Hunibee, its time to laugh at those things and remember all the good things that happened. and how beautiful you looked x
  • foxymrsg2bfoxymrsg2b Posts: 314
    Hi hun, i feel for you so much it must be awful but I know 2 people who had their wedding days marred by some horrible people, however they are happily married and have children and they say the second their child is born the wedding is not as important as it was then...I am doing it the other way round already had our son but knowing how special & important he is to me I can see what they are saying so just enjoy married life, thats not to say you cant still feel upset by what happened I would be, but you have got much greater things to come the two of you together.

    Hope you feel better soon

    Big hugs

  • It would be a funny story to tell your kids in the future!! Don't worry about the past. I am sure your husband and you will have thousands of good experiences together! And you can always have a second, third, endless honeymoons around the world! The important thing is that you are finally married and that you love each other!

  • MrsLJC2bMrsLJC2b Posts: 451
    aww hun, I feel sorry for you. I want to say something different to what a couple of others have said and say it *DOES* matter, don't get me wrong, the marriage is the most important thing but to have a day you've planned for, spent money on and dreamed about ruined is horrid. If I was you I'd make a list of positives from the day and try to hold onto that and then if it really matters to you, go away with your hubby in a year's time and have a blessing abroad or something, just the two of you so you have something special to remember! xxx
  • NowMrsT62011NowMrsT62011 Posts: 2,580
    Wow I don't know what to say- I'm sorry you didn't have the day you planned but you are married so congrats on that. Unfortunately you can't change what happened but maybe you can plan something else to try and make some happier memories like maybe a big party for your first anniversary? You could maybe have a photographer to try and get some nice family photo's the way you wanted them on the wedding day. Or I like the idea of a blessing in the near future and maybe leave those that partly ruined it at home!
  • LJ69ukLJ69uk Posts: 157
    Hi thank you for replys i have now spoke to hubby and mum and me and hubby have decided on our 5 th anniversary we are going to have a blessing but have it simple like we first wanted basically a marquee in a field and camping. Im also putting together a dvd of all the good pics from family and friends. Dreading the official dvd coming as i know already that alot of it will bug me but now looking at positive.
  • sel11sel11 Posts: 423
    Hi hun,

    I know how you feel a little bit. I would be gutted in your position too. Nothing massive went wrong at mine but the music ended as I walked down the aisle (that upset me a lot) and lots of little things throughout the day. Unfortunately it is my personality to stew over things and concentrate on the bad things. But as other people have said before you have to try and laugh at the little things. I have just started writing my wedding report and it is helping writing everything down and looking through photos because you realise how amazing the day really was. Maybe you could try that. xxx
  • NickiKittenNickiKitten Posts: 2,074
    I can sympathise, my wedding had me crying in the toilets at the end of the night.

    A large part was due to a family member, my grandmother.

    Nearly a year on we are expecting our first son and the bad bits are starting to fade.

    I have only seen said family member at functions and am civil to her, but sadly relationship is ruined, she would not apologise and it was dragged out so long that I do not see it ever being resolved.

    This is a shame and to forgive and forget would have been more appropriate, but when you spend so long planning and paying for the day, it becomes hard to let go and move past it.

    We have some lovely pictures and a dvd that shows only the best bits of the day, the memories will fade and hopefully be replaced by the good pics and dvd we have to rewatch.

    I would urge you to try and forgive, as holding a grudge has lost me a once close relationship, this person is a family member and will not disapear.

    The renewal of vows sounds like a good idea, and the photo shoot. x
  • MangoToesMangoToes Posts: 477
    LJ69, the 5 year anniversary plan sounds brilliant and the perfect way to celebrate the main positive out of your original wedding which is getting married to your husband! You can make sure the 5th anniversary version is precisely what you want and just don't invite anyone who you know might cause you any kind of grief! In the meantime, I agree with the other ladies here that a cherish the dress photoshoot may be a good way to ensure you have photos that bring back happy memories, rather than sad ones.
  • MezCMezC Posts: 563
    I think it'd take a strong woman to be able to laugh about her ruined wedding day! I think I would feel very raw about it for a long time. Do try and pick out the best bits of it, treasure the good pics (get them framed), did you have a guest book? Bet there are wonderful comments in it to read through and make you smile.

    You could maybe get a trash the dress shoot for cheap/free if you could get a training photographer who'd like to do it!

    You put so much into your day I'm not surprised you're upset. But one day when it's not all so recent, it won't hurt so much.
  • sassybabeuksassybabeuk Posts: 337
    Hey hun

    Soooo sorry to hear about your big day. I felt similarly about aspects of mine. I had planned everything and spent hours and hours of my life to make it perfect and loads of things went wrong. My aunty had a sulk and left before the meal started, virtually the whole of the top table spent ages outside sorting out my husbands grannies lift. My husbands friend started a fight and had to be thrown out. My sister started a fight with the DJ and then my dad and my sister had a fight which ended up with my dad slapping my sister to the floor....GGGGRRRRRRRRR

    I had planned such a lovely romantic wedding and it was totally ruined and yes it does matter!

    Where abouts in the country are you??

  • Hi

    Could I suggest that you and your husband dress up again and re-do the photos with a little help from a trusted friend.

    Also, if you cannot share how you feel with your husband then you may have more to worry about than the motions of your wedding day and that would concern me more. Speak to him, you never know he maybe feeling the same way too and relived that you share his thoughts and feelings, between you, you could make a special week - perhaps your 1st anniversairy use the day as an excuse to wear your wedding dress again and perhaps re-new your vows that way you will have the church service, the dress, the flowers, etc... then after go away on that honeymoon you both dreamt of. Dont invite the people who ruined it for you last time. This will be your day, to start a fresh and do it how you want.

    But most importantly is that through all of this you are married, its the marriage that matters in the end.

    Your feelings are still raw but as time goes by it will soften.

    I am more concerned that you feel you cannot tell your husband how you feel - what a shame that is what I am most sad about. image
  • So sorry to hear all the things that happened on your day. We had a huge run of stress from family and things not arriving, not bein right in the run-up to the wedding. We had to get a new best man very last minute. An utter cow from hb side tried to ruin it. I won't start listing things!!

    On the day itself, the hairdresser screwed my hair up, refused to use my veil because she couldn't work it. My make-up artits was late and screwed that up too. The car was 40mins late then hit roadworks. It poured it down with rain and only photo space we had was outside! Car did an emergency stop on way to reception which caused me to spill pink champers down my entire frock!! The venue messed up the order of the day and were lazy so I ran the whole thing myself. My mum made me cry. The cow inlaw's daughter stomped around with a face like thunder trying to ruin the photos... It goes on.

    Millions of things went wrong on the honeymoon. Hotel was nowhere near what was advertised either. Noisy, butlins like and cockroaches - and we got food poisoning!

    So I kinda understand.;)

    But I know it sounds crazy but it didn't matter to me. Certainly doesn't now. I said the day before the big day that so long as I said my vows and enjoyed the day that was the important bit. Not the hair, photos etc etc. I hated wedding planning it was hell, but I LOVE being married.

    I hope that you do too! I'm trying to say, remember the amazing bits. The happy bits and most of all you're married!! How exciting is that?! The next few years will be one big honeymoon of lurrrve for you to enjoy and feel romantic;)

    Maybe when/if you can afford it have a little break away together soon - like a little mini moon to spend some time together.

    The blessing is a great idea! You'll get to do it all again! As is picking the best photos for you to focus on. I hope you look back fondly as time goes on. x
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