Is there anyway been abounded by their mum?

hi hun ladies is there anyway in the same place as me, here some back ground:

me and my brother was abused mental and physical by our mum when we was children, I moved out when I was 15 but my brother stayed, I moved back in with my dad an few years later, my mum and dad had broken up and my mum was seeing someone else, I was sleeping in the living room my mum was sleeping on the other side, she said loads of nasty things and made it clear she did not want me there, but then she changed her mind and told me she was packing her her things to make more room 4 me, two weeks later a moving van turned up and she told me n my brother who depended on her and had depression and learning problems that she was moving in with her new partners, five years later, my brother is working on his depression, getting a job and wants to study and i have two beautiful children and is getting married in 2012 i never want to talk to her but i feel really hurt, i mean is it all my fault?


  • NickiKittenNickiKitten Posts: 2,074
    Well done for having the strength to get past this cruel abandonment and living your life to the fullest.

    You chose your friends not your family and not everyone is cut out to be a mum, some people are selfish.

    It has no reflection on you or your brother and all you can do is be the best mother you can be and it is her loss that she is missing out on her daughters big day and lovely grandchildren.
  • hi hun, thanks 4 replying, she is missing out of loads of things, just don't know how i'll feel if she died, would go if I get told her partner does not like me and don't know what I would do?
  • NowMrsT62011NowMrsT62011 Posts: 2,580
    None of what happened is your fault, a mum is supposed to love and protect their children and never hurt them. She failed you as a child and Its so good to hear that you have found happiness and have a family of your own. Its your decision about you mum but just prepare yourself that if it doesn't work out you should just say to yourself that it is her loss and surround yourself with the people you love.
  • budsmumbudsmum Posts: 611
    hullo my dear, well its up to you, you sound like such a strong lovely person. I dont speak to my father, he was in no way as bad as your mother but he has never wanted to be a part of my life. Like you i spent a lot of time thinking that it was my fault, if i had been better blah blah blah. In the end, they chose to bring us into the world, it is their failure if they dont have the relationship with us that WE deserve.

    My dad live 20 mins away from me but shows no interest in seeing me, I will get married 5 mins from where he lives but he will not know it is happening or that his entire family is just down the road.

    That is his choice through his actions and it is your mums choice through hers.

    I often wonder if i will ever know if my dad dies, perhaps i wont, and you know what? i dont even care any more, thats his choice again.

    you take care, you sound like a lovely strong woman, you and your brother look after each other and forge ahead without your mum, if she realises what she is missing then she can come back in, if not there are lots of other people out there to take her place, honestly there are, my beautiful wonderful big sis is being my father of the bride, and i cant think of anyone else i would want to do it.

    take care and lots of hugs xxx
  • You sound like an amazingly strong and intellingent woman. As other posters have said, none of this is your fault.

    I am sure you look at your children and could not ever imagine treating them the way your mother treated you. A parent is there to love, nurture and protect. Your mother did none of these things, that is not your fault.

    It is up to you if you want to try to form some kind of relationship with her, but I think in your shoes, I would be very tempted to just move on with your h2b and children and concentrate on enjoying your own family. I would never look back to be quite honest. But I may be far harsher than you.

    What does your h2b think?

    Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck x

  • hi mrs t - thank you hun, i know she is the only person missing out is her not me not my kids not my h2b. i have my own lovely family and get on so well the family i do have and have my h2b family whom i love and they return that love.

    hi budsmum - sorry to hear that hun, it is so sad that someone who had to though love doesn't care about you, glad though it doesn't hurt you anymore and thank you, me n my brother are getting though it slowly xx

    hi greatfosters - i will never talk to my mum she does not care bout me, my brother, or my kids, she has made no affect n don't want to talk to her. i love my family, my kids mean the world to me and love my hubby2b, my h2b is supporting me in whatever i want to do but he agrees i should never see her and if i do the kids wont be there but i wont be seeing her as i see no change thank you ladies xxxxx

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