Fiance just told me the wedding isn't that important!

I'm so so mad. My fiance is currently a student this year and furthermore isn't the most organised of people, so I've been taking the weight of organising this wedding and I've asked him to do very little. Everytime I do ask him to do something, he sighs or 'forgets', or if we're talking about something tries to get the discussion over as quickly as possible like it's the bain in his life. I really have tried to keep him out of things as much as possible and I have spent hours on the internet, looking through magazines, on the phone etc organising what should be a gorgeous, very personal wedding on quite a limited budget.



We just were sat in his room though and he made some snide comment howI think it's more important that he's hayfever free for the wedding rather than his exams which is completely unfair which I said. It then turned into this argument about how I put all this unnecessary pressure and expectation on the wedding and none of the details matter and I should just chill out, and not expect him to be free for things like meeting the photographer. He then went all moral and preachy on me like the only thing that's imortant on the day is if we end up married which I completely understand and furthermore it's ME who set up a marriage preparation course for us as I recognise how important the after bit is. It's alright for him though as it's not his money that's been spent on all the pointless details!



I'm just so inscensed that knowing how much time and effort I've poured into this he could say something so insensitive and wrong. Yes perhaps I do spend most of my time doing wedding things these days but I only get to see my fiance at the weekends at the moment, my parents are going through a messy divorce, my friends are all away at university with me living at home and doing a crappy job, so excuse me for finding a good outlet for distracting myself in and for being excited about our wedding.



Sorry for the rant! Just needed to put this out there to some people who will understand!



xxx

Posts

  • Vee2Vee2 Posts: 424
    I can totally empathise with wedding planning being an important distracting outlet. To me, because my family is very messy and because I have been going unsuccessfully through IVF, I want one day which relates to what other people have. Also, looking at chair covers and shrugs etc is very distracting.



    Can you explain to your fiance why this is important to you?



    Also, I'm guessing his exams will be over in a month or so - when is the wedding? Can you agree he'll take a back seat until he's finished?



  • soozie1978soozie1978 Posts: 620
    I dont mean to sound harsh..but does he want to get married?

    i only ask as i cant understand why he wouldnt want to meet the photographer?? it may be that he has had wedding overload or it may be that he is foot dragging. SOme men just are not interested in weddings. Has he always been like this?

    hope you get it sorted.
  • Z750GirlZ750Girl Posts: 2,285
    Please dont shout the messenger BUT in some respects i agree with your h2b. The wedding isnt important in the grand scheme of things, the marriage is the important bit - a lot of poeple lose sight of the marriage when plaaning the wedding. He maybe hasnt stated it in the best possible way which has hurt you, but the wedding itself is not important to him but marrying you is! Remember this aspect.



    how far away is your wedding?



    He could be stressed about exams or his work load for uni? have you seen him without mentioning the weddding recently? if not try a night or two without mentioning wedding plans, he may then become more receptive when you do mention the wedding
  • smile99uksmile99uk Posts: 85
    Had a good chat this afternoon and talked it out. Seen there's fault on both sides, though he admitted that he's been unreasonable at times about the wedding and sometimes has trouble doing things if he doesn't think they're that important.



    Thanks for the advice/support!



    xx
  • It may just be a man thing. My h2b is the same. He wants to get married but hates wedding stuff. He refused to come see the florist and cars (same company) as he said the flowers didn't matter to him. I've done most of the planning with just an agreement on things but he hasn't volunteered to do any of the research

    xx
  • I had a bit of a break-down yesterday for a similar thing. Although my fiance has always been supportive and understanding and tries to be as involved as I need him to be. But I recently went through a stressful couple of bumps on the wedding planning road to which people always respond with:

    "All that's important at the end of the day is that you are marrying your fiance, so don't get too worked up about it." AS IF I DON'T KNOW THAT!

    I just desperately want to scream at people that although I know that the outcome of the day, my marriage to my groom, is by far my top priority, the wedding day itself is an incredibly important moment in our lives and I want it to reflect that. I don't expect this day to be nearly as important to everyone else, but I would like you to respect that it is important to me and my fiance!
  • Grrr. My h2b has done my head in today. We went to a wedding fayre earlier in the year and found a cake company that does cupcakes which I love as cupcakes and bake them all the time. We tried the cakes there and loved them. We then spoke to them and the company explained they may not be trading next year so had to start looking again. So I found another cake place that doesn mini cakes (so much nicer) and spoke to mil2b about it as she's paying for the cake and she loved the idea and said to arrange a visit. I phoned and booked at they gave me 2 times, afternoon or evening. So I phoned h2b be to see if he wanted to come. He said well its cake what did you expect me to say. I replied I dunno yes I'd love to try cake or no I'm not interested. So I booked an evening appt in couple of weeks and phoned back with the date and time. H2b then went off on one saying I hadn't asked his mum (who was at work so I couldn't exactly call her) and said he's only go if she didn't want to. I asked why couldn't all three of us go and he replied there's no point. Why aren't they interested. Even in free cake.

    xx
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