Advice please ? Pre-wedding fights


I am wondering if anyone can offer any advice.

My friend is giving me away- because all my family are dead, she has been my longest friend and because my mother was fond of her- and other reasons.

However my MIL2B has been horrendous about the whole wedding and once phoned to tell me that this friend was not to be at the wedding and also that she wanted one of her sons to give me away. I refused to discuss it at the time.

Now I have just found out my friend told my OH sister that she is giving me away- despite the fact she knows I and my OH have not told the family and that MIL2B has been causing problems every since we got engaged. I am annoyed she did this- she said it was an accident but I dont really believe it.

Now MIL2B is going to go crazy. I am on the point of saying if she is going to cause any more problems that she is not to come- something I never wanted to do.

However my friend cant understand why I am so upset- because she doesnt know that my MIL2B hates her- I dont want to tell her but now she is feeling I am being silly.

Im also upset as although I now it is nothing to do with MIL2B who gives me away or what descions I make this is going to start her causing fights again .However I also just want some peace to get the day over with.


  • August25thAugust25th Posts: 393
    Do not think its fair on your friend for you to be upset with her. It could have been a mistake but even if it wasnt, your MIL2B has to find out at some stage!

    Personally I think you should have told your MIL2B as soon as possible to get the drama over and done with. You really need to speak to her and explain that this is your decision to make and that you wont be changing it.

    If she keeps going on about it, try getting your H2B to talk to her. Mr FIL2b was angry with us at the start because we werent getting married in a church. In the end my H2B said we will get married were we want and if you dont like it dont come. FIL2b just said oh I will be there and it hasnt been mentioned since.

    Think sometimes you need to stand up to people. Good luck though. x
  • sorry hun - I can totally see where you're coming from but it's not your mates fault. Even if it wasn't an accident, she wouldn't have known how bad the repercussions were. One thing that might make you feel better is if you explain that you MiL2B will go mental perhaps because she wanted one of her sons to give you away - which is partly true. That said your MiL2B sounds like a bit of a bitch who would create problems even if you bend over backwards to please her. I'd say do what makes you feel happy - and definitely don't cave to her wishes of who should walk down with you etc etc. She sounds like a complete control freak. If it helps, watch Monster-In-Law to make you laugh! xx
  • doodooukdoodoouk Posts: 86
    Your friend cant understand it because you havent explained it to her.

    To your friend you say ' sorry if I overreacted about you telling OH sister, its just that I have had so much grief from the mother about who gives me away I was hoping to be able to let her know in my own time. She is being difficult about things wanting one of her sons to give me away and I want it to be you becuase you are my oldest and dearest friend'

    To you Mum in law to be you say ' I know you don't agree with my decision to have X walk me down the ailse but it is a very personal and precious moment and as I have no other family I can call upon I think it fitting that she do it and I know it would have also made my mum happy to know she was there supporting me - I hope you can understand that'

    Problem solved!

    No need to say if she does anything else wrong you wont invite her, you need her there and she is not causing the issues, you Mum in law to be is - tell her to get stuffed!

  • Couldn't have put it better!
  • Giraffe888Giraffe888 Posts: 678
    I really don't see what it has got to do with your MIL2B who gives you away! What right has she got to say who can and can't walk you down the aisle! image

    I too don't see what your friend has done wrong, if you hadn't told her not to tell anyone then how was she supposed to know?
  • NowMrsT62011NowMrsT62011 Posts: 2,580
    Totally agree with 'angel'. I really don't understand why this is an issue. It's your decision who you choose and has nothing to do with your mil2b at all. You don't need to explain yourself. As for your friend, unless you asked her to keep it quiet she really can't be blamed x
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