Advice needed - Giving me away!

I apologise now if I go on a little.

My eldest brother an I have a really awkward relationship with my Father (to the point that my brother hasn't spoken to my Father for 3 years +) and have had since my parents broke up 10 years ago. When I got engaged I knew I'd prefer my eldest brother to give me away and asked him if he would, at the time he said yes. I then had to tell my Father that I'd prefer my brother to give me away although I still wanted him at my wedding.

My Father's reaction to this was that "if he can't give me away then he won't be attending the wedding and he'll make sure my grandma (his Mum) doesn't come either".

I have been trying to convince him to reconsider as, although I have an awkward relationship with him, I do want him at my wedding - he is my Father after all. I have spoken to my brother about this and even he'd be prepared to put up with my Father for the sake of my big day!

Now though my brother has said he's having wobbles about giving me away as he's only been to a few weddings and doesn't know what he'd be doing and doesn't think he'd be able to come down in time for the rehersal (he lives 200 miles away and the rehersal is the Sunday before our Friday wedding).

I'm starting to think that if my bro doesn't feel he's up to giving me away and my Father really wants to, maybe I'll give into him. This though would make me look stupid as I've been telling people that my brother is giving me away.

I just don't know what to do - I don't want to be seen to be giving it, but then I don't want to end up walking down the isle on my own due to pigheadness. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for readingimage


  • By giving you an ultimatum your dad hasn't exactly made it easy, but if your bro really isn't that sure about it, in the overall picture it might be worth to cave. If anything it shows your dad cares about it a lot, otherwise his reaction wouldn't have been so severe. However if you're upset by it, and you'll feel crap when he actually walks you down the aisle, then you need to have a long think. Overall what would you be more upset by - your gran and him not attending or letting him not your bro walk you down the aisle?
  • teeniukteeniuk Posts: 1,046
    You dont need anyone to give you away hun, just walk in yourself. Dont give in to your dad if you dont think its the right thing to do. I have a wierd relationship with my dad and didnt want him to give me away, I want my 12 year old son to do it, nut I was totally terrified of what my dad would say expecting him to say that he wont come then. When I did finally pluck up the courage to tell him he was fine about it thank god. I do feel for you though love, its a tough situation to be in.

    Nicki xxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    Could your Dad walk you up the aisle but your brother make a speech?

    Or even your mum give you away?
  • Its a very difficult situation and i dont envy you but....

    will you be disappointed if your brother backed out simply because he wasnt sure what he had to do?

    I also think your dad is being a tad bit harsh given the circumstances - would you be happy if he did end up giving you away - knowing that he threatened not to turn up and stop your grandmother going too? For me personally it would be something else to resent against him and you dont want those feelings to creep in at the wedding. I would talk with your brother again and have him decide one or another if he wants to or not - that way - you have a better idea of what options are left. Good luck though and all the best for a happy wedding!
  • Thank Ladies for your advice, it's most appreciated. I'm going to speak to my brother about things further and go from there. I am starting to think though that it would just be easier all round to let my dad give me away.image
  • I'm the worst person ever to adise on these things- I would cut my nose off to spite my face image Good luck anyway xx
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